Chapter Twenty-Three

LARA

Riley is napping in my bedroom, and I’m putting together dinner for her, myself and Ethan, who should be arriving to pick her up in less than an hour, while I’m making phone calls to different people we’ve sent invitations to, trying to see if everyone’s received theirs yet.

We finally agreed on a ballpark budget, and on how we were going to split it, and what we were going to do for Riley’s second birthday. I’d taken on the job of taking care of the invitations, while Ethan insisted on calling the different contractors whose services we’re going to be using for the party — the face painter, the man with the pony, and a few others.

“Hey, it’s Lara. Glad I could get a hold of you, Giselle. I was wondering if you’ve gotten your invitation to Riley’s second birthday party yet?”

I haven’t spoken to Giselle in probably about three years. She was friends with Alexis, someone I knew from her circle but had never really been close to. Of course, she sided with my sister and with Ethan when the big drama exploded.

“Hey, Lara. I just got it in the mail today! You and Ethan are throwing the party together?” I can hear the tone in Giselle’s voice, and I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t think that it’s right for Ethan and me to be working together, or perhaps something else.

“Yeah, we figured it would be easiest that way,” I tell her.

“Well, as long as it’s all right if I can bring Logan and Charlene, I’m happy to come,” Giselle says.

I remember, fleetingly, that Giselle had twins sometime shortly after my sister gave birth. It had been in one of the phone calls Mom made to me, while I stayed away from my family.

“Absolutely,” I tell her. It’ll be good to have some kids around who Riley can play with.

“Are you planning anything in particular for the grownups? I could bring some wine with me,” Giselle says.

I laugh. “I think I’ve got that covered. Not enough for anyone to get drunk, but some grown-up punch,” I say.

“Good to know. I can tell you that everyone who’s going to be there with kids is going to need it, but then, you’re helping raise Riley now, right?”

I nod, even though I know Giselle can’t see me, and stand up to stir the soup I’ve got going for dinner. It’s starting to get cooler, and I think it’s going to be a really cold winter this year, so soup and sandwiches sounded like a great meal for all of us.

“Yeah, Alexis insisted on it in her will, so Ethan and I are working it out,” I say absently. I really just want to get off the phone and call the next person I need to check on, but I know that would be rude.

“Must be stirring up a lot of feelings between the two of you… I mean… he did get with you first,” Giselle says. I stop in the middle of what I’m doing and stare at my phone for a moment.

“I mean, we’re dealing with it,” I say once I have the ability to speak again.

“It’d be easy for the two of you to get back together… I mean… you’re spending so much time with each other now… I guess,” Giselle points out.

I thought I couldn’t be more stunned, but here I am.

“I mean, we’re not planning on anything like that at all, we’re just kind of moving past our history and doing our best for Riley,” I say. I need to get Giselle off the phone quickly, and a knock at my door gives me the perfect excuse.

“I just thought…. it would be good for everyone,” Giselle says, even as I start to try to get her off the phone.

“Sorry, Giselle, that’s the door. It’s probably Ethan here to pick up Riley,” I tell her. “I need to make sure dinner’s done for all of us, too. But thanks! And send me the RSVP if you can.” I say goodbye and end the call, shoving my phone in my pocket to go get the door before Ethan can knock again and wake up Riley.

“You look like you’re halfway out of your mind,” Ethan says as he comes in.

“Sorry, just trying to do three things at once,” I tell him, turning back to the stove so he can’t tell how flustered I am. Surely Giselle is the only person in the world who thinks that Ethan and I have any shot of getting back together. Surely, she’s just being weird, or trying to dig for some good gossip.

“I’ll go get Riley in a minute. Why don’t you sit down?” I stir the soup I’ve made and check on the sandwiches in their packets in the oven. I can’t help but feel a little guilty. Ethan and I did, after all, have sex. It’s the kind of thing that I should never have allowed to happen, and I’ve tried to steer clear of any kind of intimacy with him since then, even in my thoughts.

Did Ethan tell anyone about it? Does Giselle know? Was that why she made that suggestion? I can’t believe that Ethan would go around talking about having sex with me. He wasn’t the type even when we were together, and I can’t imagine that he’d want to make himself look like he was getting over Alexis too quickly by admitting we’d hooked up. I’ll have to see if anyone else thinks that Ethan and I are in the process of getting back together.

“I think everything’s just about done. Do you want a cup of coffee?” I turn off the oven and the stove and pull out the sandwiches to cool a bit before turning my attention onto Ethan, hopefully looking more composed.

“Coffee would be great,” he says. I take a deep breath and try to focus on what’s going on around me, instead of Giselle.

“I’ve been calling to make sure everyone’s getting their invitations,” I say absently, as I pour Ethan and myself both some coffee and get Riley’s dinnertime drink for her.

“I actually booked the face painter and the pony guy during my break today,” Ethan tells me.

I nod my appreciation. “So, this is coming together pretty well,” I say, finally sitting down. I need a few minutes to breathe before I deal with Riley and dinner.

“What’s going on? You look like you’re just a couple of minutes away from panic,” Ethan says, looking me over.

“Nothing big,” I say, shaking my head. I won’t — I can’t — tell him why I’m so on edge.

“Just remember, it’s not going to ruin Riley’s life if her second birthday hits some snags,” Ethan tells me, grinning. He takes a sip of his coffee and rises to his feet.

“She’s got another ten minutes or so on her nap,” I tell him.

Ethan shrugs. “It won’t make a huge difference, besides, I can take ten minutes waking her up.” He leaves the room and I try to regain my composure, putting everything about what Giselle said out of my mind. There was some tiny part of my brain that heard her assertion that Ethan and I would get back together with a kind of joy. But that was the part of me that had never quite gotten over the breakup, that couldn’t stand the thought of being without him, surely. I can’t listen to that teeny part of myself.

The much bigger part of me is glad that I laid down the boundary that I did after Ethan and I had sex. I need to keep my head clear. I need to keep my feelings what they should be, not just for Riley’s sake but for my own.