“So, are you going to tell me why you left?”
Jessa looked up at him and resigned herself to having a conversation she didn’t necessarily want to have.
“Look, I appreciate you helping us and all, but…”
“What is up with you? I know you care about me. So why do you keep running away? Are you really going to just take off again?”
Jessa gave him a dirty look. She didn’t really know what else to do. He had her totally pegged. Didn’t he get that she did not want to look at this stuff? He also knew that she needed him, so he could afford to put her on the spot. She thought it was the guys that were supposed to be cold and unfeeling. She really didn’t know exactly “what was up” with her.
“No, I am not going to just take off, but you don’t have to look so smug. And don’t think you can just jump on me like you did back at the cottage again. I would hate for you to end up like Chase. Okay cupcake?”
Michael just gave her an exasperated look. He knew as well as she did that she had enjoyed that roll in the grass more than she could give words to. They had just felt so right together. He would just have to be patient again. But he was glad that he had voiced what had gone unspoken last time.
Jessa smiled and went to the bedroom where her son was sleeping, her defenses a little back in place. She needed a little hiding. It was just a lot for her to take. After her husband had passed she thought she would never be with another man again. Being around Michael was difficult and she felt better as soon as there was some space between them. It was going to be a long trip and she was still not sure why he was going her way. She still couldn’t quite believe that he meant what he said. She had an idea of what he really wanted and even though she wanted it too, she fought against her basic urges. When sleep finally came to her though, it was still Michael she dreamed of.
***
“Mom, everyone is up. It’s time to go.” Shane was giving her arm and back a not-so-gentle wake up shake.
Jessa’s eyes opened in a flash. She had slept way passed her usual time of dawn and the sun was high in the sky when she looked out.
“What time is it?”
Shane shrugged and handed her some sort of tea. She smelled it suspiciously and then took a drink.
“Thanks, who made this?”
“Milo. We went out and got some plants this morning for it. He’s really smart.”
Jessa stuffed down her annoyance at Shane going outside with the relative stranger. She didn’t know if she liked the idea of him going out alone with someone she didn’t know. Actually, she knew she didn’t like him going out without her period. There seemed to be a need to set some ground rules. Jessa had all intentions on telling Michael off as she got dressed, but when she smelled breakfast all cooked and ready, her initial anger quickly dissipated as her hunger won out. She took a couple of the little tortillas that he held out and sat down on the stairs of the porch.
“Shane said you guys were ready to go?”
“Almost. Just cooking up the rest of this batter before we go. It won’t keep and we will be grateful to have it for lunch or dinner. Do you always sleep so late?” It was not a criticism. He genuinely wanted to understand her patterns. Everyone had their ways, and they needed to be respected. Plus they did need to all get on the same page as soon as possible.
“No. I guess I was just more exhausted than I knew.”
The truth was that it had been the first time she had actually felt safe enough to really sleep in a long time. When it was just her and Shane, she always had to worry about everything, all the time. She could never rest. She had not realized how much she had missed the sense of safety and ease that a group afforded. Even a small group of four was enough for her to feel that weigh shifter off her shoulders. It was also just a fact that the four of them together had better odds than just a woman with a child did alone.
“Well I’m glad you got some sleep. Hopefully it will improve your mood,” he said with a hint of a smile.
“Don’t count on it,” she replied.
“So Mom, where are we going?”
“East a little longer, then south. I have heard many times that the Keyes was spared a lot of the destruction. That will be the best place to go I think. No big cities or radiation to deal with.”
“But. You know we are going to have to deal with a few on the way though. Miami was hit hard and you pretty much have to go through it to get to the bridge. Tampa and Orlando can be bypassed, but we would have to go through Miami. It would be even worse to try and go around it I think.”
Michael was nervous about both her planned route as well as her final destination. He had never gone as far south as Miami himself, but he spent enough time in the over-grown state to know that he did not want to go there now. All the critters that had been there before were still there, only now a huge bunch of them were supersized and meaner than ever. Yesterday’s dog-beast pack would look like a bunch of circus poodles by comparison. For whatever reason Florida had been especially reclaimed by nature post-bombs. And as conditions deteriorated people emptied out of the state, streaming north, and probably south as well, he figured, further hastening the decay as well as nature’s return to the land. As soon as he had gotten a taste of it in the past he had headed out, and wasn’t overly anxious to visit it again now, especially not with a small child and a pretty sick teen in town.
Seeing the anxiety on his face she said, “I have dreams of this place. That’s where we will be safe, I know it.” Then she paused for a moment as her expression changed…”Have you ever felt like you’re being guided?”
The question took him by surprise, mostly because he knew exactly how that felt. He had felt that was how he had found her the first time he laid eyes on her, as well as the time he had found her in the cottage, as well as the way he found her again yesterday. Yeah, he knew exactly what she meant, but he couldn’t say so. He didn’t really know what to say, he was rendered speechless. He had been ready to argue with her and try to convince her to pursue some other plan – any other plan. But things had worked out pretty well so far in following this guidance he had received, so he decided to take her question as a further form of his own guidance. He would take it as a sign that they were indeed meant to head south toward the Keyes. He wasn’t going let her know that though.
“Have you been in any of the big cities afterbombs,” he said, using the slang, “or just the smaller ones like wherever that was we just left?”
“I have seen enough to know what I’m asking, though it was before I had Shane. Look, I just want to find a safe spot, and I know this is the way. I just feel it. I know it won’t be easy to reach, but isn’t it worth a shot? There has to be a place where we can all start again on our own terms.”
Mike could see that he was not going to change her mind, and at this point he didn’t feel a need to. The conversation had given him his own epiphany. She was stubborn though. And he also realized that he would have her no other way – not that he really had her at all of course. But at least they were together. He had hope she would come around.
“Well, I guess I have nothing better to do at the moment. Milo, what do you think, do you want to go see the ocean?”
The young man smiled broadly and nodded his head. Somehow he at least had some fairly white teeth. They had not pressed him about his mother, but it was apparent that he had been alone for some time. It was clear how happy he was to be a part of a group. And he positively lit up to be asked his opinion on such an important topic as where to go. Of course it was obvious that Milo would go wherever they went, just so long as he didn’t have to be alone anymore. They could all relate to that.