Jax had been gone for about five hours, and Layne was beginning to feel restless. She had no idea how long it would take for him to return, but she knew that he wouldn’t dare to come back without having exactly what she needed. She felt unworthy of a devotion so powerful, but at the same time, it made her feel safe in such an uncertain world.
It would be nice to find out what was going on with her body, and no matter what it was, she would have to brace herself for better or worse. That also meant that preparing herself for both the best and the worst if she turned out to be pregnant.
She was terrified of the idea of putting another being into the world, someone that she could love and hold and take care of, only to have them snatched away from her by the same virus that took everybody else that she loved in such a gruesome way. She didn’t think that she would be able to survive from that kind of tragedy. It would be like losing a piece of herself.
How would they be able to take care of another person? She almost hoped that she was just mortally ill so she wouldn’t have to worry about these terrible things. Either way, it was up to her, and now that Jax was out of the house it was the perfect opportunity for her to go out and scavenge for the material she would need.
Layne was suddenly stricken with a burst of motivation unlike anything she had felt in the past few months. She always felt more alive when she had a purpose, and lately her purpose had been to create a more sustainable home. Now that she didn’t have to worry about making Jax vulnerable to attack, as he surely would be if they went out together, she could go out and get what she needed. There was an abandoned neighborhood a few miles away. If she could look for supplies, maybe she could stop worrying and figure out exactly what she wanted to do. She knew she couldn’t handle the emotional difficulty of losing a child to the virus, and felt like it would be unfair to subject a baby to the world as it was.
But she also felt optimistic and hopeful. Maybe they would be able to have a normal family together. Two parents with immunities might mean that their child would be safe. It wasn’t a guarantee but it was possible. And they could have a normal family together, settling into the little cottage, living off their garden. Maybe everything would be all right.
She packed a bag as quickly as she could, making sure to bring extra water in one of the mason jars that they had found in the cellar. With the way she had been feeling, she thought it would be best to stay extra hydrated. She was sick, not stupid.
Layne closed and locked the door behind herself, glancing nervously back at her garden. It could do for a couple of days without tending, but any longer than that and she might as well have kissed all of her months of hard work good bye. Between the wildlife and the weather, she hardly trusted it to survive without her special touch. But that would be okay. She wouldn’t be gone long. It was only a couple of miles away. She had done less than that in just a couple of hours back before she and Jax had begun getting settled.
“I’ll be back soon,” she promised the little cabin, resisting the strange impulse she had to wave good bye to the little settlement. Everything was still though, and she told herself that it would be all right to leave, just for a little while. Either way, everything would be okay. She would just have to believe that.
***
Jax was shaken up by the time he reached the river where he had first spoken to Layne. He dropped to his knees and dug a small hole, letting the water filter through and drinking deeply from his cupped hands. He had missed the taste of the fresh water, and needed some to splash on his face after killing the two hopeless wanderers. He had done his best to help them. They had given him no choice. He had to keep believing that.
Suddenly, he got to his feet and threw up. Fuck, he thought fearfully. What if he was sick too? Did that mean that Layne wasn’t pregnant after all? Had they both become infected with something dangerous?
Or maybe he was just feeling really nauseated after killing those two kids and the stream water wasn’t agreeing with him. If they were both sick, a doctor would be even more important. The only person he knew was Tobi from Hex, who might have some knowledge about a doctor. Everybody else refused to talk to him and saw him as a traitor. Maybe Tobi could point him in the right direction.
It was as good a plan as any, and so he made his way down the familiar pathway, wondering when he would be able to get in touch with Tobi. Sometimes they expected each other, but he hadn’t seen her in months. She probably assumed that he was dead. He had been a pretty regular visitor, although it had been dangerous at the time, especially because the leader of Hex, Shark Tooth (formerly known as Jimmy Fletcher Junior), had a huge grudge against him.
Jax had been the one man in the tribe who Shark Tooth had hoped to rely on, someone he could call a brother and a friend. He had wanted to take him in as his prodigy, because Jax was one of the most brutal fighters he had ever seen. He had taught him more about street fighting and even got him in touch with a master of martial arts so that he could channel all of his talents. He had learned a lot from Shark Tooth, who had been hurt deeply when Jax finally decided that life in Hex just wasn’t for him.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t just be hurt about it – he treated it as if Jax had wronged him more than anybody ever could have, making an enemy out of him. He made sure that nobody in the tribe would welcome him back. They were all ordered to report directly to Shark Tooth if they saw Jax anywhere near the headquarters, and Jax knew that although Shark Tooth wasn’t a match for him physically, strategically he would probably be able to get him sooner or later. But that wasn’t going to stop him from checking in with Tobi.
He would just have to trust his instincts and hope that everybody thought that he was long gone by now. He was pretty sure the Jackals would have it in for him too, so he decided to stay away from their tribe. Even if they offered to help, it would be more likely that they would double cross them.
Jax was getting tired but he mostly felt emotionally and mentally drained from having to deal with the two kids. He hadn’t even bothered to search them for something useful. He would let some other desperate looters deal with that. He had everything that he needed back at home with Layne. If they were going to have a baby, then there was a lot they would need to do in the meantime to prepare. They would need to gather more food and find more materials for clothes and blankets. It would be difficult but they could manage. They would have to.
The sun was beginning to set as he finally came upon the neighborhood that marked the final stretch between the river and the Hex settlement. It would be a long ride in the morning, so he did as he usually did and found the old house where his Aunt, Uncle, and cousins had once lived. It was the closest to a safe place that he had found before he and Layne had discovered the homestead. Now they had forgotten what it really meant to be in danger.
He had never ventured very far into the house, but now that there was the possibility of a baby on the way, he decided to poke through the ghostly bedrooms. His family had suffered, and the only good thing about it was that they had been fortunate enough to have some medical relief before the virus was totally understood. Many people had died right out in the street or on the floor of their homes.
If he could find some blankets to bring home, it would be great, but he would have to be careful of mold. Jax hissed as he walked. The girl with the spear had gotten him good, and it hurt more when he walked on his foot than it did when he was pedaling the bike. There wasn’t much of use in the house anyway, and it was stirring up terrible memories. Every little noise was making him feel jumpy and displaced so far from home. If he didn’t take care of his wound, it could get infected and cause even more problems. It was his job to keep himself alive. Nobody else would do that for him.
He was glad to be inside as the sun started to set, although it gave him the creeps to hear the sound of all the empty buildings around him. He tried to distract himself, pulling a bottle of alcohol from under the couch where he had hidden it and dabbing his wound with it. The debris was blowing in the wind and the houses shifted and groaned in the night. He tried never to think about how desolate it felt. He had dealt with life alone for over two years, but he had become an expert at steeling himself from his emotions about it. If he could deal with the loneliness, he could deal with anything.
He was far too used to spending his nights with Layne to be comfortable sleeping in the old house alone. He could hardly wait to get back to her. He couldn’t stand worrying. He curled up on the couch, pulling out the familiar but musty blanket from the drawer in the end table beside it where he had stashed it, and covered himself up, staring off into the distance and hoping that Layne was okay.