Beijing feels like another lifetime already. It was a whirlwind of meetings for Max and Sam, and a lot of sightseeing with Bella for me. We did a lot of excursions on our own and Bella tried sushi for the first time. Even though the restaurant was posh, I still ordered cooked sushi for her to try. She was convinced she was eating raw sushi and it tickled her to think about it. We went out to some smaller shops and walked around, but Bella wasn’t too keen on the variety of smells wafting through the open-air markets. When Max was free, he insisted we see The Great Wall, which was a couple hours’ drive away.

Once we arrived, we carried a mostly sleepy Bella around while we explored. As we were leaving, Bella regained some of her energy and was enamored with the colorful stalls lining the pathway. There were qi-pao dresses that hung from each stall, waving enticingly in the air.

Bella was sold. She squealed and jumped to show us each color that stood out to her. Before we left, she and I had two dresses each, one modern and one traditional. I don’t know where I’ll be wearing mine, but seeing how Maxwell was admiring the modern watercolor one with red hues, I know he’s waiting to see it on me. At least, I think that’s what the intense, burning look was telling me.

It has only been a week since we left home, and we’re in Milan already. Just when I was starting to adjust to a set schedule, we had to leave. I am not complaining, though. This is a hub for fashion and textiles, and I’m falling in love with the city. I have only been here for a day, but I know I could easily spend a year here.

Yesterday I spent the day taking Bella around to some of the small, quirky shops that line the streets. We spent a good deal of time in a storefront that advertised hats. After trying each one, she settled on a small one with a pink ribbon on it.

“You get one too, Laura!” She’d exclaimed. “We can wear these when we play princess tea party!”

I laughed. “Great idea.”

She beamed at me, and we made several more stops before going back to the hotel to collapse. Thankfully, I have the day to myself today. I have two meetings lined up; the first is with the woman who had interviewed me and offered the internship that I had to turn down. The other is a contact of Maxwell’s. He said he’d arranged for me to meet them before we left the States, so I agreed to go out of curiosity more than anything.

Standing at the entrance to my first meeting, I peer inside before I step in. There is a bustle of activity. Everyone is weaving in and out, not looking at each other but not running into one another, either. I know limited Italian, but it doesn’t seem to matter because even if I were to yell, I doubt anyone would look up from their tasks.

I look at my phone and think about texting her to come meet me at the door. I have no idea where she is, and with the building being an open floor plan, she could be anywhere in the chaos that is this building.

“Can I help you?” a soft, lilting voice inquires from behind me.

I half-turn to see a petite woman with short brown hair curling around her face. “Oh, yes, please! I’m supposed to meet a Ms. Adriana, but I don’t know where to find her.”

“I can imagine your confusion.” She smiles kindly and touches my arm. “I’m Adriana. You must be Laura.”

“Oh, it’s so nice to finally meet you!” I feel the urge to hug her, but I hold back.

She doesn’t, though. She pulls me into a strong hug, and I’m surprised at her show of strength. “I knew I would like you when I first interviewed you. I was so disappointed when you told me you wouldn’t be able to make it after all.”

“I was looking forward to it. Believe me, if there was another way.” I trail off helplessly.

“It’s okay, dear.” Her accent is thicker than I remembered when we had our phone interview. She’s also a lot shorter than I had imagined. She looks like a grandmother, and I wish I had more time to spend with her.

“So dear, what can we do for you?” She leads me to an unassuming desk tucked away in a corner. She gestures to a lone seat in another area helplessly. “Pull up a chair. You’ll have to excuse the mess. These young kids like to have no walls and make everyone feel like equals. But in the end, we just share our messes, and it stresses everyone out.” She giggles.

“You don’t look stressed,” I point out. She doesn’t. Her face is smooth, and her eyes are kind. There isn’t any sign of fatigue in her eyes; they are sharp, and they don’t look like they miss anything.

“I wanted to show you my portfolio,” I begin. I don’t want to waste her time. As kindly and sweet as she looks, I have a feeling she’s a shark when she needs to be, and I’d rather stay on her good side.

She begins to flip through it while I continue. “I have a project that I’m going to be working on for this year. So after that’s completed, I’d like to resubmit my application for an opportunity to work with you. But not just as an intern. I want to come back as a designer. As an added benefit, I’d like to do some designs for free, and in return, you can offer me feedback so I can fix them, and then you keep them. That way, I get the opportunity to work on them, and you get a free designer, one that will be especially trained and ready for you by next year.”

“That does sound appealing,” she says, setting her teacup down. “And you’re not looking for any compensation other than this?”

“No, absolutely not. What you can offer me in guidance and advice is priceless. And right now, I’m in a position where I can afford to do this.”

Adriana looks thoughtful. “Your offer is tempting.”

“But?” I ask.

“But nothing,” she corrects me. “It’s tempting, and will agree to it on one condition.”

“What?” I ask, trying to keep myself from smiling like an idiot.

“You keep your name under our label for two years. This year and the next, so whatever you do for free, you keep under our label. We will both benefit from this. Next year, I will be paying you so you will benefit twofold.”

I finally allow my smile to spread across my face. This is a dream come true. So many clothing designers struggle for years before they’re given an opportunity like this.

“Thank you so much, Adriana. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“I know talent when I see it.” She winks at me. “You couldn’t make it here, and you thought you wouldn’t be meeting me. But for whatever reason, you’re here. You’re meant to be here. Nothing happens by accident.”

I leave her office deep in thought. I know she has a point, but it makes me read too much into the marriage again, so I dismiss her words. I feel like she could see through to my soul and was sending me a message. I haven’t had enough sleep lately, and I hope I can get some tonight.

When I arrive at my next meeting, I’m immediately taken aback by the decorative allure of the outside. Unlike the workplace I was just in, it’s clear this one is well-established and far more sophisticated. Adriana’s office is that of a start-up company that has a lot of soul and humbleness. This office is built on class and class divides. I look around to see everyone ignoring me—at least that part is normal. But they aren’t busy here, so they’re ignoring me on purpose.

One woman spots me and waves me over. With no preamble, she scribbles something down on a notepad and tears it off. “Take this over there,” she says with a thick accent. I do as I’m told, unsure of what to ask her. I try reading the note, but it’s scribble, and I give up after two attempts.

I walk to another desk, and the woman looks up, bored. “Yes?”

“I was asked to bring this to you.” I hand her the note and look around at all the people who can’t be bothered to look up from their phones.

“You go to that room.” She points a long, slim manicured finger to an office behind her.

I do as I’m told again, and wonder where Maxwell has sent me. Ten minutes later, I’m finally ushered into a large office. I sit down just as a beautiful woman comes in. I recognize her immediately. I’ve seen her work, studied it, memorized it, and mimic her styles often.

“Victoria,” I breathe.

“I’m so glad you could make it.” She smiles at me. “Where is Max?”

I’m surprised at her using his name in such a familiar manner because I have barely begun to call him that myself.

“He is swamped in some of his own meetings, but he said he would come here if he got out early,” I tell her.

“Oh, fantastic!” She claps her hands once in front of her.

For the next hour, she outlines her own thoughts about what direction she thinks I should go in, and then she offers me an opportunity to do some work for her that is similar to the deal I just set up with Adriana. I tell her I’ll think about it. She doesn’t press me, but smiles and says she is sure that Max will nudge me in the right direction. Someone from her office pops his head in and speaks to her in rapid-fire Italian. She excuses herself.

“Please excuse me. We have an emergency. Call me anytime to discuss this in further detail. And give Max my love.”

While I am walking toward the coffee spot that Max has designated as our meeting point, should he not make it to this office, I think about her advice. It was generous and completely out of left-field. I never applied for any positions with her, thinking it was way out of my league for a beginner. And a busy woman sitting with me for an hour during the workday meant only one thing. She either really liked Max, or she owed him a favor. Neither one sounds like a desirable option if I have to choose.

“There you are!” Max is sitting in front of the bistro at a small table with a book and two cups of coffee in front of him.

I can’t help but eye him warily. I don’t know why, but him making decisions for me has begun to bother me more. “What kind of drink is that?” I ask.

“I got an Americano for you.” He grins. “This one is something I can’t pronounce well enough, so I just pointed at a picture when I ordered.”

“Is it okay if I get something else?” I ask brusquely. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I also don’t want him to feel like I’m happy with him making these choices for me, and continuing to make more.

“Sure,” he says, confusion evident on his face. “Don’t you want to taste it first?”

“I’m pretty sure I won’t like it,” I lie. Americanos are actually one of my favorite coffee drinks.

“Okay,” he says, sipping his drink. “I’ll be here.”

It’s not until he agrees that I realize I am looking for an argument. I walk up to order a new drink, one that I like far less, and wait, feeling like a complete fool. Once I get my drink in hand, we set off down the sidewalk in silence.

The rest of the evening is a blur of dinner with Bella at a fancy restaurant and an early bedtime when she misbehaves. I started my period earlier this morning, so I’m not surprised when Max turns in soon after Bella. I stay up to pour over some of next season’s sample designs that I obtained from Adriana and a few from Victoria. I notate some differences in the lines and fabrics being used.

It’s well past eleven when I try to crawl into bed to sleep. After twenty minutes of tossing and turning, I give up. When we first arrived at the hotel, I spotted a full-service gym on the lower level. Now was as good a time to utilize it as any. Quickly changing, I go downstairs to run off my frustrations.

When I hit my fourth mile on the treadmill, my lungs are burning, and I want to stop. But I also want to exhaust myself so I can shower and sleep in relative peace. Having had cramps most of the day today, the last thing I want is sex, so I don’t know why I’m upset that Max fell asleep. I think I’m growing used to him holding me or touching me, and I remind myself that it’s part of sex.

I feel as if I’ve received a crash course in sex this month, and I’m still learning the etiquette for it, the nuances of what each term or position means. I want to feel what I feel and not be confused by it. I find myself second-guessing every move Max makes, and it makes me crazy. I jump off the treadmill when it rolls to a stop, and vow to call Riley to give me perspective tomorrow.

Until then, I’ll model my behavior after Max’s. Casual, reserved, and passionate only in certain windows of time.