CHAPTER NINETEEN
Auggie
I felt staggered by the sight of Hawk and Liane; knowing that either one of them could have hit a button and welcomed me in. Instead, they chose to remain anonymously at home, Hawk heaving guilt upon me despite my attempt to heal with gifts in hand. I couldn’t say I was angry with Liane. She was siding with the man who was almost her husband. I suspected she wanted the rift healed as much as I did. I understood it was at her urging that Hawk had even contacted us in the first place. That said, I knew she felt her goal was furthered by staying close to Hawk — as a loyal mate should. I would stand by Worth in the same situation.
There was one thing about anger, pain and tears. It forces you to resolution. That’s where I’d arrived. I was going to fix this even if that meant dragging every one of them behind me. That’s when I came up with an idea.
I missed Dad and had promised myself to bring the family down to stay. I would take the kids out of school for two weeks and make Worth clear his schedule. I doubted Hawk and Liane would come, but I would definitely invite them. We would all fly down to the condo and spend some time with Dad. It would be a luxurious prison, and we needed to be away from our normal routines. People tended to hide in their routines.
Worth was home when I got back. He was sitting in his study doing some kind of paperwork. I tapped on the door frame, and he looked up as I went in and sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk. “I’ve always wondered why you do that?”
“What are you talking about?” He was impatient.
“You have chairs facing your desk, as though clients are coming in.”
He shrugged. “Call it shrink feng shui,” he said, and I laughed aloud. It helped to lighten the atmosphere.
“Wanted to talk with you if you have a few minutes?”
He nodded and laid down his pen. “What’s up?”
“I tried a bit of a peace offering today, and it blew up in my face,” I began.
“What did you do?”
“I had Letty make me a huge picnic of Hawk’s favorite foods and took the golf cart up there to surprise him. He’s got the place surrounded by security fencing, including a huge gate that’s locked. I realized I didn’t even have a phone number for him. I tried calling you, but you were in conference. I finally found Liane’s number, and she was with him. He was rigid and bitter; very, very angry. I told him I’d leave the picnic, and when he came home, he could eat it. After I headed toward home, I turned around and saw them both at the gate, bringing in the food. They’d been inside all along and could have opened the gate with the push of a button. Do you have any idea how that feels as a mother?”
“Ouch!”
Well, Worth was willing to extend a bit of sympathy to me. It seemed we weren’t past that point of return, at least. “I’m so hurt.”
“I can understand that. If it makes you feel any better, I doubt he would have even answered my phone call.” Worth shifted in his chair, and I knew his body language well enough to know the thought made him uncomfortable. He began tapping the pen on his desk.
“I’m not content to leave it this way. I want my family. Together. I want my husband.” My face burned as I said the last word.
He seemed taken by surprise, his brows rose, and he stifled whatever sarcastic response he was about to make. “I miss you, too, Auggie. You’ve been pretty rough on me lately.”
“Well, I have an inspiration. I’d like to take the kids out of school for a couple of weeks, have you clear your schedule and let’s go down to the condo and visit Dad. It’s such a huge place, and there’s the boat and everything — it’s all going to waste. I need to check in on Dad anyway. I thought it might be a good family getaway.”
“How about Hawk?”
“I’ll let you call and invite him.”
“Pffft!” he uttered. “Fat chance of him talking to me.”
“Well, I have his number. Call it from your personal cell and if he doesn’t answer, leave voice mail. We will have, at least, given him the opportunity to go. If he chooses not to, it’s on him. What do you say?”
“I think it’s a great idea, actually,” he agreed. “You call the school and I’ll line up the jet. Shall we take Letty with us?”
“Why not? I’ll ask her. I need to talk to Lily too. I’m so glad that I hired her. I can leave and know that everything will still be in good hands.”
“You’re not inviting her?”
“No, her job is to back me up here. Anyway, she wouldn’t go if she could.”
“Why not?”
“I think there’s a little heat beginning to grow between Brandon and her.”
“Brandon?”
“Yes, haven’t you noticed him hanging around here so much lately? He met her that night on the patio and showed up in the middle of the day today, as you know. He’s become a piece of flypaper.”
“Well, damn!”
“Why are you cussing?”
He flushed and quit the pen tapping. “Promise not to get mad?”
I frowned but nodded.
“I thought he was here for you and that you might be thinking about leaving me.”
My mouth dropped open. “You thought I was going to divorce you?”
He cocked his head sideways. “Well, not entirely sure about the divorce part, but I did think you were escaping from our marriage, in one way or another.”
I sat and thought about this a moment. “So, let me ask you. Have you done anything you shouldn’t have, thinking that I might be doing the same thing?”
“Of course not,” he said in a cold, clipped voice.
“Doesn’t feel very good to be accused, does it?” I asked him, and he just stared at me. “I’ll get started on my share of the planning.” I rose from the chair, turning to leave.
“Auggie.”
I turned to look at him.
“I’m sorry.”
I nodded and left the room.
There wasn’t exactly an abundance of receptive joy in the house that night. I knew Worth tried calling Hawk, but the line went unanswered. There were no callbacks. Marga shrieked as though her foot had been cut off. There was outrage regarding some special date she had that weekend and the following week she wanted to try out for a play. “You’ve ruined my entire life!” she accused me.
I nodded. “Sometimes mothers do that. You’ll get through it.”
She quit speaking to me at that point.
Mark was more accommodating although I could tell he was only obliging to me, not because he was enthusiastic about the idea. The most cheerful person was probably Letty. She untied her apron, threw it on the counter and hooted “Whoopee!” on her way to her room to pack.
I went down to Lily’s house and interrupted her phone call with Brandon. She came to the door with the phone in her hand. “Let me call you back,” she told him and welcomed me in. I hadn’t been in her house recently and was surprised how beautifully she’d decorated it.
“I love what you’ve done with the place,” I told her. She had superb taste. It was a mix of Kentucky traditional and French country. I absolutely loved the look. “Would you consider doing some interior design for me?” I asked. “I’ve got some rooms that look like a Penny’s catalog — no personality. Especially my bedroom.”
“I’d love to! I considered going to interior design school after the farm sold. It just takes so long to get established with a client list.”
“Well, now, maybe I should rethink this. If too many of my friends see what you’re capable of doing, I might lose my farm manager!” I teased. “Honestly, you really are talented, girl.”
Lily flushed with pleasure at my effusive compliments. “Was there something you came to ask me?”
“Oh, yes. I’m making the family go to Florida and visit Dad for a couple of weeks. I’m leaving the development in your capable hands. If you have any problems, you can call me. The hands will also be here, of course. They pretty much know the routine. They just need someone to give them direction.”
“Sure, no problem. How lucky you are to have that place in Florida. It’s beautiful there this time of year.”
“Well, if you play your cards right, you just might need somewhere to honeymoon. I’ll give you a set of keys to the condo and to the boat.” I watched her face to see how she’d react.
She blushed, just as I’d hoped and didn’t deny the attraction that was building between the two of them. “I like him, a lot, Auggie. You wouldn’t be opposed to my seeing him more often, would you?”
“My god, why do you need my permission?”
“I know he’s had a thing for you for a long time. He told me so.”
“We’ve known each other since college. Worth has always had my heart, though. Brandon is a fine man and an excellent friend. I think both are important.”
My words gave me pause for thought. I realized that Worth and I hadn’t been friends for a long time. We never did anything together, but were caught up in our work and taking care of the kids’ problems. I’m not really sure how it happened, but it seemed to happen to many couples. I had hoped we would be an exception.
We decided to leave immediately, and Worth had the plane waiting for us at the airport. My phone buzzed and my heart skipped when I realized it was a text message from Hawk.
Sorry. Can’t leave on such short notice. Maybe we can get together after you return. Have a safe trip. Tell grandpa I said hi.
I held the phone to my chest before I sent a reply. I understand. I very much want to see you soon. I love you.
He didn’t reply.
The flight was smooth, and it was beautiful flying above the clouds where the moon shone down in reflection. It felt like we were skimming the surface of a lake of clouds. I fell asleep, even though the trip wasn’t very long. There was another limo waiting in Florida, and it had just passed midnight when we arrived at the condo.
“Dad!” I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
“What a surprise! Hello, Worth. Marga, Mark, come give Grandpa a hug,” he said, holding out his arms. Worth held out a hand and the kids set aside their sleepy aggravation long enough to hug him. “You all hungry?” he asked, starting up out of his chair. I saw how hard it was for him to get up and it worried me.
“No, Dad, stay seated. Letty and I can throw something together if anyone wants something but otherwise, I think we’re ready for bed.”
“Okay, okay, if you don’t mind,” he answered in a tired voice and apparent relief. “My knees have been giving me a little trouble lately,” he added. I was disturbed by this. I couldn’t ever remember hearing him complain.
“Letty, in the morning, would you mind doing some shopping to the stock the kitchen? We’ll need some things for the boat too. I’d like to go out on it a night or two.”
Letty nodded. “Will do.”
“Dad, have you seen the doctor about those knees?”
“No, no… no need for that, Auggie. It’s just age. It’s been rough without Margaret, and I’m not getting out as much as I should. I just need more exercise is all.”
“Balance in all things, Dad. Don’t overdo.” He did look a little pale, and that was odd, considering this was Florida.
After a last hug, the kids headed off to their respective rooms, bickering as they went. They were both overly tired, and I knew they’d sleep until at least noon. While Letty tidied the kitchen, I sat down with Dad. Worth waved a sleepy hand and headed off to the master bedroom.
“Dad, I’ve missed you. We should have come down sooner.” I settled into the bamboo chair and breathed in the warm ocean air, leaning my head against the thick cushion.
“How are things, Auggie? I sorry Ford didn’t come with you. I was hoping to see him.”
“He goes by Hawk now, Dad. I’m sorry. I was afraid that would hurt your feelings.”
“He was young when he left us, Auggie. You can’t hold things against him. It must have been very hard on him.”
“He holds a great deal of bitterness. Well, actually, he doesn’t hold it in at all — he’s quite open about it. We invited him to come with us, but he wasn’t able to. He’s getting married, Dad. He’s met a young woman, daughter of a minister from England. She’s very well-mannered and gentle. You should have seen her touch with one of the mares having difficulty foaling. She soothed the animal like a mother humming to her baby. It was really remarkable.”
“You seem to know more about your daughter-in-law-to-be than your son,” he observed, wincing a bit as he shifted in his chair.
“Probably, she’s much more open. Hawk has been very, very closed. Mark seems almost scared of him. Worth and he hardly speak. He bought the farm west of us and put up a security fence with a huge, locked gate. I don’t know what he’s into, and I’m actually afraid to ask. He lived in Mexico, you know, and then moved to California before coming home to Kentucky. It certainly leads the mind to speculation.”
“Why would he need to get involved in anything like that, Auggie? He’s to inherit considerable wealth and surely Worth has offered him financial support in the meantime?”
“He wouldn’t take it, Dad. He’s more independent than Worth is. In fact, he seems to have inherited the worst qualities of both of us, I’m sorry to say. I hope Liane can have a good effect on him. One of the reasons we’ve come so unexpectedly is that Marga and Mark have been bickering, as have Worth and I. We’re all in a mess at the moment, and I’m not sure what to do about it.”
Dad shook his head in disappointment. “Auggie, surely by now you’ve learned the value of having family and the misery of being angry with them.” He pointed toward the hallway. “Go to bed with your husband now and heal this rift between the two of you. You never know when you might no longer have the chance.” His eyes drifted off to look out over the moonlit Gulf. I knew he was thinking of Margaret. I didn’t doubt that her passing had taken away a great deal of his will to be healthy and happy. He seemed defeated. I stood up and kissed him on the top of the head.
“See you in the morning, Dad.”
He nodded and patted my cheek.
I crept into the bedroom where Worth was sleeping and slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower before sliding naked beneath the covers next to him. It was a king-sized bed, and there was plenty of room for isolation, but for some reason, I wanted to lie close to him. Perhaps I was feeling vulnerable after the rejection from Hawk. Perhaps it was seeing that Dad was finally giving in to his age that had me shaken. Worth had drawn the heavy blinds and drapes so it was dark and cool in the room. That was my favorite atmosphere for sleeping.
I tried to dose but was still wide awake. I must have sighed because Worth rolled over toward me. “Can’t you sleep, either?”
I shook my head. “Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you awake. I just can’t sleep. Maybe it’s because I napped on the plane. Want me to get up and go into another room?”
“I want you to come here,” he said, pulling me against him. I felt his erection immediately and drew in my breath. It had been so long since I’d felt his muscular torso against my breasts. He stroked the side of my neck, murmuring my name and petting my hair, which had wound itself over and in between my breasts. He gently pushed it aside and slid down on the bed so his mouth could find my nipple. “God, but I never tire of these,” he whispered and his mouth fastened upon each in turn, softly nibbling and sucking. With each lick of his tongue, the fire grew within me. It had been so long and my body was starved for him. Even more so, my mind was starved for his; for a joining of what had been falling apart. I needed Worth. I needed my husband.
My hand slid beneath the blankets and found him. He was fully engorged and hard beneath my touch. Heat emanated from him, and I was desperate to feel that heat inside me. Worth tipped his face toward mine and the gentle kiss he gave me grew rough and desperate. I bit his lip ever so slightly, but it brought out the response to pain that he so loved. He reached and took my face between his hands, kissing my forehead, down my nose and to my chin. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, and he groaned. As I moved my tongue in his mouth, I mimicked the movement with my hand on his shaft. Undulating and covering each sensitive nerve with a light, flicking touch I tempted and denied alternately. He pulled me closer, wanting to feel my entire body and then pulled me until I was sitting on his chest.
“Turn around,” he ordered. “I want to taste you.”
My stomach clenched as I did what I was told and was soon hovering over his face. My hand went to his chest to steady myself as I sank down upon his tongue. I moaned at the first penetration. Moaned harder as he took my clit into his mouth.
I fell forward on his stomach, wanting to touch him too. Kiss him. Suck him. Give him the same pleasure he was giving me. My hair fell forward and pooled around his hard cock. He sucked my clit with even more urgency as the strands slid over his highly-stimulated skin.
Grinding onto his tongue, I took him in my mouth, returning the gift. He moaned, and I felt the vibration of the sound move into me, through me. His hands moved over my ass and gripped my hips while I rocked myself toward the edge of oblivion. When I exploded, he lapped at me, calming me.
Gently, Worth laid me down, turning me onto my tummy. He slid off the foot of the bed and crawled back on, his head between my legs, kissing my skin. Higher and higher his face came until he was once again buried in my pussy. He held my knees in place while I writhed and begged for him to make me come again.
He did.
When I thought I could take no more, and I cried out, he raised my hips and mounted me from behind. The first thrust went completely to my end, and I closed my eyes with gratification. All his tempting had finally been fulfilled. I rocked back onto him as he held my hips, kissing my shoulders and guiding me into a gentle, swaying rhythm that caused the lava inside me to begin to boil. His breathing accelerated, and I knew he wanted release. I wriggled backward so he was buried as deeply as he could go. Then I began a slow rocking movement against him, gathering speed. He cried out as the orgasm overcame him, spurring me to let mine go as well.
Even as the sensations became too much to bear, he stayed within me, his hands reaching around to cup my breasts and my tender nipples. I sighed with passionate delight and total exhaustion as I collapsed onto my tummy, his hand remained cupping me in a possessive clasp. He lay over me, supporting his weight and eventually rolled to his side, pulling me to lie in his arms. It was more peace than I’d known for months — perhaps years. It was the original Worth and Auggie. It was the way we used to make love when we were first together. I’d missed that “us” and I knew he did as well.
“I love you, Worth. Please don’t leave me again,” I whispered.
“I love you too, sweetheart. I won’t leave. I promise,” he whispered in return and kissed my forehead before cuddling me against him. That was the last I remembered.
When I awoke, the muscles in my thighs ached a bit, and all the memories flooded back. I leaned over and kissed Worth’s bottom and turned to slide out of bed. “Where are you going? No, no… stay with me.”
“Shhh… you go back to sleep. I need to check on Dad and Letty. She was supposed to go to the store and get supplies. If she’s asleep, we won’t have breakfast, lunch, or dinner.”
“Then we’ll order in pizza,” he said and pulled me back against him. He was once again rigid. Wasting no time for the preliminaries, he rolled me onto my back and entered me. Slowly at first, to gently stretch me for his size, then increasingly stronger until he was pounding me into the mattress. I whimpered as the orgasm rose and it came fast. I thrashed beneath him, trying to force him to drill me as deeply as possible to touch my needs. He burst and convulsed within its grip. I watched his face, the way he gasped and the muscles in his neck stiffened. His hair had fallen over his forehead, and I longed to kiss it aside but left him in his moment of male triumph.
Later, we showered together and soaped one another’s tender spots. This led to yet a third coupling, but this time, it was slow and pleasurable. His cock played me like a bow across violin strings. He knew the way to move that made my woman’s tunnel vibrate in a perfect pitch. It was excruciatingly delicious.
As much as I wanted to dive beneath those covers and sleep a bit longer, I heard the others stirring — well, perhaps it was more like arguing. I smiled at Worth and blew him a kiss as I dressed and went out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.
“Mom, I want to go on the boat with you,” Marga was whining. “It’s so boring here. Nothing but old people. You won’t let me go anywhere so I’m going with you.”
She knew very well that I had planned a night for Worth and me, alone. This was her way of getting back at me.
“No, your father and I are going alone,” I told her firmly. “You, young lady, are going to stay in tonight and watch television with your grandfather and Letty.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “No, I won’t. I’m going out.”
“If you walk out that door, the car will disappear before you get home.”
“I hate you,” she screamed and slammed her bedroom door.
“I know, I know,” I answered, remembering the words of my own youth.
Worth and I left later that afternoon to board the boat. I brought supplies and had intended to cook lobster for us, but Worth told me to just sit by him and enjoy the sunset while the captain took us out into the Gulf. “We can eat crackers, cheese and one another,” he teased me, and I was content.
“As wonderful as that all sounds, I hope you won’t mind if I at least make us sandwiches later. I wouldn’t want you to think of me as a sex symbol,” I said, winking back.
Our boat was substantial, large enough to sail anywhere in the world. It had been going to waste. Since Margaret died, Dad had lost interest in going out on it, and I didn’t blame him. Worth and I needed to make a decision about whether keeping it was worthwhile. It wasn’t the money. There’s a certain guilt with having major possessions that you never utilized. Having wealth was one thing, wasting it was another.
Personally speaking, if the kids were settled in college, I’d have no problem living at the condo and using the boat all winter long. I had some horses boarded in Florida and could be quite happy with just that. I realized then that I was getting a bit tired of the farm business. It wasn’t the work. I’d never shied away from that. It was more about the leash of needing to be available. There was so much at stake. The horses we cared for were worth multi-millions, and one bad call could create unbelievable problems.
Worth and I settled into deck chairs. I’d put on some cute capris pants and a matching crop top that ended just below my breasts. I knew it was a bit tantalizing, and that was exactly the effect I was after. Since the rekindling of our romance last night, I was all the more aware of how much I’d missed Worth’s lovemaking. It’s a glue that kept a couple together. The only time we seemed to be truly open and trusting with one another.
I could see in Worth’s eyes that he appreciated my appearance. I realized then that all he’d seen me in for ages was farm clothes. That was hardly the haute couture that made a man sizzle. Perhaps it had been my resentment against his self-involvement that caused me to become the same. Our problems weren’t all due to him. Not by any stretch. I’d contributed my own in retaliation.
Our eldest son was good at retaliation as well, and unfortunately, Marga wore the same crown. Mark was too compassionate to resort to that. I liked to think he took after my dad in that respect. He held nothing but love and positive commitments to those in his life. There were a lot of lessons there to be learned.
Worth held out his hand, and I put mine into it. It was so lovely, cruising the Gulf, which was relatively calm that evening. The moon shone a torch of light across the waves. It was so romantic. Worth’s hand dropped mine and slid slowly up beneath my top. He cupped my breasts, and his index finger caressed my nipples, causing a flood of warmth and moistness in my pussy. He knew me so well.
“Last night was long in coming,” he said, and I grinned at his pun.
“I missed you too.”
“Let’s not ever let it go that long again,” he suggested, and I nodded. His hand was getting to me. He knew very well what he was doing. I wouldn’t argue or second guess him as long as he made my knees melt.
“I don’t want Brandon hanging around the farm any longer,” he said in an even voice.
At first, I thought he was kidding, and I smiled, still lulled into that mellow place by the movement of his finger.
“That’ll be the day,” I laughed gently. “Especially now.”
“Auggie, I’m serious. I don’t want him around. You don’t need him, and if you need an attorney, there are a hundred more just like him.”
I jerked upright and pushed his hand away from me. “What are you talking about?”
“He’s been a sore spot for us from the beginning. It’s better for sore spots to heal.”
I swiveled in the chair to look at him straight on. “Brandon has been a friend to me through thick and thin. I’ve known him since we were in college, even longer than I’ve known you. What makes you think I’m going to throw him into the cold just because you can’t get a grip on whatever jealous bone is making you say these things out of the blue?”
“I thought you loved me.”
“This has nothing to do with love, Worth. At least not my love for you. I’m allowed to have friends, even close friends. You do. You’re around women all day, and I never say a thing. And let’s just say that between the two of us, you have the reputation for carousing, not me.”
“Auggie, why won’t you do this for me? If he means nothing to you, then ask him to stay away.”
“That’s just it. He does mean something to me. He had my back through some dark times, and yours as well, although you were too stubborn to admit it. And if you will remember, he’s not coming to the farm to see me.”
“I don’t need Brandon Knotts. Evidently, it seems that you do.”
“Worth, you’re being absolutely childish. I won’t continue this conversation a moment longer. It’s just ridiculous.”
“Auggie, I’m serious. I want him gone.”
I exhaled in a gust of revolt. “I don’t think so, Worth. He’s my friend. He’s not going anywhere. And I won’t do that to Lily. They’re attracted to each other. To not let Brandon come around could mean losing my farm manager. Losing my farm manager means I can’t come down here with you or spend time with you anywhere. I’ll be tied to the livestock. That aside, it’s unconscionable that you would ask this of me. There’s no basis whatsoever for your paranoia.”
“Let’s not argue, Auggie. It’s been so good.”
“What you mean to say is ‘Do as I tell you, Auggie, and I’ll make sure you feel loved and trusted.’ You’re deliberately withholding your affection, aren’t you? You’re making our relationship conditional on getting your way. Fuck me real good, then I’ll do as you want. It’s not as if I’ve ever had any personal interest in Brandon. If I’d wanted that, I’d have had plenty of chances. No, this is all about control and getting your way.”
“Auggie, don’t go there.”
“You’re damned right I’ll go there!” I said, my voice raised and fire in my eyes. “Our entire marriage has all been about Worthington LaViere getting his way. I’ve sacrificed relationships with my family for you. I’ve set my own goals aside if they didn’t coincide with yours. I don’t need you, Worth. Not in that way. I don’t need the money, and I don’t need the leash.”
“I—”
I held up a hand, then waved it around. “Look what you’ve done to this family! Hawk has changed his name and locks his mother out with electronic gates. Marga isn’t speaking to me because you bought her a new car and let her run wild with your half-assed parenting. The only one who is fairly normal is Mark, and that’s because you barely give him the time of day. He doesn’t have a problem with you because you leave him alone. That boy is aching to step into your shoes. He wants to take over the farm and be responsible. He’s like my dad in that respect. He’s going to be a very good man, but he simply needs the tools and the opportunity to prove it to you. I heard about how you treated him on those driving lessons. You were condescending and impatient. That’s no way to teach your son.”
“So, now I’m personally responsible for every little problem this family has ever had, is that it? Am I responsible for your mother’s indiscretions? For Linc kidnapping our son? For Linc’s death?”
“Think about it, Worth. Whether you liked it or not, whether you felt it was fair or not — Linc was your brother, and he did deserve to inherit his legacy. You were the younger brother, and yet you lorded it over him. You didn’t give him a single chance. You didn’t like how he acted so you booted him out of your life. It’s no wonder it drove him insane.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you, Auggie. He was your brother too. Did your dad include him in his will? Did you welcome him with open arms to your dinner table? Hell no, you didn’t. Why not?”
“Because you wouldn’t let me!”
That took the breath out of him. In that one sentence, I laid the guilt for the entire saga of sorrow that had beset our family at his two feet. There was no covering it up. I was holding him responsible. I was furious.
“With great power comes great responsibility, Worth. Only you’ve never gotten that part. You go out and wave your power wand and then step back and let others clean up the mess. I didn’t see you reaching a hand out to Hawk. I didn’t see you take Mark driving quietly, just the two of you. Oh no, instead, you make him feel insecure and inferior to his sister. She ribbed him about that for weeks. Children live up to what their parents expect from them. You were suspicious and cold about Hawk even from him being a little boy. You showed him no attention at all and when the result was that he ran wild, you, a licensed, well-known psychologist to the millionaires, sent him down the road to be ‘fixed’ by one of your colleagues. What sort of message did that send to him? I’ll tell you what. It said, ‘Don’t bother me with your problems. I’m too busy being Worthington LaViere, III and wearing the crown!’”
“How dare you… you… bitch!”
The space between us went silent. It filled, instead, with an acidic hatred that surpassed anything I’d ever felt before. My voice was low and even as I said, “Well, that’s a new low, even for you, Worth. It’s easier to call me unthinkable names, not even six hours out of our lovemaking bed than to accept responsibility for who you are. I may not be perfect, Worth, but at least I own it.”
I lunged out of my chair and went inside to the master stateroom. I locked myself inside and threw myself on the bed and sobbed. How could such a perfect night and morning erode into the hell in which I now found myself?
I heard Worth moving around, but he didn’t come near my stateroom. The boat was silent except for the props that spun us closer back to the dock. When we finally arrived, I slid out of the stateroom ahead of Worth, and the captain handed me off to the dock. I sprinted home to the condo and swept open the door to find a scene from hell awaiting me.
Dad was lying prone on the floor, and Marga was performing her version of CPR. Letty was pacing with a phone in her hand, and I heard phrases like, “on the floor,” “not conscious,” “we’re trying, but we don’t know what we’re doing,” and “hurry.” I fell onto my knees next to Dad and felt for his pulse. It was barely there, and he wasn’t breathing. Someone had slid a cushion beneath his head. I jerked it out and tipped his head backward, opening his mouth with my fingers. I gently pushed Marga back out of the way with one hand as I began mouth to mouth breathing. I alternated this with thumping and pressing on his chest in evenly-spaced rhythms. I hadn’t done anything like this in my life — but had seen it done one time at a motel pool by a lifeguard. I prayed I was doing it correctly.
Letty was letting someone in, and soon the room was full of emergency personnel. They pushed me to one side and took over, pulling out the paraphernalia for oxygen. One of them filled a large syringe and plunged it into his chest. I guessed it was adrenalin but was so traumatized that I barely recognized what was going on in the room.
A gurney materialized, and the wheels were locked into place. They loaded Dad atop it and wheeled quickly out of the condo, rushing down to the waiting ambulance via the elevator. I grabbed my purse and shouted at Marga. “Get your dad, he’s on the boat!” I ran behind the emergency techs, and the ambulance had already pulled away before I made it downstairs. I suddenly realized I had no car; we had only planned to stay a couple of weeks. I looked at a police officer who was calling in his report, and he popped open the door of his squad car. I wasted no time.
At the hospital ER, Dad was being worked on in one of the cardiac cubicles. They wouldn’t allow me in, so I sat in a family waiting room, shaking from stress and fear. One of the nurses came in and saw my condition and came back with a blanket and a mild sedative a doctor had given for me. I was huddling there when the door opened and Worth, Marga, Mark, and Letty materialized in the room. Despite our argument, Worth was calm and professional, yet surprisingly loving. He asked to speak to someone, using his doctor credentials and momentarily left the room. Marga and Mark sat on either side of me, their arms over my back, patting me.
The door opened, and Worth reappeared, his face pale. He was gently shaking his head, tears running down his face as he said, “Auggie, honey, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. He’s gone.”
At that point, any sounds that may have been in the room disappeared into a vacuum. I felt sucked into a sense of unreality. I couldn’t feel my legs and my mind began to process the tiny inconsequential; such as whether they had Dad’s insurance card and what we had planned for dinner. I thought of everything that meant nothing because the tsunami of pain that was descending over me was not survivable.
Images of Dad flooded me. I saw him lifting me atop my first pony and leading me around the soft grass next to the house, my mother watching and giving orders for my safety. I saw his face filled with pride when I handed him Ford and told him we had included his family in naming the baby. I remembered Dad’s patient solace and sitting in the woods when Mother became too much to take. That was all gone. There would be no more loving hugs, no words of wisdom. All that disappeared with his last breath — and I hadn’t even been there with him. Instead, I’d been fighting on a boat bobbing around on the water. My heart felt as though it was being crushed with the pain of it.