The day that my world came crashing down began just like any other.

It was Friday morning. Clara and I sat together in psychology class. She’d gone ahead and bought herself a psychology textbook, but we still read along together and compared notes as Professor Pritchard gave his lectures.

Our parents were going to be coming back into town from their honeymoon this afternoon. Clara and I had already made plans to pick them up from the airport and bring them back to their place. That’s why we’d wound up riding together in her car to school.

If only we could tell them, I wistfully thought. But no… that would have been a complete disaster. Neither of us were particularly close to our parents, but we didn’t need to antagonize what tenuous relationships we had with them over this… not yet, at any rate.

I walked Clara to her next class afterwards, and she planted a quick kiss on my cheek. “See you after school,” she grinned. “You coming over after we grab the honeymooners?”

“Of course,” I replied, giving her ass a quick little squeeze. “I’ll knock out that psych assignment in the student union while I wait for you to wrap up, and then we’ll drive down and get them together.”

“So diligent,” she mocked me flirtatiously. “Okay, I’ll text you when I’m done with my last class.”

The school day was a breeze, just like all the others, but something was slightly wrong in the air. I wasn’t sure what had me uneasy, but whatever it was… I didn’t like it.

The feeling only got worse throughout the day. The closer it came to time to leave for the airport, the more agitated I became.

I was so pissed off at the end of the day that I skipped my last class, resigning myself to failing whatever weekend homework I was getting assigned.

“Are you okay?” Clara asked as we climbed into her car together. “You look like you’re on edge.”

“I’m not really sure,” I conceded with a shrug. “Something’s got me kind of bothered… not really sure what.”

“Is it because of our parents?” She asked, tilting her head. “I mean, I’ve been kind of thinking about that all day…”

“What do you mean?”

She turned the engine on and pulled towards the main campus road. “Well, it’s just that we’ve been able to sort of pretend that they weren’t a problem, right? Neither of them were too important to our lives before the wedding, and they’ve been gone since then on this honeymoon of theirs… but now they're coming back.”

“Well, there is that,” I agreed.

“Listen, Dalton,” Clara turned to me as we pulled up to a red light. “I know I had my own… misgivings over this union of ours… but I've made my choice. I’m here. You and I, we’re in this together, okay? And I’ll face down whatever troubles come our way, because we’ll always be together.”

I was taken aback by her confidence.

“That’s the most conviction I’ve heard out of you ever,” I observed.

“Yeah, well,” Clara grinned, pulling us forward after the light turned green, “like I said: I’ve had a lot of time to think about it today.”

We played music most of the way there, lightening the mood up with some contemporary pop. I didn’t really care for the radio all that much, especially since the hot singles were almost entirely electronic music, but I noticed one particular rock song that came on.

“Wait, what’s this?”

“Oh, this? It’s this rock band that’s been dominating the radio waves these days,” she chuckled. “Trent Masters and the Whiplash. You like it?”

“Sure. Turn that up.”

We listened to the rest of the song, and a smile crossed my face. “Yeah, that harkens back to the shit I listened to when I was growing up. All that late-nineties grunge music… it’s obvious who their influences are.”

“Yeah. It’s funny, that Trent guy can come off as a real prick in the interviews, but he writes all of his own lyrics… and they can be quite deep, actually. He seems like a total misogynistic ass-hat, but there’s a rumor that he’s dating some mystery bartender chick…”

I noticed her tone. “Sad that the big rockstar asshole is off the field?”

“Nah,” Clara giggled. “I’m more into the military types myself. Bonus points if they’re foreign. She can keep him. Maybe that chick will even level him out a little.”

“You don’t say.”

Another electronic piece came on, and the topic subsided.

It wasn’t much longer before we were pulling into the arrival terminals for the airport. Dad and Sarah were waving at us from the curb, their suitcases stacked to the side.

Clara turned to me with exasperation.

“Well… you ready for this trainwreck?”

I faked an overly dramatic sigh. “Let’s just get this over with…”

Our parents seemed surprised that we were picking them up together, although it meant that they could continue sitting in the back together without leaving the passenger seat conspicuously empty.

“So, how was it?” I asked as we hopped back on the road and headed for the interstate. “Did you enjoy Hawaii?”

“Oh, it was fantastic,” Sarah cooed.

“Nice and bright. Warm. Very pleasing,” my father added. “Wish you could have seen it.”

“Well, maybe I will someday,” I replied wistfully, thinking of my intentions to travel the world. “It sure seems bloody nice.”

“How’s school going?” Sarah asked quickly.

“Oh, it’s fine. Just stressful,” Clara answered, keeping her eyes on the road. “As I told you before, I scheduled a ton of really tough classes this semester… the next one should be a damned sight easier…”

“And you, Dalton?” Father asked.

“Much easier that hers,” I answered him dutifully. “We even have a class together, incidentally.”

Clara flashed me a quick look, and I realized that I’d spoken a little too enthusiastically.

“Picking your parents up together… going to school together… you know what’s going on here, don’t you, Will?” Sarah asked, a haughty tone entering her voice. “My god, I should have seen this coming before… it was inevitable with these two, with their ages…”

Panic gripped at my throat. I turned to Clara, who swiftly shot me a look that told me everything I needed to know about her emotional well-being: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK…

“That’s right,” Father answered.

I braced myself for it…

“They’re just perfect for each other!” Sarah chuckled. “We should have seen this coming, really. What a pair they make.”

Wait.

What?

“That’s right,” Father nodded.

Clara and I shared a bemused glance. Our eyes communicated a flurry of thoughts back and forth, completely taken by surprise that this was happening… and going so well.

“Would you care to elaborate?” I asked.

“Well, it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” Sarah snootily chuckled. “You two are excellent together. And here we were, afraid that you wouldn’t get along…”

Father chimed in again. “We were afraid that you’d clash, or just grow to hate each other. But I’m glad that you’re apparently getting along. We’d hate for you two siblings to be at each other’s throats, or just ignore each other…”

Right, it dawned on me. Siblings.

“Wait, what are you–?” Clara began.

“They’re happy that we’ve accepted each other as part of the family,” I hinted.

Realization crossed Clara’s face. “Oh, right. That’s right, big brother.”

When she followed that up with a nervous chuckle, I spotted our parents glancing at each other strangely. I decided to quickly avert the topic.

“So, what are you doing first, now that you’re back?” I asked.

“Oh, well,” Sarah answered for them, “William is going to move into the house… we’re hiring some movers to pack up and shift everything over. The essentials, at least.”

“That’s right,” he agreed. “I’m going to keep an office in the spare bedroom, but there’s not much point in me continuing to pay that expensive lease. I’ve already spoken with the owner, and we’ve come to an agreement…”

I let them prattle on about the future while Clara stayed focused on the road. She wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation, and it was obvious that she had been slightly rattled by the exchange earlier.

The car ride seemed like it dragged on for ages. However, after an hour and a half (dragged out by rush-hour traffic), we were dropping them off at Sarah’s house. I gave them a quick hand with the bags before jumping back into the car and getting rid of them again.

“What a nightmare,” I shook my head.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Clara quietly added.

I turned to her, afraid that she had been shaken by the conversational mix-up earlier but, to my surprise, she was giggling instead.

“What is it?”

Clara began laughing in earnest. “How stupid was that? We thought that they were saying they wanted us together? God, it was so ambiguous! I could die, right here and now!”

We shared a hearty laugh.

“Yeah, that was awful,” I replied as we headed back towards the interstate. “But at least it’s over now…”

The feeling of crushing tension seemed to have mostly dissipated, although I felt it linger just a little. To my satisfaction, though, Clara seemed well adjusted after the car ride. In fact, she seemed to shrug off the weirdness of it altogether – something that probably would have rattled her and come between us before.

A few hours later, after a hearty session of sex in her bedroom, we were curled up together and everything was right with the world once more. I thought perhaps that it was time for a real heart-to-heart, given what we had been able to laugh off during the afternoon.

“What are your goals?” I asked her, stroking her hair lightly as she lay against my chest. “I don’t know what your plans are, or what you want from life… why don’t you tell me?”

I felt Clara smile against my skin.

“You mean, like, for the future?” Clara asked. “I already answered that. I want a future with you.” She planted a quick kiss against my shoulder.

“And I with you,” I replied, “but surely there’s something else you want out of life. I don’t really expect you to have figured out what you’re doing with your future, but I’ve got a few years on you.”

“That’s right, old man,” Clara teased. “You’re getting up there. Gotta get your intentions for the days ahead set in stone.”

“At twenty-six years old? Something like that, yeah,” I nodded. “But you first. What are your plans?”

“Nothing in particular,” she shrugged.

“Nothing at all?”

“What can I say?” Clara answered. “I mean, I’m only into my first year of college. Right now, I’m going for a biology major, but who knows what I’ll be wanting to do in a year, maybe two. As for now… all I’ve ever really wanted to do was get away from here and start again, somewhere fresh.”

“You’re bored of it here,” I observed.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve tagged along with Natalie once or twice when she’s gone on a family vacation, but that’s not quite the same… as much as I would hate to leave her, I’ve gotta figure things out for myself.”

“I’m kind of surprised,” I chuckled. “You leaving Natalie? I’ll believe it when I see it.”

She shot me a dirty, teasing look.

“Where do you want to go?” I followed up.

“I don’t know.”

“Out of the country?”

“What? No, definitely not,” Clara shook her head. “I’m fine with things just as they are here. When I say I want to ‘get away from here’, I mean that I want to leave the state. Go to a different city. Live a different way.”

“Nothing will teach you that like heading abroad,” I hinted.

“Nah. Doesn’t really interest me,” she insisted. “It’s dangerous abroad. Plus, there’s the whole matter of learning other languages, etiquette, customs… I’d like to keep it simple for the time being.

“Simple with you,” she hastily added.

I smiled. It was a nice thought, but I was determined to help her see things my way, particularly when I knew what she was about to ask…

“What about you?” she predictably continued the train of thought, softly kissing my chest. “What do you want from the future?”

A smile stretched across my face.

“Perfect world? I’d leave.”

She paused. “Leave? Like, go back to London?”

“Yeah,” I wistfully continued. “I’ve been stationed in a few different spots around the world, but mostly Afghanistan. Even in the more exotic locales… South Korea, Sweden, Germany… I could never really enjoy the culture. Not without the military breathing down my neck.”

“You want to see the world,” Clara observed, planting her lips on my neck.

“That’s right. But this time, I'd do it on my terms,” I elaborated, feeling my face harden with the thought. “No automatic rifle at hand’s reach, no combat fatigues. I step off a plane and backpack across Europe. I want to ride camels outside Cairo, eat proper ramen in a hole-in-the-wall dive bar in Toyko, and smoke myself silly in Amsterdam. There’s a great, big world out there, you know… and I want to see it all.”

I reflected on this a moment.

It had been so important to me.

Joining the Marines had only convinced me further that this was the right choice. I’d only gone from one fading superpower to the next. I needed to get away from America, even England, and see the rest of the world.

And I needed to do it independently of military protocols and combat zones.

“How long do you want to be gone?” She asked me, pulling my attention back downwards. “Can’t exactly knock all of that stuff out in a few weeks, unless you’re taking the express route.”

“As long as I can, Clara. I’d take my sweet time with it. Maybe I’d never come back.”

Something changed in her face.

Wait. Fuck.

Turmoil flashed in her eyes.

I reached down and drew her up my body. At my silent behest, Clara laid her head into the nook in my chest. Tenderly, I stroked her hair as I searched for the proper words.

“You asked what I wanted, Clara. And I told you the truth. But being here, with you… I couldn’t just give this up, not even for a second.”

“You need to do this,” she answered, almost mournfully.

“Before, I was convinced… but now…”

“Now what?”

‘Now what’ indeed, I thought for a moment.

“If there was any reason to stay, anything that could pull me from that path… that reason would be you,” I finally answered here.

The moment I saw that scared look in her eyes, I knew that I’d seriously fucked up.

Clara’s face lifted to meet my gaze. She looked terrified – a deer in the headlights, entranced but pulsating with crushing, absolute fear.

“Let me make my own decisions,” I told her gently, fighting down the concern that was swelling in my chest, desperately hoping to calm her down. “You leave that stuff up to me.”

“No,” she told me, climbing up off of me. “That’s not good enough. I can’t do that.”

I leapt up off of the bed. “Wait–”

“No,” she insisted, throwing my hoodie back on. “You can’t just turn down that kind of dream for me. I won’t let you. I’ll never let you. I can’t be the reason you throw all of that away.”

I laughed in complete exasperation. “We get through an entire car ride with our parents, even with the most awkward fucking conversation ever, and it’s me wanting to travel the world that makes you lose your shit?”

Clara turned on me with vicious eyes.

“Look,” I prefaced her, “you told me just today – hours ago – that you’re committed to this cause. Clara, you gave me complete conviction that it was gonna be you and me against the world…”

“That was before I knew you had this dream,” she insisted. “You just heard me tell you that I’m not interested in that kind of a life. And now I find out that you are? And you have been for years? I can’t stand in the way of that. I won’t be the kind of girl to ask you to stay. It’s not happening.”

“Clara,” I repeated, firmer this time. I reached for her wrist, but she yanked it away, staring me down with hellfire in her eyes.

“No, don’t… don’t you even think about touching me,” she growled. “I refuse to let you do this. You have to go, Dalton. Live that life.”

“Clara, I don’t want to go. I want to be with you – to spend my days with…”

My words faltered as I watched her tremble before me. As Clara lifted a face brazen with furious, tear-brimmed eyes, I realized immediately what she really meant with those words.

“You have to go,” she repeated angrily.

“Clara…”

“Now.”

We stood there, watching each other for a moment. I didn’t dare take a step towards her, not while seeing her like this. My heart pounded in my chest, tearing apart with a wound more vicious than any that I could have received in combat.

Because those wounds – the ones you survive, at any rate – are just flesh deep. You lose an arm or a leg, maybe more. You take stray shrapnel to the chest, and with luck you survive it. It kills a part of you, it makes you weaker, but you learn to live on around it.

This was something much deeper.

This was the shrapnel that shredded your very living soul… because you can’t remove ghost shrapnel, even if it’s still cutting you inside, penetrating down to your core.

“Go,” Clara repeated through gritted teeth, her tears rolling freely down her cheeks now.

I’m not an English major, or a literary critic. My weapon was never vocabulary; it was always a knife in a holster and a rifle, slung over my back.

I say this to explain a point: I’m not equipped with the right words for this. I can’t properly express to you how my heartstrings strained in that moment. Every atom, every ounce of my very being was desperate to cross the distance to her, to wipe the tears from her face and sweep her back into my warm, comforting embrace.

The look in her eyes said Don’t you dare.

It said Stay back, I’m warning you.

No weapon could ever win this standoff.

Without a single syllable uttered, I silently gathered up my things and I left her.