Fifty-four
The day before their appointment was a Sunday, and Beth had arranged to go around and do Nanna’s hair.
She arrived at the agreed time. Ringing the doorbell, she was surprised when Nanna didn’t instantly answer. She rang again, then called out.
After quite a wait, Nanna appeared on the other side of the glass front door. ‘Who is it?’
‘It’s me. It’s four o’clock.’
‘Beth?’
‘Yes, it’s four o’clock. Your perm?’
Nanna opened the door. She was still in her nightclothes. ‘My perm?’
‘Yes, we arranged for me to come and do your hair today. Are you OK? Why aren’t you dressed?’ Beth was shocked, she’d never seen Nanna in her dressing gown after 9 a.m.
‘Sorry, darling. I just had such a headache. I thought I’d sleep in a bit and see if I could shift it. Did you say it’s four o’clock? Goodness me, it’s getting dark already.’
‘Yes.’ Beth followed her into the lounge. ‘We can leave your hair if you like. It’s up to you.’
‘Yes, I think …’ Nanna rubbed her eyes. With a sigh, she continued, ‘I think it might be best.’
Beth gave a gentle smile. ‘Look at your nightdress, the buttons are all wrong.’
Nanna glanced down. ‘Oh dear, I’ve got Tuesday’s buttons in Wednesday’s holes. How did I manage that?’
Beth corrected the buttons. ‘Can I get you anything? Tea? Some toast? Paracetamol?’
Nanna shook her head. ‘No, no. I’ll be fine. I’ll eat something later. I find sleeping helps best with a headache. I’m so tired, I could fall asleep on a washing line.’
‘But if you’ve only just woken up, that means you’ve not eaten all day. Aren’t you hungry?’
‘A bit. I think I’ve got some crumpets. I might have one later.’
‘One! Later! She’s pushing the boat out.’ Lisa was as worried as Beth, she just showed it in a different way.
Beth had to agree with her sister. ‘One crumpet isn’t a meal. And I’d rather you ate soon.’
‘Oh, would you now. It’s not that long ago I was looking after you all summer and making your lunches, and here you are telling me you want me to eat.’
‘Make her eat the crumpets, Beth. She looks pale.’
Beth headed towards the kitchen. ‘How about I make us both a nice cuppa and a couple of crumpets? Does that idea grab you?’
Nanna was usually a stubborn old thing, but it seemed she didn’t have the energy to argue. ‘If you like.’
Beth watched as Nanna nibbled on a crumpet. Thankfully, she’d agreed to take a couple of tablets with her tea.
‘Tell me exactly what’s going to happen at your appointment tomorrow?’
Beth obliged. Happy to talk about her favourite subject, she gave Nanna a full run down on the procedure, as she knew it. Whenever she thought about the fact that James would soon be injecting her in the bum daily to stimulate her ovaries, she felt a wave of excitement. Little shots of adrenalin hit her in the chest. ‘I’m very grateful to you.’
‘I’m just pleased I was able to help.’
‘I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight. I’m too distracted. I can’t switch my brain off, you know?’
‘Yes. I know how that feels. Although …’ Nanna yawned, ‘I don’t seem able to switch mine on.’
‘How’s the headache?’
‘Better. I think the food helped.’
‘Half a friggin’ crumpet, yeah right,’ Lisa sighed.
‘Maybe it was the tablets. Anyway, Nanna, whatever it was, I’m glad your head’s a bit better. Would you like me to leave? You could go back to bed.’ Beth couldn’t help noticing Nanna was yawning non-stop.
‘Would you mind? I think a good sleep is all I need.’
Beth assured her she didn’t mind at all and they agreed to do the perm another time, when Nanna was better. She leant in and kissed her on her soft cheek. ‘Bye for now.’
‘Bye bye, darling.’ Nanna yawned again.
As she drove away from the house, Beth couldn’t hide her concern.
‘You’re worried about her, aren’t you?’
‘Well, aren’t you?’
Lisa agreed. ‘Yes. I’ve never known her sleep all day. And what’s with the headache?’
‘I’ll talk to Mum about getting her an appointment at the GP. No need to mention it to Dad, he’ll panic.’
‘Good idea. It’s probably nothing, but …’ Lisa didn’t need to finish her sentence. They both knew Nanna wasn’t getting any younger, and it scared the hell out of them. Instead, she simply said, ‘She did look rough. She’s changed a lot lately.’
‘Yes, she has. Remember when we were kids and she used to run around the house like a loony, playing with us?’
‘You.’
‘Pardon?’
‘She used to play with you. She didn’t know I existed.’
‘Oh yes.’ Beth felt the stab of guilt. ‘I’m sorry, Lisa.’
‘So am I.’
When she arrived home, Beth was surprised to see James had gone out. She’d left him watching a football match, and had fully expected him to remain stuck in front of the TV for the rest of the day. Where has he gone to, I wonder?
She couldn’t explain it, but for some reason a sense of unease settled upon her. He hadn’t told her he planned to go out, in fact, he had given every impression of a man who intended to stay put. If it were someone else’s husband, she’d think maybe he’d nipped to the pub for a swift pint or popped to B&Q for some much-needed piece of DIY equipment. But this was James. If he went out unannounced it was never good news. Beth scanned the room, it had the look of a location that had been searched. Some items were not in their rightful place.
At the same time as the thought occurred to her, Lisa also said it, ‘Check the money!’
Her heart was hammering in her chest. He couldn’t know. There’s no way he could know. I told him Nanna had it.
She ran upstairs to the bathroom. Opening the door to the little cupboard next to the loo, she began pulling out cleaning products. Bleach, shower cleaner, spare toilet rolls, they all came tumbling out onto the floor. Shoving her hand deep into the cupboard, she reached for the ledge at the back.
It was empty! No. No way. He wouldn’t do this to me!
‘I will kill him with your bare hands!’
‘I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t … he couldn’t … how did he even know it was here?’
‘I guess he just knows you well. He’s a devious git.’
‘Do you think he’s gambling with it? Right now, I mean.’
‘Who knows?’
‘Maybe he’s winning. Or maybe it’s not all gone.’ Beth dropped to her knees, tearing at her hair.
‘And maybe the fucker has lost the lot!’
James didn’t return all night. The later it got, the less hope she had. By midnight she was broken. She had to admit to herself he wasn’t going to come back with the money. Any hopes she’d had that he might have won were dashed. She could neither understand his reasons for taking it, nor could she forgive him.
She’d cried non-stop for hours and her head was throbbing. Lisa had repeatedly insisted she should let her deal with him when he came home. As much as she liked the idea of agreeing, Beth was aware her sister had no conscience and no responsibility. She couldn’t be sure Lisa wouldn’t go ahead and kill him, and it would be her fingerprints on the murder weapon.
At some point during that long night, it occurred to Beth that she was going to have to explain to Nanna about her savings. That they would never be used for the amazing thing she’d withdrawn them for. It broke Beth’s heart to think of Nanna giving up her high interest so readily. There were many layers to this betrayal.
Just knowing she was going to have to cancel their appointment the next day, and there were to be no more attempts to get pregnant, that alone was like a punch to her chest. It caused a physical pain that struck her deeper and deeper each time she thought of it. There could be no good reason for what he’d done. Nothing. There were no words he could say that would explain his actions.
Beth had lain on the bathroom floor for an hour, howling. Eventually, realising how cold she was, she’d picked herself up and dragged her body to her room. Throwing herself down on the bed, she’d continued to grieve. Lisa had been angry, not just angry, totally livid. In the end, Beth had had to ask her to stop shouting. As much as it was nice to have her full support, the things she had said were too painful.
Three times, Beth had gone back to the bathroom cupboard and checked. Three times, she’d hoped and prayed she’d somehow been mistaken. Three times, she’d had to face the fact that there was no error ‒ Nanna’s money was one hundred per cent gone!
By the time James returned, the sun was up, the birds were singing, and Beth was sitting in the lounge, drinking a mug of strong coffee. For a second she saw a look on his face, she watched him size up the situation. Was she up early because she was excited about their appointment, or had she made the grisly discovery? She saw his eyes flick from left to right. He had a half smile on his face. He was preparing himself for either possibility.
‘I’ll save you the job of trying to work out whether or not I know.’ She rose from the sofa. ‘I DO!’
‘Beth …’
‘Think very carefully now. Is what you’re about to say to me worth what I’m going to say back?’
‘Love …’
‘I know what you’ve done.’ She took a step towards him.
‘Look … it was …’
‘Didn’t you hear me? I said, I know what you’ve done.’ Another step.
‘If there was any other way, I would’ve ‒’
She took a final step. Reaching out, she slapped him hard across the face. ‘I KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE!’
‘They were going to hurt you.’
‘Who was?’
‘Just some arseholes. I owed them money. They threatened to hurt you. I couldn’t let them.’
‘So, you took Nanna’s money. OUR BABY’S MONEY.’
James began to cry.
She ignored his tears. She would not be swayed by them.
‘I … I couldn’t let them hurt you.’
‘Nothing anyone could have done to me would have hurt as much as this!’
‘I’m so sorry. I’ll win it back. As soon as I can, I’ll win it back.’
Lisa was furiously shouting to be let out.
Beth could hardly hear herself think. ‘NO, James. You won’t get that money back. Just like you never got my lovely kettle and toaster back. I replaced those things. I paid for them, from my honest wages. You can’t get four grand back.’
‘I will.’
‘If you had four thousand pounds in your hand you’d never get all the way home with it.’
‘I promise. I’ll work overtime. I’m in line for the Team Leader role, I’ll ‒’
‘Shut up! Just shut up. I can’t bear the sound of your stupid, whiny voice. What you’ve done is … despicable.’
‘If there had been any other way … I couldn’t let them hurt you.’ He was repeating himself over and over.
What with Lisa egging her on, and her own anger, Beth wasn’t sure what she was about to do.
‘Kill the bastard. Smack him over the head with something!’
Beth’s eyes took in every object in the room. Am I seriously looking for a weapon?
The sound of the phone ringing put a stop to her search. She let the answer-machine pick up. The greeting message played. Her calm voice advised the caller that she and James couldn’t get to the phone right now. Beth wondered if she’d ever be that calm again. Her eyes settled on a lamp.
‘Yes, that’s it. Hit the idiot over the head with it.’ Her sister was clearly mad.
Then Pat’s voice filled the room, and nothing else mattered. ‘I don’t know if you’re still there, or if you’ve gone for your appointment. But … um … Nanna’s not well. I popped round to see her on my way to work this morning. Thank goodness we have a spare key. I was a bit worried about her headaches, and I tried calling her and … well, anyway, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t wake her up. She’s on her way to The General in an ambulance. Sorry to break it to you like this, but I think it might be serious. I’ll try your mobile.’
James made a move towards Beth. ‘I’ll drive you.’
She glared at him. ‘Get the hell out of my way!’ With that, she left the house, slamming the door behind her.