Sam
Past
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Age 15
“SAM, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?” Cassie’s voice rattles through my head as I pull the phone away from my ear.
“My Dad is going to take me to the party after dinner.” I pause and wonder what the important discussion they need to have with me is all about. When I got home from school today, there was a note on the board from my mother.
Don’t go anywhere tonight until your father and I
have had the chance to talk to you.
No worries – it’s all good! See you for dinner!
X’s & O’s
~ Mom~
“What time will you be done?” she whines, and I know she’s excited about tonight. Brad Mitchell is going to be there and Cassie has a huge crush on him. “What are you wearing?”
“Dinner should be ready in about five minutes, and I’m wearing a bathing suit, you dope. It’s a pool party.” I shake my head as I hold up the striped bikini that my mother says reminds her of some chewing gum she loved when she was younger. Fruit Stripes, I think.
“What are you wearing over your bathing suit? I need help accessorizing! Ugh!” She’s frantic, and I know what my closet would look like if she were actually here getting ready with me.
“My white pullover and platform Steve Maddens.”
“No! Absolutely not! The last time you wore those shoes, you wound up falling flat on your face in the mall. I cannot let you take your life into your hands like this. Please just wear flip-flops, or better yet, sneakers. You’re a klutz, Sam.”
I giggle and dismiss her worry. “Just stop. You know I only wear sneakers for gym.”
“It’s your funeral, sister. Now hurry up and eat and I’ll meet you there by eight!” She hangs up and I rush to get dressed. After putting on my bikini, I slip the white cover-up-dress over my head. It falls about mid-thigh, and once I step into my Steve Maddens, I’m almost as tall as my father. I arrange my curls to cascade around my face and grab my Chapstick. It drives Cassie nuts that I never wear makeup. I usually only use Chapstick and sometimes mascara for a special occasion.
“Sam, dinner’s ready!” Mom calls from the bottom of the stairs. I start to move toward the door when I slip and almost turn my ankle. I chuckle out loud and slide out of my shoes, bending down to swipe them from the floor.
“I think I’ll carry you guys downstairs instead of walking, okay?” I say out loud to my favorite shoes.
By the time I reach the kitchen table, my parents are already seated and have our meals dished out. It’s my favorite. My father’s ‘special’ chicken, steamed veggies and fresh berries. My parents have always insisted on a colorful plate full of food, no matter what meal it is. He’s been making this chicken for me ever since I was a little girl. I’ve always called it Daddy’s Special Chicken when I know that it’s really just breaded chicken cutlet. He loves making it for me, and I ate it practically every night for dinner for several years. I will never tire of it.
“Wow, dinner smells great,” I say and slide into my chair.
Mom and Dad have smiles ear-to-ear and I can’t imagine what has them so excited tonight.
“Okay, you guys look weird. What’s going on?” I ask as I cut into the first piece of chicken and chew it. It’s so good. It begins to melt in my mouth, and I savor the flavor from the breadcrumbs. “Can you pass the barbecue sauce?” Another one of my favorites.
My mother slides it across the table, and she drops her fork next to her plate.
“Your father and I have some really exciting news,” she says and can’t contain herself.
I look back and forth between them and my father’s eyes light up even brighter.
“You do?” I ask. “Don’t leave me hanging! What is it?”
Mom takes a deep breath and her eyes glisten a little.
“We haven’t said anything at all because at first, we weren’t sure. But it happened, and now we’re thrilled and we just can’t believe it!” She’s all over the place, and I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“What happened?” I ask and dunk a piece of chicken into the barbecue sauce and pop it in my mouth.
“Sam, we’re going to have a baby,” my father interrupts, and I practically choke.
“What?” I ask as I gulp down my chicken.
“Yes! I’m pregnant,” my mother exclaims, and I stare between the two of them and wonder how this is even possible.
“A few years after you were born, we tried for another and were told that I couldn’t have any more children. The doctors did everything they could, and we even went through fertility treatments. Nothing worked, so we decided we were happy with the family we had.”
I never realized any of this, and I suddenly feel sorry for my parents for what they went through when I was little.
“So about two months ago, I wasn’t feeling well, and I didn’t think anything of it. I thought it was the flu or something like that.”
I remember her being sick for a few weeks and she was constantly in the bathroom throwing up. I was thankful for not catching it. Now I know why I didn’t.
“Mom, Dad, this is so cool.” I think?
“Oh Sam, this is amazing! When I finally went to the doctor, he told me I was pregnant. We couldn’t believe it. We’d suffered from secondary infertility for so many years and we just never thought it would happen. We never expected this, but we’re so happy!”
“It’s going to be an adjustment for us,” my father pipes in. “We realize we aren’t in our twenties or thirties anymore. With your mom turning forty this year, we’re going to have to watch her closely and make sure everything is progressing along normally and healthily.”
“Wow,” I say and take another bite of chicken. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“It’s too early to tell yet. We’ll know in ten or twelve more weeks,” my mom replies and takes a sip of water.
“Wow,” I say again. A baby?
“Cassie’s going to freak out when I tell her.” I laugh through chewing my food.
“Let’s wait a little longer before we tell anyone else, okay?” my father asks.
“Why?”
“Because we want to make sure your mom and the baby are doing alright. We have an appointment with the doctor again next week. Why don’t we see how that goes before we start sharing the news? We haven’t even told Aunt Peggy yet.”
“Okay.” Aunt Peggy is going to be so happy. She’s never been married nor has she had children of her own. She treats me like a daughter, and I know she’s going to love my little brother or sister just as much. I swish water in my mouth and look down at my plate. I’ve eaten all of the chicken and veggies without even realizing it. The fresh berries are left, and I scarf them down without saying another word.
“Are you okay, Sam?” my mother asks hesitantly.
“Yeah. Of course I am. I’m just—just a little surprised?” A lot surprised.
“So are we. Oh my God you have no idea!” Mom says.
“It certainly took us by surprise, but we’ve realized this is a gift, just like you were. We’re the luckiest parents alive.” My father reaches out and grabs my hand. “We were blessed with you, and now we’re all going to be blessed with this miracle.”
Tears well in my eyes unexpectedly. I squeeze his hand and look over at my mother, who is outright crying now.
“I can’t wait,” I say honestly. The joy in my parents’ eyes is infectious, and I can’t help but feel like this baby is going to bring so much more love into our house.
I finish my meal, listening to my parents talk about the renovations they are going to make to the guest room upstairs.
“I hope Aunt Peggy is going to be okay with giving up her space when she stays here.” I smirk, knowing how much she enjoys staying in the room next door to mine when she’s here.
“We’re going to renovate the first-floor library to add a day-bed for guests. Since there’s a bathroom off of that room, it will be like her own suite when she’s here,” my father says.
Aunt Peggy only lives about forty-five minutes from us as it is. She’s so busy with the family that she works for, she barely spends any time in her own home.
I look at the clock, and my dad says, “We can be ready to leave in about twenty minutes. Is that good for you?”
“Yes. Cassie was very specific that I should meet her at the party by eight. Her mom is picking us up by midnight and we’re sleeping at her house.”
“You’re not wearing those shoes, are you?” my mother asks, looking toward my Steve Maddens that I dropped next to my duffle bag near the center island in the kitchen.
“Yes I am. And I promise I’ll be careful.”
My father chuckles and says to my mom, “We’ve heard that before, Klutzy-McGee.”
My mother chuckles and I roll my eyes.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER, we pull up in front of Trisha O’Toole’s sprawling estate. There are cars parked along the circular driveway, and the backyard is lit up like a baseball stadium, music blaring.
“Her parents are home, right?” my father asks, skeptical.
“Yes, Dad.”
“I think I’ll come in and say hi to Mr. O’Toole. We’re supposed to be playing golf at the club tomorrow, and I want to confirm the time with him.”
“Ugh, Dad!” I know this is useless and he’s going to come inside with me anyway. He’s done this as long as I can remember, and I secretly like it. But since I’m a teenager, I need to give him a hard time whenever I can.
We get out of the car and walk into the grand foyer of the O’Toole’s house.
“Benjamin! So great to see you,” Mr. O’Toole’s voice booms. “Are you ready for the tournament tomorrow?”
“Of course I am. But if I remember correctly, you weren’t quite up to par the last time we played.”
Mr. O’Toole laughs at my dad’s pun and they walk toward his den.
“Have fun tonight, Sam.” Dad pulls me in for a hug. “Watch yourself in those shoes, please.”
“Don’t worry.” I smile confidently and walk, very deliberately, toward the back of the house. I certainly don’t need to fall flat on my face, proving my father right. “Love you, Dad!” I call out before he’s out of sight.
I step onto the vast patio and see the party in full swing down by the pool house.
“Sammy!” Cassie shrieks and comes running up the lawn. “You’re here!”
I laugh as I walk slowly to meet her. “Take those shoes off this instant,” she scolds me and grabs my hand. “You look ah-mazing!”
“Thanks, Cass.”
“Your hair is so perfect tonight. What did you do to it?”
“I just added a little bit more shaping cream and let it air-dry longer than usual.”
“Brad better notice me tonight. You better not catch his eye!” She giggles and I know she’s totally kidding. I’ve seen Brad ogling her more than once, so I know she’s on his radar.
We reach the pool house and Trish runs to greet us. “Sam! So great you could come. My dad has been talking about playing golf with your dad all week.”
“Yeah, they’re up at the house right now strategizing.” I smirk and she hands me a drink.
“Shhh,” she says. “It’s just lemonade with a teeny tiny splash of citrus vodka.” She winks and I take the cup hesitantly.
“Your parents are here, Trish. You better not let this party get out of hand,” I say to her sternly, and she giggles out loud.
“Seriously, Sam. Lighten up.” She turns to the crowd around the pool and signals to the DJ to crank up the music. The three of us dance our way across the patio and I kick off my shoes. Just in case.
I take a sip of the drink Trish gave me and practically gag. I drop the cup in the first trash bin I can find. I’m no prude, but I know better than to drink something Trish O’Toole has made for me. Teeny tiny equals mostly vodka.
The night flies by and most of it I’m consoling Cassie. “I can’t believe he didn’t come,” she slurs and attempts to take another drink of Trish’s electric lemonade.
“That’s enough, my love.” I laugh and replace the cup with a bottle of water.
She squints and peers across the lawn. “Brad! Over here!” she says and waves her hands in the air. I look toward the patio and see Brad and his older brother.
“Ugh,” she says. “What the hell is Todd doing with him? Isn’t he like a senior in college or something? What a perv coming to a high school party.” She smiles through her teeth as Brad and Todd join us near the pool.
“Hey,” Brad says to Cassie. He smiles quickly at me but then fixes his gaze back on her.
“Hi, Brad. I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” she says unconvincingly.
“Yeah.”
Todd Mitchell strolls toward me and drapes his heavy arm over my shoulder.
“I’m Todd. You’re hot.”
My skin burns from his touch, and I squirm out from underneath him. Everything about Todd screams run. He’s so creepy, and I’ve heard stories about him from Cassie’s older cousin. He’s rarely home from school, but when he is, he’s constantly trolling for hookups. It’s funny, but Brad is nothing like him. He’s actually the exact opposite.
“Cassie, let’s go swimming,” I say, hoping to get away from this ogre of a guy. I notice Brad and Todd aren’t wearing their bathing suits, so we should be safe in the water for a while.
“Okay, that sounds like fun.” She giggles and shimmies out of her cover-up. Todd’s eyes turn dark and Brad pushes him toward the pool house.
“Todd, thanks for the ride. You can go now,” Brad says. I can see the embarrassment on his face that he’s even related to this asshole.
“I think I’ll hang out for a bit.” He walks away, leering at other girls.
Cassie and I run toward the pool and we jump in holding hands. As soon as we hit the water, we each grab for our own bikini tops to make sure they’re still in place. I hope the cool water sobers her up a little bit.
“Oh, this feels amazing!” she cries. Everything is amazing tonight to Cassie.
We slowly float toward the cozy corner of the pool where Trish and some other girls from our class are lounging.
“Trish, hey!” Cassie says.
“Girls.” Trish smiles and takes a sip of her electric lemonade. “I see Brad finally made it, Cassie.”
Cassie giggles and looks back toward the pool house. Brad and Todd aren’t in sight, and I know she regrets leaving his side.
“Have you guys had sex yet?” Trish asks, loud enough for all of the other girls to hear. Their heads all turn inquisitively.
“What?” Cassie responds, embarrassed.
“Seriously, Cassie. Don’t you think it’s about time?” Piper chimes in.
Now I regret coming into the pool and subjecting Cassie to this inquisition. I know we both have a pact to wait to have sex until we’re at least eighteen. That’s a little more than two years away. I’m not worried, because I have no prospects on the horizon, but the way Cassie has been flirting with Brad lately, she could be jeopardizing our virgin pact.
“Ladies.” Brad’s voice is behind me, and Cassie immediately turns bright red.
He steps past the girls and wades into the pool toward Cassie. “You have a bathing suit?” she practically stammers.
“Of course. It’s a pool party, isn’t it?” He splashes her playfully and pulls her further into the water, away from us. Her eyes widen with delight and she flashes a smile just for the girls to see and be jealous.
“Well, I guess that answers our question,” Piper says. “If it hasn’t happened yet, it sure will tonight!” Her entourage laughs along with her, and I duck under the water, muffling their chuckles and voices. Trish’s pool is huge and seems to weave through her backyard like at a sprawling resort. I swim toward the shadows of the pool so I can hide from them all and relax. I see Cassie and Brad flirting over by the waterfall, so I turn around and follow the pool toward the quiet end, giving them a little privacy.
I lean back and float, closing my eyes. I remember the conversation I had earlier tonight with my parents and smile thinking about how happy they were. I can’t believe they’re having a baby. We’re having a baby. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like, but I know that seeing my parents that happy makes me happy. My ears are filled with water, and I can only hear muted giggles through the water. I let the water guide me through the curves of the gigantic pool. It’s almost like a river. I hear my soft breaths in my ears as my chest expands and contracts slowly.
This is how I relax.
Back when I was seven and I had the accident in my pool, my parents immediately got me a swim instructor who taught me how to float before anything else. She said I could get out of any pool if I rolled onto my back and let the waves take me slowly to the edge. I could float for hours on end in my pool and it in turn made me get over any anxiety that I had in the water. As soon as I got past my nerves, I became one with the water and never looked back. I was like a little fish, as my parents would call me, spending hours upon hours floating and enjoying the pool. I had overheard my father tell my mother that he was so glad they had made the investment that they did in the pool. I know Mom used to think it was a dangerous ‘hole in the ground,’ but Dad insisted that it would bring our family many years of fun. He was right.
My face is barely out of the water. Only my nose and mouth are exposed to the warm night air. The party noises are barely audible as I float through the pool.
Suddenly, I’m underwater, strong hands wrapped around my ankles, pulling me deeper and deeper. I start kicking, but I’m not strong enough. My lungs burn, and I wave my arms in the water, trying to gain momentum so I can reach the surface. A hand loosens from my ankle, but one still holds tight. I bend my body so I can see what’s happening.
Todd Mitchell’s face is all I see underwater. His eyes glow like lanterns, and his face contorts into a grisly smile. I let out the air that’s crushing my chest and force all of the strength I have into kicking both of my legs, mermaid style. He lets go of me for a second, and that’s all I need. I kick as fast and hard as I can toward the surface, and as soon as the warm air hits my face, I scream louder than I ever have before. “Help! Over here!” I pant and gasp for air, and I hear him surface behind me, his body pressed against me from behind.
“I was just playing with you, baby.” His rough hand fondles my ass and I raise my heel, kicking him in the balls. “Ugh!” he grunts, and Brad swims up behind us with Cassie in tow.
“Is everything okay here?” Brad asks, his eyes worried.
“Sam?” Cassie asks hesitantly.
I reach the side of the pool and pull myself out in one motion, looking back at Todd as he tries to regain his monstrous composure. I know I kicked him hard, and I hope I busted at least one of his nuts, if not both. His glare causes chills to run down my spine.
“I’m fine,” I say and look at the pool house. I see the large dial on the clock that hangs outside above the bar. “It’s almost midnight, Cass. Your mom will be here any minute.”
I look at Todd again to make sure he doesn’t get out of the pool with us. I swipe my cover up and shoes and grab Cassie’s things as well.
“I’m coming!” she calls after me as I head up to the house. “Brad, call me tomorrow?”
“Sure,” he says, and then I hear him say, not so quietly, “Todd, what the fuck?”
Todd chuckles and another chill runs up my spine.
Cassie’s mom is waiting for us, as I predicted. We wrap towels around us and ride home in silence. She’s super excited about something but looks worried at the same time.
“Did you girls have a fun time tonight?”
“It was great, Mom.” She giggles.
“Hey, what happened with Todd?” she whispers in my ear. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I think.
“What did he do to you?” she asks.
Her mother chimes in from the front seat, “What happened? Is everything alright?”
“Todd Mitchell was being a royal ass tonight. He was messing with Sam in the pool, and I think she kicked him in the nuts,” Cassie announces proudly.
“Are you okay, dear?” she asks.
“Yes,” I say and hope that I never see his face again.
“I can’t imagine why Todd Mitchell would be at a high school party. And why isn’t he at college where he’s supposed to be?”
“Isn’t he like twenty-five? He’s in his like tenth year of college!” Cassie smirks and I cringe.
I have no idea how old Todd Mitchell is. My skin is still crawling from that menacing look in his eyes.
“I think you girls should stay away from that boy, okay? I don’t think Todd is a very nice young man,” Cassie’s mom says, matter-of-fact.
Nope. Neither do I.