Chapter 27

Tamara

Someone jostled me as I stepped through the lobby double doors, sending me stumbling into Jo’s path. She stepped on the back of my heel and it slipped off.

“Shit! Sorry!” she said.

“No, it’s fine.” I put my shoe back on.

“No, really. That was my bad.”

“No, seriously, it’s fine.”

It was the most we’d talked to each other all evening.

We continued through to the ballroom, where an easel to the left of the door welcomed guests to the Princess of Nowhere wrap-up party. Gold cornices and an impressive fresco decorated the lofty ceiling, a sumptuous crystal chandelier hanging from the middle of it.

The room bustled with life, with everyone from set designers to sound mixers in attendance. Those who noticed when I entered stopped me to say hi, though I slowly maneuvered Jo and I toward the bar at the far end of the room.

I was surprised Joanne still came tonight. She was over the moon when I invited her a few weeks ago, but we’d exchanged few words since our altercation the other night and she’d barely left her room. It didn’t bother me to have her there. I just wished it weren’t so awkward.

“There’s my princess!” cooed Yesha, spotting me from across the bar. She walked over and enveloped me in a hug. “Great season. I can’t wait until it airs. The fans are going to lose their minds.” She looked to Jo. “Is this your sister?”

“Yeah, this is Joanne,” I said.

Yesha stuck out her hand. “Great to meet you, Joanne.”

“I’ve heard about you,” Jo said, taking her hand stiffly. “It’s great to put a face to the name.”

“Likewise. And what a face.” Yesha winked. “You could have a future in show business too.”

Jo laughed awkwardly, and Yesha excused herself to go talk to another of the actors.

So far, tonight was going about as well as nails on a chalkboard. It was supposed to be my triumph, my victory lap, but between this sisterly friction and my despondency over Alex, I wasn’t in the party mood.

“I think I might just go,” I said quietly.

Jo’s eyes snapped to me. “You can’t leave.”

“Don’t worry, you can stay. I just...don’t want to be here anymore.”

I turned to leave but Jo grabbed my arm. “Wait. Can we go talk somewhere?”

I hesitated, chewing the inside of my lip, before finally giving a short nod.

Jo carted me through the crowd and down the hallway leading to the bathrooms and kitchen.

We pulled aside to let a waiter pass with a tray of hors d’oeuvres, and once he was gone Jo turned to me. She opened her mouth to speak and closed it again with a frustrated sigh. Finally, she said, “I’m sorry.”

I wasn’t expecting this, particularly not tonight.

“Do you think here is the best place to discuss this?” I asked. “If we went home, we could talk about it over a glass of wine.”

“I don’t think you should leave the party. This is your night.” She reached for my hand and squeezed. “You’ve worked your ass off to get here. After I say what I need to say, we should take the time to enjoy it.”

She had a point.

“Okay,” I said. “Say it then.”

Jo pulled her hand back and licked her lips nervously. “What you said to me the other night really stuck with me. I’ve been...god I’ve been a mess lately. I keep telling myself that I’m the perfect age to be a mess and get away with it, but that’s not working anymore.” Her lips formed a scowl. “I’m miserable. I fucked things up with Tristan and I’m miserable. Before the garden party, I was working out what I wanted to do. I swear I was. Granted, progress was a little slow because all I wanted to think about was Tristan, but I was figuring it out. Then after I screwed things up...”

“You fell apart,” I filled in.

Jo nodded, eyes filling with tears. “I love him, Tam-Tam.”

It was like a bullet to the chest. In that moment, I saw my reflection staring back at me, and it didn’t matter that I’d hidden all the crying and all the pain. I couldn’t run from my reflection anymore.

“I know,” I said softly, holding her shoulder. “I know.”

I knew that she loved him. I also knew the pain of losing the man she loved. The grief. But one bright spark in this entire shit heap was that Tamara still had a chance of making things work.

“You need to tell him,” I said. “Go find him, right now while you look like a million bucks.”

She chuckled, swiping away tears. “But what about you? I don’t want to leave you here alone.”

“It’s my party, remember?” I said with a shrug. “I’ll be fine. What’s more important is you making things right with the man you love.”

She nodded and pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m sorry for everything, Tamara. I don’t know what I did to deserve a sister like you.”

“Everything.” I patted her back. “Now go.”

She released me and, with a final squeeze of her hand, disappeared into the crowd at the end of the hall. I leaned against the wall for a minute, composing myself. I wished I could be the one running after my man. I wished my situation was less complicated. Or at I at least wished I didn’t love him from the bottom of my tortured soul.

I took a final breath and headed back into the fray, making a drink my first order of business. I waited at the bar, chatting politely with the people I knew. Someone tapped on my shoulder from behind.

I turned, butterflies flapping madly in my stomach.

The butterflies died instantly.

“Where’s your prince tonight?” Michael asked, mouth tugged into a sleazy smile.

“None of your business.”

I turned back around, intent on ignoring him for the rest of the evening. After tonight, I wouldn’t have to see him until we started work on next season. Sure, the end of the summer meant leaving Alex, but it also meant not having to see Michael every day. A small blessing but a blessing nonetheless.

Michael tapped my shoulder again. I ignored him.

He leaned in to my ear. “Did he finally decide that you just weren’t princess material?” he whispered. “You should have known from the start that a man like that would never stoop to your level for long.”

I took a deep breath. I swallowed down the bile rising in my throat from his proximity and the meat of his words.

And I turned around and slapped him across the face.

The people around us gasped and fell silent, a waiting audience. And they were about to get one hell of a show.

“You have done nothing but antagonize and belittle me since our break up, for no reason other than the fact that you can’t stand the thought of me moving on!” I cried. “I’m done with it, Michael. I’m done with your abuse. I’m done with your judgement. Quite frankly, you creep me out. If you ever think about saying one unscripted word to me again, I will personally ensure that ever gossip magazine and rumor mill in this country and at home knows what a vile, self-absorbed little man you are, and I will make sure nobody ever looks at you again without seeing the sleazy asshole you pretend not to be.”

Michael’s face paled. His lips sputtered open and closed but no retort came. I’d struck him dumb.

From somewhere to my right, somebody started to clap. A slow clap at first, but soon more and more people picked it up. I looked around as a dozen or so people in the vicinity clapped and cheered for me, most of them women.

I smiled, but the emotions charging through me meant it wouldn’t last. I needed some air.

I pushed past Michael, abandoning the thought of the bar, and headed straight for the hotel lobby. An elevator was waiting in the lobby and I pushed the top button, marked “Rooftop Terrace”.

The ride was slow. The banal jazz music helped calm me a little, even though my hands were still shaking by the time it let me out in a small corridor. I opened the door at the end of it and welcomed the blast of cool air on my face.

I should have felt triumphant.

I’d slayed my dragon, hadn’t I? After a public humiliation like that, Michael would be a complete idiot to ever try anything with me again. And while ‘complete idiot’ was a title he more than just deserved, his sterling reputation was important to him. Too important to risk it.

I let out a deep breath and walked over to the railing, staring down at the pulsing city streets.

The door behind me creaked open and I frowned, calling, “Go away!”

I figured it was either Michael come to grovel or somebody else trying to make me feel better. Neither of which I wanted.

The door didn’t open again though, and the footsteps across the cement warned me that my solitude was about to be interrupted. I rolled my eyes and spun around.

Alexander smiled bashfully. “Hey.”

I swallowed hard and tried not to lose my balance and go tumbling over the side of the building. That was the last thing I needed right now.

“Hey,” I replied.

He walked up to me and my body twitched into fight or flight. He wasn’t a predator, but he was about as dangerous as it got when it came to my wellbeing. It was hard enough trying to scrape out my memories of him and move on with my life without him popping up to make more.

“Alex, we talked—“

“Hold on a second,” he interrupted, stopping in front of me. “I know what you’re going to say, and trust me I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t important.”

I pursed my lips but gave a short nod for him to continue.

Alex’s green eyes flicked down my body, and his mouth twitched to the side. “That’s a great dress.”

“Alex,” I warned.

“Sorry.” He grinned and the world got a little brighter. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“Get to it.”

“Right.” He cleared his throat. “You said that I never worried about you leaving, that it meant I didn’t care as much as you, and in one way you were right.” He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “I cared, Tamara. I care. I never seemed worried about you leaving because I think I always knew I wouldn’t let you go. Couldn’t let you go.” He took a breath and reached for my hand, and his grip was warm and strong. “I love you, Tamara.”

My breath caught in my throat. “Alex...”

“No, no. Just let me talk, okay?”

I gave a reluctant nod, heart thundering in my throat.

He continued. “I love you. I love everything about you, and when I think about the rest of my life, I can’t imagine a day without you in it.” He dropped my hand and then fell to one knee.

My knees turned rubbery and every molecule in my body began to shake. He couldn’t...

Alex reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a velvet box. “Tamara Callahan, will you marry me?”

The ring was beautiful—a thick cut square with a halo of sparkling emeralds.

He was beautiful.

I wanted to say yes.

“No.”

But I couldn’t.

Alex frowned and rose to his feet. “Do you mind if I ask why?”

“Alex, we’ve only known each other a few months. The media will go ballistic. I don’t know your family well, but I suspect they won’t be too pleased either. It’s just not a good idea.”

Alex would his arms around my waist and pulled me close, and I didn’t stop him because it felt so good to melt into his arms once more.

“I don’t care what the media says. Or what my family thinks.” He nuzzled into the side of my neck. “Tamara, I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life. I would rather ride out the media storm of the century with you than live a quiet, pious life without you. All I’m asking is for you to choose me too.”

It seemed like such an easy thing to do. He made it sound so easy.

Then, I realized—it was easy.

I wanted Alex too. I loved him too. And like him, I was willing to risk everything for us to be together, because the thought of being separated felt a little bit like internal bleeding.

“Yes,” I whispered into his cheek.