Chapter 10
Zachariah
Another week went by. One day bled into the next, blurring into one extremely long day with very little sleep. But life goes on. Or so I tried to tell myself. Thanksgiving passed with me being held up here at the house. I couldn’t face the family. I couldn’t sit and try to be happy while my life slipped away from me.
I lived the best I could with this gaping hole in my chest. It felt like my soul had been taken away from me by the devil himself. I did what was expected. I kept my club running to top notch, bringing in a few new members here and there. I had to compensate for the loss of my brothel. It was officially closed down.
To worry about the safety of the girls and the men taking things too far was no longer a concern. I just didn’t know what to do with my time now. I hoped that Avidya would be happy that the place was no longer. She didn’t have good memories of that place, so I couldn’t feel bad about it.
I’d do anything for her to come back, though. Anything at all. Didn’t she know that?
Why hadn’t she returned to me yet? Was she okay? Where was she?
I wanted another drink. Badly. My house was empty, lonely, and cold. How could I possibly live like this, feeling dejected? My parents, heck even Melio, constantly searched the house for any alcohol. It wouldn’t have been that hard to buy and stash it somewhere, but then my father would have beat my ass again if I even tried.
They feared I’d just drink until I killed myself. Although that was an extremely tempting thought, I hadn’t done it yet. I’m sure they realized that I could easily take my life by other means if I so wanted.
I wasn’t suicidal. If my wife was no longer alive, that would be an entirely different story. I’d certainly have no reason to keep living if Avidya wasn’t alive. It was bad enough that she wasn’t with me now!
Since the club was closed during the daylight hours, for the most part, I was now left to my own thoughts once again. It wasn’t a wise choice, but one I wanted all the same. I hated having to pretend to be interested in the club when I was there. At the same time, I hated being alone with my own consuming thoughts.
There was no in between.
I had no clue how everyone expected me to keep on living. Could I do just that?
“Moping again?” Travis asked, foregoing knocking. Again.
“Go away,” I grumbled, glaring at the man. Couldn’t my family see I just wanted to be left alone in my own miserable thoughts?
“You know I can’t do that,” he stated, taking a seat in one of the chairs. “And you aren’t the only one being affected by Avidya’s disappearance.”
I didn’t remove my heated gaze from him. He was stepping on my toes, figuratively speaking of course. If I could get away with it, I’d have dragged him out of my house and locked the door behind him after making sure he’d never enter again.
“It’s not only you that feels dejected and wronged. You aren’t the only one that wants to know her reasons. We all do, Zach. But your father is right. What do you want her to come back to? To an empty shell who can’t function, or to a man that knows how to survive by any means necessary?”
“It’s not that simple,” I grunted. It wasn’t. But how much I wished it was.
I looked at Travis, seeing he didn’t appear to be bothered nearly as bad as it was bothering me. Why couldn’t he feel so lost as I was? Why did I have to hold on the brunt of all this anger?
I needed something to take away the pain. Every day that passed, I craved something more than just my dulled emotions to take the edge off of what I was feeling.
“You know something,” my voice was hard as the words passed through my lips. The way he held himself, I knew he was holding something back from me.
“What do you mean?” he asked, seeming confused as I change the subject. His eyes spoke of the secrets he was hiding from me.
“You know something that concerns my wife,” I gritted out. “What. Is. It?”
“I know as much as you do,” he said slowly.
Lie.
“I swear. If I knew where she was, I’d bring her back myself,” he stated, shifting in his seat. “I’d do just about anything to make her see reason, and see that leaving you was wrong. We are all suffering from her little disappearance.”
“Do you know why she left?” I gritted through clenched teeth.
“Possibly, but not entirely sure,” he said, leaning forward. “Remember what you may have said that made her upset. That’ll give you a clue to why she ran.”
He made absolute no sense.
“There was no way in hell she’d run because of my beliefs,” I seethed. “Did she talk to you before she left? Did she say anything?” The words were nearly on top of each other as I spit out the questions.
Why hadn’t I thought to question him before now?
“I wish she would have,” Travis said sadly, leaning back in the chair. “Someone needs to talk some sense into her. Anyhow, think about why she may have wanted to run. Something happened, you just have to backtrack, and it should come to you.”
“Why can’t you just fucking tell me!” I snapped.
“It’s not my secret to tell. You’re gonna hate it, more than you hate the idea of her leaving, I’m sure,” he shrugged, sitting back up fully.
He was no help. I shouldn’t even have let his ideas cross my mind.
Was Travis trying to protect my wife, because she wanted it? Did he really not know where she was at?
Why wouldn’t anyone just tell me where the fuck she was?
“Leave before I shoot you,” I seethed at the man.
I was filled with such anger, I knew that if I had a gun in my hands, I’d do just that. I’d shoot him. Because I could, and would.
Wisely, he did leave with giving me a concerned filled look.
Maybe I should just kill myself now and get this shit storm over and down with.