It was everything I imagined it would be. His body felt right, perfect against mine, and his dominating presence only intensified every single gesture, word, and feeling. The setting itself couldn’t have been more perfect with the steam slowly rising in that gorgeous Turkish bath.

I dreamed about him that night, which wasn’t something I expected. In my dream, he kept walking away from me while looking over his shoulder, a smile on his face. He was begging me to follow, but every time I tried to catch up, he’d walk faster and faster. It was a weird dream but I all but forgot about it when I woke up the next morning.

As I made breakfast and went about my day, he was all I could think about. I knew it was stupid and maybe wrong, but I also knew that there was no stopping it anymore. I gave myself to him and he gave me something I never expected in return. I needed it again and again, and I knew that just once would never be enough. Carter was a man unlike any other I’d ever met.

I had boyfriends in high school and even one in college. They were nice, but they were boys. They wanted to drink beer and play video games all day long, and then would grudgingly take me out to a movie or something like that. They never knew how to satisfy me, not really, not the way I needed. They were just too fast, too awkward, and too uncoordinated. Those guys didn’t know how to touch a woman the way she really needed it.

I never knew what I was really missing until Carter showed me. He was older than I was, though it wasn’t that strange at all. He was experienced, a man that had been around the world and knew exactly what to do and when to do it. He wasn’t some horny teenage boy that was going to come in ten seconds because he couldn’t control himself. Carter was sensual, poised, and incredible. He had the experience to make me feel good.

I never thought I’d be interested in an older guy. Maybe a senior in college or something like that, but not one that was over ten years older. Sure, it wasn’t like he was actually old enough to be my dad, but still. He had a considerable amount of experience compared to me.

I wanted to learn. I hated to admit it to myself, but Carter knew more about sex than I did. He did things and said things and made me feel things that I never pictured before, and I could tell that it was only the beginning. I wanted to learn from him, wanted him to teach me exactly how to fuck. I wanted him to show me what my body was capable of.

That was all I could think about all day. I kept checking the Marauder’s Map, but he never showed up on it, even through that night. He either had his phone off or maybe he was stuck at work, but I went to bed that night frustrated and tired.

The next day was the same. I woke up from a strange dream about him and lounged by the pool, waiting for his dot to appear. I kept picturing the things he would do to me and the dirty things he’d say to me, and I was practically dripping wet all afternoon. I’d never been so excited before, so turned on. Carter didn’t even have to do anything to get my body going.

By the time six o’clock that night rolled around and he still hadn’t shown up on the map, I was too excited to wait any longer. I hurried up to my apartment, showered off, and as I got dressed I had an idea.

Carter liked surprises. He sent me some lingerie and the flowers because he enjoyed spontaneous practical jokes. He didn’t even seem angry when I handcuffed him to the bed and left him there for a maid to find, which admittedly was probably a little overboard. If he didn’t want to show up on the map, well, then I’d just have to go find him.

I waited until ten, when I knew he’d be finished working, and I slipped on the lingerie. I had to have a little glass of wine first to help with the nerves, but soon I was dressed in that sexy outfit. I sent him another Snapchat of me wearing it then put on a long beige coat I had to cover it over. Heart hammering in my chest, I left my room.

He was going to love this. I walked down the hall and checked the lab first. There was nobody in it, and so I went on to his music room. I passed a few security guys and a few other staff members, but none of them looked at me strangely. I wondered if they knew what I was doing and were just being polite, but it didn’t matter either way.

He wasn’t in the music room, either. I checked the map one last time, and he still wasn’t showing up. I checked Snapchat, and sure enough he had looked at my Snap, though he hadn’t replied.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. I had one last place to look for him. I walked across the house and into the wing he shared with my mom, praying the whole time that I wouldn’t run into her.

I got lucky and found myself at his bedroom door. I knocked once, softly, and then again more loudly.

The door creaked open and Carter looked out at me, a strange, reserved smile on his face.

“Emily,” he said.

“Hi, Carter.”

“What’s up?”

“I have something I want to show you.”

His smile wavered for a second. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll come out.”

“No, we should go in.” I stepped in past him and he tried to protest, but I ignored him. He was acting strange, but I was way too excited and amped up to notice.

I practiced this moment in the mirror and had really psyched myself up for it. I never, ever put myself out there like this before, and could never imagine doing it for anyone but Carter. He was the only one that made me even remotely excited enough to really bare myself like this.

“Emily,” he started, but I didn’t let him talk. As soon as the door shut, I turned to him and pulled off the coat, letting it drop to the floor.

I stood there wearing nothing but that lingerie and smile, hands on my hips. “Is this how you pictured it?”

His jaw dropped. He stared at my body exactly the way I wanted him to, but suddenly he turned away. “Shit,” he said.

“What?” I asked, suddenly sensing something was off.

“Emily, I’m so sorry.”

“Carter. What?”

“Can you, uh, shit. Can you put that coat back on?”

I was mortified. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I quickly grabbed the coat and wrapped it back around me.

The bastard didn’t want me anymore. He had a taste and now he was done, just like with every other girl out there. I didn’t know why I thought I might be special or thought that he was changing. Clearly, I was wrong, and I just made a huge fool of myself.

“Listen,” he said, turning back to me. “It’s not you.”

“Oh my god,” I said, pushing past him.

“Emily, wait.”

I couldn’t stand there and listen to his bullshit cliché excuses. I had to get out of there before I humiliated myself further. I pushed open the door and stormed out into the hall, Carter following behind me.

“Emily,” he said again. “Hold on. Let me explain.”

“No,” I said, whirling around at him. “You listen to me. You’re an ass and a manipulative jerk. You don’t care about people if they don’t benefit you somehow. You’re a user and I’m done with you, Carter Green.”

He stood there, shocked, as I turned and stormed off. I heard my mother’s door open, but I just ignored it as I quickly left their hallway.

As soon as I got into the stairwell, I started running. I could feel the tears coming and I didn’t want him to see them. I ran as fast as I could across the house until I finally got into my apartment, slamming and locking the door behind me.

I collapsed onto the floor, crying harder than I had cried in a long time.

I was so embarrassed. Carter didn’t want me, and I really had no clue why. He seemed like he wanted me that night, and he said he was only going to keep wanting more. I didn’t know what happened between then and now but something had. Maybe it was my fault, and I just wasn’t sexy enough for him. Maybe this lingerie thing was too late.

But no, I couldn’t start blaming myself. Carter was an asshole and that was all there was to it. He thought he could toss me aside just because he had me already.

I got up, trying to compose myself. I went into the bathroom, tore off the lingerie, and shoved it into the trash. I got changed into sweats and a sweatshirt, poured myself a nice big glass of wine, and collapsed onto the couch.

Carter Green was an asshole. He was exactly who I thought he was at first. Carter charmed me and managed to convince me that his reputation wasn’t deserved, but clearly I was an idiot for believing him.

I was going to keep playing along with this bullshit for my mother’s sake, but I was done with him. I put myself out there for the first time ever, and maybe I’d never do it again.

It was safer on my couch with a glass of wine, hiding from the world.