I blew on my coffee to cool it down before taking a sip. It still scalded my tongue. I put the cup down and looked at Seth from across the table. He was staring down into his Americano as if it held the secrets to the universe.

“I thought you said you wanted to talk,” I told him.

“I’m just not sure where to start.” He looked up at me, his expression weary. “There’s so many things to unpack.” He leaned back heavily into his chair. “You’re mad at Julian,” he stated. “Why?”

“Didn’t Julian tell you?”

“Yes, but what he told me didn’t make sense,” Seth replied. “I also had to drag it out of him, so I’m not sure how much of what went down I’m actually understanding correctly.”

I didn’t want to outright tell Seth Julian had been using me. They were so close, like brothers. Seth would obviously want to believe the best in his friend. He would deny it or try to rationalize the behavior. I didn’t want to sit here and listen to Seth tell me why I was wrong.

“So what exactly did Julian tell you?” I asked Seth.

“He said you accused him of not loving you. He said you got mad because you thought he was using you.”

I stayed quiet. Seth looked at me incredulously.

“You can’t really believe that, can you?” he cried. “Julian would never use you.”

Exactly as I had expected, Seth jumped to his friend’s defense, as always. I didn’t know why I had even agreed to talk with him.

“I’m leaving.” I moved to stand up.

Seth darted his hand out to catch mine.

“Please stay,” he said. “I can’t stand watching the two of you break up over a misunderstanding. Not again.”

“It’s not a misunderstanding,” I said. “Julian doesn’t care about me, not the way I care about him. He only cared about me as far as I could help him with his music.” I huffed out a laugh. “He’s always only been about the music before all else.”

“You know why that is, though, don’t you?” Seth asked. “It’s the only way he knows how to express himself. If it weren’t for his music, I think he’d explode from all the shit he keeps bottled up inside. You should know that better than anyone.”

“How does that make any difference?” I asked. “So he uses music as an outlet. All artists do. It doesn’t change the fact that he only ever wanted me because of what I could do for him.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Seth said.

“Julian was the one who convinced me to start a band with the two of you,” I said. “I was perfectly content working at the music store and just playing around with a guitar on the side.”

“Is that what you’re telling yourself?” Seth pressed his lips together. “Ever, you’ve always had big dreams. Julian could see it. He encouraged them. He encouraged you.”

My heart twinged in my chest. I could remember a hundred, a thousand, instances of Julian encouraging me and telling me to pursue my dreams. But…

“I thought he did all that because he believed in me,” I said. “But it was only for his own reasons. He was using me. Using my talent. And when he wasn’t able to get what he wanted, he left. And now, years later, he has the nerve to come to me and ask for help, then throw me away the second I’m not useful anymore.”

“What are you talking about?” Seth ran a frustrated hand through his hair, clenching the strands at the back of his neck. “What do you mean, when he wasn’t able to get what he wanted?”

“I’m talking about when the two of you walked away from Keith’s contract.”

Seth’s eyes darkened at the sound of Keith’s name.

“That asshole,” he spat out. “Why am I not surprised it all comes back to him?”

“This had nothing to do with Keith. This is about Julian.”

“Ever, Julian walked away because he thought you’d break and follow him. When you didn’t, he came back to talk to you. That’s when he saw you with Keith. He thought you had chosen Keith over him. He was heartbroken.”

I swallowed hard. That was what Julian had said. It had made sense before, but now, all I could see were the lies.

I shook my head furiously, anger rising within me.

“If that’s true, than why can’t he just come out and say he l—”

I cut myself off, nearly biting my tongue, trying to keep the words from bursting out.

But Seth knew exactly what I was trying to keep in.

“You’re still waiting for Julian to say he loves you?” Seth asked.

I inhaled a shuddering breath. I nodded, tears pinpricking my eyes.

“Ever…” His eyes softened. “Julian adores you. He worships you. He loves you.”

They were almost the same words Abby had said to me ages ago when I’d first started working with Julian. She clearly saw something in him. Something that Seth also seemed to see.

“Listen,” Seth said earnestly, leaning forward in his chair. “You know how Julian is. You know what he’s like.”

“That shouldn’t be an excuse,” I said. “If he loves me, he should say it.”

“How many times have you heard the words I love you from people who didn’t mean it?” Seth countered.

I stilled, his words plowing through me.

Keith had said it. He’d said it a hundred times. He told me over and over that he loved me. That he only wanted what was best for me.

And that had been a completely and utter lie.

“When it comes to Julian, you have to listen to what he doesn’t say,” Seth said. “You have to look at what he does. You have to read between the lines.” Seth reached out to pat my hand. “Look at all the things he’s done for you. He shows you how he feels by his actions. He shows you that he loves you without words every day.”

I fidgeted in my seat, uncomfortable with what Seth was saying. It made a lot of sense, especially given what I knew of Julian. All those little gestures and acts of kindness. All the small things he did every day to show me how he felt.

“You know why me and Julian are such good friends?” Seth said, interrupting my thoughts and making me look up and meet his eyes. “It’s because I can read him. He doesn’t need to tell me how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking. I can usually figure it out. I’ve known him for so long, I just get him, you know? And that’s what he needs. He needs someone who will know what he’s trying to say even when he can’t make the words come out.”

“How hard can it be to tell me he loves me?” I whispered, my throat tight.

“Harder than you might think,” Seth said. “You know about Julian’s past.”

“Not everything.”

“You know enough,” he said, simply. “Just think about it. Think about how Julian grew up. Think about what that might do to a person.”

I looked down into my now cold coffee, avoiding Seth’s eyes.

“You know,” he started, “there’s only one thing he wants, even more than the music.”

“What’s that?” I asked quietly.

Seth gave me a small, sad smile.

“Julian’s only ever wanted someone who understands what he can’t say.”