Greydon

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My commitment to do the talk was fulfilled in the morning while Marin and the kids were off somewhere. After lunch, I was sitting in on one of the other talks, and we all heard the explosion. It was close to the hotel so one of the physicians went out to inquire what happened. He came back with not much of an answer. I called Marin and never got a response. She wasn’t answering any of my texts either, so I immediately knew something was wrong. A little later, I left the conference and checked with the hotel. They had just received word about the gas explosion. The authorities were shutting down all gas lines until they could determine where it stemmed from. I tried Marin repeatedly with no luck. It was really worrying me because it wasn’t like her to not let me know her whereabouts. Then information started coming in about the explosion and how it affected the catacombs beneath the church. Things began clicking together as I remembered what Mom had told her about that tour of the catacombs. My chest instantly felt like it was being crushed and I couldn’t push away the ache in the back of my throat. I rushed over there, but they wouldn’t let me near at first … until I explained how I thought my kids were down there.

They allowed me through the cordoned-off section where the rescue teams had been established. There were about thirty people trapped. At first, they didn’t know how serious it was. As time passed, they eventually began to feel confident they could get everyone out, but they weren’t sharing much with me. The language was a barrier with some of the workers, although they tried their best to communicate what they could. A translator arrived and kept us up to speed, but the weight on my chest kept getting heavier, making breathing a struggle.

If anything happened to them … what would I do? And Marin, the way I’d been treating her. Acid seared my gut with the thought of it. How could I have done this to her? How could I have pushed her away like this? I was such a monumental idiot. She’d done nothing but bring brightness into my soul. She was completely selfless, only thinking about doing what was best for the kids. I swallowed and the bite of pain over every moronic thing I had done, sent nails shooting straight into my heart.

Approximately seven hours after the explosion hit, they broke through to the first group. There were about fifteen people, but Marin and the kids weren’t among them. I tried to ask about them but wasn’t able to. The lead on the search and rescue said he would find out who the tour guide was and they would establish when they had everyone out.

One of my colleagues came later and waited with me. I’m not even sure how he found out I was there, but it was a relief because he spoke both languages and was a huge help. He discovered that the tunnels had been blocked in several areas and they were breaking through one by one. They were confident everyone would be out soon.

When they got to the last blocked section, they found Marin and the kids. At my first glimpse of them, the band around my chest eased and my lungs instantly expanded. I could breathe again and for a moment I was actually light-headed. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was giddy. Yes, giddy. I trembled and when they ushered them close to me, I pulled them all against me. The man in the hard hat handed Aaron over and all three of us stood there in an embrace. That is until Marin collapsed.

“Hey, somebody help,” I yelled.

“Daddy! What’s wrong with Marnie?” Kinsley was sobbing hysterically and I could barely understand her. Everything broke down at once. My joy at having them all here was short-lived.

A medic ran over and soon a gurney appeared. Marin woke up, but Kinsley was inconsolable, screaming about the monsters in the dark place. She totally freaked out. I had Aaron to deal with, who also was crying. Then I noticed blood on Kinsley and a medic was speaking to me, only I couldn’t hear him because Kinsley was crying so loud.

My colleague touched my arm and said, “Grey, she should be checked out.” Then he spoke to the medic. But Kinsley wouldn’t let me go. So, I had to ride in the ambulance with her and Aaron. It was a total shit show.

I wanted to check on Marin, but there was no time. My daughter needed me. When we got to the hospital, I figured I’d check on Marin then, but they took her to a different one.

As it turned out, Kinsley only had some minor bruising and a few lacerations. But they were concerned about PTSD, as was I. They ended up giving her a mild sedative because she wouldn’t stop screaming. I had never seen her like this and it was frightening.

My colleague was waiting for us in the waiting room and drove us back to the hotel.

“I don’t quite know how to thank you,” I said.

“No thanks necessary. I’m just sorry your trip to my home has been so troubled. Can I help you up to your room?”

“No, that’s fine. But can you find out where they took Marin?” I gave him her full name.

“Yes, and I’ll text you the information.”

“Thank you.”

When I got to the suite, I put Aaron to bed. Kinsley wouldn’t stop crying again. Her sedative had worn off, so I had to give her another one. She was inconsolable and it freaked me out. I was exhausted and at my wits end. She finally calmed down about the time the sun was rising, so I climbed into bed, not thinking I’d sleep. I was wrong.

The knock on the door woke me up. Marin stood on the other side. She looked terrible—like she had been through the worst experience of her life. And she had. But I’d never seen her look more beautiful in my life. I wanted to pull her into my arms and hold her forever. Only she had to run down and pay the taxi driver.

When she got back to the room, I went off on her. All I could think of was how Kinsley said the place scared her and that Marin left her. Without thinking, I accused her, even though those were the words of an overreacting child and a father who’d had more than he could handle. It wasn’t the least bit fair to her and I was a total ass.

She tried to explain, but it was no use. She went to see Kinsley and the timing wasn’t right at all for us. We needed to talk. There were so many things I wanted to tell her … things I had fucked up that needed to be fixed. But Kinsley needed us both, so I figured it would wait until the time was right.

Once again, I screwed that up. This seemed to be the story of my life. I needed someone in my head constantly saying—Don’t do it, man.

The following morning, I quietly got out of bed so as not to wake Kinsley, and took Aaron into the other room to change him. When I got there, Marin’s door was open. I entered it only to find it empty. All her things were gone. On the bed was a letter.

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Grey,

Under the circumstances, I thought it best if I leave. Simply put, it’s just not possible for me to share this suite with you. When we decided to take this trip, I thought I could handle it. I see now it was a mistake for me to come. I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry about what happened in the catacombs. It truly wasn’t a place for kids. I should’ve investigated it more. I pray that Kinsley is all right. I love her and Aaron very, very much. Please tell her I’ll see her when you return home.

Marin

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What the hell was I going to tell my polka dot? She was in the worst shape ever—even worse than after Susannah died. It was ridiculous for us to stay too. I quickly called the airlines to see what times the flights were. It was only six thirty. There was a nine thirty flight. We could make that.

I rushed around like a maniac. I took a shower with Aaron. Kinsley didn’t need one. She could go home without one. I woke her up, then stuffed all our things into the suitcases.

“Get dressed, honey. We can’t spare even a minute. We’re leaving and a taxi is picking us up in twenty minutes. You need to brush your teeth and wash your face. Hurry, hurry.”

She was groggy but did as I asked. The bellman arrived just as I was zipping up the last bag. We had so much shit, but that was fine. The thought of going home made me smile.

“Where’s Marnie?”

“Um … she caught the earlier flight because there wasn’t room for us all.” I hated lying, but I didn’t have it in me to tell her the truth.

She didn’t respond and the last thing I needed was for her to know Marin left us. I was going to pull every trick out of my bag to get her back.

The bellman loaded our stuff into the waiting taxi while I settled our bill and off we went. We went through the airport and Aaron was in the carrier on my chest, Kinsley was hanging on one hand while I pushed a carry-on with the other. It wasn’t exactly a picnic traveling with two kids alone.

I didn’t get a seat for Aaron since he was under two. For takeoff, he was in my lap and then during the flight I put him in the seat with Kinsley. They watched movies together until he got too fidgety, and then I took him. He slept some and I’d put the seat into the flat bed position. He was always so good. Thank God he wasn’t a whiny flier.

We landed and went through customs, with Kinsley asking a bunch of questions.

“What is that machine for? Why do they ask you that? What are they doing there?” Trying to explain immigration to a seven-year-old was nearly impossible.

“Why can’t we all just have one big place where we all live, Daddy?”

“Good question, polka dot.”

The car service I’d ordered while waiting for our baggage had arrived and drove us home. I was never so happy to get there in my life. All I had to do now was reconstruct the shambles of Marin’s heart. But hey, wasn’t that my job? Wasn’t that my area of expertise? I hoped it was because I wanted nothing more than to have her back here.

“Daddy, I’m hungry.”

Kinsley pulled me away from my planning. “So am I. How about we order pizza?”

“Good.”

I called Mom and Dad to let them know we were back.

“Hi Mom.”

“Grey, where are you?”

“Home.”

“As in here?”

“Yeah, Mom. Are you busy?”

“No. What do you need?”

“Can you come over? We just walked in and my hands are full. There isn’t any food in the house and I need to pick up a pizza.”

“I’m on the way. Where’s Marin?”

“That’s a long story and please don’t bring it up when you get here,” I mumbled so the little ears in the room didn’t hear.

“Fine. Your father and I will be there shortly.”

And they were. They walked in and Kinsley ran up to them jabbering on about the scary place with the monsters.

“What on Earth are you talking about, honey?”

“Gammie, Marnie and us got stuck in the scary cold place.”

“Grey?”

“There was an explosion while they were touring the catacombs and they were trapped down there for over ten hours.”

Mom stumbled to the closest chair. She sat at the table for a few minutes to collect herself.

“Mom, are you okay?”

“Yes, son, I am. It’s my fault. I’m the one who suggested she go there. I can’t imagine what it was like for Marin down there. She must’ve been terrified. That place is …” She shuddered.

“Mom,” I said, my tone carrying a warning as I flicked my head in Kinsley’s direction.

“Gammie, we were cold and hungry and Marnie had to go to the hospital.”

“Is she okay?”

I answered. “She had a concussion. But she’s fine.”

Mom grabbed my arm. “Trish hasn’t called. When did she come home?”

“She caught an earlier flight so just today. I’m sure she hasn’t had a chance.”

Mom wasn’t buying it at all. Her eyes fastened onto mine and she read things that only a mother was able to.

“I see. You’d better get this figured out.” That was all she said about it. “What do you need for me to do?”

“Can you stay with the kids while I grocery shop and pick up the pizza?”

“Of course. Your father and I would love to.”

I was only gone for an hour and came home with enough pizza for everyone and also food for Aaron, who Mom had already fed. There was baby food in the cabinet, which he happily gobbled down.

While I was gone, Mom helped Kinsley bathe while Dad bathed Aaron. Their bags were unpacked and the clothes sorted for washing. They really worked fast.

After we ate, Mom pulled me into my office while Dad occupied the kids.

“What the hell is going on, Grey?”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you dare play stupid with me. When we were here before you left, things between you and Marin were strained. What caused it?”

“Me, okay? I’m the dumbass who ruined it all. But now I’m going to fix it.”

“Did she really have to come home because there wasn’t room on your flight? Kinsley said she hurt her head in the explosion.”

The tension in my neck was about to cause a migraine. I took a deep, pained breath. I didn’t need Mom to add to the guilt that was already weighing me down. “Mom, the situation wasn’t ideal.” I reached into my back pocket and pulled out her letter, handing it to my mom.

Mom took it, unfolded it and then started reading. Her brows lowered and her lips pursed as she read on. “Oh, Grey, what have you done to the poor girl?”

“I screwed everything up, Mom. It’s my fault. I’m the one to blame.”

“How so?”

“It had to do with the DNA kit.”

Mom’s eyes narrowed. “Are you back to that again?”

I fisted my hands. “No! I’m done with that and I told her. Aaron is and will always be my son. But she lied and I was hurt and furious over it.”

“Lied?”

“I asked her to send the kit off and she never did. Or she said she would.”

“She said she did, but didn’t. Is that it?” Mom asked.

“Not exactly but it’s all semantics. I trusted her to do it and she didn’t. She took it upon herself to act on my behalf without consulting me and I was angry over her decision. I’m over that now, but during the time I was deliberating, I pushed her away. Now I have to bridge the gap I created. She’s in love with me. Or more to the point, she was in love with me. After that explosion and when I didn’t know whether or not she or the kids were okay, I realized just how much she meant to me. I love her too. And now I have to fix things.”

“My God, you’re dense. How did you ever make it through Harvard?”

I blew out a long breath full of frustrations. “I have no idea.”

“Good luck with getting her back. You’d better figure out a way to tell her you won’t make the same mistake again.”

I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I hope she believes me.”

“Grey, you may be many things, but you’re not a liar.”

“True, but she has no basis to believe my actions will hold merit.”

Mom’s penetrating gaze had me glued to the floor. Then she asked, “How much do you want this woman in your life?”

“More than anything.”

“How much are you willing to risk in order to get her back?”

“Everything but my kids.”

“Then find a way to prove it.”

“How?”

“Figure it out, son.”

Mom walked out, leaving me standing there. I was bereft and didn’t know what to do. But I had to come up with something, and it had better be epic because I needed Marin in my life as much as I needed food, water, and air. Each day without her was leaving me weaker and weaker. It was draining the happiness out of my soul. Marin had recharged my batteries, only they had never been fully charged to begin with and now I was experiencing life the way it had been before her and it sucked.

That night when I was in bed, I texted her to see if she’d made it home okay and to let her know I was thinking of her.

You don’t have to text me back, but I did want you to know that you’re always on my mind.

I didn’t hear from her and hadn’t expected to. I checked in to see if she needed me to bring her things to her. I received no response. I gave her daily updates on Kinsley’s progress because as much as she hated me, I knew she still loved my daughter. But it also occurred to me how very little I knew about her. That set the stage for my plan on how to get her back. Over the next few weeks, I decided to send her daily texts, asking her specific things about herself.

What’s your favorite color?

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?

What’s your favorite song?

The beach or the mountains?

Sunrise or sunset?

Favorite movie?

Favorite Disney character?

Chocolate or vanilla?

Hershey Kisses or Peanut Butter Cups?

Pizza or burgers?

The questions went on and on. I was relentless.

After a week, she finally broke down and her first response was Will you stop texting me?

Not a chance. I need to know these things. As the song says—I won’t give up on us even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up.

I didn’t hear from her for another day. Then I got You are the most annoying person I’ve ever known. Leave me alone.

Ignoring her, I kept up the questions. Then she came back with Why are you doing this?

Because I believe in us!

Go away!

I didn’t. I persisted.

She texted me back with Why do you need to know this stuff?

Meet me for dinner and I’ll tell you.

A few more days passed and no response.

Then she texted No. Seeing you will hurt too much. It would remind me of how you pulled my heart out of my chest and ripped it into tiny pieces. You’re supposed to fix hearts, not destroy them.

Oh Jesus. Oh God. If words had the power to destroy, hers had just mutilated me, completely butchering my heart and soul. And I deserved every single one of them. I swear by everything I own, everything that’s in me, I won’t ever hurt you again. Like I said … I won’t give up. I had to learn what I got, who I’m not, and who I am.

She didn’t respond so I sent Please.

No. Leave. Me. Alone.

So, I did. For a while. But it didn’t settle with me. The bit she said about me fixing hearts was true and I had done the opposite to her. I wouldn’t give up until she found someone else, or I was dead.

Thought you might like this. It was evil, but at this point I was desperate. I sent a photo of the kids.

Nice try.

Then one night, without my knowledge, Kinsley got a hold of my phone. She texted Marin. The next morning, I saw it.

Miss U. U coming bak?

Marin must’ve figured it was Kinsley because she hit her back with Miss U 2 and two heart emojis.

That’s when I made the move.

Please meet me for dinner. Just once and after that, I won’t ever ask you again.

I heard nothing for hours. But then …

Where?

I gave her the name of the nicest restaurant in town and the time.

You can even drive yourself if case you want to leave early.

Fine. Only if it will stop these annoying texts.

Not a chance. We’ve got a lot to learn. God knows we’re worth it. I won’t give up. I’m here to stay and make the difference I can make. I stuck in a heart emoji.

She agreed to meet me the following night. This was it. My one and only chance and I’d better make it right. I made sure I was out of the office by six. The reservation was for seven fifteen. I arrived at seven, just in case. I asked for the most private table they had so we could talk. I gave the hostess Marin’s name and description so she could escort her back. The setting was perfect. I’d ordered a bottle of wine and waited. Seven fifteen came and went. Seven thirty did too. The waitress stopped by several times. When seven forty-five arrived, I knew she wasn’t going to show. I checked my phone and figured she could’ve at least texted me. I had hurt her, yes, but I thought she’d at least have the decency to tell me she wasn’t coming.

“Sir, are you sure you don’t want to order something?”

“You know what? I’ll just have the check, please.”

“Yes, sir.”

She came back and set the bill down. I gave her my credit card and realized that Marin never knew I loved her, that I still love her. I never had the chance to tell her and now it was looking like I never would. Even though Marin had given up on us, I would never do the same. She had probably moved on, but that would never happen for me. She was mine, now and forever, and I would have to figure out a way to make her see that.