The feeling when she could finally switch off her computer and pull on her coat was the best thing in the world. She was hungover to hell and just wanted to crawl into her apartment and veg out on the couch. She knew she was going home to an empty place, and there were times when the disappointment of how her life had turned out would catch her off guard and drag her under, but Victoria was determined that this wasn’t going to be one of those days.
She hadn’t always been alone. She had had a serious relationship once. Rob… she had loved him very much. When it hadn’t worked out and she had been forced to leave their lovely little house in a much nicer neighborhood than where she was now, she tried to console herself with the theory that this was her time to make a fresh start and discover the life she was meant to have.
Two years passed and it was becoming apparent that the life she was meant to have was spending her days hating her job and earning basically nothing, going home alone and watching rom-com’s on Netflix, and maybe looking forward to the occasional night out with Helen, who would generally make her feel worse about the situation. Helen’s life always looked so glamorous. She was stick thin with big fake boobs and pumped up lips, and men lusted after her everywhere she went. She had a long line of sugar daddies willing to pay her bills and shower her with gifts. She danced at one of the best strip clubs in town three nights a week and seemed to earn more than Victoria did in an entire month. She was kind hearted, but she seemed to miss the fact that her best friend didn’t have a disposable income like she did, and Victoria regularly found herself feeling like she just couldn’t keep up.
“The men would go wild for you at the club. You should consider it, you know,” Helen had told her one day.
“Oh please, no chance,” Victoria laughed.
“They would,” Helen protested, “Especially with your beautiful curves. You’d make more money than me!”
Victoria shook her head and dismissed the idea immediately. Even if she believed Helen, she would never have the confidence to do something like that. It had been a full two years since a man had seen her naked, and she wasn’t about to change that by taking her clothes off for a room full of strangers!
“Your loss,” Helen had pouted.
***
As she left her office and made the short walk home, the cold bit her skin. She pulled her coat and scarf tightly around her. At least she was being woken up after a day of feeling half asleep. She stopped by her usual take-out place and debated going inside to save her the chore of cooking once she got back to her apartment. She couldn’t even remember what she had in the refrigerator, but when she saw a group of rowdy men inside, she decided it was a sign that she should just go home.
It was dark already by the time she got to the steps at the foot of her building, and as she checked her mail, an eerie feeling suddenly washed over her.
She turned on the spot and looked down the street. She seemed alone, except for the old lady at the building opposite who was walking her dog, but she had the strong feeling that someone was watching her.
She turned back around and looked down the other end of the street. Cars flashed by on the main road and the wind rustled the tree next to her, blowing a plume of leaves in her direction.
“Stop being stupid,” she said to herself. “There’s no one there.”
She collected her mail and started up the steps. Even though she had just looked everywhere, she could feel eyes on her back and her skin prickled. She fumbled for her keys in her pocket, but her hands were so cold it was as if they had been frozen.
“Come on,” she hissed to herself.
She finally grabbed them and jabbed the key into the lock, turning it quickly and shoving the door open with her body. She slammed it behind her and looked out onto the street. It was as empty as it had been before.
“You’re cracking up,” she said to herself. “You need to get yourself to bed.”
***
Her apartment was small and cozy. When she had moved out of the home she shared with Rob, she had barely taken anything with her, knowing full well that she wouldn’t be able to afford a big place.
Her apartment consisted of a small front room with a tiny adjoining kitchen, one bedroom in which she managed to fit a full-sized bed, chest of drawers and arm chair, and a bathroom. The hallway was small and she had decorated it with a selection of mirrors of all shapes and sizes to try and make it feel more open and welcoming. It wasn’t so bad, but she wished she could have gotten somewhere bigger so that she could actually enjoy the space. Victoria had a secret passion for interior design, and she spent most of her lonely nights in looking at design apps and home and garden magazines, dreaming up her ideal home and choosing exactly how she would decorate it. She always told herself that one day, it would happen.
She turned on the TV and sat on a stool next to the small bar in her kitchen. She flicked through her mail that was nothing but junk and financial demands and then crossed the room to the refrigerator. Inside was a sorry sight… eggs, milk and an old packet of ham. She rolled her eyes and slammed it shut. Toast would do.
After making it and slathering it in butter, she crawled onto the couch with a cup of coffee and pulled a blanket around her. It was only six p.m. and she had a whole night stretching out ahead. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes and scolded herself for being so weak and pathetic.
It’s just the hangover, she thought. Tomorrow you’ll be fine.
She didn’t know when it happened, but at some point she fell to sleep on the couch, cradling the plate of half-eaten toast and her empty cup of coffee. She woke with a start when the commercials blasted throughout the room. She jumped up with a start and glared at the television, which quickly buzzed off and then flicked to white noise as if the signal had gone down. She picked up the remote and bashed it with her thumb.
“Oh, come on,” she said.
When her attempts failed, she chucked the remote across the room, gathered up a few of her interior design magazines, and made her way to her bedroom.
Even though she had closed the blinds all the way through the apartment she still had the feeling she was being watched. It seemed to follow her from room to room and she even found herself checking under the bed before she climbed into it. She just couldn’t shake the feeling and after spending only five minutes flipping through the magazines she put them down, switched out the light and pulled the covers up to her chin. She lay on her back watching the darkness around her. She knew no one was there… but she still felt like someone, somewhere was lurking.
She lay in bed with her eyes wide open and the hairs on her arms standing on end. Her heart pounded quickly until she finally succumbed to sleep.