Chapter Two

ETHAN

I watch Lara react to the news, and I can’t help but feel I probably should have said something to her before the reading of the will. But I’ve been in shock ever since the accident and to be honest all I can think about is Riley. I can’t believe, I still can’t make myself believe, that my wife is actually dead. That my daughter, our daughter, is going to grow up without even knowing Alexis. She’s already too young to have any real, strong memories of her mother. She can’t even understand the fact that her mother is dead.

“That’s… I don’t even know how that’s going to work. But I want Riley to grow up with a mother,” Lara says, shaking her head. Alexis and I talked about the provision in her will when we’d made the wills less than three months before. We had decided to tell Lara about it during Easter, if things seemed to still be so good with Lara and Riley, however, we never got the chance and here we are.

“Ms. Parks left it at the discretion of the two of you,” our, my wife’s and my, estate lawyer says.

“I am willing to give this request a try for Riley’s sake,” Lara says.

When Alexis and I had talked about what she wanted, Alexis had assumed that it would bring Lara and me back together, at least a little bit, and that it would be best for Riley. She hadn’t wanted to put any conditions on it. As I sit there in the lawyer’s office, I can imagine her, clear as day, saying to me, “Just think, Ethan, this could be what brings the family back together.”

“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Nathan, my father-in-law, says. “How are they supposed to divide custody of her between them?”

“I believe Mrs. Parks wanted this provision not only to ensure that Riley would have a nurturing mother figure in her life, but also…” Gottlieb clears his throat, “to somewhat ‘mend the breach’ so to speak, between various members of the family.”

“Lara, are you actually okay with this?” Nathan has made it clear to me more than once in the week since we lost Alexis that he’s not okay with me. He wasn’t okay with me in the first place, certainly not once Lara abandoned the family because Alexis and I got together, and now, with his wife gone and his daughter so recently passed, I have to give him some credit for how well he’s holding together, even if that means he’s directing all his anger at me.

“I think now is not the best time to discuss this,” Lara says, looking at Riley. “I think we should have a conversation about it before I go back home.” She’s keeping her voice as light as possible, but I can see the stress in her face, in her eyes.

Riley fusses, and I reach for her. My daughter is the only person I can focus on at the moment. Although I knew of Alexis’ provision in her will, I never thought that it would come to pass and that I would have to face raising Riley without her.

“If there are no further questions?” Gottlieb has probably seen a dozen families just as dysfunctional as ours, but I have to think it doesn’t get any easier, especially so soon after the funeral.

We had to rush things because the accident happened so close to Easter. I’m still aching over half my body from the crash, and I’ve been checking Riley hourly to make sure she didn’t get injured in some way that didn’t come up immediately. It’ll be weeks before I can get over the fact that of the three of us, I was only a little injured, some whiplash, a few cuts and bruises, nothing that had needed more than a few stitches, and Riley was absolutely fine, but Alexis only managed to live six hours before her body finally just gave out.

I close my eyes and press my forehead to my little daughter’s neck. It’s impossible to think of a world where my wife is just… gone. It’s impossible to think of a life without her. We didn’t have the easiest of marriages, but Riley made it all worthwhile and Alexis was a good mom and a good friend.

“You both have some time still before you have to go back to your parents?”

I nod in response to Nathan’s question.

My parents want to see Riley again before we head back to the next town over, where the house is. It’s not too bad of a drive, but it’s enough of one that we won’t be seeing my parents, or Alexis’ dad, more often than maybe once a week. And who knows when Lara, who lives about an hour and a half away by car, will be able to take care of Riley? How am I going to work with no one at home to watch my little girl? I shake off the questions humming in my head.

“I told the office I would be back in on Wednesday,” Lara says. “They understand.”

“I’m going back into town Thursday night,” I tell them. “I need to be there on Friday, but I don’t have care set up for Riley…” I shrug. It’s not worth getting into the argument with Nathan yet again about caring for Riley with Alexis no longer there to do it. We’ll figure it out, one way or another.

“I’d love it if the two of you would stay in the house for the rest of the time you’re in town,” Nathan says. “Family should be close together at a time like this.”

I want to point out to him that I’m staying with family, my family, but I know what he means. He’s obviously hurting like I am, and sometime I might be able to have a beer with him and ask him how you manage to get through losing your wife. But not yet. It’s not exactly the way I wanted to bond with my father-in-law.

“I can check out of the hotel,” Lara says. She’d booked the hotel for Easter weekend when we were all planning to be together for it. Even though Riley had brought her back into the family, she hadn’t been comfortable staying in her parents’ house with me and Alexis being there so much. Even if she loved my little girl, she still couldn’t deal with me or her sister.

“I’ll stay a couple of nights,” I say. “My parents wanted to have a big dinner before I head back, though.”

“That’s fine, I understand,” Nathan says. “Maybe this way the two of you can work out a provisional schedule for Riley, too.”

I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Lara has been avoiding me even more than usual in the week we’ve both been in town. But unless we’re going to throw out the will and she’s going to leave me alone with Riley, we’re going to have to do something.