It’s mid-morning when Lily arrives back at her apartment building. The yoga pants she’s wearing and the mat under her arm suggest she’s recently come back from class in the park. When she sees me, she rolls her eyes and tries to walk straight past me into the building.

“Lily, please. I need to talk to you.”

“There’s nothing left to say, Ethan. Please leave me alone.”

She reaches for the door handle, but I step in front of her. “Last time I tried to apologize to you, I fucked up. I didn’t say what I needed to say. I swear to you, I’m not going to mention Vincent. This is about you and me. Nothing more.”

“What are you even doing in Arizona?”

“I came back to see you.”

Lily falters. I see her body slump, and she lets out a little breath, like she’s fighting with herself. She shakes her head. “I can’t do this with you again. Really, Ethan, you need to go.”

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

“I don’t believe you’re really here for me. Vincent is still in town. I’m sure you’re just here to deal with him for some reason. He’s told me about your whatever it is that’s going on with the two of you.”

I stand my ground at the entrance of the apartment building. “Whatever he’s told you about me isn’t true, Lily. But it doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t want to talk about him. I want to apologize.”

“Apologize for what? Leaving me after my graduation without saying goodbye? Sleeping with me a couple of weeks ago and disappearing again? Or barging into my apartment to tell me who I can and can’t date?”

It’s her turn to stand her ground. Lily leans her weight on one hip and folds her arms across her stomach. She glares at me.

I loosen my posture, take hold of her arms. I catch her eyes. “All of it, Lily. I’m sorry for everything. Please, give me a chance to explain. How about we go to Molly’s? Drink some of that god-awful coffee you love?”

A smile twitches at the edge of Lily’s mouth, but she’s still reluctant.

“Come on, Lily. We need this conversation. Too much has been left unsaid for too long.”

She gives in. “Fine. But I need to get changed. Wait here.”

Five minutes later, we’re walking toward Molly’s. Lily has changed into a loose cotton dress and a pair of plain pumps. She’s let her hair down and is walking with a deliberate space between us.

We don’t say anything until we arrive at the café. I order for us both, and we sit at the place that used to be our spot, looking outside. The barber shop is a video game store now.

Lily doesn’t say anything once we’re seated. She keeps her eyes fixed on the street outside, one leg crossed over the other, her purse on the counter beside her. Her jaw is trembling like she’s holding back tears.

“I don’t even know where to begin,” I confess. “I’ve made too many mistakes.”

She doesn’t reply, but she’s listening. She closes her eyes when I speak like I’m causing her pain. Her grip tightens on her coffee mug.

“I should never have left you when we were young. At the time, I felt like I was saving you, but now I know that was dumb. My mom died, and it scared me. I realized that life can bite you hard, and I wasn’t prepared. I applied to Columbia thinking nothing would come of it, but when it did, I knew I had to go. I needed to do it for her so I’d never end up living the life she had. I knew I needed to make something of myself outside of Arizona. I thought you wouldn’t understand—or worse, that you’d try too hard to make me happy, and never be happy yourself. I left, and I’m sorry. Really sorry, Lily.

“I didn’t get in touch because I didn’t want to disrupt your life again. I assumed you’d have moved on, and I didn’t want to complicate things. Then, Vincent tells me that you’ve matched with him on Destiny, and I couldn’t get it out of my head. What I should have told you is that it doesn’t matter that the man you matched with was Vincent. The thought of you with anyone but me broke my heart. I love you.”

A tear rolls out from under her closed eyelid. She says nothing, and it kills me. I don’t know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling. I go on.

“I thought I came back here to protect you, but I realize now that was only an excuse. I’ve never gotten over you, Lily. I want you.”

Finally, she replies, her voice breaking. “If you love me, why did you come and go again, just like that?”

“I don’t know. Seeing you again made me feel like I wanted to give it all up—New York, Steele Industries, everything. I wanted to drop everything and stay with you. But there’s a reason I left Payson, and nothing’s really changed. I still want more than this town.”

She looks up at me with her tear-stained eyes. “You mean you want more than me?”

I grasp her hands. “No. I love you. Come back to New York with me.”

“New York?” Her words trail off like she’s been punched in the stomach. She blinks, then shakes her head. “I can’t go to New York.”

“Why not? I’d take care of you. You know I would. You could move straight in. I could get you your own studio. We’d be very happy.”

“My life is here, Ethan.” Lily’s voice is incredulous. “My best friend is here. My home is here. My apartment is here. I’ve built a life for myself here, Ethan, in Payson, and I had to work damned hard to get here. I’m not going to leave it all behind because you’ve decided that you love me this week.”

“I’ve always loved you.”

“How do you know? You don’t know me anymore.”

I reach out and brush the back of my hand against her face, wiping away a tear with my thumb. “You’re still the same Lily Miller. Unforgettable.”

She turns her face away from me, pulls her hands toward her chest, shakes her head. “Last month you were dating Lorina Valencia, now you’re telling me I’m the one you always loved. Do you even know what you want, Ethan?”

“It’s taken me some time to figure it out. Last time I left, I was only a kid, too scared to tell you I wanted something different. Now, I’m not afraid to tell you I want you. With me. In New York.”

“And why can’t you come to Arizona?”

“Lily, I run a business. My life is in New York.”

“My life is here.”

We stare at each other. I wish Jennifer was standing slightly out of sight with a set of prompts because I don’t know what to say. I’m losing Lily.

“We could build a new life together in the city.”

“I don’t belong there, Ethan. I don’t want to be your accessory.”

“It wouldn’t be like that.”

“Nothing you have done in the last eleven years makes me think that I would fit into your life. I don’t want to leave my friends and my home, for which I’ve worked myself into the ground, to sit in some skyscraper and wait for you to come back to your penthouse. You say you love me, Ethan, but maybe I don’t feel the same. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“What can I do to change your mind?”

She shakes her head and lifts her hands. “There’s nothing you can do. It’s just too little, too late. I want to believe everything you’re telling me, but I don’t. I can’t help but feel like there’s more to it than you’re telling me. You show up out of the blue at the same time that I match with Vincent Oswald, who says himself that you’re always out for blood. I truly don’t trust you, Ethan. I’m sorry.”

Her words cut me deeply, and I can’t believe that I’m hearing them from her. Lily was always my champion, but now, she’s treating me like a stranger. The worst feeling of all is the sense that maybe I deserve it. After everything I’ve done, can I blame her for not trusting me?

Lily stands. She wipes her tears with the back of her hand and stares at me one last time. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Ethan. I hope you’ll be happy.”

* * *

Jennifer closes her eyes, and when she opens them, they’re filled with sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Ethan. You did all you could.”

“She doesn’t trust me anymore. I never thought I’d hurt her this badly. I’ve pushed her right into Vincent’s arms. I hope he treats her right.”

Sitting on the arm of the chair I’m in, Jennifer lays her hand on my shoulder. “You knew it might not work out. Now you have to find a way to move on and let her live her life.”

“You’re probably right, Jen, but I really don’t think I can walk away again. Nothing I have feels like it means anything anymore. Not without her.”

“We fly back to New York in a couple of days. You’ll be focused enough on the meeting with Healy that you won’t have time to think about Lily. Trust me, Ethan—you’ll be okay.”