Explosions rock all around me in abstract color. It’s loud, too loud, and I can’t see anything. Gunfire pops off and I huddle against a wall, my squad strung out and pinned down. One of my friends gets a bullet through the skull right next to me, and I’m screaming, covered in blood, my rifle firing as I run out into the open, begging to be shot, begging to be killed, everything too vivid, everything too real.

I wake up in a cold sweat.

It takes me a minute before I get myself together. The dreams are so damn lifelike and intense. I know it’s a pretty common thing for guys like me to experience, but that doesn’t make it any fucking easier. The dreams keep me up at night sometimes. All things considered, this was a mild one.

I check the clock and sigh. It’s barely past five in the morning and the sun is just starting to rise. I get up, knowing that sleep is a lost cause at this point, and grab a quick shower. When I’m done, I head downstairs and get breakfast started.

I’m the first one awake, although I know Noah is going to be up any second now. I glance at the baby monitor as I finish brewing the coffee and making eggs for Alice.

“Morning,” my stepmother says, coming into the kitchen as if on cue. “Noah up yet?”

“Morning,” I say, glancing at the monitor again. “Not yet, surprisingly.”

“Lucky. What’s it, almost six?”

I nod and show her the pan. “Eggs?”

“Sure.” She sits down at the kitchen table and I make her a plate. “It’s nice having you home, you know that?”

I grin at her. “You just like it that I cook.”

“Pretty much.” She sips her coffee and picks up the paper.

Alice is in her late sixties, dirty blonde hair, a smile that warms my heart, and more life in her than anyone I’ve ever met. She’s my stepmom, though my dad died a few years ago. When I got back from Syria, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be welcome in her home, but that was stupid of me.

Alice Baker is the best thing in my life. She kept my dad’s last name and always says she won’t marry again, though I’ve been trying to get her out there anyway. Alice deserves to have someone, even if she feels like she’d be betraying me and my dad. The world is a better place with Alice Baker in it, and I’m a fucking lucky man to have her.

As I turn away, intent on making myself a plate and scarfing it down as fast as possible before Noah wakes up, the baby monitor lights up with crying. Alice gives me a little smile. “You want me to get him while you eat?” she asks.

I shake my head. “I got him. You enjoy.”

She sighs. “It’s good having you home.”

I grin at her then head into the back nursery. Noah is sitting up in his crib, crying because he’s hungry or because he just wants to see me, but it doesn’t matter. I lift him up, kiss his cheek, and carry him over to the changing table.

I didn’t know about Noah until after he was born. My ex-girlfriend Jen planned on giving him up for adoption, and nearly did it until Alice found out. I begged her to let me have him, and she agreed but on one condition.

I had to leave the SEALs and never look back.

It was the hardest choice I ever had to make. I spent the majority of my life, from eighteen until thirty, serving as a SEAL. I was fighting overseas in Syria, and that was my last tour. As soon as my time was up, I was honorably discharged, and I came home.

Noah was only a month old but I got him. Alice was raising him for me and I knew she was relieved when I got back to help. It was hard at first, but he’s nearly a year old now and it’s getting easier every day.

Jen doesn’t see him and I wouldn’t let her if she wanted. I can’t trust a person that would give up their child, no matter what their reasons. We only dated for a little while, really just a month while I was home on leave, and that’s when she got pregnant. Fortunately, it was at the very end of my tour, or else I’d be stuck in Syria still and my son could have gone anywhere.

But none of that matters now. I change him, clothe him, and carry him out to the kitchen. Alice fusses with him while I get his breakfast together. She helps feed him while I eat, and the morning goes pretty smoothly like that.

I never thought I’d be a father. The idea just never occurred to me. Other men got married, had wives, had kids, had real lives, but that shit wasn’t for me. I was a fighter, a SEAL, a fucking warrior. I was going to live overseas and fight America’s enemies until the day that I died.

That is, until Noah showed up in my life. As I drive him to daycare, I can’t help but reflect on how things have changed.

It’s not just about me anymore. I have to live my life based on his schedule. It’s harder than I thought it would be but also more rewarding. I have a job at Alice’s flower shop, and otherwise I don’t know what I’d do for work. Fitting back into civilian life is hard as hell.

I kiss Noah goodbye, drop him off, and head to work. Alice waves as I show up and head into the back, getting my stuff together.

“I’ve got a task for you,” she says just as I’m putting on the stupid and embarrassing apron she makes me wear around the shop.

I pause. “Can I take this off?” I ask her.

She grins. “Yes, you can.”

“Let’s hear it,” I say, pulling the apron off as if it were burning hot metal.

“We got a big order this morning, some wedding over on Turner. I need you to get us some wildflowers from the nature preserve.”

“I think I can handle that.”

“They don’t usually sell flowers, but they’ll let you pick them. Just tell them I sent you.”

I grin at her. “Is this legal?”

“Basically.” She grins back at me. “Legal enough.”

“Works for me.” I grab my keys again and head toward the door.

“Hey, hold on.” She walks over to me and gives me a big hug. It takes me off guard a little bit but Alice is always doing stuff like this.

“You’re doing great,” she says, pulling away. “Keep it up. Noah’s a good kid and you’re a good dad.”

“Yeah, well, thanks.” I’m not great with emotional stuff. “See you later.”

“Good luck.” She waves as I head out.

Life back home isn’t easy. Getting used to being a civilian again isn’t a simple thing. I’ve been back for about ten months now but I still don’t feel like I belong. I barely have any friends, since they’re all either still in the service or they moved away from this shitty little town we grew up in, and I spend all of my time raising Noah. It’s exhausting and difficult and sometimes I feel like something’s missing from my life.

But I wouldn’t go back and change it. I made this choice, I decided to come home and raise my son, because that’s the kind of man that I am. I’ll keep on sacrificing for Noah because I don’t know any other way.

I start the engine and head off, driving out to the edge of town. Asherwood is a small town in the heart of Virginia, basically a bunch of farms and one little downtown area where the flower shop is. The nature preserve is out on the edge of town, in the middle of nothing, which makes it in the middle of the middle of nothing to be exact.

I have no clue that soon, this middle of nowhere is going to become the center of my world.