T-Bone is tossing a pair of wraps onto my lap and it feels like old times. I look around, my head aching and memories flashing in and out of existence.

The warehouse…

I know this place. This is my place… I stare down at my scarred and calloused knuckles, lifting up the wrist wrappings in my fist. Recollections of my past are flowing back like water. I’m in one of the dark locker rooms but just outside these doors is the cage. That’s the cage where new prospects earned their patch… And if someone wanted out of the club, they had to go back through that cage one more time.

They had to go through me.

Enforcer.

Oh God, that was my position in the club. I hurt people.

I wish I could forget.

“Wakey, wakey,” T-Bone says, throwing cold water on my face. “Time to look alive. I don’t wanna throw you in the cage with your damn eyes closed.”

I look up at T-Bone and give him a little nod. None of this is his fault. He’s just doing his job. Impartial. Cold.

“You’re lucky Mac is letting you do this,” T-Bone says, leaning back against a wall. “Most people tear their patch off and end up in the ground.”

Lucky?

Lucky to be alive?

Lucky to be here?

Lucky to step into that ring and risk permanent brain injury for a patch the old Landon clearly didn’t want?

I’ve never felt such hopelessness. My mood is in a constant state of aggression. I want to fight the world, fight everyone around me who’re meant to be my friends, my only family in this world. I want to run again, crash my Harley right back into that small town. Here, where I sit, these last few days— They’re nothing I want. I don’t want to get better. I don’t want to keep remembering all this shit I’d left behind me. I don’t want this life. I don’t want Mac breathing down my fucking neck. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to bleed for this club. They don’t understand how lost I am. I’ve fucked up in the past— My consequences are proving that. But when is life going to cut me some slack? When do I get forgiven?

“Saw you and Mia,” T-Bone says. “You sort everything out with her?”

“Would I be here if I did?” I ask, my head pounding. Garrett did a number on me back in the alley.

“Guess not. Maybe you should just give the girl a try… Mia’s into some kinky shit…”

“For fucks sake, T, don’t tell me you’re fucking her too.”

“Forget about it man. I need your head in this one. You gotta get your rep back, man. Boon’s on some shit tonight, you gotta have that guard up. He’s a crazy mother fucker.”

Boon, the low-life scum I’m fighting tonight. I remember him. I’d been in that cage with him before when he earned his patch.

He was good…

Real good.

He didn’t care about sinking his teeth into whatever artery came close.

“I can’t fight,” I say quietly.

“I ain’t the one pushing this, brother, Mac is. Rev told me about the accident. Don’t let this asshole hit you in the head, that’s all I ask. Mac might say otherwise but we don’t want you dead.”

“Maybe I should. I don’t want to fucking remember any of this.”

We walk out into the rowdy, drunken crowd who are standing around a makeshift cage illuminated by trash-can fires. They shout and cheer as I enter the ring. I can see Mia standing there twirling her hair and watching me, letting some asshole whisper sweet bullshit into her ear. There’s other patched Dragon’s who I can’t remember or haven’t met and a few crews in from out of town for the weekend.

Garrett steps forward from the group and puts his palm on the cage. I step closer so he doesn’t have to shout over the crowd.

“Why the fuck did you do this?” I ask, baring my teeth.

“I trusted you with my life, Landon. Always have. We’re brothers. This club is our family and you’ve been saying words about it. If I’m gonna ride with you again, I need to know you’re part of this family. I know you don’t mean the shit you’ve been saying. Mac thinks this might help you remember…”

I don’t give him a response. I just turn heel and spot Boon as he hops up and down on the far side of the cage. Soon as that bell rings, he’s going to come for me looking for blood. He’d had his eyes on being enforcer for a long time now. This is his chance and I know it. Pit-bull versus pit-bull.

I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off right now, not when my world has come crashing down in pieces again. I’m remembering more and more about Mia… That bitch. She had everyone wrapped round her little finger. Long as she was here, Mac wasn’t really the one running the club. All she had to do was have a “talk” with his cock, and he’d do anything she wanted just like everybody else.

Except me.

I was never with Mia when I went to Baddock, and I’m starting to remember exactly why I went looking for Lucy. I have more questions than answers, but for now, I need to put it all aside and win this fucking fight. I need to get back the respect of the club, of my brothers, and then I can set about making all this right again.

Boon, skips around the ring, eyeing me out with wild eyes and laughing maniacally. He’s a goddamned viper fighter— He moves quick and strikes hard. All I need is to get him on the floor where I can use my strength advantage. I walk across the cage to meet him, holding out my fists and checking him at the center.

DING! The round starts.

I get low, blocking a kick that Boon tries to land on my head. My instincts and muscle memory seem to be saving me. My reactions aren’t too bad for now.

Back and forth we go where I land a few solid hits and so does he, pummeling my ribcage.

My head is starting to throb. I feel faint. I spit onto the floor and approach Boon again.

I take my stance low and grapple Boon to the ground, finding a hold where I can pummel his fucking ugly face to a pulp. A tooth comes loose beneath his mouth guard. That riles him up enough. He rolls with me a while until I get him in a triangle, but he manages to find a space to send a sharp hook into my jaw. I back off, stand up and topple a little. I’m dizzy but I can shake it off.

My eyesight gets darker.

Boon’s looks hurt, tired.

So am I.

We’re eyeing each other out a while, catching our breath, circling the cage until he lunges again. I duck through to the other side and send a kick into his chest. He flips me, pinning me with a hard thud to the cardboard on the floor. I’m winded and gasp for some breath.

He hits me a good few times. I escape, but only just.

Beyond Boon’s shoulder, I can see Lucy standing there in the crowd…

Or someone who looks like her… My eyes blur as a splash of blood rolls off my brow.

Vision or not, it distracts me enough for Boon to swipe again. I duck another incoming jab then throw an upper cut. More blood stains the floor.

I look beyond him again toward the crowd….

That’s no concussed mirage I’m seeing. It’s her.

“Lucy?” I mouth and trip backward.

She can’t be here. She’s gonna get herself killed.

She’s got her hands cupped over her mouth. I feel some cool blood trickling from my face. I skip around the floor but Boon gets another shot in. I crease inward as one of his kicks land into my ribs. He moves in to finish me but I burst up with a vicious uppercut, sending him flailing back into the cage. I follow, punishing him for every drop of blood I’ve spilled. I think of Lucy. I think of what we were once. I think of why I was running to find her. Left hook, right cross, then I plant one into Boon’s jawline and watch his eyes roll.

He’s done.

Boon crashes to the floor and I look up, watching as Lucy steps through the doors at the edge of the warehouse. The whole crowd is going crazy as I force my way out of the cage. Garrett is shoving my cut back into my bloody hands, the patches sewn back onto the leather.

I take it, but I don’t stop.

I barge as best I can through the crowd, pushing people aside as I make my way toward the doors. I have to find her. I have to stop her… My head throbs and my muscles ache, but with every step the dots are connecting inside my skull. I’m piecing together the brief stills I’d been gathering the last few days into what really happened. My past… My time with Lucy…

I remember.

I remember everything.

Six years ago…

I showed up outside Lucy’s house at Mac’s request. I saw him with Retch, the old vice president as they were carrying out Lucy’s distraught mother. Mac was holding his leather glove over her mouth to make sure she didn’t make a lot of noise.

That was my cue.

I walked inside.

I won’t lie. My body went into shock when I saw him.

I’d seen a lot in my eighteen years on this earth but never a fucking dead body with its life freshly taken. I found him right where Retch told me they’d leave him— On the floor of the kitchen with a tea towel covering his face. I lifted the towel to stare evil in the face. I thought it’d bring me some kind of sick happiness to know this bastard was gone, but that’s not what I felt. Daryl’s face was purple, his eyes wide open, slightly protruding from his skull. Mac had made it a quick job, pressing a blade into the prick’s lung until he’d taken his last breath in this world.

I gagged loudly, a new sickly smell creeping in, but I carried on with what I’d promised. I would bury Daryl, and Lucy would be free…

All I had to do was remove him without waking the neighbors.

The van was pulled up the side of the house ready to be loaded. It took me some time but I got Daryl and his weight down the back porch stairs. That’s about when everything went sideways…

“What…What happened?” Her voice prickled in my ears.

I looked up to see her standing there: Young Lucy, dressed in her short nightgown, sleepy eyed and in shock.

She stood still, expressionless at first then burst into tears and followed down the steps and outside to stand over her father’s corpse. I wiped sweat from my brow and backed away.

“You…you killed him?” she breathed.

In that moment, Lucy was pulled into the strong orbit of the club. Mac loved doing that— Getting people trapped in the web to manipulate them to his advantage. She wasn’t supposed to be here tonight. Mac made it clear she was going to be gone…

Now she was a witness.

“I…I had to. I had to.”

She stared at me a while and in that moment, I thought she hated me for good. That was the first moment I thought I’d lost her and it crushed me. But none of that mattered because I knew she would be safe now. She didn’t have to hide bruises anymore. She didn’t have to hide any of the horrible shit this man had done to her.

After some heavy silence between us, she stepped forward and hugged me. I wanted to collapse in relief but I knew I had to keep pushing through.

“I’ll help you,” she said and wouldn’t let me argue otherwise.

Then it was done.

We buried the monster, and we lost ourselves.

Sending her away was the biggest mistake of my life.

I wasn’t going to lose her again.