Seth’s words stuck with me, even after he was long gone from the coffee shop. I sat at our table until the cafe closed and I was kicked out by the annoyed baristas.

You have to listen to what he doesn’t say.

That was what Seth had told me.

As I huddled around my coffee cup, hunched over the table, I couldn’t help but recall the dozens of small things Julian had done for me over the past few months, ever since we’d run into each other again. Remembering my favorite drink, serving me pesto even though it wasn’t his favorite, all those sweet touches and soft looks.

Once my mind had brought those memories forth, it didn’t stop there. Hundreds of little instances from our entire relationship bubbled up to the surface.

“Excuse me, miss?” the annoyed cafe employee said. “We closed ten minutes ago.”

I gathered my bag and mumbled a hasty apology before shuffling out the door.

It was dark outside, as dark as it had been up on that rooftop. I looked up at the sky. Light pollution blocked my view of the stars again. But I could make out the moon, shining bright through the hazy clouds. It shone down on me, a steady presence, lighting up its portion of the heavens even brighter than the most aggressive of neon signs.

I remembered how it had felt when Julian first walked into that meeting room. I’d thought that it was like a halo of sunshine streaming down onto his head, capturing my attention.

But that wasn’t quite right. Julian wasn’t like the sun. He didn’t blaze with glory or burn with vigor.

No, Julian’s demeanor was more subtle than that. He never wanted the spotlight for himself. He never cared about drawing attention to himself. But he was always there, acting as a steady companion. Always supportive, always caring.

Always loving.

I stared down at my feet and clutched my bag in both hands.

I had to make things right.

It didn’t take me long to get to Julian’s place. I remembered it being one of those fancier buildings downtown. I soon found myself in front of his apartment door.

I lifted my hand to knock. Lowered it, hesitating. Lifted it again. Lowered it.

I chewed on my lip. Was he even going to want to see me after the way I’d yelled at him?

My phone went off without warning, a blaring sound. Abby was calling, no doubt wanting to check in. We hadn’t run into each other in days.

I hurried to silence the phone, but it was too late. A scuffling sound made its way through the apartment door. I heard the lock click and before I could decide whether to run or stay, Julian opened the door.

His hair was a disheveled mess, falling over his cheeks in limp strands. The only color in his pale face was the purple bruises under his eyes. His dark gaze, blank and hollow, turned shocked and anxious, eyes widening, before shuttering closed again, as guarded as I’d ever seen him.

We stared at each other.

“Can I come in?” I asked nervously.

Julian turned back into the apartment, leaving the door wide open. I took that as an invitation and stepped through, closing it behind me.

Guilt gnawed at my stomach. I’d been so focused on my own hurt feelings that I hadn’t considered how Julian must have been doing. If he really hadn’t cared about me, he might only have been upset at having been called out on his bullshit. But if he really did love me, then having me fling all those things I’d said in his face must have been heart-wrenching.

I knew I needed to make things better. I just wasn’t sure how to start.

Julian walked out of the kitchen with a bottle of water. He held it out to me. I took it from him with a murmur of thanks.

“What do you want?” he said flatly.

I cringed at his tone.

“I’m sorry,” were the first words out of my mouth.

“For?” he asked.

“A lot of things,” I said. “Mostly for yelling at you and accusing you of things I shouldn't have.”

“I never used you, Ev,” Julian said, the expression in his eyes turning into a despondent plea. “I don’t know how you could possibly think that.”

“It was stupid of me,” I said. “I just saw the way you pushed me aside the minute the song was done and…”

“What do you mean, pushed you aside?” he said.

“The second we were done you basically told me you didn’t need me anymore. You called the others and told me I should leave.”

Julian’s expression turned befuddled.

“I wasn’t pushing you away,” he said. “I was letting you go.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “What?”

“We’d been working on the song for so long. I figured you were anxious to get working on other things, to keep on getting more gigs and jobs. Those royalties won’t be coming in until the album is released, and I know you’ve been looking for work for a while.” Julian ran a hand through his bangs, ruffling them. “I just didn’t want to be the reason you couldn’t pay rent or whatever. So I thought I’d let you get to work on other stuff as soon as you could.”

A lump formed in my throat. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I didn’t know Julian knew about my financial situation. I hadn’t brought it up at all, not wanting his pity.

“I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions,” I told him.

“Seriously Ev, those were some pretty serious accusations you threw at me.” His lips turned down into a forlorn grimace. “What made you even go there in the first place?”

“Keith said—”

“Keith?!” Julian exclaimed, brows furrowing with a glare. “What the hell does that asshole have to do with anything?”

“He showed up,” I said. “He said some things. Mostly lies and half-truths, I guess. He made me think—” My throat closed. It was so humiliating to admit I’d fallen for his shit again.

“He made you think I didn’t actually care about you?” Julian guessed, incredulously. “That’s insane. Ev, there’s no one else in the world I care about more than you.”

“I’m beginning to see that. But…” I braced myself. “It wasn’t just about Keith. There are still some things that remain unspoken between us.”

That now familiar panic returned to his eyes.

“I won’t ask you to talk,” I told him. “But maybe, you can listen, instead?” I took his hand and made him sit next to me on the sofa. I held it, not letting go, despite the hesitation in his eyes. “I want to try and understand what you’re not saying.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Just listen,” I told him. “You don’t have to say anything. Let me do the talking. Okay?”

He pressed his lips together. He nodded once.

“You told me you grew up with your aunt,” I continued. “But that wasn’t the whole truth. You stayed with a bunch of relatives.”

Another hesitant nod.

“It wasn’t always a good situation,” I continued.

He swallowed hard. He shook his head, indicating that it hadn’t been.

“You grew up with your aunt because your parents both left. And then some time later, you went from your aunt’s house to one of your uncle’s. But that didn’t last long either.” I didn’t wait for him to confirm. The pain I saw in his eyes was enough. “You never stayed too long anywhere. You were shuffled from place to place. You never had a steady home. And I have to guess, since you were pawned off from one relative to another…” I scooted closer on the sofa, pressing our thighs together. “You weren’t made to feel very welcome?”

Julian let out a shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes closed. He bowed his head over mine, his hair tickling my cheeks as he hunched over, as if trying to hide. My heart ached for him. Certain suspicions went through my mind.

“Was there abuse?” I asked softly.

“They didn’t hit me,” he said immediately.

I leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Abuse isn’t always physical,” I reminded him. “And I don’t need to know all the details. But you probably learned not to make a fuss. To stay out of the way. To be quiet, to be silent. To try and make sure they never found a reason to hurt you.”

His hands began to shake.

“I tried…” he whispered, trailing off.

I made a sound of encouragement. “Tried what?”

“I tried to make them love me,” he said, his voice thick and liquid.

A sharp stab of pain went straight through me.

“I kept on thinking, there must be a reason why no one wants me,” he murmured, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. “I thought there must be a reason why no one loved me enough to keep me. I thought maybe I was unlovable.”

“Is that why you never wanted to tell me?” I asked softly.

“I thought there was something wrong with me,” he replied.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I said fiercely. “Nothing. It’s all on them. You get that, right? Just like with me and Keith. It’s not your fault.”

Julian wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to his chest.

“I’m sorry I can’t say it,” he choked out. “I want to, I swear, I just—”

“I know,” I said quietly. “I understand. You’re afraid if you open up, it will only lead to more hurt, just like it always did. You’re afraid it makes you vulnerable.”

He nodded furiously, dropping his forehead to my neck, his body trembling. I held him, rocking back and forth slightly, soothing him. Eventually, the trembling stopped. He let out a slow exhale, warming my skin.

I pulled back a few inches, putting only a scant distance between us.

“Can I try and guess a few more things?” I asked.

“You’ve already proven you’re a mind-reader,” he joked weakly.

I took his face in my hands, staring deeply into his eyes. They were glossy and red-rimmed. I gave him a soft smile.

“You adore me,” I said, a statement, not a question.

His lips twitched upward, almost returning my smile. He nodded.

“You worship me,” I said, almost teasing.

His eyes dropped to my lips. His pupils dilated. He nodded.

I tilted my head, examining him. He brought his eyes back to mine. They were shining and bright.

I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart.

“You love me,” I said.

Julian’s handsome face nearly crumpled, before he swallowed hard, seeming to steel himself. He sat upright, straightening his back. He met my gaze head on, unflinching.

He nodded.

I leaned forward, putting my hands to the back of his neck and pulling him close to stare deeply back into his eyes.

“Then show me.”