Eighteen
A second later, vomit raced up Beth’s oesophagus, and she sat bolt upright in the bed, just clearing the upper bunk with her head.
Leaping out of bed, she ran over to the large sink and threw up. Out it all came, the wine, the beer, the meal she’d eaten earlier.
Michelle was by her side straight away, rubbing her back. ‘Good girl. Get it all out. I just knew you were going to chunder.’
‘Oh, God!’ Beth repeated over and over, in between retches. Once she was sure everything was out, she rinsed the sink and splashed her face. Cupping her hand under the tap, she drank some water, and staggered back to bed.
‘You’ll be OK now. Try and get some sleep.’
‘Thanks.’ Beth got into bed and closed her eyes. Michelle was right. She did feel a little better. The room was definitely more stable.
Before she fell back to sleep, she asked Lisa, ‘Were you trying to come out?’
‘Huh?’
‘Was that you?’
‘Pardon?’
‘I can’t work out whether I was dreaming or …’
‘Dreaming. Definitely dreaming.’
Beth wasn’t sure. But before she could argue any further, she’d already fallen back to sleep.
After spending much of the morning in bed, Beth finally surfaced and took a shower.
She couldn’t help thinking about James and how different it might have been if she hadn’t allowed herself to get so pissed.
‘You like him?’
‘Yeah, I think I do. No jokes though, Lisa. No sarcasm, please?’
‘OK. I wasn’t going to be sarcastic. I’m just surprised to hear you admit you like a man.’
‘It scares me how much I like him. I mean … what do I want to happen?’
‘Um … derr!’
‘See, you’re laughing at me. I knew you would.’
‘I’m not. It’s OK to want to get close to him.’
‘I know. But … the intimacy scares the hell out of me. I think I was prepared to risk it though.’
‘What do you mean was?’
‘I messed it all up. I got pissed.’
‘I don’t think it’s too late. Risk it now?’
‘Why can’t I be more like Michelle? I just want to be a grown up. I want to do those adult things that everybody else finds so easy to do.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Fear. As always, bloody fear.’
‘I bet if you go and talk to him it’ll be OK.’
‘I’d give anything for you to be right.’
‘Of course, I’m right. I’m always right.’
‘Do you mind if I get a second opinion?’
‘Who? Michelle?’
‘Yeah, it’s just, no offence, but she’s done all this before, she’s …’
Lisa sounded dejected. ‘Yeah, I know, she’s alive.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Oh, just go and ask her. What do I care anyway?’ Lisa retreated to her corner.
Michelle was in the kitchen, making poached eggs. ‘Just in time. I’ve done you a couple.’
Beth nodded. ‘Oh … thanks.’
They sat in the kitchen and, somehow, Beth ate her eggs and toast. She didn’t want to offend Michelle by telling her she wasn’t hungry. Besides which, they were always on a budget, nothing could be wasted.
‘Are you OK?’ Michelle asked between mouthfuls.
‘Uh huh.’
‘Your hangover’s gone, then?’
‘You were right. Better out than in. I think I slept for England today.’
It wasn’t long before Michelle asked the inevitable question. ‘What’s happening with you and James?’
‘I really like him. I mean REALLY. I told you how I am about sex and all that? It scares the hell out of me how much I like him.’
‘I’m sure it’ll be OK with him.’ Michelle tried to reassure her. ‘He looks like he knows how to handle himself.’
Beth shook her head. ‘It’s not even that. I’m sure he’s fantastic in bed. Like you say, sex can’t be as awful as I think it is, otherwise people wouldn’t be hot footing it over to the old laundry room at all hours of the day and night. I mean for goodness sake, they practically need a rota over there.’
‘So?’
‘So?’
‘So … what’s the problem?’
Beth wanted to howl again, only she hadn’t had the dodgy wine, so it came out as more of a civilized whimper. ‘I think I’ve spoilt it. I just don’t know how he feels about me. Are we friends? Are we more? I don’t know!’
‘Didn’t he let on how he felt when you two hung back last night?’
‘He said he likes it when I’m happy.’
‘Aww – sweet.’
‘But what does that mean? For goodness sake, I like it when you’re happy, but I don’t want to shag you.’
‘Thanks very much,’ Michelle laughed. ‘I don’t want to shag you either!’
‘You know what I mean, though?’
Michelle grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake. ‘Beth,’ her expression became serious, ‘I see the way he looks at you. He cares about making you happy. He looks at you like … oh I don’t know, like he wants you. Even back when you weren’t great to look at!’
Beth gave her a shove, but it was playful. She was grinning. ‘So, you think he … cares about me … properly I mean?’
‘Put it this way, I wouldn’t mind a man looking at me the way he looks at you. It’d be tragic for you to keep ignoring it.’
‘I hope you’re right. What time is it?’
‘Just after one o’clock.’
Beth gulped. ‘Just the four hours to kill until he comes home from work, then!’
‘Why exactly are we out for a walk?’
Beth tried desperately to compose the thoughts in her head. ‘I wanted to talk to you, James. I think maybe there’s been some mixed messages between us and I just …’
‘Intriguing, tell me more,’ he chuckled.
‘Don’t do that.’
‘Do what?’
‘Act all funny. This is serious.’
‘Right you are.’
They carried on walking, their steps in harmony, as always.
She tried again. Deciding nothing could be as torturous as all this not knowing, she jumped right in. ‘I just don’t know if you like me.’
‘Of course, I like you, sweetheart.’
‘And that’s another thing, why am I “sweetheart”?’ She knew she was coming across like a halfwit, but the reality was, she was a stumbling adolescent who knew nothing of grown up relationships, and was hugely out of her depth. ‘I really like you, and I think maybe you have the same feelings for me, but I’m just crap.’
‘I told you, I’ve wanted to make you happy since the first night, when I saw you with your painful sunburn and I upset you. I’ve wanted to make it all better for you. And … I think, maybe I do, a bit, no?’
‘Yes, you do. You absolutely do.’
‘I think what you’re trying to say, in your own individual way, is that you want something to happen between us, but you don’t want to get hurt. Am I right?’
‘Sort of, but …’
‘How about this?’ He stopped walking and faced her. ‘I’m here for a couple more months and then I’m booked to fly to the Northern Territory. You said you and Michelle are here until New Year. How about we give it a go? I can’t promise a lifetime, but I can one hundred per cent promise you for the time we have left together in Bondi, I won’t mess you about; I’m all yours. Any good to you, you crazy daft woman?’
She felt the excitement begin to build. James all to herself, what an amazing thought. ‘It sounds great, I’m …’
‘You know how fond of you I am. You make me laugh, even now your face is normal.’ James grinned. ‘I think we could have a good couple of months.’ He leant towards her, presumably for their first kiss.
The butterflies in Beth’s tummy began performing Riverdance.
As their lips touched, her mouth wanted to explore his. His hands came up to her back and pulled her towards him, although, Lord knows, she didn’t need pulling. His face against hers was quite soft, save for the occasional bristle. He kissed beautifully. It was as if they were dancing. A slow and gentle rhythm. A million miles away from the fumbling kisses she’d shared with Mario.
They were standing in the street, outside some stranger’s house, someone who was probably getting a good old eyeful out of their window, and yet she didn’t care. Her hand made its way up his strong back, to the crook of his neck. His skin was warm from working in the sun. She stroked his soft, messy hair and obeyed the overwhelming urge to run her fingers through it. This was all the kisses she should have had, this was all the teenage magazines at their absolute best. She was owed this.
After an indeterminate amount of time, James gently broke away from her. ‘I take it we’re on? Together in Bondi, yes?’
Beth wanted to agree. She was desperate to say yes. But she had a whole load of concerns. What if he wants to go to the laundry room with me, tonight? How far will he expect me to go? What if all this ends up in another Mandy situation?
She knew what she had to do. It was a risk she simply had to take. Telling him everything might cause him to run screaming for the hills. But if they were going to be together for the next couple of months, she couldn’t see any way around it.
Taking a deep breath, she began, ‘First, James, there are a couple of things you need to know about me.’