Forty-one
Beth gazed into the full-length mirror in her parents’ room. ‘This dress is beautiful.’ She couldn’t take her eyes off the many layers of organza.
Michelle agreed. ‘You look amazing.’
‘Thank you. You look great too.’
Michelle danced her way out of the room, swishing the netting underskirt of her dark pink dress, as she went.
Beth asked Lisa, ‘Do you mind?’
‘What about?’ Her tone was somewhat aggressive.
‘Do you mind not being able to wear a beautiful dress?’
‘Why the hell would I want to wear one of those? You do realise you look like a couple of meringues, don’t you?’
‘I don’t care what you say today. I don’t ever want to take this dress off.’
‘Well, you will have to take it off at some point. All this fairy tale crap has got to end sometime. After today, you’ll be James’s wife forever. God help you!’
‘It’s for the best, you know.’
‘What is?’
‘Don’t play dumb. You know what I’m talking about.’
‘It’s for the best, is it?’
‘Yes. You’ll see.’
‘It’s for the best that Charlie Morris had already left the country?’
‘I think so, yes.’
‘Well, forgive me if I don’t agree with you. You wanted me to make that phone call and you were as disappointed as I was when his mum told me he was halfway around the friggin’ world.’
‘I didn’t know what I wanted. You’d worked me up into a frenzy. I wasn’t thinking straight.’
‘Beth, lie to yourself, lie to the twat you’re about to marry, lie to all your family, if that’s what you want to do. But DO NOT bother lying to me.’
‘Let’s just leave it shall we. Michelle’s coming back with a bottle of Cava, and the last thing she needs to see is me upset on my wedding day.’
‘Heaven forbid!’
They were soon halfway through the bottle. In actual fact, Michelle was halfway through it. Beth made sure to only have one glass. Whatever else happened today, Lisa simply must not be allowed out.
Nanna popped her head around the bedroom door and asked Michelle if she could have a quick word with Beth alone.
Michelle took herself off to the kitchen, intent on drinking the rest of the Cava. Beth gave her strict instructions. ‘Don’t get drunk and do not spill ANYTHING on that dress.’
‘I won’t. I promise!’
Nanna made her way over to the bed. ‘Sit here, darling.’ She patted the place next to her. ‘I need to talk to you.’
‘Is everything OK?’
‘Of course. I just want to say something.’
‘You’re going to make me cry, aren’t you?’
‘Not intentionally.’ Nanna patted the bed again. ‘Sit, sit, I won’t bite.’
Beth did as she was told.
Soon it was time to join her dad in the hall. He was a jibbering wreck. ‘I’ve forgotten all the things you told me to do. I can’t remember what to say, when to sit down, when to stand up. Christ, I’m not even sure I could tell you my own name.’ He tugged at his collar and dabbed at the beads of sweat on his head, with a large white handkerchief.
‘Stop worrying, Don. It’ll all come back to you.’
Beth took his arm and led him to the front of the house, where they posed for a couple of photographs. Then they walked to the car. Michelle, Pat and Nanna had gone on ahead in the first car. Don and Beth set off to circle the block, just to be sure the others had enough time to get to the registry office before them.
In the car, Don seemed to be struggling with his emotions. ‘You have no idea, do you?’
‘About what?’
‘How this feels. How I feel right now.’
‘Are you upset?’ Beth faced him.
‘No. I’m proud. Incredibly proud.’
She was relieved. ‘I thought for a moment …’
‘You were our only baby.’
Beth saw no point in contradicting him.
‘Our one little girl. Your mum and I love you very much. We want your happiness more than we want air in our lungs. We want the absolute best for you. Seeing you today, looking like this, so beautiful. It’s …’ Unable to finish, Don took a second handkerchief out of his suit pocket and blew his nose noisily.
They remained in a comfortable silence for the rest of the trip. A trip which consisted of four circuits around the block and a short drive to the registry office. Don blew his nose a total of six times, throughout the short journey.
‘Dad’s a silly old sod, isn’t he?’ There was much affection in Lisa’s voice.
Beth walked into the room on her dad’s arm. Behind her, Michelle tottered along in her high-heels.
As Beth joined James at the front, he mouthed that she looked fantastic.
They made their vows. Agreeing to love each other for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Beth meant every word. She was determined to make this work.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in saying many congratulations to Mr and Mrs Collier.’ The registrar led the applause.
Husband and wife walked back down the short aisle and out into the grounds for the photographs.
James smiled at his bride. ‘Are you happy?’
‘Yes, of course. You?’ Beth reached up and stroked his face.
‘I’m …’ He took a hold of her right hand. ‘What’s this ring?’
She was shocked at the abrupt change. ‘What? Oh, this? It was Nanna’s engagement ring. She just gave it to me. I’m going to move it to my left hand after today, to go with this.’ She pointed at her brand-new wedding ring. ‘I’m relieved it fits, Nanna has slim fingers, and I was worried ‒’
‘I was going to get you one.’ Unbelievably, James seemed to be pouting.
‘Can you turn and face me?’ the photographer asked.
‘I know you were. But now you don’t have to. We can spend the money you’ve saved on something else, and ‒’
‘Your family think I’m useless. They think I can’t even sort out a bloody engagement ring.’
Joy began to seep out of Beth. ‘No, they don’t. Nanna just wanted me to have it. I thought it was a lovely idea. My grandpa would’ve ‒’
‘Hey, Mr and Mrs Collier. Can you look this way?’ The photographer gave a hearty wave.
The guests were starting to suspect there was a problem. A couple of them were trying to listen in.
‘I just don’t like people thinking I’m a shit husband already.’
‘James, please? No one’s thinking that. It was meant to be a nice thing.’ How on earth can he get this so totally wrong? How can he see it as anything other than a wonderfully generous and sentimental gift?
The photographer clicked his fingers. ‘If you could look this way, I just need to …’
‘All right. We fucking heard you the first time!’ James’s anger burst out. In a second, he’d contained it, and with a charming smile, he added, ‘Sorry, mate. Just a little misunderstanding with the Mrs.’ Turning to Beth, he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, ‘Come on then. Let’s give the photographer a lovely smile.’
She tried to oblige, but the smile failed to reach her eyes. She was stunned by James’s reaction.
‘Let me out. I want to tell him what I think of him!’
‘That’s not helpful.’
‘Can’t you see how messed up he is?’
‘Perhaps I should’ve told him about the ring in private. Maybe I was wrong to just start wearing it.’
‘Beth, you and I were both touched when Nanna gave you her ring. Those things she said, all the stuff about how much she loved Grandpa, and how she still missed him like crazy. Her absolute belief that there’s someone out there for everybody. She had us both welling up. You’re lucky she didn’t hear the crap that just came out of your new husband’s mouth.’
Beth knew she mustn’t cry. Yes, the odd tear could be explained away as pure joy or emotions. But she was about to start wailing, and she knew she mustn’t.
To her sister, she said, ‘Please forget you heard that. He’s not a bad man, he just …’
The photographer asked for a photo of a smooch. On auto-pilot, she turned her face towards James and met his lips with hers. His kisses were the same as ever, warm and welcome. He whispered, ‘I love you, Mrs Collier.’
‘I … I love you too.’ She knew she would never be able to look at the photographs without remembering how she felt right at that moment – sick with disappointment.
She decided the only way to stop this from spoiling the entire day was to force it from her mind, and try to focus on all the good things. She threw herself into the speeches; laughing raucously at Don’s lame jokes, and giving the expected coy look when James’s speech began with ‘My wife and I’. By the time they were slow dancing to Lionel Richie, she’d almost managed to forget the earlier upset.
‘Lisa, are you OK? You’ve hardly spoken today.’
‘I’m fine. But … I’ve not just married this idiot.’