CHAPTER 15

EMMA

The university was so different to community college. The workload was insane for the one extra class that I’d chosen, and I was either at school or the stadium. If I was home, I was studying and doing schoolwork, planning to keep my grades up if it killed me.

I lost time with Jackson through the week and planned to cook him dinner on the night that we were both home. That was not until Thursday and I bought some chicken and vegetables on the way home to cook that night and considered asking him to get some beer since I couldn’t.

I sighed as I unpacked the food. Jackson was only twenty-three, but he seemed so much older than me. He’d lived his life and then some, and I was just now on my own, though in some ways I wasn’t. I was staying with my brother’s best friend who was watching over me. I felt guilty all over again as I thought about Greg.

Was this a mistake?

No. Jackson and I got along great and we were taking it slow. We hadn’t made love together yet, just slept in the same bed and messed around. But really, it was more than that. We laughed and talked, supporting each other. We were friends, but I really wanted to sleep with him and feel him inside me. Greg could be dealt with when the time came, and everything would be fine.

It had to be, because I was getting attached to Jackson.

I pulled out the cast-iron pan and prepared the chicken before I started cutting the vegetables. I kept Jackson’s food plan in mind, aware that he wanted to eat well right now during the season. I shook my head as I threw the vegetables back into the fridge and oiled the pan before turning on some music on my phone.

I thought about the paper that I had to turn in next week as I slowly cooked the chicken. I thought back to my first few days in Nashville, thinking how well it was going. I was busier than I’d ever been in my life but happy with that.

I knew I was living in a bubble. There would come a time when we were faced with reality and things would get tough. Choices would have to be made, and I just hoped they would be the right ones. I didn’t want to lose my brother in this, but I was happy. He should want that for me as well. I wasn’t the five-year-old who he made me out to be and one of these days, I was going to tell him that.

I was going to stand up for myself. I should just tell him that I slept with someone already. He’d be angry and probably surprised, but it was just one person. He had a lot more girls in his past, but I knew that was what he would remind me about Jackson.

Jackson was holding back on things going too far with us because he cared for me.

I was hopeless. I didn’t know what I was doing.

I was pulling everything out of the oven and finishing the salad when I heard the front door. Jackson walked in, looking worn out.

I smiled at him. I’d freshened my make-up and changed into new clothes, feeling like some sort of fifties wife.

“Hi,” I greeted him, searching his drawn face with worry in my eyes. “Are you okay?”

I was leaning up to kiss him when Jackson stepped away. He ran a hand through his messy hair and looked past me.

“What’s going on?” I asked. Pain crossed his face. “Jackson?”

“This… this needs to stop,” I frowned and he looked into my eyes. “I don’t want a relationship with you. I won’t take this any further and lead you on.”

My mouth dropped open as I felt my stomach threaten to come up to my throat. My appetite was gone. I waited for Jackson to tell me that this was a joke, but his eyes were dull as he looked down at me.

“You’re serious?” My words were soft and he nodded, a coldness crossing his face that I wasn’t used to. “Why?”

“I don’t care for you that way and I don’t want to corrupt you. Greg is my best friend and I choose him, Emma. He’s more important to me. I will honor his wishes to protect you.”

There was resignation in his voice and I blinked in surprise.

“You’re like family.”

“Jackson, I stopped being like family the first time we kissed. I know I’m inexperienced, but I’m not stupid. That all meant something to you too and it was like a wildfire when it finally happened. I felt it.”

Something passed through his eyes before his expression hardened and he crossed his arms over his chest. He wasn’t going to cave, whether this was a lie or not. I felt my heart breaking into pieces as I took a deep breath.

My world was spinning more than before, realizing that not having him was far worse than trying to find a way to tell my brother.

“You are the only person to make me… feel that way.”

There was surprise in his eyes as he clenched his fists, then he shrugged.

“I’m sorry. It’s best this way,” he said in a monotone.

I closed my eyes tightly. I had to decide what to do since there was no way that I was staying here any longer.

“Fine. Dinner’s in there for you. I’ve lost my appetite,” I turned and walked back to my bedroom.

I never wanted to see Jackson again.

But I couldn’t just start packing and move out. I needed a plan. I sent Bella a text. She only had a small one-bedroom apartment, but I could sleep on her couch and look further into getting a dorm for now.

My phone rang within seconds of sending the text. It was Bella.

“What’s up? Your text was urgent.”

“I need a place to stay for a while. Is your couch free?”

“Oh, sweetie, of course it is!”

“Thanks, I’m packing now.”

“You can stay as long as you need to. Do you need me to come get you? You sound upset. I don’t think you should be driving at the moment.”

“Please. I’ll be outside shortly.”

I ended the call and grabbed one of my bags to throw some clothes inside. I’d figure out storage for my other things. I noticed Jackson at the door with an unreadable expression.

“You’re leaving?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you kidding? I don’t want to stay here.” I zipped the bag, knowing that I had what I needed for now. I had clothes and my computer. “I’ll be back to get my stuff when I figure out something.” I paused and took a slow breath. “Thanks for helping me out, Jackson.”

I pushed past him as I walked to the front door. I knew that Bella didn’t live far and hoped that she was on her way already.

I slammed the door behind me. It felt good to slam it. I looked around quickly, rushing to the parking lot as my eyes filled with tears.

If I looked back at everything, it was just a kiss and a few nights fooling around, but it was so much more to me. It was more to Jackson as well, even if he was denying it.

I’d seen enough movies where the man always rushed after the woman when they fought. They made up and kissed passionately as he promised her that he loved her. I had wondered if that was how it was when you found someone who made me feel the way that Jackson did.

But no, it wasn’t. It hurt like hell and I thanked the stars that we didn’t sleep together, even though I wasn’t sure my heart could break any more.

A black car zipped into the parking lot, Bella at the wheel. She stopped and opened the back door so I could put my bag inside. I slipped into the passenger seat and wiped the tears from my eyes as she reached over to give me a one-armed hug.

“I’m sorry, Em.”

We sat there in silence for a moment. There was something in her voice that made me think she wanted to say ‘I told you so,’ but held back. I couldn’t blame her. Jackson was a player when it came to women, and I had been taking a big risk getting involved with him at all. Even if she warned me against him, I was sure that I wouldn’t have been able to resist him. I just had to take this for what it was and lick my wounds.

“I jumped in blind. I should be happy that he did this before things went too far, right? We were moving slow by his standards,” I said with a bitter smile.

She frowned and pulled away from the curb and headed out of the parking lot, turning left to go to the part of town where her small four-plex was located, closer to the university.

It was a small unit but cute. Bella had a decent couch that I could use as a bed for a while, and that was what mattered. I put my bag at the end of the couch where the wall was, making sure that it was mostly hidden.

“Are you hungry? I was going to make spaghetti,” Bella offered.

I started to cry. “I made him dinner tonight. I wanted it to be like a date since we’ve been so busy,” I said, collapsing on the couch.

She walked over to hug me.

“Is this supposed to hurt so much, Bella? It never has.”

“It does when the person matters to you. It matters when you care this much,” she said sadly as she wrapped her arms around me.

I was surprised by my grief, but she got me calmed down and made some food. We opened a bottle of wine and I told her stories about when I was younger and how Jackson was always around. I told her about when I was walking home and some boys from school thought it would be fun to follow me. We were all about twelve at the time and I guessed they just thought it would be fun to freak me out. They never hurt me, but it had been creepy to find them hanging out just down the street or outside of school all the time and following me. One day, I’d had enough and yelled at them. They made it out like I was following them and that I had a crush on all of them.

I came home in tears. Jackson was there with my brother. I told them about the boys when they asked why I was crying. Greg looked angry, but Jackson said that it would be taken care of that day. He and my brother left the house and came back an hour later. Greg just said that it was taken care of and still looked angry, but Jackson patted my back and smiled.

The following day on the way to school, the boys were nowhere to be seen. That afternoon they didn’t follow me either. They stopped bothering me. I heard through the grapevine that Greg and Jackson had spoken to the boys and told them in no uncertain terms that I was to be left alone and what they were doing was wrong. I was grateful to Greg and Jackson and gradually it was forgotten about, but I knew that Jackson would look out for me.

He was always there for me. I asked Bella if I made a mistake in leaving his apartment.

“I think that it would have been tense there after what happened, so no. I think that you both need some space.” Bella searched my face carefully for a moment. “What about the job?”

I sighed heavily and took another sip of wine. I loved that job and the friends I’d made.

“I think I can keep it. I don’t see him all the time and it’s fun. I could keep it until I find something else, at least.” I knew that in doing so I risked seeing him with another woman or several, but I would do my best to separate it all. I didn’t want to give everything up over this falling out.