Fifty-seven
When Nanna did open her eyes, Pat’s was the first familiar face she saw. On duty at the time, she only had to jump in the lift to be at Nanna’s bedside, moments after she got the call. She stayed as long as she could, before saying, ‘I’m going to have to head back to work. You know how busy we are downstairs?’
Nanna nodded.
‘But the good news is, I’m not leaving you alone. Look who’s here.’ Pat’s eyes met Beth’s as she rushed into the ward. Leaning in, Pat kissed her mother-in-law affectionately on the cheek. ‘Just keep resting, OK? You’re in good hands here. Anyway, I’ll leave you with your gorgeous granddaughter.’
Sitting herself down in the chair her mum had just vacated, Beth remarked, ‘It’s still warm!’
She took a good look at Nanna and drank in the sight of her, awake and alert. ‘I’m so glad you woke up. How are you?’
‘A bit … tired.’ Nanna’s speech was slightly slow and a little slurred, but it was still her voice.
‘Of course you are, you’ve been busy. Busy lying about in this bed for nearly two weeks,’ Beth joked.
Nanna gave a wonky smile. ‘Sorry if I … worried you.’
‘We weren’t worried. We know what a lazy devil you are.’
Again Nanna attempted a smile.
Taking Nanna’s tiny hand in hers, Beth added, ‘Actually, you gave us all a fright. I was over the bloody moon when Mum called to say you were back with us. Now you just have to concentrate on getting better, OK?’
‘I’ll try.’
‘Have you eaten anything?’ Beth was pleased to see the feeding tube had been removed. She’d found it particularly upsetting.
‘A yoghurt.’
‘Pushing the boat out.’
‘It was … nice. Strawberry.’
‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ Beth was struggling to keep her emotions in check. She wanted to grab Nanna and squeeze her hard. She wanted to tell her how terrified she’d been that she was never going to have a conversation with her again. If only she could somehow get across that just listening to her talk about the flavour of her yoghurt was amazing. But she didn’t want to freak poor Nanna out, and she knew if she gave in to her emotions, and expressed how she was feeling, she’d open up a flood gate that would not easily be closed. She continued to keep the conversation light and jokey, whilst silently thanking God for the gift of her nanna back.
‘Is your dad … coming … back?’
‘Yes. He’s on his way.’
‘Good.’
‘He’s been here the most.’
‘I know. He’s a … good son. The staff let him stay … all night a couple of … times.’
‘Yes, they did. You’re right.’
‘He slept right there … in that … chair.’ Nanna’s speech was laboured, she was struggling, but she seemed determined to talk.
‘Yes, he did.’
‘Pat made him … ham sandwiches.’
‘Wow! Nanna, you weren’t as asleep as we thought.’
Realisation dawned on Beth that Nanna had been aware of what had been going on around her, after all. Despite looking as if she’d been out for the count, Nanna had been paying attention.
Beth began to worry. ‘Lisa, I think she might know about the money.’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘I slipped up, didn’t I? I mentioned bloody James. I was so upset.’
‘Do you want to talk to her about it?’
‘No. Yes. I don’t know. I suppose so. But …’
‘You’re worried in case she’s angry.’
‘Not angry, so much as … disappointed. Should I mention it?’
‘I don’t see how you can ignore it any longer. She was obviously far more alert than we gave her credit for.’
Beth asked, ‘Nanna, when you were sleeping. Could you hear us all?’
‘Yes, most of it … I think.’
‘You knew what was going on?’
‘It’s not … your … fault.’
‘What isn’t?’ Beth chewed her lip, and waited.
‘The money. He took it … didn’t he?’
‘Oh, Nanna! I thought …’
‘You know what thought did … don’t you, darling?’
‘Got out of bed to see if his toes were tucked in?’ Beth gave a sad smile, she loved Nanna’s saying.
‘Exactly.’
‘I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid.’
‘No, you’re not. We should’ve … kept it … at my … house.’
‘Do you hate James?’
‘Do … you?’
‘I don’t know. I feel … a lot of the time, well, if I’m honest, I feel sorry for him.’
‘Hmm.’ Nanna shook her head. A slight movement. Just enough to show her disappointment in James. ‘I always hoped … he’d …’
‘Don’t say it, Nanna. I think we all hoped he’d sort it out. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve convinced myself he was better. You know what, though, he won’t ever be better, will he? Not really. He can’t change how he is, any more than I can change how I am. I have my faults.’
Nanna’s eyebrows rose, questioningly.
Beth answered her, ‘Guilt, mostly. I blame myself for everybody else’s misery. I beat myself up about a decision I made forever ago.’
‘You mean … Lisa?’
When Nanna said it, both Lisa and Beth struggled to believe it.
‘She said my name. Nanna said my name!’ Lisa was beside herself with joy.
‘I know. Oh my God, Lisa, she remembers.’
Taking in the expression on her granddaughter’s face, Nanna said, ‘You tried to tell me … about her … once before.’
‘Yes, but … it’s difficult. I didn’t think anyone would believe me.’
‘I would have.’
‘You would?’
Nanna gave a lopsided half-smile. ‘My Malcolm, he had … a twin who died in the … womb.’ Stopping to catch her breath, she continued, ‘He saved his twin … too. He was a right pickle, Hamish was. I … I lost them both that day.’
‘Lisa, did you hear that? Our Grandpa had ‒’
‘Can I … speak … to Lisa, please?’ Nanna asked.
‘She can hear you.’
‘Properly. I mean … face … to face, please.’
‘Let me out, let me out, Nanna wants to speak to me.’
‘All right. Give me a sec?’
‘She knows who I am, and she wants to speak to me.’ There had never been such excitement in Lisa’s voice.
Beth was scared. She didn’t want to go to Lisa’s place. She liked it right there, where she was. Holding Nanna’s tiny warm hand. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was to swap with Lisa, and miss out on precious minutes with her nanna. But what could she do? Nanna was asking specifically for Lisa. It had to be done.
No more than a second after she relinquished the power, and began heading to the far corner of her mind, she felt Lisa rush past her.
Then, she heard, ‘Hello, Nanna. It’s me, Lisa.’
‘Yes … I know.’
‘How?’
‘You sound … different.’
‘Wow.’ Lisa squeezed Nanna’s hand. Beth could still just about feel the touch of Nanna’s papery skin.
‘I’m sorry, darling.’
‘What for?’
‘For … not … realising.’
‘What?’
‘That you were … real. I had you down as Beth’s imaginary … friend.’
‘When?’
‘When she was little. I used to catch her chatting to someone … and … I thought she’d made you up … but …’
Lisa waited for Nanna to catch her breath.
‘But … there was something about you. I always wondered … but … twice seemed a bit … well, it seemed crazy.’
‘It is crazy, Nanna. It’s totally bat shit nuts. If you’ll pardon my language.’
‘You’re just like me, you’re a feisty girl.’
‘Yes. I am. Beth’s the sensible one.’
‘Take care of each other.’
‘We do. Well … sort of.’
‘She’s suffered enough guilt.’
‘I never told her to feel guilty. It doesn’t help me one bit.’
‘She’s a … good girl.’
‘Nanna?’
‘Yes, darling.’
‘Do you remember the Alice in Wonderland book you gave Beth? The one with the beautiful gold leaf cover.’
‘Yes.’
‘It was always my favourite. We still have it.’
‘Good. I’m glad you liked it.’
After a few seconds of amicable silence, Nanna asked, ‘Can Beth come back. I’d like to talk to her again, and I’m really … tired.’
Without hesitation Lisa swapped. Beth was grateful there were no complaints.
‘It’s me, Nanna.’
‘Hello … I just wanted to say … I think you will get your baby, darling. In fact, I’m sure of it.’
‘I can’t even bear to look at my husband just now, I’m not sure how I’m going to get a baby, to be honest.’
‘What do you intend to do … about James?’
‘Do?’
‘Stay or go?’
‘I don’t know. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about him. Not just now.’
‘Fair enough.’
Don appeared in the doorway. Beth told Nanna,’ Dad’s here.’
‘Oh … good.’
‘I hope Lisa and I haven’t worn you out.’
‘No, no. I’m … OK. It’s been lovely to chat.’
‘Yes, it has.’ Rising from her chair, Beth told Don, ‘You can sit here. I’m going to let you and Nanna have a bit of privacy. I think I’ll head home.’
‘Thanks, Betty-Boo.’ He took the chair. Gazing at his mum, Don added, ‘You have no idea how nice it is to see you awake. You’ve had us all out of our minds.’
Beth kissed her amazing Nanna on the cheek. ‘I love you.’
Nanna said, ‘I love you too.’ Then, she whispered, ‘Both of you.’