Chapter 17
Darren
I woke up annoyed. My alarm was going off louder than I remembered it ever being. It was Monday morning, which meant I was going to have to get ready for work. Ironically, the air conditioning in my house wasn’t working.
Another thing that made me even more annoyed was having to leave the beautiful angel sleeping in my bed beside me. She was stunning no matter where she was, what she looked like, or what she was doing. I was tempted to take pictures of her so I could remember the raw beauty that I was waking up to. I didn’t want to feel like a creep, so I decided against it, choosing instead to sketch it into my memory like a tattoo.
I took a quick shower, ate a disappointing breakfast, and tried to escape without making any noise. I let Bo out for his morning bathroom routine, let him back in with a milk bone waiting for him, and I took my leave, locking the door behind me.
It felt strange driving to work knowing that Bailey was still in my house, sleeping in my bed, feet away from my dog. The closer I got to work, the more I started resenting it. It was the first time since I started working for Mel’s that I truly didn’t want to be there. I almost didn’t care about the idea of calling in sick just so I could return to that bed and that woman.
I thought about what Bailey had joked about before. I contemplated what it would be like for me to quit my job and pursue music in Tennessee. I was assuming that Bailey and I would be together, but I considered that maybe I was dwelling on wishful thinking.
When I got to work, I stayed bored for quite some time. It was a slow morning, with barely any calls coming in or assignments to do. It felt like the day was taunting me. While I was doing nothing, Bailey was back at the house.
Around ten, I received a text from Bailey that read, “Do you want me to let Bo out to do her business?”
I replied with, “Already took care of that, thank you missy ☺.”
Garrett and I were sitting in the break room for nearly an hour watching some odd daytime talk show about older women dating teenage boys. We were lounging, scrolling through our phones, not making a sound. We didn’t end up going far from the break room until after lunch when we finally got our first assignment.
As Garrett and I were driving toward the home that needed our assistance, I had filled him in on what had been going on with Bailey and me. I didn’t hold back on details, and by the end of it, I felt drained.
“Wow,” laughed Garrett. “That’s quite a lot to process.”
I nodded. “I know. I can’t stop thinking about her, man.”
“But, you know you’re going to have to,” he said. “I’m not going to listen to you whine and bitch about this girl for another hundred years.”
“Shut up,” I responded. “That was then, this is way later. I’m not the same guy I was back then. I’m not a dumb kid anymore. I’ve got my life in order.”
Garrett didn’t seem to accept this. “Okay, bro.”
“What?”
“If you keep going down this path, you are going to bum even harder when she leaves,” said Garrett. “She has a life in the big city, and she’s going even further than that. The bigger fish she’s about to fry ain’t anywhere near here, Darren.”
“I don’t think I’m the only one going insane over here,” I snapped. “She could’ve left days ago! If she’s got bigger fish to fry, why isn’t she back frying them?”
“Maybe she doesn’t need to go back right away,” he speculated. “She hasn’t been here for a long time. Maybe she’s staying a while because she knows after this time she’s never coming back.”
“You really think she won’t ever come back to Rome?”
“Come on,” he said giving me a look. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought it. Her dad and mom are both buried here. The only real friend she has here is you, so it’s not like she’s running out on anyone. She’s going to take over Tennessee. Then she’ll probably go to LA or one of those other big cities.”
“What’s your point?” I asked.
“My point is the more time you spend with her, the more times you let her over to your house, and you do all you do, you’re setting yourself up for a shitty future. And, I’m serious. I’m not listening to you groan and complain about her, again. We’re past that.”
“She’s always been on my mind ever since she left,” I told him. “Just because I stopped talking about her didn’t mean she wasn’t right there in my brain. You don’t think I noticed how much it annoyed you? I stopped once I saw that I was bugging you.”
“I thought you told me more than once that you were finally over her,” he said.
“I thought I was,” I replied. “Every time we talk—every time we do anything together—it just reminds me how good it used to be. I really loved her. I thought she was going to be the one. We’d have gotten a house here in town with lots of acres surrounding us. We’d have good paying jobs.”
“Ugh,” said Garrett. “Forget the past! Think about this: Here, in the present, she’s got a popular song playing on the radio, which means she’ll be making a music video, promoting herself. She needs to focus on her career, and you know that.”
“I never said she shouldn’t be trying to better her career,” I said.
“She’s going to stay for you,” he said. “She’s vulnerable as hell. She’s lost her dad, has to figure out what to do with his house, and you’re helping fill her voids. No pun intended.”
“I’m not taking advantage of her,” I said defensively.
“I’m not saying you are,” he replied. “But, maybe y’all are both getting carried away. You guys need like an intervention.”
“We need to figure out what we want,” I said. “She and I. If we want to be together, we should discuss it. If she doesn’t want to be with me, we either have to stop sleeping together and go ‘full friend,’ or we have to go back to pretending the other doesn’t exist. I either need a future with her or closure from her, one or the other.”
“That’s quite a fine line,” said Garrett. “Take the great sex out of the last few days. Would you still want to be with her?”
“My feelings have nothing to do with our sex,” I said. “My feelings transcend into our sex and makes it exponentially better.”
“Wow.”
“I want to be happy, Garrett,” I told him. “I need to figure out what I want to do. My gut isn’t telling me. And, I can’t just listen to my heart or my head.”
“Man, this chick must know magic or something,” said Garrett. “How does anyone make a man talk the way you’re talking? It’s nuts.”
“Let me ask you something,” I said nervously. “And be completely honest with me. Don’t hold anything back.”
“Shoot,” he said amused.
“Do you think—if I went up to Memphis and wanted it—do you think I could make a career out of music?”
Garrett seemed pleased to hear my question.
“Well?” I asked.
“You’ve been out of it for a while, homie,” he said.
“I know, but if I got my shit together, and got back to playing every day?”
“Bro, I think you can do anything you want to do,” he told me. “I think if you wanted to go to the big city, be with Bailey, be a songwriting duo and form a group together, you could do that tomorrow. Or, if you just wanted to go and be by yourself, play some nice songs to get the girls wet, be a star on your own, I think you could do that, too. Or, you could stay here and keep working for Mel’s A/C, which you’re really good at, too.”
I was really flattered by his words, but I couldn’t bear to show too much emotion. We’re guys, so we don’t wear our feelings on our sleeves that often.
“But dude, you know what’s coming,” he added. “She isn’t going to stay here in Rome, not even for you. Rome is happy to have you, but it won’t be offended if you want to go somewhere else. People travel; learn more about who they are. Shit, you know, if you wanted to go get a place somewhere, but keep your house here in case that shit didn’t work out? Bro, I can come by once a week, water your plants, make sure the place hasn’t burned down. You’ve got options, man.”
Even with as much thought as I’d been putting into my situation, those ideas hadn’t all occurred to me. I felt hopeful for the first time in days.
“I’ll even help you move if you want,” he finished.
“You’ll always be my brother, man,” I said to him.
“Same here, Darren,” he replied.
Garrett and I finished up our shift, and we drove over to Bart’s. We wanted to grab a beer together and talk for a bit before I returned back to my house to likely see Bailey.
“I’ve been writing some lately,” I told him.
“Yeah?” he said, ears perking. “No shit?”
“First time in over a year, dude,” I said proudly. “The words were coming to me so quickly, so naturally and organically, you know? It hadn’t felt that good to write in years.”
“Can I take a guess as to your inspiration?” he asked. “Is it about me and my rugged good looks? Or is it about the girl you used to write music for?”
I rolled my eyes, sipping my beer.
“I know almost exactly how the actual music should sound, but I haven’t played my keyboard or guitar in so long. I noticed a layer of dust on my guitar recently, and it bummed me out all day. And the weird part was that I didn’t just go and wipe the dust off to make me feel better or take better care of my instruments. But, I’ve neglected music, and I’ve ignored a lot of what I love because so much of what I love reminds me of Bailey. And, it’s hard enough as it is to live life without her in it.”
“Why don’t you want to move to Memphis?” Garrett asked.
It wasn’t the first time Garrett had asked that question. My response was usually some variation of, “Rome is my home, and I like my home,” or “I don’t mind city life, but I prefer it here.”
“I don’t know,” I answered him.
“So, what are you still doing here?”
“Look, the best way I can describe it is this,” I began. “I know I’m happy living here, with the job I have, the house I have, car, everything. I know I can live life content the way I have it right now. But, if I moved to Memphis, tried it out there, I could fail. I could lose a lot of money and have a job I don’t like, working with people I don’t like. I get to work alongside my best friend. I get to live where I grew up, and I get to go to the places I like. I like it here!”
Garrett slapped me on the shoulder. “You could fail anywhere. What if Mel had to sell his business, and then we lost our jobs? What if we couldn’t find another job, and then we lost our homes?”
“We could get another job in town,” I said. “We know like half the people here.”
“Maybe, maybe,” he said and nodded. “Although, some people put up and most shut up. Who’s to say someone could help us find a job?”
“So, what are you recommending I do?” I asked.
“I recommend you stop neglecting your gut, and start trusting your instincts again.”
The notion was simple in theory but difficult to execute. I had been trying to get back to exactly how I once was for a long time—when I trusted my instincts. It is extremely difficult to do.
All I knew was that I wanted to be with Bailey Wright, and I needed to figure out a way for us to finally be happy together.