My insides go all numb and mushy as I’m escorted into Big Sal’s. Where do I turn? I’m so tired— Tired to run away, tired to stay here, tired to fight my feelings for Landon, tired to tell him the truth, tired to keep up with the lie…Tired through every cell of myself.

Satisfied that I won’t be causing any trouble, Mac smiles at me and says me to make myself at home.

I mope towards the bar to order a beer, figuring it’s something tangible to focus on and do for now.

Luckily, the barmaid offers some amusement for me. I see her from afar: Jessa Minkoff-Weiss, the captain of my old high school’s volleyball team. I certainly know her, but there’s no way in hell she ever paid me more than a passing glance. I swayed more towards extracurriculars like smoking cigarettes at the reservoir with friends, ditching school, and painting in dark, locked rooms to avoid the wrath of Daryl.

“What can I get you?” Jessa asks with a peppy smile. I’d never figure she’d end up running with a crowd like this. For now, she’s behind the bar, but I know how these kind of places operate. It won’t be long before she’s hooked on something and out working the pole just like all the others.

“Corona, extra lime please.”

“Jessa!” a man yells from behind me. “She’s on Landon’s tab.”

I turn my head on a swivel looking for any sight of Landon, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Before I can ask about him, my train of thought is derailed.

“You the new girl?” Jessa says.

“Huh?”

“Oh! I thought you might be a new dancer. I know a few quit last week.”

“No… Not me. I’m just here to see Landon.”

“Well that’s a shame… You’ve got the body for it, and the boys just love a pretty young face. If you’re ever looking to make some money you really need to talk to old Mac.”

“I appreciate it, but I’m good…” I reply uneasy.

“I haven’t seen you around here but you look familiar… You from Jethrow?” Just as suspected, she doesn’t recognize me.

“I live down south in Baddock. Not sure if you’ve heard of it.”

“Of course I have! My ex-boyfriend went on fishing trips down there. It looks beautiful. How the hell do you live there though? Doesn’t it get boring?”

I nod and take a sip of the beer. “I could say the same for this place.”

“This place? Girl, you gotta be kidding me. The drama don’t stop here in this small town. Give it a few months, you’ll see what I mean.”

Though I already know exactly what she’s talking about. I avoid any further talk of my remaining here. “I won’t be sticking around long enough to find out.”

“Oh, shit. Sorry honey. I just figured since you’re not here to dance that maybe you’re here to stay…”

The sad reality of Big Sal’s and the pull of the club remained. Even back when Landon started up with the club they had a handful of women hanging around the club. They cooked, they cleaned, they fucked… If you wanted to end up a biker’s old lady, a little stay at the club was the best way to do it.

I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt about that, but I knew what kind of scene that might bring about. Was Mia one of the club whores? I don’t think I could handle the thought of Landon taking one of those girls on the back of his bike…

“It’s too bad… I don’t get to hang out with many girls our age here. Most my friends are moms, on the pipe, or crazy, y’know? Or all of the above.”

“Jessa!” someone squeals.

“Speaking of crazy,” she says quietly before a tall, curvy brunette sways her ass towards the bar and leans over to give Jessa a hug.

“Honey, how are you?” Jessa says.

“How do you think?” The brunette turns her head toward the boys in the corner.

“Is it true? He doesn’t remember anything?”

My ears perk up. They’re talking about Landon. I try to stay quiet but Jessa is having no part of it.

“Hey Mia, this girl is here to see Landon too,” she says, waving at me. I try to step back from the bar but she stops me before I can make my getaway.

“Girl! Wait up. C’mere and lemme introduce you to Mia really quick.”

Mia? She’s Mia? I stutter, wanting to avoid meeting her. I don’t need this pain but I feel obliged to greet her out of politeness. She gives me a bitchy, cautious look but still offers me a half-hearted hug.

I hug her back and purse my lips to keep myself from crying. I’m hugging the woman that stole Landon’s heart from me.

“Mac told me everything… You’re the girl that scraped Landon off the side of the road?”

“Y—Yes…”

As she lets me go, I turn heel and I don’t look back. Mia calls after me, but I’m not sure I can stand to say another word. This is why Mac brought me here. He wanted me to see it in person. He wanted me to know Landon moved on. I’m lost, confused in this labyrinth I built around myself. Some girls step up onto the platformed poles beside me. I start hyperventilating, feeling a panic attack coming on.

Not here Lucy, not here.

I bolt for the front door. I don’t want to see this. I don’t want to see any of this ever again.