Chapter Eleven

Kal

 

Skulking outside my own damn house, I’d heard the ladies guiding my guest in a minute too late. Ducking behind a tree, I had watched as they’d come traipsing up the stairs and across the yard, heading right into my house without even knocking.

Only Iris had lingered outside, a slow, amazed smile spreading across her face. She was gazing at the sky, the land, and the house in absolute awe. Watching her, it was like she caught all the stray light from the landscape, and I couldn't help but think she looked…

I caught myself now, wondering how long I’d been staring at her. Hell, no. No. I wasn’t going to think she looked any kind of way. Because that would be inviting more madness into this farce Xander had cooked up.

“You gonna go in or what?" asked a voice next to me. I jumped a mile. Turning, I saw Tristan grinning at me, well out of arm’s reach. Smart man. “What are you doing?”

“Debating making a run for it,” I growled and walked forward. “What’s that?”

He had a bag slung over his arm and boxes in the other. “Food. Dinner. Me and Sierra are gonna keep you company.”

“That isn’t necessary,” I said, and Tristan made a face. “Fine.”

“So hospitable,” he commented as we went inside.

Fallon was the first person I saw as I walked in, and my stomach clenched. Who else was here? My mother, stepfather, and sisters? That was the last thing I needed.

Walking over, my tall, blonde cousin gave me a once-over and gestured for Tristan to keep moving. Right now, she looked more like me than her younger brother Rett. Tristan laughed and called over the gaggle of women. Too many people. I was getting a headache.

“So, a mate, huh?” Fallon asked.

“Stop it,” I growled.

“Ironic that the man who was always so against them because he thought it would undermine his ability to protect Winfyre now has to have a fake one in order to protect it.” A smile flashed at me, and I glared. Fallon had a diabolical side few suspected. She gave me shit where few others dared, even her little brother Rett. “You really will do anything for this territory.”

I blew out a long breath through my nose. “I pissed off some packs when I saved that woman’s life. That’s all. And you and I both know this farce was all Xander.”

“Oh, please." Fallon’s grin widened. “I have eyes.”

“I don’t see how humoring a Greyclaw temper tantrum helps Winfyre,” I muttered, ignoring her dancing expression. “And don’t read into things, Fallon, I’m beggin’ you.”

“You mean like, say, Iris Lisay?” I didn’t answer. “Very sweet. Very warm. And very pretty.” Again, I made no comment. “She’s got good taste if she likes you.”

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I only just met her, but when she found out I was your darling cousin, Iris proceeded to ask me a million questions about me, the family, and you.” Fallon glanced over her shoulder and then back, her smile growing sweet. “And who knows? Stranger things have happened…”

“Stop,” I barked.

“Oh, you like her,” Fallon trilled.

“Iris is…” I rubbed my forehead.

“Listen, Kal,” Fallon said. Now she snapped into Vixen leader mode. “I know none of this is ideal, but I’m with Xander. It’s in everyone’s best interest. Especially Iris’s.”

“Until she gets my mother’s hopes for grandkids up.”

“Hm, I’ll see what I can do about that,” Fallon said. “I’ll get Corinna and Laia to help, too.”

“Oh, I feel better already,” I drawled.

“Don’t get snarky with me, cousin,” Fallon said. “Or I’ll rescind my offer.”

“How about you take her?” I asked, my voice pleading. “You’d be a far better host.”

Fallon gave me a crooked, not-so-sympathetic smile. “I’m not the one who went on a little tear in the south and threw his big Alpha weight around.” She clasped her hands. “But it was all to save his precious mate. How romantic.”

“Go to hell.”

“Go take a shower,” Fallon retorted and swung away. “You reek.”

For a second, I hovered in the foyer and considered making a run for it. Bolting right out the front door, into the cool night, and off into the woods. Maybe going to explore the far reaches of the Tiselk. Hell, why not? I rubbed my face, and when I looked up, Iris was there. My heart jolted.

“Hey,” she said softly and then let out a rush of words. “I wanted to say thanks and that I’ll do my best to stay out of your way—to make this as small of an inconvenience as possible.”

“Uh. Okay,” I said, and she went to move away. “Hey. Don’t forget you’re my guest, Iris.” I had to resist the urge to reach out and tug on her curls. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Iris nodded and bit her lip. “Try and get some sleep tonight, Kal.”

Bit by bit, standing here with her was causing the tension in my body to leave. Shoulders loosening, I nodded, a little absently, and Iris’s eyebrows contracted with concern as she looked me over. It was nice to have her worrying about me.

“You’ve got a good eye, Lisay. Keep it up.” I hesitated before I added, “Don’t worry, I will. The beds aren’t half bad in this joint.”

“Good to know,” Iris said and smiled.

Chuckling, I watched her go. When she went around the corner, I came back to myself with a start and knotted up my hands so hard, I thought I heard tendons pop.

I was doing it again.

And again, I wondered if Xander knew it wouldn’t be too hard for me to play along with this plan and treat her as though—

Not going there. Taking a deep breath, I stopped myself. I needed to play it cool and keep my distance. Be as good a host as I could, but that was it. We could never be more than polite acquaintances even if we lived under the same roof.

I began to strategize then and there, on the stairs and all the way up into the shower. Scrubbing a bit harder than necessary at my skin and hair, as though trying to wash away my mistake, I came up with a decent, simple plan.

First, of course, I’d be polite. So polite even my old drill sergeant Hampkins couldn’t find fault with it. I’d be like the tucked-in beds and smoothed blankets he liked so much. Neat enough to hurt the goddamn eye, boys! Not the polite you brought home to meet the parents, though. A sharper and more standoffish one.

After I’d determined the first line of attack, to keep Iris comfortable without unnecessary closeness, I decided to minimize any time we spent together in Cobalt or Veda. There, we’d have to act more mate-like. The thought of that sent a hot spike through my body that almost had me reaching for the cold-water knob. In that same vein, I’d limit my time with her at home.

To make up for that, I'd encourage Iris to spend as much time with Reagan, Sierra, and Laia as possible. Especially, Laia, whom I had never gotten along very well with. The three of them would gladly close ranks around Iris and protect her.

I sighed and leaned into the shower wall, my forehead and arm resting on it. More than anything, I wished that I'd go downstairs and find an empty house. That Fallon would realize Iris was better off with her. Everything could return to normal, and I'd have my solitary hill back.

But then my treacherous mind spun off in a different direction.

What would it be like when I had Iris to myself?

You’ll know soon enough, came a satisfied growl in the back of my head.

Swallowing hard, images began to unspool in my brain. Tentative at first and then burgeoning into a life of their own.

Until I wanted everyone but Iris out.

Iris sleeping in a room right down the hall. Iris doing laundry and insisting on helping with mine. Iris folding my socks because she was definitely that kind of person. Iris wearing my sweatshirt and curled up on the couch. Iris running up to the door and greeting me, checking me over for injuries. Iris following me around the kitchen as I cooked, asking if she could help.

Iris sitting across from me at the table at breakfast, her thick hair pinned back and in a loose tank top, reading a book and looking up with a smile.

Smiling to herself in this very shower, eyes closed and face lifted to the water…

Stop.

Fist knotting above my head, I caught myself from going over the edge. But her smile lingered in my mind, and my fist loosened as I approached that edge again.

I wondered if maybe under all that sweetness, Iris could handle my rough edges. I’d had a few glimpses of a steely-eyed woman who’d have no problem calling me on my shit. Or maybe her sweetness more than equipped her for someone like me. Evened us out, so to speak.

Opposite charges did create a bigger spark. My entire body tensed as my blood burned with the need to know. Not just imagine it but taste it.

Taste her, then take her.

In this space with me, with her damp curls, half-lidded eyes, and quick breaths—

My eyes snapped open, and I reached behind me, fumbling for the cold-water knob with one hand, while the other hand had found the part of me that wanted to know a little too badly.

After allowing a few gallons of cold water to bring me to my senses, I stumbled out of the shower and hid away in my room. Briefly, I reached out to Tristan telepathically, asking him if he and Sierra could take care of Iris. At his surprise, I lied and said I wasn’t feeling well.

It occurred to me that maybe the only plan that made sense was avoiding Iris altogether.

What I didn't realize until hours later, though, was that I’d be up all night, wracked with guilt and desire that drove me out of my own skin.

Trying not to think about her. How close she was. How I’d kind of missed her today.

How I’d woken up two mornings ago, having shifted in my sleep and wrapped my arms around her. It was then that I’d begun to wonder if I could be trusted to be around her.

Of course, Xander has to go and make her my fake mate.

Finally, exhausted as the sun rose, I nodded off.

But she followed me into my dreams.

 

The scent of caramel, with that delectable underlying bite of saltiness, filled my nose and made my mouth water. My hands pushed through her curls and held her in place.

Her smile became more playful. She’d seen through me. She knew my hunger for her was only outpaced by how much I wanted to fill her with bliss from head to toe.

She was like holding sunlight in my hands. Warm, soft silk and happiness.

Her arms wrapped around my neck as I buried my face in her shoulder, inhaling her. A groan escaped me, and I pushed her down onto the bed, letting her feel the weight of my want.

“You knew all along, didn’t you?” I murmured.

“No,” she said, and I pulled back, surprised. Her fingers hovered on my chin. “I had no idea.”

“I’ll have to make it up to you.”

“Don’t go.”

“Never,” I murmured and lowered my head.

Suddenly, it was hard to keep my eyes open, and her presence slipped away, turning cold and empty…shadows blinded m,e and my hands were empty.

“Iris?”

Bands of iron caught around my chest as I flailed, trying to find her, and a burst of light hit me.

“Kal?”

Her voice, distant and puzzled, echoing through a vast number of empty rooms.

“Where are you?”

 

“Where—”

I woke with a start, hands hovering above me, and a groan rumbled out of my chest. Letting my arms fall back to the bed, I watched the sunlight play across the ceiling and got my breathing under control. But when I sat up, I saw the blankets were twisted around me, and the pillows were on the floor. A deep, bone-aching tiredness filled me and hollowed me out.

I rubbed my face.

New plan. Accept this is going to be hell and keep going.

I didn’t know why this honey blonde, with her bad habit of getting herself into pickles and saying things that threw me for a loop, was under my skin, but there she was. I had to accept it if I was going to survive. Maybe it was because I’d saved her. Or maybe it was because Iris was naïve enough not to be afraid of me. That was endearing, in a way. Or maybe it was because she was so attractive.

Calm filled me. This would pass. I’d deal with her and the book, then move on.

In that frame of mind, rejuvenated and determined, I got dressed and went downstairs. It was nearing eleven o’clock, the latest I’d slept in years.

Iris was nowhere to be seen in the living room, with its high, arched ceilings and long windows. One of my favorite rooms in the entire house. Nor was she in the kitchen, although there were a covered plate and a mug left out for me on the counter.

Reheating my breakfast, I pretended I wasn’t straining my ears for her. The kitchen was immaculate, and I assumed Iris had cleaned up. Of course.

There were soft footsteps outside, and my chest knotted up in anticipation. Before I could stop myself, I looked up as Iris came in the side door and shook back her hair, smiling. Her cheeks were pink with cold, and everything about her smelled like fresh mountain air.

“Good morning,” she said and came forward, stripping off her gloves. “Are you feeling better?” I nodded as she shrugged off one of my coats and revealed a peach-colored sweater. Peaches were my favorite fruit. Dammit, Corinna. “That’s good. We were worried about you.”

“Everything caught up with me,” I said. “Didn’t sleep the night before, but you knew that.”

“Anything I can do?”

Already, my restraint was slipping, and her scent was bringing that dream back up. Now she had to stand there, sweet and oblivious to the brute standing in front of her. Why couldn’t she keep her distance and side-eye me like everyone else?

Instead, as though hearing that, Iris smiled more. I almost lost it and half-turned away.

I could foresee a lot of cold showers and sleepless nights in the future.

“No,” I grunted and went back to eating breakfast, leaning against the counter. Pretending I was relaxed instead of admiring how the peach brought out her cheeks and made her eyes glow.

Dammit, I’m Kallen Deacon. I don’t notice shit like that.

“Um, Kal?” I took a deep breath and looked up, meeting her eyes across the kitchen. Iris was twisting her fingers and hovering uncertainly, hopping from foot to foot. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I hate that I’m putting you out. So, anything I can do, anything you need—please let me know.”

Part of me wanted to tell her she was making this too easy.

Another part wanted to tell her what I needed.

Only the practice of years of ignoring those wants, buried under miles of self-preservation, had me regaining a semblance of sanity. I shrugged, even though it was a dick move.

It unsettled her, as I’d meant it to.

Adding to that, I responded a moment later, in a practiced, dismissive tone, “There’s nothing.” She flinched, and I plunged down into my old, trusty layers of ice. This was for the best—better to push her away before I made another stupid mistake around her. “And remember what I said.”

“Of course,” Iris murmured, although I knew she wouldn’t ask for anything.

“Feel free to go out and explore Cobalt all you want,” I said. “Hang out with the girls. I’m sure they love you already.”

“What about your family?” Iris asked softly. “Fallon was wonderful, and—”

“My family,” I said, with a bit more intensity than was necessary, “will be fine. I’ll handle it, Iris. It’s not your concern. Only the book.”

“I guess that makes things easier,” Iris murmured. “But, Kal, shouldn’t we go over some rules? Just to establish things…?”

“What things?” I asked, feigning ignorance as my throat tightened when she took a step closer.

Damn you, Xander.

“Well, if I’m supposed to be your mate,” Iris started to say, and I backed up. She stopped and stared at me, but I was avoiding her gaze. “Kal?”

“You’re not, though,” I said, almost automatically. There was a strange, arrhythmic nature to my heart, and the ice I’d long buried myself inside of—comfortably, I might add—was suddenly thick and in my throat. Every check I had on myself was about to snap. “So, we don’t have to—we don’t have to worry. I’m already known around here as a jackass on a good day, so people won’t be expecting anything else. They’ll probably be nicer to you for it.”

“Kal,” Iris said in a soft, shocked voice.

A bitter laugh grated in my throat. “Saving you was a fluke in my character, Iris. That’s why you’re stuck with me—because I made a bizarre mistake. Won’t happen again. I’m not a damn hero or that good of a guy.”

Iris shook her head. “How can you say that?”

“Because I know myself.”

Don’t get close, Iris. I’ll only hurt you—can’t you understand that? Take a damn hint.

I could see the conflict in her eyes, the need to respect what I was saying against her instinct to reach out and close that distance. There was even a spark of exasperation, as though she knew what I was doing and only out of kindness wasn’t throwing it in my face.

“I do what needs to be done.” I shoved away from the counter. “The sooner this is over, the better. In the meantime, I should be the one apologizing to you for all of this.”

“But…” Now, Iris was staring at me like she’d never seen me before. “Wait, please…”

“I have to go,” I muttered and got myself out of the house.

I walked blindly until I found myself at my favorite outcropping. Nothing but a big boulder facing the west, hidden from the world, and I sank down, leaning against it. Everything inside of me was twisting and screaming. All I could see was the shock on her face, the pain and disarray in her eyes. If there was one thing I was good at, it was figuring out how to keep people away from me.

I hung my head.

I didn’t want to hurt you, Iris. But I have to protect you.