Chapter Thirty-Two

Mia

I was dying to talk to Helga. I had made it through another week of pregnancy and was feeling good. There was a bit of morning sickness, but it was manageable with a little ginger ale and crackers. I prayed it stayed that way.

“Is she in yet?” I asked Helga’s assistant.

“Not yet. She called and said she would be a few minutes late.”

I nodded and headed back to my own office. I couldn’t wait to tell Helga. The woman was like a second mother to me. I knew she would be happy for me, and I was hoping that happiness would make her amenable to my proposal.

Sitting at my desk, I took some time and thought about what I wanted to say. It was a big risk, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

“Mia?” said a voice through the intercom on my phone.

“Yes?”

“She’s in and ready to see you,” Helga’s assistant announced.

I fought back the butterflies in my stomach and headed for the huge corner office. I had once thought I wanted Helga’s job, to be the woman in charge of a successful, popular magazine, not to mention an icon in the fashion world. It wasn’t until Brad walked back into my life that I realized that wasn’t my dream. Not anymore.

“Good morning,” I said, breezing into Helga’s office as if it were any other day.

“Good morning to you. You’ve been waiting for me?”

I nodded. “How was your trip?”

She rolled her eyes. “Boring.”

I laughed. “Only you could find a trip to Paris boring.”

“I have been there so many times now that it is no longer all that exciting for me. Plus, I was in meeting after meeting and stuck doing a lot of schmoozing. I hate the schmoozing that comes with this job,” she said.

Smiling, I pretended to understand her plight. “Well, I’m glad you’re back.”

She gestured for me to take a seat. I did and then waited. “What’s the matter with you? You look like you have something big. Show me your hand,” she ordered.

I held up both hands and smiled. “No ring.”

She nodded her head slowly. “Something else then. Are you leaving me? Moving to Los Angeles?”

I shrugged. “I don’t think so. My home is in New York and I don’t think I can leave.”

Narrowing her eyes, the older woman prodded me. “What then? There is definitely something afoot.”

“Helga, I’m pregnant.”

Her mouth dropped open. “Congratulations! That was unexpected! You don’t like to do anything the easy way, do you?”

I laughed. “Apparently not.”

“Is your man happy? Does this mean you accepted his proposal?”

I shook my head. “Not exactly. He doesn’t know.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Oh, Mia. I thought you were happy with him. Did things not go well for you on your visit?”

“They went well enough, but it’s just confusing. I love him, and he doesn’t love me. That isn’t the kind of marriage I want.”

“Okay, I understand that. So, you’re going to have a baby,” she said with a big smile. “I’m very happy for you. You want to do this on your own?”

I nodded. “I can do it. Millions of women do. I can too.”

“Yes, but millions of women don’t have a man who wants to marry them.”

I shrugged. “Things could change, but I doubt it. Right now I need to focus on what I know for sure, and what I’m certain of is that I’m having a baby.”

“Do you want to keep working?” Helga asked. She was straightforward and to the point. It was one of the things I loved about her.

“I do. It could get tricky, but I was wondering if it would be possible to do some of my work from home?” I asked, slightly hesitant.

I had been mulling over the idea for days. I wanted to spend as much time with my baby as possible, but I still needed to keep a roof over our heads. My job was more about researching and writing, and I didn’t really need to be at the office to do that. I spent a lot of time at home putting together notes and articles as it was.

“I think that would work. What about fashion week and some of the shows that pop up?” Helga asked.

“Oh, I would absolutely attend. I would also do interviews and tour design shops and so on. I want to balance both work and home without either suffering. I don’t feel I can do that if I am here a lot. When I’m here, I’m going to wish I was at home, and my work will show that.”

She was smiling. “I understand. You want your cake and you want to eat it too.”

I laughed. “I guess you could say that.”

“It’s settled. When would you like to start?”

With a shrug, I replied, “I don’t want to change anything yet. I mean, I’m feeling fine now. Although my mom keeps telling me the morning sickness may get worse in the next week or two. By the way, I’m not planning on telling anyone until I have gotten out of the first trimester.”

She nodded her head. “A wise decision.”

“Thank you, Helga. You’ve done so much for me. I mean, thank you for the job opportunity and now this. I really, truly appreciate it.”

She was smiling again. “Mia, it is you I should thank. Your articles have helped keep this magazine at the top. People like you and respect you in the industry, and even when you hate a line, you offer constructive criticism rather than hateful or nasty commentary. I would never want to lose you. I’m more than willing to be flexible if it means I get to keep you working here.”

I stood up to leave, feeling as everything in my life was headed in the right direction. It was a huge change in course from a mere month ago.

“I’ll talk to you later,” I said, and I headed back to my own office.

Looking around the space, I thought about all the time I had spent in it. I couldn’t do that anymore. I couldn’t hang out here because I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. The idea was exciting. I managed to get through the day without bursting from excitement. As soon as I got home, I called my mom.

“Guess what?” I said when she answered.

“You’re already pregnant, so the only thing left is you’re getting married?” she asked hopefully.

I scoffed. “No, Mom, I’m not getting married. I talked with Helga today. She’s willing to let me work from home. That means I can stay home with the baby. I mean, I will still need to go to some events and stuff like that, but I can be home!”

“That’s great, Mia. Really, it is. Does this mean you can also spend time in LA?”

“Mom!”

She laughed on the other end of the phone. I knew she wasn’t ready to give up on Brad quite yet. I wasn’t either, but I wasn’t going to push too hard.

“It does, but I don’t know if that’s what I’ll do. I know I don’t want to be flying back and forth when I’m heavily pregnant, and I certainly don’t want to take an infant on a flight across the country on a regular basis. I would get banned from all the airlines,” I joked.

“Now you need to call Brad,” she said in a serious tone.

“Mom,” I groaned.

“He deserves to know. He deserves to have the chance to share this journey with you. You didn’t get that baby without his help,” she said.

“I know, Mom. I know. It’s just not the kind of news I want to give him via text or over the phone. It’s still early. I have a few weeks before I need to really start thinking about that.”

“Suit yourself. I’m very happy for you, dear, and you know I will support you no matter what you do.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. Now, I am going to crawl into the tub and relax for a bit,” I said, already thinking about how my life was going to change. Long, luxurious soaks in the tub were going to be hard to come by in the years to come. I wanted to take full advantage of them while I could.

While soaking in the tub, I let my mind drift to the future. No matter how I looked at it, I always saw Brad there with me and our child. I knew it was truly a dream based on a lot of wishful thinking.

I reached for my phone, knowing Brad was at work but needing to ask the question. I took a deep breath and wrote the text. I hesitated a split second before sending it.

Do you only want to marry me because of the pact?

I put the phone down, not expecting an immediate answer. He would be interviewing some big celebrity or eating one of the many meals that people brought him. I smiled while thinking about how well he had done for himself. I was happy for him and could understand why staying in LA was so important to him.

My phone vibrated on the shelf next to the tub. I quickly reached for it and read his response. My stomach sank. I suddenly felt as if I was going to throw up, and it had nothing to do with the baby hormones.

I’m a big fan of your body.

Seriously? That was what made him want to marry me? What an ass!

I threw my phone across the bathroom and cringed when it hit the wall. I really hadn’t meant to smash it, but the man infuriated me. I should have expected as much from him. He was incapable of real, heartfelt emotion. I knew that about him, so why I expected anything different was beyond me.

Fighting to keep the tears from falling, I tried to find some resolve. I wasn’t going to cry over the man. I couldn’t really be all that surprised by his response. We had great sex and I was a big fan of his body too. The difference was, it wasn’t just his body I wanted. I wanted his damn heart.

My phone buzzed against the black tile floor of the bathroom. I laughed like a crazy woman, glad to know I hadn’t broken it completely. I hoped the OtterBox had kept the screen from cracking. I hated replacing phones.

It buzzed again, and I knew it was him, but I wasn’t going to answer; not while I was as pissed as I was. It was better if I cooled off and replied when I could give a calm and well-thought-out response. If I wrote back now, it would be a crazy, emotional response. I had to remember I was carrying his child and no matter what happened between us, we needed to stay on good speaking terms. It was in the best interest of the child. I was not going to let us become those parents who couldn’t even speak to one another without ending up in a screaming match. I had to keep cool. I couldn’t blame him for not loving me.