Seventeen
A few days after the tuna pasta bake day, they’d all been to the pub for the night and were walking back to the hostel. Beth had allowed herself to get rather drunk, which was unusual for her.
The more they walked, the further behind she and James became. Whether this was by his design or due to her inability to walk in a straight line, she couldn’t be sure. She noticed Michelle looking back to make sure she was OK. Her last view of her friend was when she mouthed the words, ‘Are you all right?’ and Beth gave a wonky smile of reassurance. With that Michelle and the others rounded the corner, and James and Beth were alone.
‘Do you want to stop a minute? Sit on a wall, maybe?’ he asked.
Beth giggled. ‘Um … might not be a bad idea.’
They found a low wall and plopped their bums down. He seemed concerned. ‘Are you going be able to make it home? I’m not sure I can carry you.’
‘Cheeky git. I’m not fat.’
‘I never said you were. I don’t think I could carry anyone all the way back to the hostel.’
Beth took a few deep breaths. ‘I’ll be fine. I should have stuck to those small beers. Some fool started buying me that dreadful wine …’
‘That “fool” would be me,’ James laughed. ‘You seemed to like it. I like to see you happy.’
Maybe it was the drink making her brave, or maybe she’d just had enough of all this pussy footing around, but she asked, ‘Why, though?’
‘Why, though?’
‘Why do you like to see me happy? Why do you care whether I had someone to look after me when my face was bad?’
He took a while to reply. Beth’s heart began to pound in her chest whilst she waited. I’ve embarrassed him!
‘Why do I like to see you happy? That’s an odd question. Don’t you like to see me happy?’
She thought of him, his white teeth gleaming in his handsome, brown face. That indefinable twinkle in his eyes. Of course, she liked to see him happy, but …
As she hadn’t spoken, he continued, ‘I mean … isn’t that what people who like each other care about? I’ve wanted to see you happy since the first time I set eyes on your poor face and put my flamin’ foot in it.’
At this, Beth began to cry. Not a ladylike trickle, not a silent tear tracking its way down her face, oh no, she began to howl.
James seemed surprised by this turn of events. As was she. Ridiculously, she couldn’t stop.
His arms came around her, and there was concern in his voice as he asked, ‘What have I said?’
She managed to stutter out the words, ‘Nothing. Nothing at all. You’re fine … it’s just the wine. It makes me a bit …’
‘Nutty?’
‘Yeah. Sorry. Can we …?’ Beth rose from the wall and began stumbling back to the hostel.
Springing up to join her, he put his arm around her shoulders. They walked the rest of the way in a weird silence. She assumed he’d decided she was a total fruit bat and he’d best not waste any more time on her. She was thinking a million and one things all at once. Why can’t I just be normal? Is it possible he likes me? Have I ruined it?
A couple of roads away from the hostel, her only real thought was that she badly needed a wee. She informed James of the urgency, and they sped up, arriving at the hostel in record time. Due to the determination in her bladder, there was no time to say anything further to him. She simply thanked him for getting her home safely and muttered, ‘I’m sorry about the … um.’ With that she ran to the nearest toilet block.
After her much needed wee, Beth staggered into the room she shared with Michelle.
Without even bothering to remove her clothes or brush her teeth, she simply threw herself onto her bunk. As soon as she closed her eyes, she once again regretted the wine. The room began to spin. She opened her eyes and tried to fix her gaze on the slats of Michelle’s bunk above her.
Michelle spoke into the darkness. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Kind of.’
‘All OK with James?’
‘Mmm.’
‘Get some sleep. I think you’re going to need paracetamol in the morning.’
‘All right.’
But Beth wasn’t all right. She wasn’t used to being this drunk, and she still felt stupid about crying in front of James. Hesitantly, she tried closing her eyes, attempting to keep the nausea at bay.
Sleep came almost immediately. In her dream, Beth was heading back to Lisa’s place. She was travelling at speed, away from the comfort of her bunk. The sounds of Michelle trying to get comfy in the bed above became faint. She began to feel trapped and somehow isolated from the world.
It occurred to her, maybe she wasn’t dreaming. It seemed terrifyingly real. She tried to wake herself up, but her body wouldn’t respond. She was paralysed.
Then, she heard Lisa. ‘That’s it. Let yourself go. I’m in control now.’ Her voice was clear and loud. It was close.