The apartment feels empty without Connor in it. Since he’s been gone, I’ve had peace, but also a kind of emptiness. There’s no smoke or clutter, no noise or drugs, but there’s also the feeling of being alone for the first time since I was twenty-one; nobody to look after, nobody to watch out for.

If I had been watching out for him, he wouldn’t be in prison now.

I close my eyes and push the thought away. Even if Connor had been living with me, he could have gone out and been in a fight any time he’d gone to a bar. This didn’t happen because I made him leave.

For hours, I’ve been sitting on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and a cold cup of coffee in my hands, staring blankly ahead and thinking about how deeply Connor has gotten himself into trouble this time, questioning how I’m ever going to help him. When there’s a knock at my door, I jump.

I stand and go to the door. On the other side is Henry. I force a smile. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

“I came by to see how you were doing.”

I shrug. “As well as can be expected, I guess.” I lead him over to the coffee table and pick up a bunch of papers I’ve printed from online. “I’ve been doing some research. The court service center will help me fill out all the forms, and the Harvard Legal Aid Bureau can help, too. There’s this telephone hotline for referrals. I called them this morning and didn’t really get any leads, but I’m going to keep trying. You know, if I get someone different on the phone, they might know more. I’ve been getting some information together about psychologists, too. I want to get Connor assessed—the trauma of losing Mom and being raised by me has to be considered, right? It’s got to be a mitigating factor.”

I hold up all the papers helplessly. They’re a jumbled, confused mess, but I’ve found it hard to follow a single train of thought. I’ve thrown my net wide, searching for anything at all that might help Connor’s case.

“If I can’t get Connor a decent attorney, the least I can do is as much research on my own as possible to help prepare a case. After all, I know my brother better than anyone. I know what makes him tick. I know why he gets into trouble. I know, deep down, he’s a good person.”

Henry steps in and sits down beside me on the sofa. “I have something that might help even more.” He hands me a brown envelope.

I open it, then drop it like hot coals when I realize it’s stuffed with money.

“There’s twenty thousand in bills, and a check for the rest.”

“The rest?”

“A hundred and fifty thousand dollars, all told.”

I look down at the envelope in complete disbelief. I’ve never seen so much money in my life. Then, I glance back up at Henry. “Where did you get all this?”

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Why did you bring all this money here?”

He presses the envelope into my hands. “It’s for Connor’s defense.”

“I can’t accept this, Henry.”

“I want you to. Jesus, Melissa, you deserve to be happy. If doing right by Connor makes you happy, then I’ll do everything I can to help.”

“Did you get this from your father?” I guess. “I can’t take it. He already hates me. I don’t want him to know about all this.”

“It’s not my father’s money.”

“Then how?”

He reaches out and folds my hands over the envelope. “I said not to worry about it. It’s all legal, and it’s all mine—to do with as I want. I want you to have it, for Connor.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you hated Connor.”

“But I love you.” His voice is firm and sincere. His eyes catch mine, and he doesn’t break his gaze. “This case will consume you, and I don’t want to see any more of you buried under the weight of all Connor’s mistakes. Please, take it.”

I stare at the money, and I’m torn. I don’t feel like there’s any way I can accept this kind of money from Henry, but, at the same time, the thought of Connor rotting away in jail breaks my heart.

I know he committed a crime. I know someone died because of his actions. But any drunk could have made the same mistake. Anyone who’s ever had a few too many and thrown a punch could have accidentally taken a life.

I know he didn’t mean it. I know he’s scared. I know he’s sorry.

Henry sees my hesitation and lays a hand on my knee. “In the time I’ve known you, I’ve seen you give everything to Connor. In fact, you’d do anything for anyone. You’ve fought for him day and night for years. You’ve given and given and given, even when you had nothing more to give. And you’ve never had a thing in return.

“It’s your turn to be helped, Lissy. You don’t need to feel guilty, ashamed, or indebted. It’s the world paying you back for all the good you’ve done in it.”

“It’s not the world giving me anything,” I say softly, looking up at him. “It’s you. And you don’t owe me anything. I can’t take this money.”

“Please. I want you to have it.”

“It’s too much.”

“I have everything I need. I wouldn’t give it to you if it wasn’t money I could spare. You’re not taking the clothes from my back, Lissy. I can afford to give this to you. Please, take it. It would mean a lot to me if you’d accept it.”

“I can’t let you pay for Connor’s defense. It has nothing to do with you. It’s not your fault, it’s not your problem. Henry, it’s not your fight.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replies. “I love you. You know I’d do anything for you, don’t you? Anything.”

“But—”

He silences me with a loving kiss. “No ‘buts.’ Take it.”

I look down at the envelope in my hands. I can feel the weight of the money on my lap. Inside is enough money to let me keep my promise to always look out for Connor.

My eyes fill with tears, and I look up at Henry with my heart on my sleeve. “I’ll find a way to pay it back. I swear to God.”

“I know.”

I throw my arms around Henry’s neck and weep openly onto his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“This is too much to bring you into. This shouldn’t be a choice you have to make. I’m sorry.”

“None of this is your fault. I’m doing this because I love you—never be sorry for coming into my life. I treated life like one big joke until you came along. I care about you too much to stand back when I have the means to help. I know you’ll use it to do right by Connor, and your mum would be proud.”