“I’ll meet you at the hospital, Callum,” I said into the phone, just as I heard a light knock at the door of the lounge in the back of my bus. Catherine stood there, holding up a pen and a pad of paper, looking bloody beautiful as ever. I nodded to her and gestured for her to come in, making room for her on the couch. “See you there at five.”

I hung up the phone and turned to stare into the prettiest green eyes I’d seen in a long time. To my relief, she was smiling. I’d been afraid to look at her when I walked up earlier, afraid of what I’d see there, figuring it would be some painful mixture of anger and disgust.

Ian had given me enough of that, I didn’t want it from Catherine.

Luckily, she seemed to be perfectly normal. If she wanted to pretend the kiss didn’t happen, I could do that. For a few minutes, at least.

“I was hoping we could spend some time together and talk,” she said.

“Now?”

“Unless you’re busy?” she asked. “I heard you say something about a hospital, so if this is a bad time.”

“No, this is a fine time. I was talking to the head of our charity, Callum McGregor.”

“What kind of charity?” she asked. My cock shifted in my pants as I watched her lips move. I wanted to taste them again. I was determined to do just that. To do so, I knew I’d have to play it cool.

“It’s a cancer research charity, named after our little brother. Ian and I started it together this year, in honor of Lennon. We raise money to donate to the leading doctors and scientists who are working to find a cure.”

“That’s amazing,” she replied. “So you’re going to a hospital?”

“Every time Ian and I are in town, we visit the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. They treated Lennon. The doctors there were incredible. We go back when we’re in town to visit with the kids there, give back a little.”

“That’s so nice of you two.”

“It’s good for us, actually. We spent a lot of time there during Lennon’s illness. I feel close to him when I’m there.”

“That must have been so hard for you,” she said softly.

“It was,” I said, the familiar wave of pain washing over my heart. The anguish of losing Lennon was the only pain I didn’t push away. I wanted to feel it. I was afraid if I didn’t feel it, his memory would fade. “He was only five when we lost him. It just wasn’t fuckin’ fair.”

“Cancer is never fair. Death isn’t fair,” her eyes clouded over.

“That’s bloody true,” I said. “You lost someone, too?”

“Yes,” she replied, her eyes filling with sadness. “My mother. She died of breast cancer when I was ten.”

“Ah, fuck. I’m sorry, luv,” I said. “Fucking cancer…”

“Yeah, I know…” she replied.

“Where’s your dad?” I asked.

“He died. After my mom died, he went downhill. He couldn’t handle it. His alcoholism caught up with him a few years later.”

“That’s too bad, luv, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thank you,” she said, her eyes filled with sadness. I wanted to pull her in my arms and comfort her, but she looked away.

“So, who runs your charity?” she asked.

“It’s a big job. I needed someone I trusted, and well…it’s a long story, but I owed Callum McGregor. Putting him in charge was an attempt at paying a debt that can never really be paid.”

“What do you mean?”

“Callum and I go way back. We were friends in grade school. The three of us were thick as thieves, Ian and Callum and I. Callum had a younger sister. Her name was Ally,” I said. The crack in my heart pulsed with pain as I said her name. I hardly ever talked about her anymore. “Ally and I started dating in high school.”

“Oh? And how did that work out?”

“It didn’t. It was a bloody tragedy. We were so in love, though,” I replied, the memories washing over me. Her bright blue eyes and red hair shined so brightly in my memory, sometimes I felt like I could still reach out and touch her. “We were inseparable. She was amazing, actually - beautiful, smart, funny. The only girl I’ve ever loved. But then, a few years later, Ian and I got our first record contract. The record company decided a girlfriend was bad for my image, so we weren’t allowed to be seen together in public anymore. Within weeks, we were being shipped off all over the world, and Ally was left behind. When I did see her, it wasn’t for very long and we were forced to be hidden away from public view. It was ridiculous, and I shouldn’t have stood for it. But I did. I was so bloody young, and fuckin’ stupid in the way that only youth can make you stupid. The record deal was everything to me, and I let my relationship with Ally slip away.”

“That’s so sad,” Catherine said.

“It is. I wish that was all there was to the story, but it only gets worse. I was a fuckin’ cad, and I should have been more graceful about the break up, but instead I just let things fade away without ever really talking to her about it. She was left behind, and she started drinking. A lot. One rainy night, she was on her way home from a tavern, and she wrapped her car around a pole. She died instantly.”

Catherine gasped and her eyes filled with sympathy.

“I’m so sorry, Liam,” she whispered, laying her hand on mine. The warmth felt good, despite all the pain that thinking about Ally brought back.

“Thanks, luv. I feel totally to blame, but there’s nothing I can do to bring her back.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Liam,” she said, her eyes staring practically straight into my soul. I looked away. I couldn’t look at that, the pity that I saw there was the last thing I wanted her to feel for me. I shouldn’t have told her so much, but there was something about her that made me open up, despite everything.

“So,” I said, trying to change the subject. “I gave Callum McGregor the job of running our charity. He and Ally were very close. She was his only sibling. He needed a job and I wanted to do something, anything at all, that I could to help his life out.”

“That’s very good of you,” she said.

“Ah, well there you go,” I said.

“What?”

“You remarked earlier that I couldn’t be all bad. Now you see there’s a little light in my evil, darkened soul after all.” I winked at her and she silently smiled back. The electricity between us sparked and I felt something I hadn’t felt in quite a while.

I wasn’t even able to come up with a name for it, but it felt really fuckin’ good for a change.

“Can I come to the hospital with you guys?” she asked. “I think it’d be good for the story to show a different side of you.”

“No way, luv,” I replied. “No press allowed. It’s the one thing Ian and I agree on. Our time at the hospital has nothing to do with the tour or our careers. So, you’ll have to find something else to do while we’re there. The hotel is right next door to the hospital.”

“Oh, okay,” she nodded. Silence fell over us, the bus swaying from side to side as it traveled down the highway, the wheels humming a familiar song, while her hand laying on top of mine completely unfamiliar.

It felt good.

It felt peaceful.

My cock twitched in my pants, ever present and undeniable. I turned my hand around and laced her fingers in mine, squeezing lightly. She squeezed back, and we sat there next to each other, staring out the window and watching the rest of the world fly by.