Swiping through the racks, I move aimlessly through the aisles. I need to do some shopping before we leave, but I can’t force myself to focus on anything to save my life.

I look over to see Riley holding a dress up against her body and examining herself in the mirror. She wrinkles her nose and places it back on the rack.

“There’s nothing here,” she complains as she walks toward me. “I thought for sure I’d find a new dress, but either the print is off or the fit is all wrong. That one has some weird empire waist with puckering. I don’t need help looking like I’m pregnant—thanks!”

I laugh and put my arm around her shoulders. “You don’t look pregnant. It’s just an ugly dress.”

“You’re a great friend,” she says, giving my waist a squeeze. “But you’re also tiny, so I can’t take what you say seriously.”

We browse the store a few more minutes before continuing our search in another store a few doors down. Riley doesn’t know why I asked her to come shopping with me, but once she finds out, she’s going into turbo overdrive with trying to help me find everything.

We have to leave the following weekend, and I haven’t even told her about Maxwell and me. I don’t even know if Sam knows yet, so I’ve kept quiet about it. There isn’t any sense in prolonging it further. I know I need to tell her today. Now.

Gathering my thoughts, I decide to wait until we’re sitting at the food court. “Hey, let’s go grab a bite to eat. I’m starving.”

“Okay. That sounds better than trying to fit into these miniature dresses.” Riley hangs up yet another dress, and we walk to the food court as she talks about the second date she has with her mystery man.

“I want you to meet him, but I want us to go on a double date. I’ll find you someone, and we can go to that Italian place we saw on the way here.”

“Yeah, well, it might have to wait,” I say.

“Wait? For what?” Riley asks curiously. “Are you seeing someone, and you’re just now telling me?”

She has no idea. “Let’s order our food and then talk about it,” I tell her. I place my hand over my growling stomach for emphasis, and she gasps.

“You are seeing someone!”

“Yes, well, no actually. It’s complicated,” I tell her.

“Okay, I’m angry I didn’t know sooner, but I’m going to hide that anger until I get details, and then I’ll go back to being upset,” Riley informs me.

“Thanks for the heads up.” I laugh. “You might be extremely upset about this, just an FYI.”

“Oh my God. I can’t take the suspense.”

We order our food, and before I can sit down, Riley demands to know who I’m seeing. “Do I know him? I have to know him. You don’t have a life outside of work. Is he on your floor? Oh! It’s not the guy next to the conference room, is it? No, wait, that mail guy from downstairs? Or the one on my floor that’s always staring at you? Tell me!”

“First of all, you don’t deserve to know since you haven’t told me about your secret man. But since I’m nice and a little desperate for advice, it’s Maxwell.” I wait for a few beats for it to sink in, and watch as confusion fills her face, then as it transforms into a wide grin.

“Ohhh! That makes so much more sense now! He was just asking about you yesterday! He came to my office, all out of breath. I thought it was strange, but it didn’t even occur to me that he was interested—congratulations! I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks.”

“So, tell me everything. How serious is it? It can’t be that serious. Did you sleep with him yet?” She slurps her soup and gives me a knowing wink. “I know how desperately you need it.”

“Yes, actually,” I say.

“Oh, I knew it!” Riley crows.

“There’s one more thing,” I say slowly.

Riley lifts an eyebrow. “What more could there be?”

“We’re getting married this week.”

She chokes on her soup and coughs desperately, taking sips of water in between. Holding her hand to her chest, she peers at me. “What do you mean? How? Why?”

I explain to her about the contract and some of the surface details, namely the debt that will be paid off if I accept. Also, how I need this if I want to get out of the rut I’m in.

“So what’s in it for him, again?” Riley looks perplexed. “I mean, he can afford a live-in nanny. Why not just get another one of those?”

“Well, he says he wants some stability for Bella, and I can understand that. She’s seen a lot of change in her short lifetime. And I genuinely care about her, so it works out.”

Riley nods slowly. “Yeah, you are really good with her. I was just telling him that yesterday.” She studies me carefully. “And you don’t have any feelings for each other?”

“None. It’s strictly a business deal.”

“But you’ve slept together?” Riley prods.

“Well, there’s an attraction, obviously,” I admit. This is more complicated to explain than I thought.

“Clearly. Wait, when did all of this start?” Riley drops her spoon into her bowl to lean forward and grips my arm. “Oh my God, did you meet before that night at the bar?”

“No! Of course not! It just happened so suddenly that I didn’t know what to tell you. I didn’t think there was anything to tell you until this whole proposal thing came about.”

“You didn’t think finally losing your virginity was enough news for me?” Riley asked drily, leaning back in her chair. She eats quietly for a few minutes, and I’m grateful for the break in her grilling.

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” she asks me seriously.

“Well, it’s certainly not ideal, but it’s also not the worst. I think if all goes well, we’ll both get what we want, and what’s wrong with that?” I don’t mean to sound defensive, but I feel like I’m on trial.

“I don’t believe that neither one of you has feelings for the other one. And even if you don’t right now, how do you know you won’t develop feelings over the course of the year?” Riley argues back. “It’s unrealistic.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I can’t make any guarantees. But I know myself, and I know I’ll be cautious. I’m not reading anything into him or our agreement. Everything is spelled out so there’s no confusion.”

“Hmm. I suppose.” Riley sounds like she’s agreeing with me, but I can tell she’s unconvinced.

“Weren’t you telling me how great Maxwell is a while back?” I tease her. “As I recall, you were singing his praises. Really, this is all your doing if you think about it.”

“Wait a second,” Riley says indignantly. “I was a fan of how he was with his daughter and his witch of an ex-wife. I am not a fan of how he appears to be using my best friend!”

“He’s not using me!” I insist. “We’re both benefiting from this, remember?”

“Sure,” Riley says crossly. “He pays you like he would pay any other nanny, except he gets you to work for him, too, and he gets to sleep with you. Win-win-win all around for him. Sounds like a lot of emotional baggage for you to carry around long after everything is over. Quite frankly, your sanity doesn’t have a price tag. You can pay off your debt on your own. It might take you longer, but you can make it happen.”

“I know I might have been able to do it before,” I agree. “But I’m just tired of struggling. This makes sense to me. It’s unlike me to take the easier route, but I’m going to take it, and I don’t want to feel guilty for it.”

Riley touches my hand. “I don’t want you to think I’m completely opposed to this. If you want to go ahead with this, I’ll be there for you. I’ll be there no matter what, you know that. But if he hurts you, he’ll have to face my wrath.”

“I’ll add it to our agreement,” I joke.

“Can you?” Riley says with a small smile. “You had one bad experience with that idiot, Dave, back in college, and you swore off of them for the rest of your college years. I’m afraid of what will happen once this comes to an end. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I appreciate your concern,” I assure her. “You’re a true friend, and I’m lucky to have you. This is something I have to do, and I hope you can understand that.”

“I’ll never really understand it, but I’ll be here if you need me.” Riley sighs. “So much for double dating! You sleep with a guy and get a marriage proposal. I sleep with a guy, and I’m not even sure how invested the guy is.”

Later that night, I lay awake in bed thinking about Riley’s warnings. She’s completely valid in her concerns, of course. And I truly do appreciate her support and words at such a crucial time.

I turn to my side and touch the pillow next to me. Come next week, I’ll be sharing a bed with a man I barely know. I don’t know how much I can prepare for something like that, or if it’s possible to prepare at all. It’s not as if I can ask anyone for advice, either. Maybe there’s nothing to adjust to. Maybe we’ll just continue on as we are now, working adjacent to one another and then come home and have sex before we fall asleep. No room for feelings, just keeping a routine like we do at work.

Easy. Yes, I can do that. I fall asleep hanging onto that thought.