CHAPTER TWELVE
Xavier
A mess of colors flew by my window, the scene outside the limo looking like a film reel being played on repeat. I’d ridden down each block hundreds of times. There was something different happening on each of them every single day, but what those things were now, I didn’t know. It’d been hard to take note of much of anything all morning. My head was somewhere else, preoccupied with questions that I couldn’t find the answers to.
Deep in my pocket, my phone buzzed. I whipped it out and looked at the screen, but found no message there.
“Phantom buzz,” I murmured to myself.
“What’s that?” Rochelle asked from the seat across from me.
I looked up at my publicist, who, like always, sat with her back rod-straight. Add the tightly drawn back black hair and pencil skirt she often sported, and she looked like the prime stereotype of a librarian. She typed away on her tablet, briefly glancing up at me in between jabs of her fingers.
“Phantom buzz,” I said again. “It’s when you think you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. It can happen even when you don’t have it on you. It’s your muscles responding to conditioning.”
Rochelle stopped typing but didn’t set the tablet down. “Are you waiting for someone to get in touch? That issue with today’s rider has been solved. If the venue manager—”
“No. I’m not waiting for anyone.”
Because I don’t do that, I reminded myself.
My weekend with Riley had been one of the best of my life. Scratch that. It had been, hands down, the most enjoyable two days I’d ever had. Being with her in Connecticut, tucked away in the woods, it seemed like I was a million light-years removed from the three decades I’d spent my time trudging through. I was a million miles away from me.
But now here I was, back in Manhattan on Monday, and back to reality. My time with Riley had been amazing, but what was I really doing? How long did I have before the thrill of the new relationship died? Wasn’t it better to just end things and put her on the list?
Or should I keep riding it out, enjoying her for as long as I could? The little spat we had Saturday night wasn’t even a real fight. Things were great between us. And the things she did to me… damn. She energized me in a way no woman ever had before.
With Riley, I was alive. That’s not something a smart person gives up.
But there were other things smart people also didn’t do. One of them was find themselves in an accidentally committed relationship when they had no desire or reason to be in one.
“Something’s bothering you,” Rochelle mused.
“No,” I said, quicker than I meant to.
She set her tablet on the seat next to her. The limo glided to a stop as we approached an intersection. Rochelle remained passive, still as a statue and looking at me.
“What?” I demanded.
“How many years have we known each other?”
I shrugged. “I can’t recall.”
Of course I remembered. It was six. Rochelle was my first publicist, and I hoped she’d be my last. I didn’t need to run the gamut of media relations specialists to know she was the best. Not only did she do her job well, I trusted her. That was saying a lot. Aside from her, the only person I would ever share a secret with would be Julian.
“Something’s up with you. Could it be… a woman?” She smiled at her own joke. In the time that we’d been together, Rochelle had never seen me with the same woman twice. She understood my need to put my career first. Like me, she’d also put everything on the back burner to focus on her job.
I refused to laugh at her sarcasm. “What do you mean?”
The grin fell off her face. “Is there a woman?”’
I didn’t like the way Rochelle’s eyes felt on me. I quickly turned my face toward the window. We were still twenty blocks away from the press conference’s location. “Why did you say that?” I asked the window.
She took her time. “Because you seem distracted. I was joking.”
I’ve met someone. The words lay on my tongue, ready to fly out and announce themselves to the world the moment I decided to release them. But I wouldn’t do it. Telling someone else about Riley made her existence in my life too real… too permanent. Too impossible.
“There’s no one.”
The words were more acrid than I expected them to be, burning my mouth on the way out and leaving a thick smog in their wake. I could make Riley mine. If only I wanted to. She was willing. I could see it in her eyes, see it in the way she nearly fell apart each time I touched her. All it would take would be a few words, and she would be mine.
But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t have the time. I didn’t have the need. And I most certainly didn’t have the long-term desire. My fascination with Riley was most likely a passing thing.
Rochelle cleared her throat. “Then let me ask you this. If there’s no one, what’s going on with you? Is everything all right?”
I whipped my eyes back to her. “Yes. I’m just mentally preparing myself for the press conference.”
Rochelle nodded, but I could tell she wasn’t satisfied. The woman was keenly astute and clever. At times, she read me like a book. Sometimes I could manage to evade her detective work, but not always. Sometimes, whether I liked it or not, I could be far too easy to dissect.
If Rochelle picked up on my mood this easily, I wasn’t doing things right. I was allowing myself to be distracted by a woman. I’d made myself a promise years ago to never allow a relationship to consume me. I’d seen that happen to my parents, with extremely bad side effects involved. People lost themselves in intimate relationships, usually for the worst. I was better than that.
I had to be better than that.
I closed my eyes and rubbed them with my knuckles. Cutting Riley completely loose wasn’t the answer, but limiting time spent with her could be. I’d pushed things too fast. I took us away on a romantic weekend when I shouldn’t have. The result was that I not only probably gave her the wrong idea, but I also did the same for myself. I’d shown myself a hint of what life could be like with a woman, and I liked it. I liked it far too much.
Now it was time to get back to work and rein things in.
That meant not getting in touch with her that day. Or the next. Or the rest of the week, at all. When Friday came, I could hit her up and see what was going on. Until then, there needed to be some clearly drawn lines.
My whole body tensed up at the thought, my nails digging into the leather armrest next to me. Two days of exploring Riley’s body nonstop only had me hungry for more. I didn’t know how I was going to get through five days without her. There was always the option of going out and picking up another girl. Plenty of women would be thrilled to share my bed for a night. But that didn’t appeal to me right now. If anything, getting my hands on another woman’s body would just make me want Riley’s more.
I needed to find another way to release the pent-up energy. And there was only one other method that tended to work. Pulling my phone out of my pocket again, I shot John a quick text.
Notify me of any troublemakers tonight. I’ll be close.
Satisfied, I tucked the phone away. A good fight would be just what I needed. If I was lucky, I might be able to get my hands on two assholes in one night.
Rochelle sat watching me again. I crossed my legs and sent her a nonchalant look back. “Yes?”
She shrugged and looked away. “Nothing.”
“What?” I demanded, starting to get annoyed.
A smile snuck across her lips as she turned back to me. “You’re an awful liar, you know.”
“If I’m that bad, how did I get so rich?”
She chuckled. “Oh, you’re good at lying when it comes to business. It’s when it comes to your personal life that you’re bad.”
I could feel my jaw practically unhinge.
Rochelle’s smile stretched into a full-faced grin. “I hope I get to meet her soon.”
***
I hadn’t planned on going to Enigma. Hell, I hadn’t planned on going anywhere. I thought I’d work on a project that had been sorely lacking my attention. Then I’d work out until I was too exhausted to do anything but fall into a dead ass sleep.
But here I was, heading up the steps to the VIP lounge and happy to see Julian sitting at the balcony rail, sipping a drink, scowling at something on the main floor. I laughed when he jumped as my hand came down on his shoulder.
“Who are you about to kill, and can I help?” I asked with a grin.
He didn’t respond, just kept scowling down at the floor, then chuckled and looked up at me. His sudden change of mood was confusing. “Forget your meds today?” I asked and took a seat across from him.
He grinned and looked back down. “Nah. Just enjoying the view.”
I followed his sight line and spotted a gorgeous blonde handing some pissed off looking dude a towel. The man stood, and I could see that his crotch was wet. I looked back at Julian, who hadn’t taken his eyes off the blonde.
“Pretty.”
He nodded and slid his eyes over to me, piercing me with his gaze. “Off limits,” he barked, “I’m helping her out.”
The waitress had set my usual drink onto the table. I lifted the glass to my lips and took a long drink. “Helping, huh?”
He narrowed his eyes further. “Yes, helping. Hands off.”
I lifted my hand in mock surrender. “I hear you. Want to talk about it?”
He scoffed. “No, Dr. Phil. I think I’m good.”
I laughed and looked back down to the floor, then glanced back over to Julian to see him practically salivating over the blonde. She lifted a tray over her head and the hem of her dress rose. Julian groaned, and I laughed again.
He scowled over at me. “You seem to be in a good mood,” he said and took a long drink, then signaled to the bartender for another round.
I kept the smile plastered on my face. “Life is… um, interesting.”
Julian snorted. “You buy that bumper sticker?”
“Yep, and the t-shirt.”
Silence fell between us. Not an awkward one, we’d known each other too long for that. But it felt empty, like there was something hanging between us that needed to be said. I glanced at him again, tempted to tell him about Riley. Fuck. I needed someone’s advice. Why not my best friend’s? But I wasn’t ready. Besides, I was a fucking dude. Dudes didn’t talk about feelings and shit.
Instead, we talked about football and the new MLB baseball team, the Beasts, and how we both wanted to get season tickets. We talked business. Women. Normal locker room shit. Riley’s name sat on the edge of my tongue, but I couldn’t say it out loud just yet. Not even with Julian.
“You okay, man?” I asked Julian as he stared back down at the main level.
I found the same blonde waitress he was watching. Helping out. Yeah, right. But I wouldn’t push it. Julian clearly wasn’t ready to talk about a girl either.
He flicked a glance at me. “Yeah. I’m good.”
I smirked, then all humor fled as I watched him watching the girl. I missed Riley.
And I hated that I missed her. Lifting my drink, I downed it in a single gulp, and stood up. I clamped a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “Let’s talk soon. I’ve got some things on my mind too.”
He seemed to do a double take and looked up at me, brow furrowed. “Want to head to the office?” he offered. “I’ve got time now.”
I looked at my watch. “Not now. Later this week, maybe.”
He stood and held out a hand. “Anytime, anywhere.”
I shook his hand and strode off toward the steps, checking the time again. Heading down, I glanced back at Julian one last time. He was still staring at the girl.
And I had a feeling that both of our lives were about to change.