Grey

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Great! Just fucking great! How could I have been so careless to get carried away by my anger? I should’ve shut this conversation down or at least had the forethought to close the office door. Now my little polka dot thought the worst. This was not exactly what a seven-year-old needed.

“Kinsley, honey, I would never in a million years send Aaron away. I love him more than a thousand chocolate sundaes with marshmallows on top and whipped cream too.”

“Why did Uncle Hudson say that?”

“He was talking nonsense, honey. You don’t ever have to worry about Aaron going anywhere.”

Tears created rivers down her sweet pink cheeks making me feel like a first class asshole for even thinking about that DNA shit. Picking her up, I held her close until her sobs eased. But the deep ache in my chest wouldn’t go away any time soon. Oddly enough, seeing her like that made me not care about knowing anymore. Her anguished words made me realize this DNA crap didn’t matter. I loved Aaron regardless of what the test would say, so what difference did it make?

“Come on. I think this calls for a red Popsicle. What do you think?”

She sniffed, then bobbed her head. I carried her into the kitchen where we each grabbed a Popsicle. Then I took a seat at the kitchen table and she sat on my lap as we ate our frozen sticks together.

“Better?”

She nodded. “I don’t want Aaron to go away. He’s my baby brother and I love him lots.”

“I know you do and I’m glad. You’re the best big sister in the world.”

“Do you love Aaron, Daddy?”

“I love him more than I can say.” And it nailed me in the heart and soul. Those words were the honest truth. He was the most adorable, loving child. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

“Do you love Marnie?”

“Wh-what?” Her question came out of nowhere and really threw me.

“Marnie. Do you love her? I do. I love her like I love Mommy.”

What do I say? I wasn’t sure if I loved her. I loved to be around her. She certainly made me happy. But love … that was a fucking huge word in my personal dictionary.

“I know you love her, polka dot. Marin is extra special.”

Her beautiful innocent eyes dug into mine for the longest time. I’m not sure how long she burrowed holes in me with those orbs of hers before she hopped off my lap and trotted away. An uneasy sensation settled over me—as though she hadn’t been exactly pleased with what she read in mine.

As I sat there, Hudson and Marin came in.

“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know she would come in,” Hudson said.

“It’s not your fault. We all should’ve been more careful.” I ran a palm over my face.

“I’ve gotta be going. I know you’re going on vacation soon, but if you get a chance, come and hang out in the city with me. Marin, it was great meeting you.” My brother hugged her and then left.

“Grey, I’m sorry. It was a mis—”

I held up my hand. “Hear me out. You were right. I didn’t realize it until Kinsley told me how much Aaron meant to her. She’s right. I adore that kid … truly love him. It doesn’t matter what the DNA says. Throw the damn thing away. I don’t need to know. But …” I nailed her with my gaze, “I wish you had told me. I felt betrayed, and that didn’t sit well. I trusted you, Marin and that really hurt.”

I got up and went upstairs. It was mind-blowing how much I was reeling over what she had done. Trust was huge for me after what I went through with Susannah. The ache in my heart was hard to take and the bitterness of betrayal kept nagging at me. Is that what she’d done? Maybe not, but it was how I felt. How could my emotions be so strong? I knew it was irrational, but all I saw were those damning pictures of my dead wife and how I’d been lied to for at least two years.

My other concern was that Kinsley didn’t experience any effects from this. She’d been through enough with losing her mom. The last thing she needed was to stress over how she might lose her brother too.

A soft knock came at my door. When I opened it, Marin stood there, her hands knotted.

“Can I come in?”

I waved her through.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve explained things to you. But things got crazy between us after Aaron came home and I swear I just forgot. It totally slipped my mind that day, but it wasn’t intentional.”

“Wrong thing to say. You did do it intentionally. If you hadn’t, you would’ve mailed that kit immediately.”

“True, but I was referring to telling you about it. But, Grey, I—”

“Marin, you have to understand something. I have a huge issue where trust and lying are concerned after what I went through. You knew that. Not telling me just blows my mind.”

“I understand. But I don’t know what else to do or say other than I’m sorry. Please tell me what I can do?”

Her pleading voice let me know she was sincere.

“I just need some time.”

She bowed her head and left the room. That was all I could give her right now.

The following week passed with me in a state of numbness. It wasn’t like when Susannah died. This was different. I was trying to figure out my feelings where Marin was concerned. I hadn’t wanted a relationship of any kind, but my emotions were tangled up in her, like it or not. She had become my navigator. Not so much in the sense of guiding me through life, but she was the one who set me on the track of getting my head straight and seeing the light again.

My phone rang, disturbing my confused thoughts.

“West here.”

“West here too.”

“Hudson, what are you doing?”

“Bugging the fuck out of you.”

“Yeah, you are. What’s up?”

“Have you figured your shit out yet?”

“What do you mean?”

“About Marin?” he said.

“No.”

“Get your head out of your ass, man.”

“I’m … I don’t know. She wasn’t honest with me, and I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship.”

“Listen, she made a mistake. You can’t project what happened between you and Susannah on her. Besides, who’s ever ready, you idiot? It just happens. If you wait much longer, you’re going to be a grandpa.”

“Haha, funny.”

“Seriously, man. Let all that baggage you’re hanging onto go, and have fun.”

“I don’t have any baggage.”

“Really?” His laughter rang through the phone. “You’re so overloaded with it, your spine is practically bent in half.”

“Hudson, have I ever told you that you’re an asshole?”

“You just did.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Have fun with her in Vienna. And hey, if you don’t, I’m coming over there and stealing her from you.”

“The fuck you are.” I hung up that time. He really was an asshole. The idea of him stealing Marin from me had my jealousy meter swinging over to the red zone. What the hell was that telling me? If I didn’t care for her, I wouldn’t be jealous if another man were interested in her.

Then things started happening. We all went to the grocery store that weekend. I offered to go with her out of the blue and she took me up on it. While we were there, I paid attention to all the guys eyeing her. They didn’t just glance at her. Their lecherous gazes roamed all over her sexy body. She’d been running a lot. We were gearing up for our 5k we were doing next Saturday. She was wearing running shorts and a tank top. Marin was built like an athlete and had strong legs and muscular arms. And her ass … I licked my lips as I watched her bend over the fruit to inspect the melons. Christ, why hadn’t I ever come to the store with her before? The other men noticed her too, but I scowled at them as they watched her. One of them got a little too close and I bumped into him.

“What are you looking at?” I asked.

“Uh, fruit.” The guy looked at me in confusion.

“Right. Move it, bud.”

“Grey, you need something?” Marin asked.

You bet I do, only if you gave it to me here, I’d get arrested. “No, I’m fine, thanks.” I smiled at her. Damn, she was hot.

“Daddy, can we get some ice cream?”

“Sure, polka dot.” She put her hand in mine and I said, “Let’s go pick out some flavors.” But then I thought of Marin and all those men in the produce section checking out her luscious ass, and I hesitated. “Hey, Marin, how long will you be?”

She eyed me curiously. “Not long. Why?”

“Nothing. Let’s wait on Marin, polka dot.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Aaron was in the grocery cart chatting happily, so I went up to him and picked him up. “Where to next?” I asked Marin.

“You don’t shop much, do you?”

“Yes. No. You do it for me.”

“Come on, let’s get it done. We are TeamShoppers today.”

“Yay! TeamShoppers, Daddy!”

We flew through the store and I was more interested in the men than in what we bought. I found myself agreeing to all sorts of crap and when we were unloading the bags, I kept commenting.

“You told her it was fine. I even asked you about that twice,” Marin said.

“I don’t know where my head was.”

“You kept staring at those men in there like you wanted to punch them. What’s going on with you?”

She had seen me doing that. Hmm.

“Who wants to go to the pool today?” I asked, changing the subject.

“I do, I do,” Kinsley shouted.

“Let’s eat lunch and then go.”

I got the kids ready and was waiting on Marin, but she never came down. I went to up to check on her and she came to the door, still in her running clothes.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“I didn’t think you meant me.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean. I always include you.”

“Yeah, but ever since …” she trailed off as her gaze dropped to the floor.

“This is for the kids, Marin.”

She raised her head and the sparkle that used to always shine in her sky-blue eyes was gone. The corners seemed to tug downward and the violet shading beneath them told me she hadn’t been sleeping well. How long had this been going on and how had I missed it? Was I so self-centered that I didn’t see the suffering she was enduring?

“Okay,” she answered.

“Get ready, the kids are restless,” I snapped, pissed off at myself for being so inconsiderate, but as I was walking down the stairs, I realized how my comment sounded and wasn’t I the biggest dick around?

She came down in a cover-up and it wasn’t easy hiding my eagerness to see her in a bathing suit. Things were so hectic at the house with Kinsley jumping around and Aaron excited, I wanted to get out of there as quickly as we could. We went to the country club and when we arrived, she was instantly jittery.

“What’s wrong?”

“I feel out of place here.”

“It’ll be fine. I promise.” It wasn’t like she hadn’t been here before with her parents.

We walked to the pool and I picked up some towels and selected our chairs by the shallow end. We laid out our stuff and the kids were anxious to get in the water. I was helping Aaron when I lifted my head to see Marin slipping off her cover-up. I gulped. I would’ve choked, but I didn’t have any saliva. Shit, she looked like a goddess in her bikini. Her tits were perfect and her legs were long and lean with a hint of muscle showing. She was extraordinary.

Her hair was wound up in an elastic band and she smiled at me right before she jumped into the water. It was only three feet deep, but her skin looked like silk and I wanted to run my tongue all over her.

I happened to glance across the pool and saw that not only the men were ogling her but so were the women. Eat your hearts out, suckers. She’s mine. But was she? I was going to have to work to make that happen. And starting now, I would do my best.

As we were swimming—me teaching Kinsley how to kick and hold her breath underwater, and Marin holding Aaron in her arms—one of Susannah’s old friends came up to us.

“Hello, Grey. It’s nice to see you out and about.”

“Hi, Carrie. Yeah, it’s a great day for the pool.”

“And who is that with you?”

“Carrie, this is Marin McLain. Marin, this is Carrie Lord.”

“Marin. A pleasure to meet you.” She was acting like it was anything but. And then she launched into why she really came over here. “Grey, I heard you hired a new nanny. Is this the one?” She’d taken her sunglasses off and her eyes raked Marin over from head to toe.

Marin didn’t wait for my response. She jumped right into the conversation. “Actually, yes, I am.”

“Marnie can sing. Why don’t you sing for her Marnie?” Kinsley wasn’t doing her any favors right now.

“Polka dot, Marin doesn’t need to sing right now.”

“Oh, but that would be wonderful, wouldn’t it, Kinsley?” Carrie said.

“Actually, my throat’s a little sore today,” Marin said. “We’ll have to do it another day.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I do hope you have yourselves a wonderful day.” She snickered.

“You too.” She sauntered off and I wanted to slap her smug face. Carrie always did think she was better than everyone else. Come to think of it, she was one of Susannah’s best friends. Had Susannah acted that way too, and had I been oblivious to that fact?

The rest of the time at the pool, Marin was subdued. I decided to call it a day and go home. On the way, I asked, “How about we all go and get an Icee?”

“Yeah,” Kinsley shouted.

We stopped for one and then went home. Once the kids were out of earshot, I said, “I’m really sorry about the way Carrie treated you. She never was very nice.”

Marin shrugged. “It’s not your fault.”

No matter what I did that night, Marin never brightened up. When I had a chance, I slipped into the office and called my brother.

“Grey, what’s up?” Hudson asked.

“I need to ask you something and be honest with me. Was Susannah a pompous bitch?”

“You really want the truth?”

“Yes.”

“Well yes, she was.”

“How bad was she?”

“She wasn’t nice, Grey. She thought she was better than the rest of the world. Even when the two of you were dating. But Mom and Dad told me to stay out of it and that it wasn’t my place. Mom said I would understand one day when I fell in love. She was right. So, I kept my mouth shut. I always figured you two were happy together.”

“You know, so did I, only now I don’t think I was. I think we were two entirely different people. And how can it be possible to live with someone for all those years and not know that?”

“Married couples stop communicating. They take things for granted. Maybe that’s what happened with the two of you.”

I rub my aching forehead. “I don’t know. I only know I don’t want that the second time around.”

“Then don’t let it happen.”

“Thanks, Hudson.”

“For what?”

“For being honest with me.”

I guess it was true what people always said. You turned a blind eye to the truth because you didn’t really want to face it.