CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
ERIC
After spending a solid ten minutes knocking on the door, I decide Kate isn’t home yet. She doesn’t answer any of my phone calls or text messages, but she has to come home soon. She has to.
The past week has been a rollercoaster of shit. The case, David, Paxton, the interview. At the heart of it has always been a yearning for Kate. Despite everything, despite drowning myself every time I went to the bar or sweating until I was dizzy at the gym, she was my center.
She is my center. Every minute with her, I become a whole new person. Every minute with her, I become the person I am supposed to be.
This whole process has done nothing but show me she is who I need to be with. There is no day worth living without her there. The minute I stopped fighting my feelings, everything turned around.
I have to get her to talk to me. I fucked up, and bad, but I will fight with everything in me to get her back. She just needs to get here. I’m going to lose my damn mind waiting.
Her neighbor across the hall opens his door for a fourth time to stare at me. I try to smile politely and wave. He says nothing and shuts the door. Again.
Where is she?
I narrowly missed David fifteen minutes earlier. I managed to slip down a side hall as soon as I saw him coming from the elevator. He knocked on the door for five minutes, very abrasively, and yelled for her to open it. I should have dropped this guy months ago.
If I were the neighbor across the hall, I’d probably be watching me too.
A true testament to my character was not beating the shit out of David when I saw him. I’ll save that for after divorce, when I no longer represent him. I’ll have to invite him to my boxing ring. Can’t sue me if I beat the fuck out of him there while “teaching him how to box”.
That’ll be such a great day.
The elevator chimes and I jump down the side hallway. Out walks Kate and her friend, someone I recognize vaguely from a night out at the bar. She must be Lily.
Kate looks so beautiful my heart stops. Something is bothering her, but what wouldn’t at this point? Everything around me slows when I see her, like I’ve been pulled into the center of my universe. Because that’s exactly what she’s been, this entire time.
They talk briefly outside the door and I’m not sure what to do until Lily turns and goes back to the elevator.
“I’ll go get it. Be right back up.” Lily disappears into the elevator.
It’s now or never.
“Kate.” I say softly, walking up slowly, trying not to startle her. “Hey.”
As quiet as I am, she looks shell-shocked, her hand frozen in front of her lock. She only blinks at me.
“I really need to talk to you. Can I have a minute? Just one minute. It’s important.”
“Um.” She swallows deeply, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. “Okay.”
“I was an asshole.” I’m desperate to touch her, equally desperate to not make her run off. “David fed me some bullshit about sleeping with you, showed me pictures, and I just lost it. It was dumb. So fucking dumb. I don’t own you and we weren’t anything serious, but it just made me realize that I am goddamn crazy about you. I mean, I also hate that fat fuck and picturing him with you made me murderous. But it’s because… I’m crazy about you. I can’t sleep without you. Eating feels like a waste.”
“Eric—”
“Kate.” I take her free hand and hold it to my chest. “You don’t need another loose cannon. I know that. I also know that you are the woman for me. I want to share a bed with you. I want to make breakfast with you. I want to run laps around the neighborhood and go pick up yogurt or whatever you yogi types do for fun on the weekends. I don’t deserve you, Kate. I have spent my entire career watching people fuck over the person they were supposed to love. I didn’t want to ever endure that. You’re the first person who gave me hope that maybe it didn’t have to be that way.”
I search her face and see the intoxicating warmth in her eyes and in the corners of her mouth. She’s smiling at me, just a little. It splits my heart in two and I want to kiss her and pretend these last few weeks never happened.
“You have every right to tell me to fuck off. I hope you don’t. I hope you accept my apology and let me spend the next however long making it up to you. I hope you feel the same ache in your chest for me. Geoff tells me that means I’m in love. I never knew what that felt like until I met you, Kate.”
I take her other hand and press them both to my lips. A small gasp slips from her lips and her eyes are damp. I cup her cheek and stare into the eyes that have haunted me for weeks.
“I love you, Kate. I am a stupid man who wanted to run, but I don’t want to run anymore. I just want to love you.”
The elevator behind us dings and slides open. Neither one of us move, but I watch Lily step out, look at us and turn right back into the elevator. It slides closed, leaving us alone again.
“Eric. I want… God, this is so complicated.” Her voice cracks.
“I know it’s not ideal, but we can work around it. I don’t care that you slept with David before mediation. I don’t care that he’s my client. He doesn’t matter. You, Kate. You matter.”
She takes a deep breath and reaches into her bag. I have no idea where she’s going with this until she presses a glossy strip of paper into my hands.
“What is this?” It’s black and white, a bunch of blobs that I don’t understand until I see the words Due Date in the top corner. The fifth of February. My birthday. Everything goes startlingly silent. “What…”
“It’s our baby.” Kate whispers, her voice thick. My entire body feels like someone slammed on the brakes. “I thought it was David’s and it was kind of terrible. Today, they told me the dates were wrong. I’m, um, I’m five weeks along. This whole time, I haven’t slept with anyone but you.”
“I don’t understand.” It’s a stupid thing to say and I know it, but my brain feels heavy and jumbled.
“The night you came over. You told me I was a fever—”
“A fever in my veins.” I look at the pictures and then at Kate. My Kate. My sweet Kate carrying my baby. Our baby. “I needed you so bad I forgot the condom.”
“Surprise.” She whispers and tries to take back the pictures. “Look, I know this is a big deal, but if you don’t want to deal with it, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”
Tears pour down her cheeks but I have never felt so much love — that stupid thing I spent most of my life avoiding — before now. I place one hand on her stomach and another on her waist.
“I’m going to be a dad?” I feel something wet around my eyes and I can’t help but smile. “We’re going to be parents? Together?”
She nods and smiles through her tears. I pick her up and spin her around in circles, kissing her neck and cheeks until I finally find her lips. I kiss her with all the emotion I’ve suppressed for weeks.
I kiss her like I love her. I kiss her like we belong together.
I’m finally home.