All the air left my lungs. A vise closed around my chest, as if cold fingers were gripping my heart and squeezing.

“What—” I choked out. I pulled back from Julian, yanking my hand away like his touch burned. I brought my hand to my chest, clenching it into a shaking ball. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve changed, Ev,” Julian said. “We both know it. And it’s not a necessarily a good change.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I turned from him and viciously tugged on my shirt, not bothering with my bra, and slipped into my jeans, ready to run.

Julian put his hand on my shoulder, stilling me. I held my breath. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me to him, my rigid back to his bare chest. He wasn’t hard anymore.

“You go along with whatever I want,” Julian said. “You have no preferences for anything anymore. You always defer to me. That’s not the Ever Darling I knew.”

“That Ever never existed,” I said. “She was a lie.”

“But Everly Davis does exist,” Julian countered gently. He tightened his arms around me. I stood there, stiff, unable to relax against him. “Talk to me?”

“That’s a rich request, coming from you.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m a hypocrite. But that’s not going to stop me.” He turned me around in his arms and cupped my face in both hands. “What happened in those years you were with Keith?”

I met his eyes. They were distressed, anxious, but so earnest and caring at the same time.

“I don’t—” I pressed my eyelids closed. “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know. I just wanted to forget it all happened. I wanted to put it behind me.”

“I get it,” Julian said. “Believe me, I get it more than you know.”

“So you want me to spill all my secrets when you won’t tell me yours?”

He cast his eyes down, shame-faced. Then he firmed his jaw and looked back up at me.

“I told you I was a hypocrite,” he said. “But I want to help you. I want to help you get back to the person you used to be. Whether you think that’s Ever or Everly, to me you’re just Ev. And I want to see that Ev again, happy and whole.”

A small piece inside me broke. Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I blinked rapidly. I sat down on the bed and pulled my knees to my chest. Julian sat next to me, putting an arm around my waist.

“I thought he was working in my best interests,” I said slowly, reluctantly.

Julian’s eyes narrowed, turning darker. “Keith?”

“He was older than me,” I began. “Older than all of us. He was wiser. He had more experience, in life and in the music industry. I thought, surely he knew what was best for me. I thought I should listen to him. I thought he knew better than me.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Ev I know,” Julian said gently.

“I was alone,” I said. “I was lonely. I had no one to turn to. And he was right there. It was so easy to turn to him.”

“So you relied on him,” Julian said thoughtfully.

“I had started second guessing everything. The band had broken up. You and Seth had left. I started wondering if maybe I didn’t know what I was doing after all. I’d lost that confidence. And Keith was there with all this advice and guidance. I started doing everything he suggested. I started going along with whatever he wanted. But…”

I trailed off, ducking my head and feeling small. I hated this part. I hated the person I had become. I hated that I’d been weak enough to fall for his shit.

But I couldn’t pretend it hasn’t happened.

“But?” Julian prompted, sounding perturbed.

“It stopped just being about the music. It was little things. Telling me what to wear. Telling me what to eat. Telling me who I was and wasn’t allowed to talk to.”

Julian took me in his arms and tucked my head under his chin.

“Then it got worse,” I continued. “He didn’t just suggest things. He stated them and took it as a given that I would agree. And sometimes I wouldn’t. And he’d get upset.” I curled into myself, feeling vulnerable, memories flashing through me. “I would tell him what I wanted and he’d laugh. He’d put me down. He made me feel so small. Like everything I said, everything I wanted or suggested was stupid. So eventually I learned it was easier to just go along with whatever he said. I stopped even trying. It wasn’t a conscious decision. I guess I just realized it was easier to go along with him than risking upsetting him. When he was upset, he would yell. He would storm around. He would look at me and his eyes would be so full of anger and rage. It was scary. I was scared of him.”

Julian closed his arms around me tight and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t just left like that, you never would have turned to him.”

“It’s not your fault he’s a controlling asshole,” I replied.

“Seth and I knew there was something not right about him,” Julian growled. “We should have stayed and fought more.”

“I probably wouldn’t have listened,” I admitted.

“You always were stubborn.” Julian buried his head in my hair and held me.

“It happened slowly,” I continued. “I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. Until one day I guess I just snapped.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. “I realized I didn’t like the person I’d become. The person he’d turned me into. So I left him.”

“That’s not the whole story,” Julian asked. “Is it?”

I exhaled heavily, deciding to come clean.

“I was with Abby,” I said. “I rarely saw her by that point. Keith said I should be concentrating on my music, on my work, that other people were just a distraction. But it was my birthday and she insisted on showing up at my apartment with a present and cake.”

“Sometimes I forget she’s got a bit of a stubborn streak just like you,” Julian said with a soft smile.

“I had really missed her. She stayed longer than I realized. Keith showed up. Abby tried to be polite to him, but I could tell she didn’t like him at all. She knew it was his fault I’d pulled away from all my family and friends. But she didn’t put him down or talk badly about him in front of me. I think she knew I wouldn’t have listened.”

“She wanted to just be there to support you,” Julian said.

“Abby was there making polite conversation with Keith. He was being his usual asshole self. I hadn’t realized it until just then. The way he talked down to Abby, it was the same way he talked to me. She said something. I don’t even remember what. He laughed at her, derisive and callous. He told her she was being an idiot. I saw the way her face fell. He had really hurt her. I got pissed off. I thought, how dare he talk to my baby sister like that. That’s when I realized. I’d been letting him treat me like that, this whole time. And if I wouldn’t accept that behavior with Abby, why was I letting him act that way with me? So… I left.”

“As simple as that?” Julian said.

I curled into myself. “No. Definitely not as simple as that. But that moment was the beginning of the end. I’d finally realized what Keith was, what he’d done to me. And I decided I was done with him.”

“I wish I could get my hands on that bastard,” Julian growled.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” I said. “It’s the past.”

“Ev, why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked.

“Because I knew you’d want to kill him.”

“That can’t be the only reason,” he said.

“Julian…” I cringed, not wanting to say it.

“Why, Ev?” he pressed.

“Because it’s embarrassing!” I stood from the bed in a whirlwind of sheets and pillows. “I was an idiot, just like Keith said, letting him treat me like that. I’m supposed to be a strong, bad ass woman, and look what I let him do to me.”

Julian shook his head firmly.

“No,” he said. “That’s not how it works. It’s not your fault. It’s nothing you did. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s all on him.”

“I should have known better.”

“You were in an abusive relationship.”

I stopped. Julian’s words rang through me.

“I wasn’t abused,” I said. “He never hit me.”

“Abuse isn’t always physical,” Julian said. “It can be emotional. It can be mental. And it can be just as bad.” Julian averted his eyes, looking down at the bed and murmuring. “Sometimes it can even be worse.”

“I—”

I cut myself off. Those tears threatened to fall. Abused. I’d never thought about that word before. Never thought it applied to me. I’d just been weak. Hadn’t I?

“Keith was a controlling, abusive asshole,” Julian said adamantly. “He preyed on you when you were vulnerable. And none of that is on you.”

He held out his arms. I hesitated for only a moment before falling into them.

“It could have happened to anyone,” Julian said. “It does happen to people. A lot of people. It doesn’t make you, or them, weak.”

Tears spilled down my cheeks, wetting his chest where I’d pressed my face against him.

“It’s not your fault, Everly,” Julian whispered into my ear. “You’re not weak. You’re just human.”

And for the first time in years, I started to believe it.