We go to bed in separate rooms, but all I can dream about is Connor.

He didn’t need to say how he felt last night. It was obvious the second he saw me in the kitchen. He walked into the room and had this look in his eyes like he couldn’t look away from me even if he tried. I’ve never felt so wanted in my entire life, but when he looks at me, I suddenly feel like I’m alive.

I can barely believe how he makes me feel. If I wasn’t sure that I made him feel the same way before, I think I can start to put those fears behind me.

In the club with Macy, I didn’t dance with a single guy. I didn’t tell him that, of course, but it’s the truth. Guys came up to me and asked me, offered me drinks and all that, but I turned down every one. Macy thought I was insane, but every guy that approached me just paled in comparison to my Daddy.

They just weren’t worth it, but Connor is worth anything. Macy couldn’t understand that and probably never will. I wanted to leave as soon as we got there, but I had to stick around considering I was the one that made the plans to begin with. She seemed like she was having a good time at least, while I mostly kept to myself, dancing with Macy when she didn’t have a guy, and drinking a gin and tonic that I bought for myself.

I felt relief when I saw him there in the kitchen after I got home. I was afraid that he’d be gone or that he wouldn’t want to see me. I got dressed up and made sure he saw what I was wearing, hoping to entice him, and it worked. At least, I think it worked.

I wake up early the next morning to the sound of my door creaking open. I should feel afraid, but for some reason I know I’m not in danger. I look up and Connor sneaks into my room, a small smile on his face.

“What time is it?” I mumble.

“Early,” he says. “Your mother won’t be up for another hour. Come have breakfast with me.”

I blink at him and rub my eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. Come on. She’ll be up in an hour.”

I smile and get out of bed. I’m exhausted, but I can’t help but want to be around him. I throw on some shorts and follow him downstairs.

Coffee is brewing and he already started cooking pancakes. He flips the ones on the stove and has to toss them with a laugh because he let them burn. He cooks up a short stack for both of us before setting it all up on the table.

I watch him as he cooks, marveling at the way he moves. I surprise myself all over again at how badly I realize that I need him and how head over heels I feel. I thought it was just a physical thing, or at least that’s how it was at first. Now though, it’s becoming a lot more than that, and it scares me a little bit.

I needed direction in my life, but I never thought an older man like Connor would be that direction. I craved something to give my days meaning, something that wasn’t what everyone in my family became. And Connor can offer me all of that and more.

I know my mother doesn’t approve and she likely won’t anytime soon. When this is all over, she can divorce Connor like they plan, and I can start something new with him. She’ll come around eventually, especially when it doesn’t hurt her anymore.

She won’t hate me forever. Though to be honest, there’s some small part of me that’s exactly afraid of her hating me. What if she believes that by passing up on Harvard and spending my time with a man like Connor, I’m squandering everything I’ve been given? She might be right, actually, but I can’t let that hold me back. I have to follow what feels right.

Connor sets out the food and sits down across from me. “Dig in,” he says, smiling.

“I can’t believe you cook.”

“All good men cook.” He takes a forkful of pancake. “And all good men love pancakes.”

I laugh lightly, playing with my food. I don’t feel hungry. I sip my coffee and take a bite, and although it’s good, I know I won’t eat it all.

“Something wrong?” he asks, looking concerned.

“No, nothing,” I say, “just not much of an appetite lately.”

“I understand. Stress can do that. But you should eat anyway.”

I shrug and take another bite. “When this is all over, what do you plan on doing?”

“I don’t know,” he muses, looking at me seriously. “If this works, your mother will pay me a lot of money. I might buy a house by the beach and retire.”

I smile at him, shaking my head. “You don’t seem like the retiring type.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Though a house by the beach would be nice.” I lean toward him. “Will you invite me?”

“You’re always invited,” he says softly.

“Good.” I watch him eat for a second.

“What about you?” he asks. “Going to Harvard?”

“Probably not,” I say. “I think it’s time to admit that out loud.”

He stops and looks at me for a second. “Harvard is a great opportunity.”

“I know. So says everyone.”

“But,” he continues, “If it’s not what you want, good for you for passing it up. Not many people could do that. Takes guts.”

“Guts.” I shake my head. “I don’t have much of that.”

“Sure you do. You kidding?”

“Not at all. I’m afraid all the time.”

“Of course you are. But you’re getting through the shit, and that’s what really matters.”

I sigh and sip my coffee. “What did you want to do, before all this?” I ask him.

“I’m not sure. I was pretty content doing private security and drifting from bed to bed.” He grins at me.

I roll my eyes. “I’m sure you were a big player.”

“I was. But I didn’t have much direction.” He cocks his head at me. “I was a lot like you, actually.”

“Oh yeah? You sat around by the pool in a bikini all day?”

“Damn right. And I pulled it off.”

“I bet you did.” I can’t help but laugh a little bit at the thought.

“Seriously though. I was taking job after job, living for the thrill of it. I couldn’t slow down. I was... addicted, in a way.”

I watch him, surprised at how candidly he’s speaking. I feel like I know him pretty well at this point, but he never really opens up about anything too emotional or difficult. Just hearing him talk like this makes my heart beat fast in my chest.

“But I don’t know. Maybe I want to change all that. Maybe living a little slower, a little more carefully... maybe that’s not so bad.” He eyes me carefully.

I smile at him. “I know I wouldn’t mind that.”

“I bet you wouldn’t. You want me to stay around here, taking care of you all day.”

I lean toward him and give him my best mischievous smile. “Spoil me, Daddy.”

He grins at me, leaning over the table. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Come live in my house by the beach, sit by the ocean all day and get spoiled all night.”

“Not a bad life.” I laugh and shake my head. “Think I’d get bored?”

“I wouldn’t allow you to be bored,” he says.

I smile huge at him and feel something in my stomach, something like excitement. He’s looking into my eyes and I’m looking into his, and I know he feels it too. We’re talking about a future together, but that’s insane, it’s stupid, it’s not possible.

But we’re talking about it anyway, because we both want it to come true.

I reach out across the table. He reaches out and takes my hand. I feel a spark run through my body, up my stomach and along my spine. I feel words tingling on my tongue and I want to say them, want to blurt them out, no matter how stupid and ill-conceived it is.

“You two look comfortable.”

We both look up suddenly. My mother is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest, totally dressed and ready for the day.

I let go of Connor’s hand quickly, eyes wide, fear spiking through my stomach.

“Good morning, Julia,” Connor says, smiling at her like nothing is happening.

“How long?” Her gaze doesn’t break from mine, but I can’t look.

“Long enough,” Connor says. “I know you don’t approve. But it’s happening.”

My mother’s silence is like a dagger in my chest. I want to scream or run but I know I can’t. I know something just changed.

I’m not her child anymore. She knows it as well as I do. I’m not a little girl anymore. Maybe she never realized that I grew up because I never left the house, but I did grow, and now it’s being paraded out in front of her. I’m sure she hates it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

The genie is out of the bottle. And you can’t shove it back in.

“Doesn’t matter,” she says, shaking her head and looking at Connor. “Dad’s dying.”

“I know that,” he says softly, looking concerned.

“No, I mean, he’s dying. Right now.”

Understanding blossoms on Connor’s face.

“Granddad’s dying?” I ask mom. “Today?”

“Today,” she says, nodding. “A nurse just called me.”

“We should go.” Connor stands up. I go to follow but Mom looks at me.

“You stay,” she says.

“What?” I ask. “He’s my granddad.”

“Stay here for now,” Mom says again. “Please, Syd, just stay. I’ll send someone to get you if it looks safe.”

I pause and release a breath. “Okay,” I say, feeling defeated.

Connor gives me a look then walks over to Julia. “I’ll get dressed.” He disappears upstairs, leaving me alone with my mother.

She looks at me for a second before sighing and walking over to the cupboard. She grabs a mug and gets some coffee. “I can’t say I blame you,” she says.

“What?” I ask.

“Connor.” She shrugs. “He’s handsome, no doubt about it.”

“It’s not just that.”

“Isn’t it? He’s a handsome man giving you attention. Maybe I should have been around more often, or maybe I should have pushed you to go to school.”

“Mom,” I say, standing. “It’s not just that. It’s...” I trail off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“Okay, sweetie. Fine. But you went against my wishes and so did he.”

“I know,” I say softly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure you are.” She watches me for a second. “I’ll be in the car. Tell him to hurry up.” She puts down her mug and disappears outside.

That wasn’t too awful. I really figured it would be worse. I stand there in the kitchen, feeling both elated and destroyed all at the same time. My mother knows now, so that’s over and finished at least, but she’s very unhappy about it.

But he wants me. He really wants me, longterm, beyond all of this. He’s talking about being with me, and that makes me feel happier than I ever thought it could. I want to scream and laugh and cry all at once, and it feels good. I feel more alive than I ever have before.

I step toward the hall, wanting to go see him, kiss him, tell him how I feel. I’m ready to do it now. I want to say the words, now that my mother knows, now that there are no secrets between us anymore.

But as soon as I move, something grabs me from behind.

I go to scream, but a cloth is shoved over my mouth. I struggle, eyes wide, as confusion washes over me. I take a deep breath to scream and a strange, horrifying chemical smell assaults me, gets into my throat, and deep into my lungs.

I try to cough, try to fight, but I can’t. The world feels fuzzy, dips, dances, and suddenly goes black.