Chapter 22
Zachariah
I was at a loss for words. There was nothing I could possibly do as I stood, trying to blend in with all the other people that were out and about on this nice warm spring day. I couldn’t believe that she was here, almost within reach.
She sat on the bench, next to a woman that had red hair who had a little red haired girl chatting away instead of playing with the other kids who were playing on the slides and jungle gym. A black stroller sat in front of both women.
From where I stood, I wasn’t able to hear them. I wished that I could. I should just step up and show myself. Instead, I stayed put, watching the love of my life.
She looked perfectly healthy and untouched. Her light blond hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, showing off her slender neck. She looked happy. How could she after we had been apart for so long? She couldn’t have forgotten me, could she?
My heart, which had yet to heal, broke again. How could she be so happy? Didn’t she suffer from leaving me? How could she willingly give up on us, run away, and look like nothing had happened between us?
I couldn’t believe it had been almost seven months ago that she left me without a word. Her wedding ring was burning a hole in my pocket, as I refused to go anywhere without it.
She said something to the little girl, and finally, she ran off to play with a couple of other children.
I slowly made my way to her, being mindful I couldn’t be seen. Not yet. I had to make sure I would be welcomed. It had been so long. It felt like years to me when it had only been a little less than a year since I saw her.
What was I planning to do? I had no idea. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Would she even hear me out? Would Avidya want to see me? Or would she kick me in the balls and demand a divorce?
I had promised myself that I would just see her. I didn’t plan to ever approach her. Not until I knew what I was walking into. I had no idea if she moved on with another man. I had no idea if that would even be a question. We were still fucking married, for God’s sake!
There was a tree behind the bench Avidya sat on. I took the chance to sit down, leaning against it so I could hear what they were saying. I kept my face hidden under my hat. The green grass was slightly damp from this morning’s watering, but it was the least of my concerns.
Luckily, I wore shorts and a loose shirt, so I looked just like a jogger. No one would know it was me.
No one even knew I was here. Not my father. Not my brother. Not even my guards. I was here as secretly as my wife was. Except for Travis, he knew since he had told me the town my wife had been in from the start.
The past couple of years had been some of the roughest years I’d ever gone through. I never thought I’d be able to find love. I never thought I’d find the reason to live.
I did. And it was everything more than I ever thought it could possibly be.
But with love came defeat and loneliness.
My world came crashing down in a matter of minutes when the love of my life left me, leaving a simple note and the wedding ring right there on my pillow for me to find. And without any reason from her. She never gave me any clue. Nothing.
It was by chance that I found out where my wife had been hiding. Travis had come back almost three weeks ago with the town and state that Avidya was staying in. He didn’t give me any information on her health or reasons why he had stayed. He only told me that I’d see and understand myself when I went to get her. He also told me that I better return with her if I wanted to live.
I think he threatened to kill me, but I let it pass.
This time.
He wouldn’t be so lucky the next time he made such a threat as that. I think he was in the doghouse with his Mistress as it was.
“So glad you are doing so well,” the redhead said, seemingly happy about the fact.
“Me too. I’m so glad that everything is finally looking up,” Avidya’s voice said. It was still as soft and sweet as I remember.
“I still can’t believe that you went through all of that and are still be able to stand,” redhead spoke. “Do you plan to start working again?”
What had my wife been through?
“I’ve thought about it,” Avidya answered. “I don’t know yet, for sure. It’s not like I need the money, but I can’t be in that house. It’s hard enough to just sleep there most nights since everyone has left. Not that I get sleep as it is.” She laughed at the end, like it was expected to not be getting any sleep.
“You know you are more than welcome to stay with me and Catrina,” red-head said. “I’m here if you want to talk. Heck, I’ll even watch Josh for you. I know how hard it is, Vidie. I’m still there and will be for who knows how long.”
“You could have just about any man, Krissy,” Avidya laughed. “I bet any man out here jogging would love to have you. And your kid too.” She looked around, easily spotting a number of men that were running on the sidewalk not that far away.
“I could say to same to you,” the redhead replied with a laugh.
I could picture my wife blushing at the comment, and a small smile graced my lips.
“You know I can’t,” Avidya said with a small shake of her head.
“Any idea when he’ll show up? Has Travis said anything?” Krissy asked.
“No,” Avidya said, her voice low with defeat. “I should have just called him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’ll hate me. Hell, I could only get myself talked into calling him that one time.”
I didn’t hate her. I was angry, yes. But I didn’t hate her. I had so many questions about why she was here of all places. I wanted to know why she seemed to have gone through such a tragic event that no one told me about.
What had I missed the past half year?
“You can’t hide from him forever,” Krissy said. “You should let him know. He deserves it.”
“If only it was that easy,” Avidya sighed. It sounded as though she feared my reaction. She had nothing to fear from me.
The past few months, I had changed. Not sure if it was for the better or worse, but I had changed. I was so depressed. I did so many shitty things, one after another. I had been at my lowest point in life. All because of a woman.
Yet she sat there, and didn’t seem to have to dealt with any of the things I did. She kept on living like nothing had happened.
“Someone came to kill me, Krissy. The only family member by blood that still cared for me was killed because he tried to protect me,” Avidya said. She talked as though this was nothing out of the ordinary for her. “My life is so messed up, no one deserves me.”
“But you fought every step of the way,” Krissy said. “You deserve the entire world. Don’t doubt yourself. Everyone that has met you loves you. Can’t you see that? Taylor may have died to protect you, but you are so strong. He may have died to keep you alive, but you learned so much from him. You are that strong woman you should have been all these years.
“Do what your heart wants, not your mind. As long as you keep in touch with me, of course,” she ended.
“I’ve let so many people down already, Krissy,” Avidya said sadly. I heard the tears in her voice and I was just barely able to keep myself in place. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, taking all the hurt away.
“But they understood,” Krissy said. “Didn’t they?”
“Kinda,” Avidya shrugged out. “The family that does know understands. You saw how Julia and Travis were last week.”
“Seriously!” Krissy shouted, causing the baby in the stroller to let out a whimper. “Sorry.”
I turned my head, watching as Avidya was quick to pick up the baby, who was no older than maybe two months, out of the stroller, shushing the thing.
What the hell?
My eyes widened in surprise as Avidya picked up the baby as though she knew exactly how to handle it. I wasn’t surprised by that. What surprised me was the pale green eyes that locked with my own as the baby looked over Avidya’s shoulder, looking at me as though it knew the exact reason why my wife left me.
It couldn’t be.
No.
My chest felt tight as realization dawned on me.
“How could you not tell them? Any of them?” the redhead went on
“He wouldn’t understand,” Avidya answered. “I can’t…I couldn’t let him know. He would have taken Joshua from me. Or worse”
“How would you know?” Krissy asked, appalled.
“You haven’t met him,” Avidya said. “You haven’t met my husband that wanted nothing to do with children. He told me once that he would do anything to make sure that I was not able to have a child, and I believed him.”
“But you love them all!” Krissy hissed out.
“Very much. Each and every one of them,” Avidya said. “I can’t see any good it would do. It’d just break me more.”
She didn’t look broken, so what the fuck was she talking about?
“Then why hide the fact you had a kid? Why not let them know? They certainly care about you. I have seen those two men that come by at least every other week since you arrived to this town. They care for you,” Krissy said.
“They are the only ones that know, and won’t tell anyone else,” Avidya said fondly. “If it wasn’t for the one getting me here, I wouldn’t even have this little one.”
“But you said he wasn’t abusive,” Krissy stated. “He’d certainly change his mind now.”
“My…he doesn’t like kids,” Avidya stated, her voice turning cold.
“But you love him. I can see how much you miss him,” Krissy said, clearly not getting the point. Neither was I. “Why can’t you just give him a chance?”
“I do love him,” she sighed out. “But this is my choice. If he wants to find me, he can. I won’t fight. I won’t throw a fit. I’ll let him do whatever he wants. But he hasn’t come to find me, Krissy. There’s been no sign of him anywhere for the entire time I’ve been here.” She paused, moving the baby down from her shoulder and laying him back into the stroller.
My mind still hadn’t processed that I was a father. I was the father, wasn’t I? I was sure no one could be, but still . . . .
How the fuck had no one told me?
“Why hasn’t he shown up, do you think?” Krissy mused.
“I’m guessing no one has told him,” Avidya shrugged. “Or maybe he has more important things to take care of. I’m surprised, actually. I’ve been expecting him to come at any moment since that first day I got here to drag me back home. But day after day, he hasn’t shown up.
“I can’t help but wonder if maybe he let me go without a fight,” she finished quietly.
If only she knew the half of it. I would have come sooner if I had known.
“Are you better off being here on your own, then?” Krissy asked.
“I have no idea,” Avidya said. “I miss being home. I miss having a family. But I gave that all up to have this little one. I have no idea what would even be left if I went back now.”
Not able to take any more, I pushed myself up and stood. Taking one last look at what I knew I would never be able to erase from my mind, I began to walk away. I had a child. Avidya made her choice, and I’d honor it.
For now.