Gerard must have noticed the look of shock on Sue’s face.
“You seem to be surprised that I’ve heard of your ex-husband,” he laughed and she relaxed a little.
“You didn’t think I read?” He was studying her face as she smiled at him politely.
“I don’t remember you picking up a single book in college,” she said and finally took a sip of her drink, which had gone cold by now. She forced herself to gulp it down.
“I didn’t have the time then, as you very well know,” he said and they fell into an awkward silence for a few seconds.
“How did you two meet, anyway?” He broke the silence and she met his eye again.
“His kid sister was one of my ballet pupils. Vincent used to come by the studio to pick her up from classes from time to time.” She tried sipping her drink again, for the distraction. “Are you married?” she asked and nearly winced at the question. She didn’t really want to hear the response.
“I avoided it like the plague, successfully,” he said and laughed. Sue joined him with an embarrassed, short laugh.
“I read Vincent’s first novel. It did quite well?” She could see an evil gleam in his eyes, his seemingly innocent question was a fatal jab at the fact that Vincent’s second and consequent novels were utter disasters.
“Yes, it did,” she replied quietly and looked away from him. Her initial instinct had been right; he was using this meeting as a show of victory. They were quiet again and Sue watched him pull out his cellphone, which he concentrated on for the next few minutes. His eyes were focused on the screen, his face held together by the same full lips which were now taut and grim as he presumably read his emails. He still had the same big hands and she noted his clean and neatly cut fingernails. The image of his former self, scruffy dark hair and unkempt nails, floated in front of her eyes as she tried to discreetly study him. She couldn’t believe it was the same man. In college, the last thing Gerard cared about was his appearance and twenty years later, she could see the flash of glittering stone cufflinks on his wrists.
“You’re wondering how I’ve changed,” Gerard said to her, without looking away from his phone. Sue blushed immediately and fidgeted around in her seat.
“Well, you’ve changed too,” he continued and carelessly flung his phone on the table to look back at her. Those scrutinizing eyes were focused on her again and Sue could feel another wave of embarrassment overtake her.
“It’s been twenty years,” she said softly, but Gerard didn’t seem to agree.
“Not simply in appearance, actually, you don’t look that different. You’re quieter now,” he said, he seemed to have his own deep thoughts in his head that he was going over. Sue smiled and sighed.
“I’ve grown up is what you mean,” she said, but he still didn’t show any signs of agreeing with her.
“You’re less confident,” he finally said, after a few seconds of silence. Sue was surprised by his words, surprised that he had seen right through her, that she was so transparent to him.
“Well, I’m not twenty anymore. The quiet comes with maturity,” She still tried to hold her ground. She didn’t want to appear weak before him.
“You’ve lost your fiery self and that’s a pity,” he said, rather harshly and Sue glared at him with angered eyes.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she said to him as he drained the coffee from his cup.
“You know what I mean. You’re less demanding. You’re more accepting,” he said and pushed his empty plate towards the center of the table. He was looking about him and snuck a few looks at his watch, while Sue continued glaring at him. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, but she was frozen in her seat.
“I can’t imagine you liked my demands,” she blurted out and he fixed his gaze on her again, slowly, almost menacingly. She inched back in her chair and dropped her gaze. She wanted him to stop, to stop staring at her like he knew who she was.
“No. But I admired you for it,” he said and stood up suddenly. Sue could feel tears stinging the back of her eyelids and she was glad he was making a move to leave. She refused to look up at his face as he remained standing for a few seconds, above her.
“I have to go, Sue. Urgent business,” he said casually, as though he had no idea the effect his words had on her. Sue kept her head hung low, she didn’t want him to see her struggling to hold her tears back.
“It was nice meeting you,” he said curtly as the waiter joined them and he handed over a few large bills without looking at the receipt.
“Sue,” she heard him say, almost like he was admonishing a naughty child. When she didn’t respond to him for a few seconds, she sensed him walking away.
Sue breathed out loudly, like she had been holding her breath the whole time that Gerard had been sitting there. It was an attempt to keep the tears in. She got up from her chair quickly and hurried out of the cafe. Outside, she could smell the balminess of the air, it was about to rain. She tightened the shawl around her shoulders as she started walking towards her house. She was going to walk home, she decided, even if it took hours.
•••
Sue peeled the wet shawl off her skin and stood in front of the long mirror in her room. Her hair was damp and messy and pasted against her forehead. Her eyeliner was running in black streams down her cheeks, while her lashes were clamped together. She had the appearance of a wild cat caught in the rain and she laughed loudly, maniacally.
She hooked a finger at the back of the strap of her shoes and prized them off her feet, one by one. The soft carpet felt warm and comforting against the damp soles of her feet. She felt miserable.
Sue looked around her bedroom and spotted the empty bottle of whiskey on her bedside table and let out a disappointed sigh. I admired you for it, Gerard’s words haunted her now. She was a joke to him now. She looked at herself in the mirror again for affirmation. Her dress stuck to the outline of her bony body and she shook her head. I need to eat. I need to stop drinking. She said it to herself aloud and walked to the kitchen, dripping rainwater all over the floor.
She made herself a salami sandwich and found an old tub of chocolate ice-cream. She took a bite and it reminded her of how depressed she was and how food was of no importance to her anymore. Why aren’t you eating anything? You’re as skinny as ever. His words came back to her and she forced herself to eat the entire sandwich. She picked up the tub of ice cream from the counter and walked back to her bedroom. The bedroom she had shared with Vincent for ten years, the man she now despised. She didn’t care anymore, so she flung herself, in her wet dress and hair, on to the bed. Her laptop was on the bedside table and she opened it up. The lid of the ice cream tub opened with a loud crack and she stuck a spoon in it and scooped some of the creamy goodness into her mouth as she checked her emails.
The first unread email was from Gerard T. Again. Sue had to blink hard a few times to reassure herself that she wasn’t dreaming or drunk.
Dear Sue,
I apologize that I had to leave so suddenly. I was hoping we would be able to continue our catch-up another time? I’m hosting a small dinner party this Sunday. I look forward to seeing you then. I’ll have my secretary send my home address and directions over to you.
Regards,
Gerard
She couldn’t believe how self-important he sounded. The fact that he simply assumed that she would accept his invitation, that she would even want to see him again, after how rude he was to her. Sue fluffed up a few pillows behind her and sat back in the bed, crossing her arms over her chest. No, she didn’t want to see him again. She didn’t want any more negativity in her life, any more men walking over her. Most of all, she didn’t want Gerard Tate, the guy she had dumped twenty years ago, to make her feel like she was a doormat.