I feel like I’m still reeling from yesterday’s revelations as I walk down a sunny, secluded block in a part of the city I don’t often go to.

I don’t know how I’m going to keep this secret from my mother. I know I promised Connor that I would, but I just don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s too huge and there’s too much tension there between the two of us. Now that I know my mother isn’t in love with him, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m not sure I can keep my hands off of him.

Which is part of why I’m out here walking down this block. I’m heading toward a company called Inner Learning. They specialize in tutoring underprivileged kids and they also give out scholarships based on performance. They’re hiring math tutors, and while I don’t have a higher degree, I did really well in math in school. I want to tutor younger kids, maybe sixth through eight grades, and I feel like I’m perfectly qualified. I want to drop my resume off in person, maybe that’ll help with the process.

My mind is still on Connor as I head into Inner Learning’s front office. It’s set back in a normal-looking building, and I wouldn’t even know it was there if I weren’t looking for it. They clearly don’t have a huge budget, but the place is clean and the receptionist seems friendly as I walk inside.

“Can I help you, honey?” the receptionist says.

“Sure, hi, I’m actually looking to apply for one of your open jobs.”

“Okay,” she says. “Great. Which one were you looking at?”

“There’s an opening for a math tutor, I think I saw that on your website.”

“Good,” she says smiling. “We need more female math tutors. Hold on, let me get you an application.”

She gets up and rummages in a drawer. A second later she gives me a packet and a pen and motions for me to fill it out in the waiting area. I go sit down and start to fill in the information.

I hate filling out these stupid applications. They’re always the same, and all of this information is in my resume, but it’s part of the game. Besides, Inner Learning is a really good company. We need more people and companies like this trying to help people better themselves. It’s amazing how much you’re given in life when you’re born a certain way, like I was.

I never had to worry where my next meal was coming from. I always had clothes, supplies, time and space. I also went to schools with really good funding, which gave me a leg up. I was given every single opportunity to succeed in this world, making it extremely easy for me to skate by and get into Harvard.

I want to give back. I can’t imagine trying to graduate high school in a community that has no money, in a school with no funding, in a place where people are more worried about making ends meet than they are about times tables.

When I finish the application, I hand it back in and leave. I hope that showing my face in person helps, but who knows. I want to start giving back to people that need help, and I believe I can do that with Inner Learning.

Maybe I want to go into teaching in general, or maybe I want to work for a non-profit organization. My mind reels through the possibilities as I head back home to my comfortable house in my crime-free neighborhood. I don’t have to worry about a thing, which is almost a problem.

I feel good about my decision to apply there as I pull up in front of my house and park, even though I don’t know if I’ll get the job or not. I feel like it’s a step in the right direction at least.

I head up the front walkway and stop, surprised by a large package in front of the door. I’m not expecting anything and the box is pretty large. Maybe it’s something for Connor. I check the address but it doesn’t actually have a name down on it, just “the Hall Family.” I open the door and manage to get the box inside and into the kitchen.

I stare at it for a second then shrug and grab some scissors. It’s addressed to me too, after all. Plus, who doesn’t love cutting open a package? It’s like Christmas.

I slice through the tape and pull open the flaps. There’s some white packing foam at the top which I have to pull out before I can see what’s inside.

As soon as the foam is out of the way, I stare down into the box and my brain doesn’t quite make sense of what I’m seeing. I stare at it for a second before stumbling back, face completely white, a scream sitting in the base of my throat.

I grab my phone and dial without thinking. Connor answers on the second ring.

“Sydney?” he asks. “What’s up?”

“There’s a head in this box,” I say, feeling like I might puke.

He pauses. “What are you saying?”

“A box. There’s a head in it. Oh my god. It’s a real head.”

“Stay where you are. Don’t go outside. I’m on my way.”

He hangs up the phone and I nearly drop mine onto the floor as I stumble away from the box, fear and terror ringing through me.

It’s just like yesterday, but worse. The eyes are dead and blank as it stares up at me. I stumble away from it, heading outside and toward the pool. I need fresh air as I collapse into a pool chair, trying not to think about that thing in the kitchen.

I don’t now how much time passes, but soon I hear my name. I look up and Connor steps outside.

“Sydney,” he says. “Please, why are you outside?”

“I had to get out of there,” I mutter.

He nods. “Come on. Come inside.”

“Is it gone?”

He frowns and shakes his head. “I’ll take care of it. Just come inside.”

“Get rid of it first. Please.”

“Why would someone send you a deer head?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I have no clue.”

He grunts and crosses his arms. “Just stay there, okay? Don’t move.”

He disappears back inside and I stare at the water, feeling numb. It was just a deer head, but it’s still death in a box. I could see the dried blood all at the bottom, pooled into a plastic wrapping that covered it. I get the chills all over again as I sit there.

Connor comes back out not long later holding something in his hand. He sits down at the foot of my chair and shows me a note, folded in half, with some dried blood on it.

“Do you recognize this handwriting?” he asks.

I take the note and open it. Scrawled in black sharpie are the words, “BACK DOWN OR DIE.”

“No,” I say, reading it again. “Not at all.”

“Your uncle’s, maybe?” he asks, prompting me.

I shake my head. “I don’t know, honestly.”

He sighs and takes the note back. “Someone mailed us a dead deer’s head with a death threat.”

“Why?” I ask.

He gives me a look. “You know why.”

“My uncle wouldn’t hurt me,” I say softly.

“How sure can you be?” He sighs, shaking his head. “I’m not trying to scare you, Syd. I know this is hard. But listen to me. I won’t let anything bad happen.”

“I know,” I say softly.

He leans toward me and for a second, I think he’s about to kiss me. I’m shocked at how badly I want him to do it. I want him to take me, pull me against him, kiss my lips hard and make me his.

I want him to control me, dominate me, keep me safe. I’ve never experienced this feeling for a man before in my whole life and yet it’s so intense I can barely stand it.

I need to feel what his hard body feels like against mine. I’m suddenly dripping wet and ringing with excitement, my whole body lit on fire for him. But instead of kissing me, he brushes a piece of hair from my eyes and smiles at me.

“It’ll be fine,” he says. “I got rid of the head. Come back inside, okay?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Okay.”

“I’ll hang around the house today until your mom gets home.”

We stand and I follow him back inside. The box with the head is gone, but I can’t really think about that. All I can imagine is Connor bending me over, fucking my pussy, slapping my ass.

It’s too much to handle. “I’ll be upstairs,” I say quickly.

“Alright.” He puts the note on the kitchen counter. “Yell if you need anything.”

“Sure.” I hurry out of the room before I can do something to embarrass myself.

I don’t know what I’m thinking. I call Connor right away to come save me, and when he does, all I want to do is throw myself at him. That’s the stupidest thing I could do, since I’m supposed to be pretending that he’s my stepfather. But there’s nothing nice and clean about our relationship and we both know it.

Truth is, I want it to get dirtier, darker, grittier. I want so much more. Which is why I have to hide away from him for the rest of the day, afraid of what I might do if I stay around him.