The next morning, I sit at my easel in his t-shirt, suddenly realizing what to add to the girl in the painting.

Landon is out in the backyard analyzing the full extent of the damage to his bike. There’s a smile on my face I can’t hide no matter how hard I’ve tried. He’s got one too.

There’s a quieter part of my mind disgusted that I didn’t tell him everything… But I’m ignoring it.

My brush strokes glide and weave along the edges of the girl in my painting. Today’s palette is filled with muted pastels. They leap and dance around her and I add some light reflections into her otherwise sullen gaze. She has awoken.

I spin around with a smile and walk over to my radio. The dust is a sign of its use. I don’t remember the last time I had music on in here. Whichever genre of music station we received out here tended to bore me quickly. But I dial the tuner to the local Top 40 station and some cheesy boy band starts crooning through the speakers.

My immediate reaction is to change it. So I don’t.

The girl in my painting…What else does she need? I step left to right with the rhythm and try invoke my muse. My paintbrush is weaving through the air. I’m happy. This must be how happy feels. It’s been so long since I’ve felt it. My heart is alive. I’m alive.

A tilt of the head.

Perhaps she needs some brighter flowers…

A wreath…

Lillies…

Babeen approaches me. “What do you think, Babeen?” I shout over the music. “What do we think of adding some flowers? Too clichè.”

Meow.

Stepping back to the easel, I sketch out the bloom that will sprout from the girl’s exposed ribcage. My butt’s swaying left and right as I do it. I’m dancing. I don’t dance at all let alone when I paint. But it’s fun. I swipe small streaks of pale pink atop the brown below it. The tones compliment each other perfectly.

“Luce!” Landon yells over to me from the doorway.

“Yeah?” I don’t turn around to look back to him. All I want to do is keep dancing and painting. I want to hold onto this feeling, longing to exist in this moment forever if it were possible.

He mumbles something back to me. “What was that?” I say back. “Can’t hear you. Music’s too loud!”

“Lucy!” he shouts again.

I turn over my shoulder with a smile as he walks to the radio. The grease from his hands stain the dial. There’s new silence. I’m brought back down to earth.

“What’s…Up?”

“I really do need someone with a truck to get me and my girl outta here. She’s not in good shape. Might even be written off at this point.”

I put my paintbrush down on the easel.

“Oh.”

It wasn’t enough; Last night wasn’t enough to make him want to stay.

This isn’t how this was supposed to go. Our connection, the way we made each other feel, I really thought it would be enough to make Landon stay. Who would walk away from this?

“Can you help me find a ride out to Jethrow? It’ll be the last favor I ever ask of you, I promise.”

That statement cuts me more deeply than he’ll know. I want him to ask favors; I want him to ask them of me every day of his life, please. I’d willingly, happily oblige every time.

Even still, it can’t and won’t happen. Anxiety creeps back in. The happy bubble I’d been in only minutes earlier had burst, dropping me with a hard thunk back down to real life again.

Landon’s leaving.

Landon’s leaving soon.

These are truths I have to accept.

Either I let him go or I suffer more.

I have one task left and that is to help him get out now before we grow closer. I’ve been reckless— My heart can’t take this roller-coaster anymore. I want him to remember me, but what would I say if he did? How could I explain keeping our history a secret? Would he forgive me?

I drop my gaze to my palette.

“Got any ideas?” he probes while wiping his hand on an old rag. “I wanna see if I can get out of here tonight.”

“Um…Um…Yeah, sure. I—I’ll see what I can do.”

“You’re amazing. Thank you.”

Truth be told, I knew exactly who to call. Todd would be happy to help Landon get out of town… And the thought of it made me sick inside.

I was in no hurry.

I wanted to draw it out: Go do my six hour shift, come back home to Landon, pretend we’re still together… Let him hold me… Make him remember…

And if he doesn’t remember, he leaves me.

And then I’m alone.

And then I’m sad.

I don’t wanna imagine any further than that because all that comes to mind are those stones slipping off the side of that cliff and the splash no one would hear.

“I’m only going to be a few hours away, Lucy. What happened last night… It doesn’t have to be a one time thing.”

“I’ll think about it,” I reply, as if I hadn’t spent the whole day thinking about it already…

I give him a tight-lipped smile as he returns to more work on his bike. Once he’s breached the door, I toss my paintbrush hard against the wall to my right with a clack. The girl’s shiny eyes I’d just given her — they taunt me. Suddenly, I’ve given her this glowing, hopeful air. She’s a relic of a future and feeling I’m not allowed to have.