CHAPTER THIRTY
Xavier
“Drop me off here,” I told my driver. “Just stay in the neighborhood, and I’ll call you when I need you.”
He nodded in acknowledgment. “Yes, sir.”
I hopped out of the car, which was stuck in traffic with the rest of the block. Stepping onto the sidewalk, I jogged past the construction and around the corner. The day was bright but mild for summer. It almost felt like spring.
As I got closer to Riley’s apartment, I slowed my pace. By the time I reached her stoop, I was shuffling along like an old man. I had been excited to get over to Brooklyn to see her, but now that I’d arrived I was questioning myself. Shit, I didn’t even have a plan. I had no clue what I was going to say to Riley other than hello.
And that was assuming she was home. Since I didn’t call ahead, I took a chance by just showing up. But calling seemed like a bad idea. If I were to call, she would know I wanted to see her. And if she knew I wanted to see her, she might very well shut me out.
I placed one foot on the bottom step of her building and gazed up at the windows in front of me. One of them was Riley’s bedroom window, but I couldn’t pick it out from the sidewalk.
After Rochelle left my office, I couldn’t go on with the rest of my day like normal. Her words, some of the bluntest ones she’d ever shot at me, had struck a chord. She was right. All my life I’d been afraid of mimicking my parents. I’d not only been terrified of becoming a man like my father, I’d been terrified of creating a relationship like the toxic one I’d grown up in.
Instead, I’d ended up designing my own personal hellish matrix.
I didn’t know all the steps I needed to take to make things right. I hoped they’d appear one by one. Right now, all I knew was that I wanted Riley in my life. There was nothing in the world that she was worth losing over.
The thought of saying all of this to her was fucking terrifying. But I had to do it. At this point, a simple I’m sorry, please take me back wouldn’t suffice. Riley hated my guts. Only some real work on my behalf would change that.
I kept staring at the building, debating what to do. I had two options — call or buzz. Either way, once I announced myself, Riley might not let me in.
What if I pretended to be delivering a package?
There was a noise in the front hallway, and the door opened. Ann-Marie emerged, earphones in and her face down. I stayed in place, waiting for her to see me. She took a few steps out the door, looked up, and stopped. For a few seconds, we just watched each other.
“Hi.” I lifted my hand in a friendly gesture.
“Hello,” she answered, taking her ear buds out. “What are you—?”
I spoke fast, lest Ann-Marie decide I wasn’t worth her time and stalked off. “I know she probably doesn’t want to see me right now, but I need to talk to her. It’s important.”
Her eyes narrowed. “It’s not right now that she doesn’t want to see you. It’s ever again.”
“Duly noted.”
She shook her head. “So why are you here?”
“Because I...” I hesitated. Ann-Marie dramatically raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to go on. Realizing that talking to Ann-Marie might be good practice for when I got to see Riley, I licked my lips and kept going. “Because I’ve been a real dumbass.”
She laughed. “I’m liking this. Okay, go on.”
“I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done. Things I’m not proud of.”
“Like used women as playthings?”
“That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think? I respect the women I’ve been with.”
Ann-Marie snorted. “Anyone who has to say that out loud doesn’t actually respect people. If you did care about women, it would be obvious. You wouldn’t have to defend yourself at all.”
She had me there. Sighing, I ran my hand over my face. “You’re right. Look, can I just talk to Riley?”
“No.”
Anger surged through me. “She’s up there right now, isn’t she? You don’t have a right to keep me from her.”
Ann-Marie smiled like this whole thing was funny. “You can’t talk to her right now because she’s not home.”
“Where is she? At work?”
“At a bar in the morning? Not likely.” She stared me down, looking monolithic and immovable on the stoop above me. She was waiting for me to make the next move. She also knew that she had me by the balls. What’s more, she was probably loving every second of her power trip.
“I love her.”
Ann-Marie’s eyes went as wide as saucers. Mine probably did too. I touched my lips, still uncertain that the statement came from my own mouth. It was something I’d never said before. I wasn’t even sure if I’d ever said it to my mother.
“That better not be a joke.”
I swallowed hard. My heart beat so loudly I could hear it. “It’s not. I mean it.”
“Christ,” she whispered. She took the few steps down and came to my level. “Well, saying it is one thing, but proving it is another.”
“I know, and I have to prove it.”
“How do you plan to do that?”
I threw my hands up in surrender. “Fuck if I know. I’m hoping the right moment will arise.”
Ann-Marie smirked, but this time there was something friendly in her expression. “Okay, I believe you, but you need to get your butt in gear. Riley left a little while ago. She went sailing with that Seth friend of yours.”
“What?” I exploded.
Ann-Marie crossed her arms. “Yep. Tell me about it.”
“Why did she do that?” I demanded.
Ann-Marie’s face turned pink. “Because she wants to find out more about that stupid list you idiots have.”
I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”
“She has some hero complex all of a sudden. She thinks she’ll be able to get Seth to give her the list or something. And then she wants to contact all of the women on it and tell them about what’s been going on.”
“That’s crazy,” I breathed. It was also a daring plan. One I wouldn’t have thought Riley would concoct.
“That’s what she said.”
“Seth won’t give it to her. He doesn’t just give anything away.”
Fear passed over Ann-Marie’s face. “Maybe I should call her. I had a bad feeling about her going...” She bit her thumbnail. “I should have gone with her. God… I’m so stupid.”
She pulled her phone out, hit a couple buttons, and pressed it to her ear. “She’s not answering. I told her to keep her phone on her.”
“Don’t worry. I’m going to get her.”
“I have the name of the yacht.”
“I know it.” I backed away from the stoop and turned. There was no time for goodbyes. My phone was already out of my pocket and in my hand. I rushed to the corner as I called my driver and told him to come pick me up.
So, Riley was a sleuth now? And just where did I play in all of this? Did she plan on publicly exposing the list and bringing me down? Or was it really all about the women?
Right now, it didn’t matter either way. Seth wasn’t a person to be trusted. He’d already proven that beyond a doubt. The thought of him getting Riley out on his yacht all alone had me wanting to roar with rage.
I would find them. And if Seth had so much as touched one hair on Riley’s head, I would make him pay. She was mine. What I’d told Ann-Marie was true. I loved that woman.
Thank God, I finally realized it.