Chapter 34
Avidya
I had no idea what time Zachariah finally came to bed, but what I did know was that I didn’t wake up once after I fell asleep. I woke up in a panic, thinking something had happened to Josh. I found his bed empty, so I gathered that Zach had taken care of him all night long. At least that was what I was hoping. I didn’t think Zachariah would do anything.
Although I didn’t want to get up, I knew I needed to. I desperately needed a shower and to get dressed before anyone showed up to the house. The bed was far too comfortable to move from, and I ended up dozing back off for a while after laying my head back on my pillow.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept through the night. It had to have been over a year now. It really was amazing how things changed over time.
I finally woke up when Zachariah came to shake me awake after I had dozed back off, telling me that his parents were here and would like to see me.
“What time is it?” I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I turned onto my back.
“Almost eleven,” he said softly. “I let you sleep for a while.”
“I didn’t mean to sleep so late,” I stretched my body out. This bed was like a vacuum, pulling me into its depths.
“You needed it,” he said, moving some of my hair off of my face. The pads of his fingers barely made contact with my skin. “Just figured you’d like to be dressed and awake before Toby got here. Apparently, he’s a bit excited to see you.”
“I think someone else is too,” I said, letting my eyes trail down his body.
“Well he can wait,” he grunted out. “I’ll leave you to shower and dress.”
I could hear the unsaid words about him being happy to join me if I needed help. Now really wasn’t the time. Although it did seem like an appealing idea.
“I’ll be down soon,” I said, pushing myself up.
It didn’t take me long to shower and throw on some clothes on that were here from before I left. I braided my hair off to the side so it wasn’t in my face all day long. My hair was now down to my waist and I refused to cut it. I liked my long hair even though I had no idea what to do with it half the time.
Walking down the stairs, I heard the voices of Julia and Carlos. Rounding the corner, I couldn’t help but smile as both of them gushed over my son.
When Zachariah spotted me, he instantly came to my side and pulled me against him. “I think we lost our son.”
“I could just love on him all day long,” Julia said, giving me a smile. “You look well.”
“A good night sleep helped,” I shrugged.
“Zach explained a bit of it to us,” Julia said. “I could have stayed longer if you weren’t up to me leaving yet. I wouldn’t have minded.”
“You have helped,” I said, giving them a smile. “And it was more than enough. I needed to do things on my own, and I did. I still would have been able to handle it.”
“Well, know that we won’t be letting you get away with us not helping now,” Julia said.
Not even five minutes later, it seemed like everyone else showed up. The house was instantly filled with laughter, love, and family.
I didn’t know I had missed this all so much. I never thought that I needed a family until I no longer had it.
The last ones to arrive were Violet and Toby, who seemed to have had a meltdown shortly before coming here.
Excusing myself from Zach’s side as he talked to Travis, I made my way to Toby, who would hardly look at me as he hid behind Violet. His face was red, his eyes even redder as though he had cried not all that long ago.
“Sorry,” she whispered low enough we were the only ones that could hear. “He’s a bit upset today. Long night of not much sleep. Most nights are a touch and go as it is.”
“You don’t have to explain to me,” I said. “He’s able to have a bad day. He’s been through a lot more than any of us here have.”
“Yes, he has,” Violet agreed, pulling me into a hug. In my ear she whispered, “He doesn’t know about the baby yet. He was so excited to see you last night he couldn’t sleep. And then this morning he didn’t want to take a shower before coming over here. I don’t know how he’ll react to the baby today after everything. His emotions are getting the better of him today.”
I could hear the concern in her voice. She had no idea how Toby would react to the baby, and neither did I.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, returning the hug. “I’ll make sure he understands the situation.”
Pulling back, she gave me a smile before laying a hand on Toby’s shoulder.
“Hey there,” I smiled at him. He had grown quite a bit over the months, and was now almost to my shoulders. His dark hair was cut and still slightly damp. “How are you doing today?”
He shrugged in answer, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
“Having a bad day?” I asked.
“Most days are,” Melio said, pulling me into yet another side hug. “But we’re getting there. Just glad to have you back.”
“I’m happy to be back,” I said with a smile. I let my body lean into Melio’s, not that he gave me much choice as he held me tightly. “I’ve missed you all.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have had to miss us if you’d just have stayed here,” Melio declared.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I had to go find myself.”
“That you certainly did,” Melio said before letting me go.
“Do you want to go outside with me, Toby?” I asked him, letting my eyes stay on him even though he didn’t look my way.
He shrugged both shoulders.
“How about this,” I hedged. “I’m going outside to take a small walk to get a break from all these people. If you would like to join, you can.”
“What about Joshua?” Melio asked.
“Zach will watch over him,” I said with a smile. “He’s getting pretty good at that.”
“Huh,” Melio said in thought. “Never thought I’d see that.”
“He’s doing pretty well, surprisingly,” I replied.
With one last look at Toby, I made my way out the front door. Everyone here really only wanted to see Joshua, so I knew that I wouldn’t be missed. Zachariah would be the first that noticed I wasn’t in the house, but I figured someone would let him know where I went if he didn’t come looking for me first.
I had a feeling that Toby wasn’t a huge fan of all the people either, least of all with people he wasn’t too thrilled about as it was.
I took my time to go down each step once I was outside. I had no idea if Toby would follow me, but I felt it should be in his hands to take the step if he wanted to talk to me. I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but if Zach could forgive me for running, then I was sure that Toby would be able to in time.
The sun was out and already warming up the air as the minutes passed. It was slightly chilly, but not too bad. The grass was starting to turn a nice green color, and I spotted a few guards that were hanging around.
Of course, Zachariah still had guards around. He was a man of power, and anyone wouldn’t have thought twice about taking any one of us out. Just because Aaron was taken care of didn’t mean that there were no other threats out there.
I was about ten feet from the house when I heard rushed, but quiet, footsteps coming up behind me. I didn’t turn around or stop as I already was walking at a pretty slow pace. I had guessed that Toby would have taken longer to follow me, if he did at all.
Once he was right beside me, head down, I started to talk to him. It was what had worked before, so I hoped it would do the trick again.
“I really am sorry I left. I had to keep someone safe, and by leaving I could do that. There was no other way to protect someone that I loved very much.” I paused, thinking of how to say what needed to be said. Was there a way to say everything that needed to be said? I wasn’t so sure.
“I won’t be leaving again now that I know everyone I care about is safe,” I went on.
“Why did he want to hurt you?” he asked so quietly I almost didn’t catch it.
“Who?” I asked, not sure what person he meant. There were a number of people that wanted to hurt me. Some were deader than a doornail, and other would find out that if they did mess with me, they would wish for death.
“Your…Zachariah?” he asked, still not looking at me.
“He didn’t want to hurt me. It wasn’t actions, but words that really hurt, though. Zach didn’t want me to have something, and said some hurtful things,” I explained. “I didn’t agree with the way he said such things, and I had to leave to keep something I wanted very much.”
“And that’s what made you leave, right?” he asked.
“Mostly, yes,” I answered. “He didn’t want me to have any kids. He said he’d never allow me to have one.”
“Then why come back?” he asked tearfully.
“Because he came and found me. He apologized to me,” I answered. “I didn’t come back just for him. I came back for everyone. Including you. I missed everyone.”
“Violet said you had a kid,” he said, kicking a small rock out of his way.
“I did,” I said, not hiding that fact. “And he’s here, too.”
“Won’t Zach take him away?” he asked. “That’s what happened to me. My dad didn’t want me and took me away from my mom after killing her.”
“No, Zach won’t ever take him away,” I said. “If he tried, I’d kill him first.”
Toby froze at my words.
“I wouldn’t really, but I’d want to,” I was quick to say. “He’s not a kid person, but he’s trying now. And that’s what counts. Some people can change.”
“Not all,” Toby whispered.
“No, not all do,” I agreed.
“Have you changed?” he asked, looking up at me for a moment.
“I don’t think so,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m still just me. I may be a mom now, but I still like and do the same stuff as before.”
“Then why couldn’t you have taken me with you if you didn’t change?” he asked.
“Toby, sweetheart,” I sighed, pulling him to me. He went against me willingly, wrapping his arms around my waist. “You couldn’t have gone with me. Violet and Melio would have been devastated. Besides I wasn’t happy, and you wouldn’t have been either. I was sad and had to figure stuff out before I came back. I had to make sure that my baby would be welcomed by Zach and everyone before I ever thought of returning.”
“Don’t leave again, please,” he cried against my chest.
“I promise I won’t,” I said, laying my head on his, fighting back my own tears. “I can’t or it’d break me. Again.”
We stood there for a few minutes in silence, hanging on to one another. The only sounds that were heard were the birds chirping in the trees around us.
“Would you like to see my baby?” I asked as we both pulled apart.
“Sure,” he shrugged, trying to act as if he didn’t care. I could tell he wanted to see my baby, and I think I would never get to hold my son again afterwards.
I had a feeling that Toby and Josh would quite possibly be inseparable soon enough. As much as Catrina would be when they came to visit.