Chapter 21

Dallas

I was about midway through my set when the bout of madness hit me again. That was what I was calling it, anyway. The night before in bed I’d spent hours dissecting that one-second glimpse of the crowd where I thought I’d seen Shane’s face. I tried not to, tried to tell myself there was no way it could be him, but a voice inside whispered I was wrong.

So what if it was him, I finally decided. He would be an idiot to return to Sitka Valley, and I would be an idiot to talk to him if he did. I’d only end up getting my dad and me in more trouble, all for some childhood crush with a hero complex. I had a bad habit of romanticizing Shane in my mind. A dangerous habit. He couldn’t be as good as I remembered him—no man was. I was on my own in this world, and it was better that way. The last person I relied on was my dad, and he led me straight to the slaughter.

These thoughts were still spinning in my head when I went on stage the next day, so it was no surprise when I thought I saw Shane again. Now I knew it had to be in my head. Even if Shane were back in town, there was no way he’d go to Satan’s Perch unless he had a death wish.

The glimpse wasn’t fleeting this time, though. I lost him for a second as I dropped into a low squat, but when I came back up there he was.

Our eyes met and time slowed. He had a crew cut, and even from a distance I could tell he was bigger. He still had that same intensity in his eyes, the kind that makes you forget there is anything else in the world. The kind that makes you forget your dance steps.

I stumbled, pitching forward awkwardly. I managed to catch my footing and transition into the splits, making the flub look almost intentional. My face burned. He must’ve seen. Did he know that I just completely lost my shit because of him?

I tried not to think about it but still found myself scanning the crowd for his face when I got back on my feet. He was gone.

Okay, now I knew I was going crazy. Maybe I had a brain tumor or something that was making me hallucinate people from my past. Only, if that were the case, why was I hallucinating an older version of Shane? Was that just my imagination outdoing itself?

I needed air. Rather than heading to my dressing room after my set, I headed straight for the backstage loading door. The alley it led into was sketchy as hell on a good day, but one of the great things about being Gromley property was that not even the dirtiest mugger would take the chance.

The motion sensor floodlight flicked on as I stepped out into the chilly air. One of the bulbs was out, so it was dim at best, but better than nothing. I left the door propped open with a chunk of wood and walked down a few feet to rest my back against the brick wall. I tilted my face toward the strip of sky visible between the tops of the buildings. Only a couple of the brightest stars were visible, and I couldn’t help but remember the night that Shane took me out to his spot in the forest and showed me the entire universe. If I wanted to go stargazing it would be easy enough to accomplish, especially given that the view from Preston and Wes’s top deck was sensational, but it wouldn’t be the same. I longed for simpler days, when staring up at the stars made me feel limitless. Now it just made me feel small. Helpless.

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I promised myself that I would never let the word helpless into my vocabulary again. I wasn’t helpless—I was just in a sticky situation, but it wouldn’t always be so sticky. If I didn’t keep my shit together, though, it wouldn’t matter whether I got out of this web or not. I wouldn’t make it that long.

I sighed and turned back to the door. That was enough air for one evening.

I didn’t notice the footsteps until they were right behind me, until the hand fell on my shoulder. Adrenaline spiked my system. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was someone stupid enough to try something even though I was under Wes’s “protection”. The thought sickened me, and I spun on my heel, punching out with both hands at my would-be attacker, hoping to catch him by surprise.

Shane caught my fists easily, eyes flashing with amusement. “Feisty as ever, I see.”

My body reacted before my mind had time to process. Heat flared deep in my belly, like a long-simmering fire bursting to life in one magnificent explosion. I ripped my hands out of his grip and staggered back, desperate to put some distance between us.

“So it was you who’s been stalking me,” I muttered.

“I’ve only been here two days,” he defended. “I wouldn’t consider it stalking.”

I swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. Emotions that I’d kept bottled up for years with great success now ricocheted inside my rib cage, and it pissed me off. Who was he to come back here and dangle his gorgeous self in front of me like this?

“What do you want?” I asked.

My aggressive tone surprised him. He frowned and crossed his arms, and I had to stare hard into his eyes to avoid looking at the way his thick biceps bulged against the fabric of his sweater. My earlier observation was correct—he was bigger. He was taller than Wes by at least three inches. Before they were about the same height. And he had muscles now. Big ones.

“It’s nice to see you too,” he replied tartly.

“I never said it was nice to see you. I asked you what you wanted.”

His brow knitted together. “Why do you think I want something from you?”

“Because everybody wants something from someone.” I shrugged, trying to appear more nonchalant than I felt. “That’s what divides the humans from the monkeys.”

I hoped he couldn’t see how my legs were shaking, or at least if he could that he attributed it to the cold. There was a battle raging inside of me. My mouth was saying things my heart didn’t agree with, but I was used to disregarding the will of my heart. It was weak where my head was strong. So what if my long-held fantasy seemed to be unfolding right in front of me? There was no way that Shane’s return meant anything but trouble.

“I don’t want anything from you.” Shane took a step forward, and I took a step back. He smiled a little, unfazed. “I can help you, Dallas.”

“You think you can help me?” I let out a bitter bark of laughter. “You’re out of your fucking mind. Go fuck yourself, Shane.”

My heart started fighting back, urging me to listen to him. All my head wanted to do was run, but my heart held my feet firm. Spending time with Shane was a surefire way to accumulate more hurt, so why couldn’t I find the strength to leave? The door back into Satan’s Perch was literally behind me, and within two seconds I could slam that door right in his beautiful face and try to forget this happened. If I didn’t forget, I might do something stupid, like hope, and it would be a painful fall when he let me down by not being the man I hyped him up to be.

He licked his lip, studying me, then pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket and handed it over. At first, I considered refusing it, but curiosity got the better of me.

“I’ll see you around,” he said, “But you’ve got my number just in case.”

Shane turned and left the alley before I had a chance to ask in case of what. He left before I could say anything. I wondered if I’d ever even see him again, or if he only popped back into my life long enough to turn everything upside down. And he had the balls to say he could help me, too. There was no helping me.

I shoved the paper in my bra and slipped back into the pulsing darkness of Satan’s Perch, trying to ignore the liquid warmth in my belly.

All I wanted was to escape to the solitude of my dressing room and process what just happened, but fate had other plans. Wes was leaning against my dressing table, waiting for me. He rose when I entered, eyes narrowed.

“Where have you been?”

“I stepped out for some air.” I tried to make myself sound as collected as possible, hoping he wouldn’t suspect anything.

But what if he already knew? What if he or his guys had been watching Shane all night? Shane should know better than to be here in the first place, and it would be wishful thinking to assume that he made it through the whole night without being seen. What if Wes was testing me?

“Some air?”

I stepped around Wes, taking a seat and starting to remove my makeup.

“Yeah, like the kind you breathe?” I replied dryly. “It’s stuffier than Nelson during allergy season in here, and I was feeling a little overheated after my set. I stepped into the alley to chill out for a minute. Is that a problem?”

Wes looked down at me from his perch with folded arms. He and his father were both control freaks. They ran everything in this town, and I was no different. It always annoyed Wes when I did something unexpected, something he couldn’t anticipate. I just hoped that was where his current frustration stemmed from, and not from suspicion.

“I was worried,” he stated.

I glanced up at him in the mirror. “Aw, you were worried about me? That’s sweet.”

He didn’t reply because we both knew his concern had nothing to do with my wellbeing. He was worried that I was up to something, or that I was making a play against him. Paranoia didn’t run in his family—it galloped.

I just wished he would leave. Thank god I was removing makeup instead of applying it. I’d have had a hard time trying to put on eyeliner. My hands were even less steady than my thoughts, and all I wanted to do was to smash everything on the table.

Shane coming back meant nothing, not when I still had to spend my nights in this shit hole of a club and report to Wes Gromley. There was nothing Shane could do to help me, so how was it fair for him to come in here and try to get my hopes up?

Good thing he didn’t succeed. Lucky for me it would take a little more than a vague promise of help to summon a little faith in me.

“You were great tonight,” Wes said after a moment.

I was running a wipe over my eyes and paused to glance up at him.

“Thanks.”

He cleared his throat. “You always surprise me. I think that there’s no way you could be more beautiful and then you come on stage, and it’s like I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it, Dallas. I’m in awe of you. I’d like to take you for dinner. If you’ll let me.”

Weird. I could only imagine that his friends were giving him tips on how to win me over, since his rough wooing had so far yielded nothing but rotten fruit.

I was tempted to say no to his proposition, just to see what he’d do. Usually, if Wes wanted to go to dinner, I would be going to dinner, and that was that. I’d never been given a choice before, and if there was any chance of him softening up a little, then I should probably take it. Then again, if Wes did start being kinder to me I might make the mistake of being kinder to him in return, and I didn’t want there to be any question in his mind of my unflinching hatred toward him.

What a pickle.

I decided to go with my first instinct—to test him. I had no idea what this game was, but if it was as fragile as a paper screen, I wanted to reveal that right away.

“Not tonight, Wes. My dad probably hasn’t eaten all day, and I’d like to check in on him.”

Wes pushed off from the vanity and came to stand behind me. He rested his hands on my shoulders but didn’t squeeze, just met my eyes in the mirror and smiled.

“Sure,” he said. “Do you want me to get Grant to drive you?”

Okay, now I was freaked out.

“No, that’s fine.” I mustered up a tight smile.

Wes bent down and pressed a kiss into the crown of my head, then left the room. The second he closed the door my body sagged into the chair, and I let out something between a sigh of relief and a strangled gasp.

What was going on tonight? Was I even awake? I pinched myself and, sure enough, I was conscious. I’d been living a static life for so long, one where I knew the rules, and I knew what I could expect. In the past hour, everything about that world turned topsy-turvy.

It had to be a fluke. Shane’s arrival meant nothing, and I’d probably never see him again. Wes’s behavior was a one-off, and I shouldn’t get used to it. It was nice that tonight I got to say no to him, but I couldn’t expect that kind of treatment in the future.

I had to go forward as if everything was business as usual. I couldn’t afford to indulge in something as silly as optimism, and I’d never survive if I used that optimism to push the boundaries of my world.