Greydon

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Marin had listened, so there was hope. I was determined not to give up even if she told me no.

“I swear, if you give us a chance, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy,” I said.

“Grey, it doesn’t work like that. I can’t just pop up and say—okay, it’s all fine now.”

“I understand. You need time. And I plan to earn back your trust in me.”

“It’s not just that. You crushed me, Grey.”

“I realize that.” I blew out a breath. “It’s a definite no then.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

I nearly tore out my hair in frustration. I was a lost man, a ship without a mast, drifting hopelessly along. Where do I go from here? How do I win her back … find a way into her heart again?

“What can I do? Everything I have is yours, except the kids.”

“What if I want those the most?”

A grin played at the corners of my mouth. She would go for them before anything else. “Figured you’d say that.”

She hugged herself. “Here’s the thing. I don’t care about materialistic things. I’d rather live in a small three-bedroom house than a palatial mansion. I don’t care about fancy clothes or cars. My parents didn’t raise me that way. You know my dad, right? He’s very successful, but we always lived modestly. I wasn’t raised with all that stuff so the designer handbags or shoes mean nothing to me. All I want is happiness.”

“Done.”

“Grey.” She said my name in a warning tone. “I don’t want mercurial moods either.”

“I swear, Marin, I’ll make you happy. I will. Think back to the way it was before. Put yourself back to then. It can be that way and I’ll be the Grey you fell in love with. We’ll hire a nanny and you can go back to work if you want.”

“I don’t want someone else raising our kids.”

“Our kids?” I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my mouth.

A bright pink flush spread from her neck up to her cheeks. I always loved that she blushed so easily.

“I’m not questioning it. It’s the opposite. I’m ecstatic you think of them that way. And I know without a doubt that they love you.”

She was silent.

“You need time. Not to mention we need to eat dinner.” I flagged the waitress over and ordered for both of us.

When the waitress was gone, I asked, “Is everything okay?”

“I’m just thinking.” She was fiddling with her napkin.

“About?”

“Us.”

“Care to enlighten me?” I asked.

“Not really.”

I reached over and took one of her hands in mine. “Mom is going to watch the kids for me so you can take all the time you need.” She stared at her lap and didn’t respond.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was thinking about us.”

“Marin, I want to ask you to please not base your decision on the kids. I know you love them and I know how worried you get over them. If you and I don’t work, Kinsley’ll be fine. She asks about you and I know you two are texting. Mom told me.”

Her watery smile let me know that’s what she’d been thinking. I wanted her decision to be based on what was right and not the children.

“Grey, I love your kids, but contrary to what you’re thinking, when it comes to our relationship, I’m being completely selfish in making this decision. You’re probably aware Kinsley and I have been seeing each other. Paige has been great in helping with that. She’s also been instrumental in me getting my things out of your house. But Kinsley keeps asking when I’m coming home.”

“Yeah, she asks me that every day. I’ve been brutally honest with her, Marin. I’ve told her we are working on grown-up things and that I’m hoping you’ll come back, but I’m not really sure if you will.”

Sadness clung to Marin’s features. “She’s told me as much. I’ve explained it the same way. She tells me everything you say. Sometimes I feel like I’m gossiping with a friend.”

“She does have that older air about her on occasion, and then other times she’s my little polka dot again.”

“And that sweet Aaron is still kicking those legs. I think he’s going to play soccer.”

“Maybe so. At least he’ll put the kicks to good use that way.”

We ate our dinner, continuing our small talk and then I drove her home. She had to direct me because I’d never been to her parents’ house before but when I pulled into the driveway I casually said, “There’s not a chance I can talk you into coming home with me, is there?”

“Um, no. But dinner was good, and thanks for explaining everything to me.”

“Marin, I meant every word.”

“I know you did. I don’t doubt your sincerity. It’s just that”—she pressed her hand to her heart and continued—“I still remember how utterly shattered I was and I won’t allow myself to even feel a shred of hope until I know without a doubt that this is for real.”

I looked at my lap because I’d never felt shame like I did right now. But I had to man up. Marin deserved that at the very least.

“I understand, but …” I turned toward her. “I’ll never treat you like that ever again. And … you’ll never find anyone who loves you as much as I do. That was my second biggest mistake. Not telling you. Not telling you how I felt. But that was because I was blinded. Blinded to my feelings. I was stuck in the past. I’m not stuck anymore and I’m not that guy either. I know what I want and she’s sitting right next to me. She has the biggest heart and the most beautiful soul I’ve ever encountered in my life. All she has to do is say the word. But one thing you should know … I’m never going to give up on us, Marin.” I picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Ever.”

“What was your first biggest mistake?” she asked.

“You don’t know?”

“I want to hear your answer.”

“Not trusting you. Not believing you. I should’ve known in my heart you’d never do anything that would shake my confidence in you. If I hadn’t been such an idiot, we wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

Then I got out of the car and walked around to the other side and helped her out.

“You’re really serious, aren’t you?”

“You haven’t even begun to see how serious I am.” I walked her to the door, kissed her cheek, and said goodnight.

The next day I called a florist and arranged for two dozen white roses to be delivered to her home. I noted the address last night when I dropped her off. On the card I wrote:

---

Marin,

You’re my one true love who owns my

heart and these roses are a symbol of that.

Love, Grey

---

This was only the beginning. I was going to spoil her if it killed both of us. She didn’t like materialistic items, but there were other ways. And it was starting now.

A few nights later when I came home from work, Kinsley was running around the house with a small leather book in her hand.

“Whatcha got there, polka dot?”

She did her one shoulder shrug, saying, “I dunno. It was in Marnie’s room.”

“You know what I’ve told you about going through other people’s things.” I held out my hand and she handed it over. Curiosity got the best of me and I found myself opening it. It was her journal. Flipping through the pages, I was stunned to see the number of entries. They began shortly after she started working here. The last entry was written right before we left for Vienna. She must’ve forgotten to take it with her.

I’m not sure I’ll ever find a way to get Grey to forgive me. He doesn’t know the truth about what happened, but does it really matter anymore? He thinks so little of me now, why would he stop to listen? His trust in me was destroyed by one stupid mistake. Why didn’t I tell him that I did send it in, but I sent it in late? Would it have changed things between us? Does it even matter anymore? He believes the worst of me even though I would never have betrayed him in a million years. I could never do that to someone I loved, even if I didn’t agree with what he wanted. I’m sure this trip will be a disaster, but a promise is a promise and I am good for my word.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Marin sent in the DNA kit but didn’t tell me. She never lied. She forgot but sent it in late. I am the biggest fucker that exists. Why didn’t she say something? My mind sped back to that day in my office and I remembered her trying to say something but Hudson and I kept interrupting. She probably tried and just gave up. Christ, didn’t this just make me feel even worse than I already did. Fuck my life. No wonder she thought I was the biggest asshole that existed. I had lived up to that description time and again.

Now it was time to really go to work. Over the next couple of weeks, I put into motion several things. In our texts, she had mentioned she’d always loved animals, but never had the opportunity to have one. We’d talked about getting the dog, but she didn’t want to because of how busy she was with the kids. In one of our conversations she’d said she wished animal shelters had more funding. So, I sent a huge donation to the local animal shelter in her name.

She’d also talked about getting involved with sick children at the hospital. I sent a donation there in her name. Then I hired someone with a therapy dog to spend time on the pediatric floor. That was all done under the Marin McLain donation. My brother helped find the perfect therapy dog for this.

When Marin received the letters on these, she went nuts … in a positive way.

My phone rang at work, but I couldn’t answer it. When I finally got back to her, she was more excited than I’d heard her in weeks.

“That was so awesome. Thank you for doing that.”

“Since you don’t like designer handbags, I figured I’d spend the money elsewhere.”

“Great idea. I think I want to own a therapy dog and do that now.”

“Really?” This surprised me.

“Yes. It would be a way to give back.”

“Hudson could help.”

“You think?”

“He’s the one who hooked me up with this owner so I’m sure he could.”

“Thank you, Grey.”

I went out on a limb and asked, “Hey, do you want to go to dinner?”

“Only if the kids can come.”

“Only if we can talk first.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea, isn’t it?”

“Uh huh.”

“Okay. When and where?”

We decided on a coffee shop near the house at six the next night. I didn’t tell the kids because I didn’t want to get their hopes up. Well, it was just Kinsley really. Aaron didn’t know anything yet.

I asked Mom and Dad to stay late and I met her after work. She was waiting for me when I got there. It was comical really.

“You’re early,” I said.

“So are you. But I didn’t want to take a chance on my car not starting this time. I don’t have the best of luck.” I leaned down to hug her and damn, she smelled like heaven.

“God, I could eat you.”

“Excuse me?”

“You smell great.” Then I laughed. “That wasn’t the most appropriate thing to say, was it?”

“No. It shocked me. But I do miss our sexual banter.”

“I can rectify that.” I winked at her.

“I’m hoping you can.”

“Does this mean what I think it means?”

“Do you think we can try?”

I took her hand between both of mine. “Marin, I don’t want to try. I want to marry you.”

Her chin dropped, her eyes popped open wide, and she said, “You what?”

“I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you. I want you to be by my side, to walk with me through thick and thin, to keep me warm at night, to share my bed, and I want you to be the mother of my kids.”