Chapter 18
Bailey
I woke up in Darren’s bed to find that Darren had been replaced with Bo. Bo stirred once I began to wake up, scooting over to let me cuddle with him.
“You are such a sweet boy,” I mumbled to Bo, prompting him to lunge up and shower me with kisses.
We cuddled together in bed for quite some time, which was the most personal time I’d shared with an animal in a long time. I felt like Bo and I were really connecting, and I was thrilled that he liked me.
I texted Darren to see if Bo needed to be taken outside to go to the bathroom. Darren replied by saying, “Already took care of that, thank you missy ☺.”
I stretched out of bed, followed by Bo. I went through Darren’s kitchen looking for breakfast while Bo munched on his that Darren must’ve given him before he left. I kept trying to access the Internet on my phone, but despite having a clear phone signal, the phone did not want to cooperate with the web.
I walked around his house, registering everything he had and where he had it. I recognized some things from back in the day: some trinkets and toys; some basketball cards that he’d collected; movies that we’d watched together, and so much more. I sat by his bookshelf for nearly a half hour just browsing through his vast library and seeing what kind of stuff he’d read since I had lived in Rome. I’d often browsed through his books whenever I would hang out at his place. I borrowed many books from the Darren Holt Private Library, and often they were never returned.
I played with his guitar and keyboard for a while, making random noise with no direction. Bo followed me around from room to room while I killed time and continued looking at things around Darren’s house.
I was getting frustrated with my phone’s data, so I turned to Darren’s computer. I considered texting him and asking if it was okay to use it, but I knew he would tell me yes.
I touched the mouse, and his screen came back to life. I went onto his internet browser, checked my social media, my email, and the news.
Just as I was closing the window, I noticed something. Among the sea of thumbnails he had all across his desktop, there was one file that stood out: BW.
Darren hadn’t called me “BW” in over a decade, but my curiosity was getting the best of me. I clicked on the icon, and I was greeted by an assortment of things.
There were pages of documents, music files, and several photo folders. I felt like I’d been hit over the head. I didn’t know what to do or where to start. I knew that the right thing to do was close BW and continue minding my own business.
However, I gave in to temptation. I didn’t go through his writing because it felt too personal. Even I have boundaries. I didn’t look through his music or videos. The pictures, on the other hand, were calling to me. I clicked the folder and got sent back to times I hadn’t thought about in years.
The pictures appeared in correct chronology, with the first series of pictures showing the two of us as kids. Many of the pictures of us younger also had my dad in them, which was still difficult to see since I was still sad about his death.
There were gaps during later grade school and junior high, but high school contained many memories. It wasn’t always clear what he and I, and sometimes other friends as well, were doing in the various photos, but what was clear was that we were happy. Every photo of us together showed euphoria and painted a fond picture.
Once I’d gotten past the time period when I’d moved away, there were only a few remaining pictures. Some of them were of me in interviews about my music. Some were of me on a magazine photo shoot I’d done about a year prior. There were even some pictures of just Darren and my dad together.
The pictures were at three different places. Some were of them at a football game together. I couldn’t tell, but it looked like Garrett was there, too. A few were of them at a bar together. It was tough to discern with the lighting, but it looked like the place and booth Darren had taken me to before. A significant number of their photos together were taken right when Darren had purchased his house. I wondered if my dad helped Darren in any way when he was getting the place set up. I could see my dad offering to help.
I looked away from the computer, seeing Bo lying down next to me. He was giving me an inquisitive look, never breaking his puppy dog stare. The more he looked at me, the guiltier I felt about intruding on Darren’s privacy.
“I know, I’m a horrible person, Bo,” I said to Darren’s dog. “Believe it or not, I am ashamed. I know that isn’t stopping me from snooping, but I don’t feel good about this. I’m weak, okay?”
I continued peering into things that carried my name, but it was hard for me to register any of it. I could feel Bo’s piercing eyes without having to look.
“You’re not angry. You’re just disappointed,” I said to Bo. “Way to make me feel like shit, dog. You’re better trained than I thought.”
I stepped away from Darren’s computer, kneeling down to pet Bo, who wrapped his paws around me and licked my hands.
“Good, you don’t hate me,” I said. “Do you think we could keep this low point between the two of us? I don’t want to keep secrets from Darren, but I’m feeling kind of weird lately.”
He looked up at me, panting adorably.
“You don’t have to worry about much, do you buddy?” I said while rubbing his ears. “Darren takes good care of you. And, you take good care of him. You’re both lucky to have each other.”
Bo subtly whimpered, leaning up to lick my face again.
I decided to change out of my sleep attire and get dressed for a jog. I hadn’t exercised much since I’d returned to Georgia, so I wanted to spend some time while I had it to give my body some needed fitness. Throughout the morning, Bo continued to follow me from room to room. He would try to play and get my full attention constantly, and it was making me fall in love with him.
I got to the door, and Bo sat down beside me, looking up at me hopefully.
“I should text Darren to see if this is okay,” I said while looking at my phone. “But, I don’t think he’ll mind. Besides, I don’t want to be away from this cute little face at all. You’re my new best friend. You’re coming out. We’re going for a walk, you and me.”
I clipped on a leash hanging near the door onto Bo’s collar, and we exited Darren’s house.
I was familiar with the area, but I wanted to take it slow at first. I’d missed seeing some spots in town. We crossed the old bridge down by the river that used to be part of an old railroad track. We walked past many stores and shops that I’d gone in and out of over the years; simultaneously enjoying that most of it looked the same, and regretting that no one in town had taken the initiative to switch things around or redecorate.
Thankfully, Bo wanted to go at my pace. Occasionally, if I wanted a break, we’d stop to let a nearby child pet him. Bo was shy around them, but very friendly.
After we’d walked at least three miles, I got a call from Leah.
“Hey!” I bellowed into the phone.
“Yo,” laughed Leah. “What are you doing right now?”
“I’m out walking with Bo,” I told her. “Darren’s golden retriever.”
“Ah,” she said.
“What’s up with you this morning?” I asked.
“I’m kind of wondering what your plans are on coming back,” she answered. “I’m starting to get a little nervous that you’re not coming back.”
“Trust me, that’s not something to be afraid of,” I assured her. “This is just a break. I promise I’m not losing sight of things.”
“Well, that’s good to hear!” said Leah. “So, can I expect you today or tomorrow?”
“Dude, I’m not coming back like right now,” I said.
There was silence for a few moments.
“Hello?” I said.
“I’m here, I’m just nervous that you’re not coming back,” she repeated. “Are you coming back this week?”
“Leah, I don’t know.”
“I highly suggest you come home this week,” she pushed. “Get back here before you maybe miss out on something. We need to make a decision on whether we’re signing that deal or not.”
Strangely, it had taken me several seconds to realize what she was talking about.
“I won’t be here for much longer,” I said.
“We can’t let another whole week go by, Bailey,” she said. “How about Wednesday?”
“How about until Friday?” I asked.
“Bailey!”
“Look, Leah, after this trip, I don’t ever plan on coming back to Rome, Georgia ever again,” I told her assertively. “Darren is the only part of this town that I’ll sorely miss. But, he’s not coming to Memphis. He won’t give Tennessee a shot, no matter how incredible these last few days have been.
“My point is: I’m getting closure. I have to do this my way because I swear to God, I ain’t coming back here ever again once I get on that plane. And, I need more time to think about all this, Leah. I like these studio guys, and the producers made amazing, tempting offers. But, I’m not in my right mind right now, you know? I need time.”
“Bailey.”
I began to cry. I couldn’t bear to look at Bo.
“I know I have to go back, and I don’t want to leave Darren,” I sobbed. “I know I have to, and I’ll do it once I’m ready. But, I’m not ready. But, I will be. I promise. I swear. I’m not a crazy person.”
“You’re fine,” said Leah. “Boy, how good is that sex? Invite me along one of these nights.” She laughed.
“Leah!”
“You have until Friday to get your fine ass back here in Memphis,” she conceded. “They’re getting a little impatient, so we can’t tease them for much longer. I do think if I agreed to Wednesday like they want, but then, cancel a little before and say you’ve got matters about your dad you have to settle, and you have to reschedule for Friday.”
“I trust you in however you want to bullshit them.” I chuckled.
“And hey,” she added. “When you do get on that plane, you make sure you bring your heart back with you, intact. You can’t leave any of it behind in Rome if you mean it when you say you’re never going back. Make the break clean, darling.”