“I don’t know what you were so worried about,” I told Seth. “This is great.”

I handed him back the sheets of music paper with the lyrics he’d written for his song.

“You think?” He perked up, the anxious expression on his face clearing. “I wasn’t too sure. Even back in our old band I left the songwriting to you and Julian.”

The music room we were in was a little small, but we weren’t playing instruments, just looking over the music. I had gotten used to walking into the office building that housed Cherry Lips, but there were still so many floors and rooms, I thought the place must be a never-ending maze. Every time I showed up I was put in a different room. I wondered if eventually I might learn my way around.

I wondered if I’d still be employed by Cherry Lips long enough for that to happen.

“That’s not to say there isn’t room for improvement, of course,” I told Seth. “It’s good the way it is, but if you’re open to some constructive criticism…”

“Always!” He clapped his hand together once and leaned forward on the sofa we were sitting on. “Lay it on me.”

“This part right here?” I pointed to one line on the paper. “I know you probably think you’re being clever, rhyming these two words, but it sort of comes off as cheesy.”

His face fell. “Cheesy?”

“Just a little bit,” I hastened to say. “It’s not bad. It just might put off some listeners.”

“Okay…” He lifted his eyes skyward and tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Okay,” he said, more decisively this time. “I can think of another way to phrase it.” He looked back to me. “Are those the kinds of changes you’re talking about?”

“Mostly,” I replied. “Like I said, the song is good. You just need to polish it. And don’t feel bad,” I added. “All writers have to edit their first drafts, and writing lyrics is essentially the same as being any other writer. Think of it like poetry.”

“Poetry, huh?” Seth grinned. “I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it.”

He winked as I groaned.

“That’s the kind of cheesy stuff I’m talking about,” I told him.

“Sorry,” he said. “I kind of learned to shoot out those cheesy one-liners to amuse Julian.”

“I doubt Julian actually finds them amusing.”

“He always groans like you just did, but I know he secretly thinks I’m funny,” Seth said.

“You sure about that?”

“No,” he grinned. “But it’s not going to stop me.”

I cocked my head and gave him a soft smile.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” I said.

“Hope not,” he said. “‘Cause the old me was pretty awesome already. Not much more room for improvement.”

I poked him in the side and he flinched away with a squawk.

“Well, you’re less gangly, I can tell you that,” I said. “Your body seems to fit your limbs, unlike the last time I saw you.”

“Thank god for that one last growth spurt,” he said.

I threw my arm around his shoulder.

“I really missed you, Seth,” I told him. “I forgot how cheerful you are. You always light up a room.”

“Aw, you’re being all sappy,” he teased, but he bumped his head against mine. “I missed you too, Ever.”

I was going to remind him it was Everly now, but hearing the name from Seth didn't cause the same pain as it once did. It just felt like the good old days.

Speaking of the old days…

“Can I ask you something?” I spoke up.

“Sure,” Seth said easily.

“Did Julian really stop writing music after we broke up?”

Seth went silent.

“You don’t have to betray his confidence or anything,” I said. “He already told me as much. I was just wondering—”

I paused. I wasn’t sure what I was wondering. I just needed more details.

“It’s true that Julian found it hard to compose afterwards,” Seth said slowly. “I never knew if it was just because he didn’t want to be reminded of everything, if it was too soon, or if he really had an actual problem.”

“He said the stuff he did write was bad.”

“It was shit,” Seth said bluntly. “It all sounded dull and lifeless. There wasn’t that emotional spark you should feel when you hear a piece of music. It’s like music was an extension of his state of mind.”

“Is that what he was like, after?” I asked. “Lifeless?”

“Not exactly,” Seth said. “It was more like he returned to being the person he used to be before he met you.”

“I barely remember a time before me and Julian.”

“I do.”

Seth said it so firmly it made me pause.

“I’ve known Julian almost our whole lives, remember?” Seth said. “I was that little pipsqueak on the playground who tried to tell off the older bullies for picking on that weird, quiet kid. And then the both of us got beaten up.” Seth chuckled at the memory. “You never knew what Julian was like growing up. If you think he’s guarded now…” Seth shook his head. “By the time he met you, he was better, but I remember that closed off, dead-eyed kid he used to be. Took me a while to befriend him. He was a tough nut to crack, let me tell you. And no wonder, considering what he put up with, living with that family of his.”

“He lived with his aunt, right?” I asked. “After his mom took off?”

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t just the one aunt, was it? ” Seth shrugged, sounding matter-of-fact.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Ah…” Seth’s eyes went wide and he looked like he bit his tongue. “You didn’t know?”

“Didn’t know what?” I demanded.

“Julian’s mom’s sister had him for a few years, but then she pawned him off to an uncle, and then he got shuffled off to another aunt, and then—” Seth bit his lip. “Julian really should be the one to tell you all about it.”

“He never said anything about any of that,” I replied.

Julian had lived with his aunt growing up. That was what he said.

Now Seth was saying that was a lie.

How many times had Julian switched guardians? How many times had he been passed around? Had he ever had a stable home?

And why hadn’t he told me about any of this?

Seth stood quickly from the chair. He scrunched up his face and smacked his forehead.

“I’m such a dumbass,” he lamented. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. Just ignore me.”

“No,” I said. “This is important. This is a part of Julian’s past.”

And he’d never told me.

Why?

I didn’t know how to bring it up. How did I just blurt out to Julian that I wanted him to tell me about his childhood? I didn’t want to push him or pry, but the thought that he had kept something important from me hurt.

Julian knew almost everything about my struggles with my single mom, trying to put Abby through school, working multiple part-time jobs to help with the rent, always wondering if I was doing the right thing by going for my dreams, always worrying I was being selfish. He had been the one to reassure me that I wasn’t selfish, that I was allowed to live my own life.

I wanted to be that person for him. I wanted to reassure him and comfort him. But he’d never told me about his family. Never told me he’d been passed from home to home. Was that why he was always so reluctant to show his feelings?

All of a sudden I had a much greater insight into Julian than I ever had.

And I wanted to know more.

The problem was, how did I get him talking about it without spooking him?

I waited until we were alone together at my apartment, after Abby had gone to a study group. Since we’d worked on the song all week and made some good progress we celebrated by spending some time relaxing on the sofa and sharing a pizza.

I decided the best way forward was to bring up my own family. That was a safe enough topic.

“Abby’s having a fun time at college,” I said after we’d each had two slices. “She’s a bit introverted so I was worried for a while, but she seems to have hit her stride. She’s joined some study groups and even goes out for coffee with friends sometimes.”

“She always was a quiet one,” Julian said. “At least compared to you.”

“Look who’s calling who quiet,” I chuckled.

“I’m not quiet,” he said.

“No?” I asked, teasing. “Then what are you?”

“I’m mysterious and smoldering.”

“I won’t argue with that,” I said. “When I first met you I had no idea what to make of you.” That was a good enough segue, wasn’t it? “You were just this shy emo kid who dressed all in black.”

Julian’s eye twitched. “Calling me emo again?”

I nudged him with my shoulder.

“When I saw you in front of that keyboard at that music store I worked at, I thought you’d play something depressing,” I said.

“I’m not that much of a stereotype,” he replied.

“I was really surprised when you ended up playing Ode to Joy.”

“It’s a good song,” he said.

“Still. You gave off this kind of melancholy vibe. You rarely smiled, until I got to know you better. I had always wondered…” I trailed off, pausing, wondering whether to say it. I took a steadying breath. “I always wondered what made you so sad.”

“I wasn’t sad,” Julian said immediately.

“Maybe sad isn’t the right word.” I put down my plate with the pizza and turned to face him, curling my leg under me. “There was just something about you. Like you were keeping so much inside of you. Like you wanted to shout from the rooftops but couldn’t.”

Julian shifted on the sofa, looking uncomfortable. “You know I’ve never been good with words.”

“But why?” I asked softly. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” he said. “I’m just not a talkative person.”

I sighed inwardly. This was getting me nowhere.

“Julian…” I hesitated, before powering on. “Why did you never tell me about your family?”

He stilled, not looking at me. “My mom took off. Left me with her sister.”

“But that’s not all, is it?” I asked.

Julian threw me a frown. “What are you talking about?”

“There’s more to the story. Isn’t there?”

He stood from the sofa in a flurry. “I don’t know what you mean.” He roughly ran a hand through his hair, looking vexed. “Why are we even talking about this?”

“I want to know more about you,” I said. “We were together for years and you never told me about your childhood. Not the whole story, anyway. You knew everything there was to know about me and my life. And I’m missing a big piece of yours.”

“What does it matter?” he said, pacing the living room like a caged tiger.

I stood up too, trying to intercept him, but he kept turning on his heel to avoid me.

“It matters because we’re together again.” I held out a soothing hand, but he ignored it. “It matters because I love you. And if the reason you’re not good with words has something to do with your family, I don’t understand why you won’t tell me.”

“This is stupid,” he muttered. Julian whirled around and pinned me down with an aggravated stare. “Why are you even bringing this up?”

“Seth said—” I winced and bit my lip. I hadn’t meant to bring Seth into this.

Julian’s eyes went wide, as if he’d been hit by a bullet.

“What did Seth say?” he said demanded.

I was taken aback by his reaction. I didn’t know why he had reacted so strongly.

“He just mentioned you didn’t only live with your one aunt. You lived with a few different relatives.”

Julian’s face clouded over, his eyes narrowing.

“He didn’t tell me anything else,” I said, now worried. “I wanted to hear it from you.”

“I’m not having this conversation,” he said flatly. He grabbed his leather jacket from the coat hook and shrugged it on almost violently.

“Why won’t you just talk to me?” I pleaded.

“I’m taking off now.”

“You don’t have to run,” I said desperately. “I just wanted to know more about—”

“Just forget it,” he said. “There’s nothing to know.”

“From the way you’re reacting, I think there is.”

Julian gave me one last withering stare before he slammed the door shut behind him.