Chapter 15

Casey

As my phone buzzed on my worn-down nightstand, I looked over at the clock that stood beside it. 5:36 AM. Who would be texting or calling this early? I wiped sleep from my eyes, picked up my phone and focused my vision. Babies are coming! Greg’s taking me to Emory. Come when you can!

It was Liana. Once I’d had a second to digest the fact that the twins were about to make their way into the world, I scurried around my apartment like a lost animal. I threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and tied my messy waves into a knot on top of my head. I was in such disarray that I opened the door to leave before realizing I was barefoot. I ran back across the apartment, tugged some socks and boots on, and headed to the hospital.

This was the distraction I’d been needing to get my mind off Alexander. I had to focus on my own life, on my baby, and, for today, on Liana. There were two turns between me and Emory University Hospital when an overwhelming feeling of nausea came over me. It was debilitating, one of the worst bouts of nausea I’d ever had in my life. “Uh oh. I’m not gonna make it,” I whispered aloud.

I pulled over into a convenience store parking lot and made it to the trash can just in time to vomit. Tears filling my eyes, I only made it halfway back to my car before round two struck. Why had no one told me how terrible morning sickness was? All of the mothers-to-be I’d known as friends or seen at the clinic made pregnancy out to be this wonderful, glamorous experience. I felt like shit.

Taking small sips of water, I drove 10 miles under the speed limit the rest of the way, as if this would somehow also slow down my nausea. I navigated the confusing hospital campus, settling for a spot on the first floor of a parking garage. As I walked toward the emergency room, I realized that I had no clue what the hell I was doing there. Chances were, Liana didn’t want me in the delivery room—and that was fine by me. I supposed I was there for moral support.

And where was I supposed to go? It occurred to me that I didn’t know the first thing about being a mother, or delivering a baby. Would Liana be in the emergency room to give birth? Or was that what maternity wards were for? All of these thoughts shuffled around in my mind as I asked one uninterested hospital employee after another for directions. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Jane, a mutual friend from college, sitting in an uncomfortable-looking chair in one of the waiting areas. Liana was much closer with Jane than I was, but she was still a huge step up from the nurse who yelled at me to get out of her way.

“Casey!” Jane exclaimed, jumping from her chair. She was far too chipper for this early in the morning. As she walked toward me, her eyes drifted toward my stomach. “Oh my god! You too?! Awwww!” She gave me a hug and pulled me to sit in the seat beside hers.

“What’s the latest on Liana?” I asked, hoping she would accept my attempt at changing the subject away from myself.

“Greg’s back there with her now,” Jane said. “She’s six centimeters dilated, so they’re keeping her back there until those babies come out!”

I mustered up a desperate smile. “That’s great!”

“So, tell me about whoever made this happen,” Jane said, putting her hands on my stomach. I gently pulled away as I gave her a vague response about it being a guy I was dating who I’d met at work. Today was supposed to be Liana’s day, as well as a much-needed distraction from my current situation.

“How about you?” I asked. “How’s the school year treating you?”

Jane flipped her fiery red hair out of her face and sighed. “We’ve got a rough group this year. Six going on sixteen. I’m already counting down the days until winter break.”

I feigned interest in Jane’s stories as I stared at the double doors that stood between me and my best friend, the same double doors that I’d be facing in five months. The minutes turned to hours as I listened to Jane babble on about how Katie got gum stuck in her hair and how Tanner made the entire class terrified of rabbits.

Finally, around nine, Greg emerged from behind the doors. I had never been so happy to see him. “Well?” I asked while Jane was still midway through one of her sagas.

“Babies should be here soon,” Greg said. Beads of sweat dripped down his face, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Liana was just as nervous. “Liana wanted me to fill you guys in and thank you for coming.”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Jane said for both of us.

Greg cleared his throat. “Especially since Liana’s parents aren’t getting back from their trip to Costa Rica for a few more hours.” My heart broke as Greg said the words. I’d known since I was ten years old that I’d be giving birth without my parents there, but Liana was extremely close with her family. I knew she must be devastated over the prospect of her parents not being there. Greg disappeared behind the double doors before I had the chance to ask any questions.

Jane and I sat in silence as she shuffled through a magazine and I pretended to be checking my email on my phone. In reality, I was trying to take my mind off of this pregnancy, which turned out to be an impossible task in a hospital full of babies. I was so excited to meet my little nugget, to have a family of my own and to give him or her the life I never had. It was something I’d always dreamed of. On the other hand, was I ready for that? I worked an average-paying job and lived in a crappy apartment. It was hard to be excited about the pregnancy when so much was up in the air.

Then there was Alexander. I had to admit that I’d been having dreams about our future ever since our camping trip. I dreamt that we were living in his giant house, raising our baby together. Our days were filled with walks around the neighborhood, and lunch dates, and the best lovemaking I’d ever experienced. But that was just a dream. In reality, we’d only grazed the subject of the baby, and I could tell it made Alexander uncomfortable. Surely I’d thrown him for a loop these past few months. Here he was, this smart, sexy CEO living the single life. I was sure the last thing he wanted was to be tied down with me and our baby.

I didn’t know if I should be thinking of this child as our baby. I couldn’t help it. Now I understood why the men who donated sperm at the clinic did so anonymously. Our trip camping was the best date I’d ever been on in my life, but that only made things more complicated. I was starting to regret having gotten involved with Alexander at all. What was I thinking? Even though I was scared of failing as a parent, I didn’t regret this baby, not even for a second. I simply regretted the situation it had put me in.

Sometime during my overanalyzing, I must have dozed off, because I woke up to Jane’s scratchy voice in my ear. “I bet it’ll be good practice,” Jane said, startling me.

“Wh-what?” I said, sitting up in my chair.

Jane gestured toward the doors. “Helping out with the twins. You’ll be a diaper-changing ninja by the time your little one makes an appearance.”

I sighed. “I hope so.”

“Don’t worry,” Jane said. She rested her hand on my shoulder like I was one of her students. Jane could be over-the-top with the advice sometimes, like a Dr. Phil wannabe, but I knew that she meant well. “I can see it in your eyes. You’re scared. There’s nothing like a maternity ward to make an expectant mom freak out. But you’ll be fine! I promise!”

“Thanks, Jane,” I replied lamely. We made polite chit-chat for another few minutes before a nurse came to bring us to Liana’s room.

As if in slow-motion, I walked on my tiptoes behind Jane into Liana’s room. Liana, her hair still annoyingly in place, was in the hospital bed holding a baby in a blue knit cap, while Greg was sitting next to her with the other baby, this one in a pink cap.

“One of each?” Jane screeched.

“One of each,” Liana said with a smile.

Jane moved closer to Liana and doted over the babies, giving them each an insurmountable number of air kisses. I stood back and let her have her time, as I knew I wanted my own time with Liana and the babies without Jane getting in the way. When she was all out of energy, Jane said her goodbyes with a promise to send over dinner for Liana and Greg later in the week.

When Jane stepped out of the room, I took a few steps forward. “What are their names?” I whispered. There was something about babies that made me lower my voice a few notches.

“This sweet girl is Hayley Reese,” Greg said, laying a soft kiss on her forehead.

I looked over at Liana to learn about the other half of this perfect pair. “Casey, this is your godchild, Aiden William Holdstead,” she said. Tears welled in my eyes. “That is, of course, if you’ll have him.”

“Of course,” I said, catching the stream running down my cheeks before it hit the babies. Liana held Aiden up to me, and I took him in my arms as slowly as possible. It had been a long time since I’d held a baby. He was gorgeous. I tried to keep my hands from shaking as I blew little kisses at him. Time stood still for a while. I switched with Greg so I could have a chance to hold Hayley, who had huge eyes just like her mom.

“Liana, sweetheart!” I looked up to see Liana’s parents, luggage in tow, in the doorway. I’d met them probably half a dozen times at birthdays and holidays, but I was still caught a bit off-guard when Liana’s mother came over and pulled me in for a hug. “Is that a little bun in the oven of your own, Casey?”

I nodded as I handed Hayley over to her grandmother. This was the first time I’d experienced people noticing my pregnancy just by looking at me. I’d been living in tunic tops and flowy dresses to cover my bump, but, in all the chaos, I’d thrown on the first thing I could find this morning.

“Well, you’ll be great,” Liana’s mom said.

“What?” I asked before taking the chance to consider what she meant.

“As a mother,” she said. “You look like a natural already.” I hoped she was right.