CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Riley
I stared at the ceiling, the little popcorn-like balls up there blurring together. I hadn’t spent this much time in bed since I had the flu. What I was currently going through resembled the flu a lot, actually. My limbs felt like they were made of lead. My stomach churned. My head ached.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Xavier, the list, Seth, Xavier, the fights, Xavier… it was so bad that I’d called out of work for the night. I knew there was no way I could go into the bar and be productive to any degree. At the moment, I could barely eat. I wouldn’t be able to function again until I figured out my next move.
The list was the main thing preoccupying my mind. If I weren’t thinking about that so obsessively, I’d be crying over Xavier. The way he’d touched me in his office that morning, the way he’d kissed me. For a moment, it had made me forget all about the drama going on. The man pulling me closer to him wasn’t the kind of person who would beat up innocent people or catalog women like they were objects to be shopped for in a magazine. He was someone else entirely.
But it was just a facade. It had to be. I’d pushed Xavier to talk about the list, and he didn’t even come close to saying he regretted creating it. The worst part was that he put me on it.
The thought made my eyes fill with tears. I pushed my fingertips against my eyeballs, trying to send the tears back in. I refused to cry over this. No way. I was going to actually do something.
I’d spent so much of my life sitting around and letting shit happen to me. I’d let people make my choices for me—been passive and overly agreeable. But everything that happened recently had helped to wake me up. I could no longer sit by while that despicable list was in existence. I had to find it.
If I could get my hands on it, I could contact the women on it. I could let them know what was going on so that when Xavier or Seth approached them, they would know what was really up. I could save them from some of the pain I wasn’t able to avoid.
As far as options, I had two places I could start. Or two people, rather. And I wasn’t talking to Xavier. If I so much as saw him, I’d burst into tears.
That left one option.
Steeling myself, I sat up and grabbed my phone. Just pressing Seth’s name on the screen felt wrong, but I did it anyway.
“It’s about time,” he answered.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” he purred. He was probably trying to be seductive, but I grimaced at the attempt.
“Can we… talk? Like, in person.”
“Yeah, of course. What’s this about?”
I rubbed the aching spot between my eyes. “It’s about what you told me last night. About Xavier.”
I held my breath after the last word. It was very possible Seth would tell me no. Our exchange on the sidewalk wasn’t exactly a nice one. At this point, he might dislike me just as much as I did him.
“What about tomorrow morning?” he asked, taking me by surprise.
“Um, yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”
“I’m going sailing. You can come with me. We can talk about this whole thing in private.”
The idea of being isolated with him caused my stomach to churn, but no way would I back down from getting my questions answered. I would do whatever it took to help those women on the list. In a strange sort of way, we were sisters now. Before I could allow myself to consider the consequences, I responded, “When and where?”
“I’ll text the details. Look, Riley… I’m sorry if I came off a little strong last night. That’s kind of the way I tend to be. Everyone tells me I can be intense. I’m working on it.”
“Oh. Well, thank you. That’s nice of you. I was probably pretty intense myself.”
“Let’s start over tomorrow. Meet me at the pier at nine? I’ll text you the address.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.”
We hung up, and I stared at my phone. I didn’t know if Seth’s apology was genuine or not, but I hoped it was. If he was softening toward me, that hopefully meant our next day’s conversation would go well.
I set my alarm for seven-thirty and climbed under the sheets. Sleep didn’t come easy. I drifted in and out, always feeling like I was simultaneously falling asleep and waking up. When my alarm went off, I groggily climb out of bed and into a cold shower.
Today is the day, I reminded myself. The day I start being truly proactive. The day I get something out of this whole crazy mess.
Ann-Marie was up, sitting on the couch and watching some stand-up. The second I came home the other day, I told her everything that happened with Seth, including what Seth told me about Xavier. She also knew about what happened in Xavier’s office the day before. She was still of the opinion that I should save myself and get as far away as I could from this debacle before it was too late.
“Hey,” she said around a mouthful of cereal. “You’re awake early.”
I squared my shoulders. Here went nothing. “I’m going sailing.”
She looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah, I’m going with Seth.”
She groaned. “Riley, no.”
“He has information I need.”
“You’re not an undercover cop.”
“And I’m not trying to be. I called him up last night and was really clear with him. I told him that I want to talk about the things he told me.”
Ann-Marie set her cereal down on the coffee table. “Okay, this time I actually do need to come with you.”
“Nu-uh. You can’t. If you’re there, he won’t talk. There will be zero chance of him opening up.”
“You’re going sailing with this guy. Do you understand what that means? You’ll be out on the water with him. Alone.”
“He’s not going to murder me.”
Ann-Marie slowly raised an eyebrow. “Please don’t do this just in an attempt to get back at Xavier. It’s not worth it. He’s not worth it.”
“It’s not about getting back at Xavier.”
“So, it’s about finding out every little detail of what he’s been up to?”
“No.”
She didn’t look convinced. “I hope not, because if that’s the case, you’re only going to drive yourself insane.”
“It’s not about Xavier or me. It’s about exposing this list.”
“If you want to expose it, go give the story to a reporter!”
I chewed my bottom lip, considering the possibility. “No. I don’t want to hurt Xavier. I just want to help the women on the list.”
“Oh my God.” She slumped back against the couch. “It is about Xavier.”
I groaned in frustration. “Are you not listening?”
“You just said that you don’t want to hurt him.” She solemnly looked at me. “You still have a thing for him.”
“After everything that’s happened, that would be impossible.”
“And yet, you kissed him yesterday.”
“I have to go,” I snapped. “Seth is waiting for me. I need to do this, let the other women know so they don’t become victims.”
“Please keep your phone on.”
“I am. I mean, I will.” I pulled the front door closed behind me, accidentally shutting it harder than I meant to.