Chapter Twenty-Three

Kal

What was I thinking?

Hours later, I was sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. Drinking a beer, my back up against a chair, I listened to the wind rush through the trees and the fire snap, my eyes on the ceiling, watching the play of firelight.

Again and again, I’d asked myself that question with not one answer.

Except to wonder what would’ve happened if my mother hadn’t interrupted. Although that made me laugh. Of all the times for her to meet Iris.

I knew my mother, too. She’d been genuinely surprised. Calling out like that wasn’t her style. She’d been happy, too. Just like Corinna, she already liked Iris. Charlotte and David would probably love her, too, along with the rest of the Deacons.

Strangely, I wasn’t perturbed. I was relaxed, and kind of looking forward to it.

The guys, Rett especially, had been worried that I’d use this latest crisis as a way to work harder or justify ending things with Iris. Instead, now that the worst had been realized, I was calm. It was far better to know for certain than indulge in dark guessing games.

We’d figure it out. I looked down, at the edge of the metal box under the coffee table. And I knew, deep in my gut, the answers were in there. Iris would find them.

Closing my eyes, I thought of the way Iris had looked up at me, had held onto me, and then had blurted out those three words that undid me.

I missed you.

Not as much as I missed you, I’d wanted to say. Instead, I’d stood there like a gormless idiot, taking in the flush of her cheeks and the nervous flutter of her breath between her full lips. And that look in her brown eyes like she couldn't believe what she'd said.

A chuckle escaped me. Oh, honeycomb.

Then I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. I knew this wouldn’t work—I knew that I was playing a stupid game that wouldn’t end well, but I could be her friend and act like her mate for the remainder of her stay in my house. I’d made that decision the night I’d seen Versk confront her.

Unfortunately, I found acting like mates a little too easy.

Should I apologize for what happened…?

The trouble was, I didn’t feel the least bit sorry. Underneath all the calm and ice, there was a bit more edginess from the bear. I flexed my hand, remembering the softness of Iris’s skin and the silky snarl of her curls between my fingers.

What if—

“Why are you sitting on the floor?”

I looked up as Iris plopped down across from me, sitting cross-legged and rubbing her eyes. Curls stuck up in every direction, and she was wearing some kind of wide-necked, long-sleeved shirt that was falling down over one shoulder. For a second, I thought she wasn’t wearing any pants, but then I realized she was wearing shorts and fuzzy ankle socks. Still, there was a lot of bare skin, and I noticed her curvy calves before averting my gaze to my beer.

“No reason,” I said and took a swig. “There’s food in the fridge.”

After we’d left the market, come home, and had a late lunch, we’d talked a little, and then I’d managed to persuade Iris to go take a nap. She’d been too tired to disagree and had been asleep since then. I hadn’t expected her to be up now or to catch me like this.

“Not really hungry,” she said and yawned, stretching her arms overhead in my peripheral vision. My fingers nearly broke the neck off the beer bottle. “Is that any good?” I offered it to her, and Iris balked, waving her hands. “Oh no, I don’t want to drink your beer.”

“It’s not like we’ve got a run on it,” I said. “The brewery in Veda churns out enough to fill a lake. We’ve started selling it in the Tiselk." Still, she hesitated. "Take a damn sip."

“What if I’m sick?” she asked as she took it.

“We live together. I’d probably get it anyways,” I said and waited for her to take a sip. I nudged her with my foot when she hesitated again. “Iris.”

“Fine,” she said and took a decent swig. “Wow, that’s good.”

“Nice pale ale,” I said. “Hoppy without being carbonated.”

“They make different brews?” I grinned a little as Iris took another sip.

“Yeah,” I said and stood up. “Let me get you one.”

“Oh, you don’t…” Iris started to say, but I was already in the kitchen.

I came back with a tin of lemon cookies, too. I’d noticed that those were always depleted the fastest where Iris was concerned. Sitting down, I passed it over and took back mine.

“Thanks,” Iris said and took a sip.

“I’ve got whiskey in the cabinet, too,” I said. “Found a stash up north right after the Rift.” I put a finger to my lips. “Alpha secret stash. It’s the good stuff.”

“You guys have gotten so much accomplished up here,” Iris said. “More than the Greyclaw.”

“Like greenhouses, supply lines, naming the damn territory. Still fighting over that, right?” I asked, lifting the beer and trying not to smirk.

“Yes,” she said and rolled her eyes. “It’s like, it’s been almost three, four years? Pick one.”

That launched a mutual gripe session about the Greyclaw and Norson, peppered with swapping stories about our travels. It was kind of surprising and impressive how much Iris had traveled around the territories, and usually by herself. When I said as much, Iris tried not to look too pleased, but she also gave me a look.

“Are you saying that because I’m a Riftborn?”

“I mean, it is usually shifters, but a lot of folks have been nervous to travel since the Rift. That’s only starting to change now—people visiting more and exploring,” I said.

“All right, that’s fair,” she said and drained her beer. She’d finished before me. Damn. Picking up a cookie, she nibbled on it, and I tried not to watch. “So, dinner tomorrow night.”

“You ready?” I teased, and her eyes went wide. “I’m kidding—you’ll be fine. It’ll be lowkey.”

“I like your mom,” Iris said sweetly and pulled up a knee to hug it.

“Yeah, she’s the best,” I said. Her timing today couldn’t be worse, but…

Silence fell, and I brought my attention back to the present, letting this moment wash over me. The tang of beer on my tongue, the cold wind outside, the fire’s warmth to my left, and Iris’s to my right. Where she belongs.

It was right, this bubble all around us, keeping us together. I couldn’t remember what it was like to be on my own anymore, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Not now, when I was seeing Iris for the first time in days. Not when I’d been hit so squarely in the chest with joy and relief. Not when her smile made everything better. Not when she was this close.

“You don’t have to worry about tomorrow, Iris,” I said, and she shifted, stretching out a leg next to mine, nodding slowly. “Hey.” I squeezed her ankle, and she jumped. “You hear me?”

“Yes,” she said and swallowed. “Should we go over anything, though? Like our game plan?”

I was still resting my hand on her ankle, and my fingers brushed up, finding bare skin. When she didn’t flinch or pull away, I didn’t move, either. “Be yourself, and don’t worry.”

“What if they ask questions?”

“Like?”

“How we met?”

“You weren’t there for that?” I asked and frowned, trying not to smile, as Iris tried to kick me. I pinned down her foot. “I could’ve sworn…”

“Kal.”

“My family isn’t super nosy, I promise,” I said. “They’ll take it easy on you. They’re gonna know you're nervous and a little shy. I guarantee you’ll love Charlotte and David, too. My stepfather is a good guy, a great dad to my sisters, even if we’re a bit… distant.” She gave me an inquiring look. “I was grown up and half out the door when he came into our lives. He’s a good guy, though. Makes my mom happy.” Iris was giving me a smile that unsettled me, so I cleared my throat and said, “Corinna, Laia, and Rett will be there, too. And I won’t leave your side the whole night.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yes, I won’t leave your side the whole night.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean…” Iris said, and I gave her a look. “Okay, maybe I did.”

“Hmph, well,” I drawled and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. “Won’t be a problem.”

“Why?”

“From here on out, I’m gonna be with you most of the time. Here, out and about in Cobalt.” Iris said nothing. “Anywhere you need to go, I’ll be there.”

“That’s how we’re gonna convince people?” Iris asked.

“Yes, that and keep you safe,” I said, sitting up and opening my eyes. “You, especially, need to watch your back. No more staying out late unless I’m with you.” I groaned and stretched, letting go of her as my back cramped up. “Damn, I think we should both get massages from Rogda, too.”

“I can move some of this stuff,” Iris said, looking at her work covering the couch and table.

“Oh, speaking of that,” I said and got to my feet in one fluid motion, then offered her a hand. Once I got her to her feet, it was hard to let go, and I tugged her towards a door to the left of the staircase, before slowly unwinding my fingers from hers. “Ever been in here?”

“No,” Iris said. “I thought it was a closet or something.” I chuckled and opened the door, hitting the light. She walked in and looked around. “Oh, wow. A giant empty room.”

Running almost the full length of the house, with a fireplace set at one end and some mismatched furniture at the other, it was exactly that. Once, I’d thought to make it my study, but I’d never had time. Shelves lined the walls, empty and dusty, while the windows were stark without any kind of curtain or shade. It looked appropriately unused and dismal.

"Thought we could clean this place up, and you—we—could use it. Get some tables and comfy chairs, dust and stuff. I've been meaning to do this for years…" Iris nodded, her eyes still flicking around, and I suddenly felt bad. "Not that I'm saying you have to, not trying to say you have to do free labor, but you seem like you'd be good at this sort of thing. Better than me."

“I’ve never really decorated, but I could help, sure,” Iris said. Her eyes traveled around, and I saw the enthusiasm fill her face as her eyes sparkled. “You know, get maybe two or three nice tables, one lower one for in front of the fire with comfy chairs to curl up in. And something warm for the windows, like a burgundy…”

With that, she was off and running, going to fetch some paper to scribble down ideas, pacing around thoughtfully while I watched. Occasionally I'd offer a suggestion or answer a question, but it was mostly Iris brainstorming as she stormed the empty room’s designless defenses.

Even though it was getting late, I got us both another beer. Everything was warm and drowsy, edges blurring as one day passed into another. Iris got giggly, twirling around and offering outlandish ideas, coming over to clink my beer when I agreed. She claimed she was wired from taking too long a nap. Honestly, I was surprised I wasn’t exhausted, but I didn’t want this to end.

“I’m satisfied,” Iris announced and plopped into the window seat. “You need cushions, Kal. This is so uncomfortable.” She turned and looked up, letting out a sigh. “Wow.”

“What?” I asked, padding over and perching across from her. “This is uncomfortable.” The flat wooden sill creaked as I moved. “Might need to be repaired.”

“The squeaks make it authentic,” Iris said, and suddenly her hand was on my face, turning it to the window. “And look. Full moon.”

The sky had finally cleared, and a full moon hovered over the tips of the pine trees in the west. Stars were out, and the world had that quiet, distant sense that I loved.

“You really like being up here, away from it all, huh?” Iris asked and wrapped her arms around her knees, putting her bottle down by the window. “Same.”

It took me a moment to realize I’d said that out loud and nodded, putting my empty bottle next to hers. “Really? But you get along with everyone.”

“Oh, I know,” Iris said. “But I like my space, too. Reading, thinking and stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I like hanging out with people. It just can wear me out.” She hunched her shoulders and gave me a mischievous grin with the tip of her tongue sticking out. “Secret introvert.”

“Safe with me,” I said.

“I know,” Iris said and sighed. “I mean, I hope I don’t embarrass you or anything tomorrow night. Sometimes I can get shy and kind of freeze up. Or ramble. Or gabble.” She put her hands over her face. “I hope I don’t gabble.”

“Gabble all you want,” I said and sat back more, pressing my back into the frame. I stretched out a leg, resting it next to Iris, and crossed the other one. “And it’s tonight.”

“What?” Iris dropped her hands. “Oh my gosh, it’s tomorrow. I mean, today. We should go to bed.” When I didn’t move, she tilted her head and poked at my knee. “Kal, did you hear me?”

“In a second,” I said and nodded toward the scene outside. “It’s nice out. I mean, I picked this spot, and half the time I don’t even enjoy it.”

“You should,” Iris said and plopped her legs down into a cross-legged position. Her leg pressed into mine, and a hum of electricity began to build up in my spine. “You work so hard.”

“Yeah, well,” I said and sighed, tucking my arms behind my head. “I should’ve been here.”

“Not working?”

I glanced at Iris, who was borderline tipsy and too adorable, with her curls every which way. “Helping you. Your work is important. Critical, right now.”

Iris bit her lip. “And of course, I’m stuck.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t be if I’d been helping all along.”

“Why weren’t you?”

Swallowing hard, a little thrown by her question, I hesitated a few seconds. “I mean, there’s always a million things to do at the borders and around Winfyre.” I paused and added, “When I slow down, things catch up.” I let out a breath. “And this situation made me uncomfortable.”

“No, really?” Iris asked, and I laughed. “Imagine if we had, I don’t know, talked and figured out a way to make it work.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong.” I glanced over at the living room door. “I think I was also trying to figure out if Orion was back and what that would mean. If it was going to go back to how it was, with refugees and Excris. Or maybe I didn’t want to read his book.”

“It’s not pleasant, but it’s not what I thought it would be,” Iris said.

“Did you ever meet him?” I asked.

She pulled in a breath and shuffled her limbs, looking outside. “Um, yes.”

“Forgive the hypocrisy, but if you want to talk, I’m here.”

“Thank you, Kal.”

We were both quiet for a moment.

“I’m gonna try to make things better, Iris,” I said. “To make amends. And I’m so sorry.”

Nodding, Iris absently patted my knee. A jolt went through me, and I tried not to fidget. Or stare at her. But it was hard. As hard as I thought it would be, to not give in to the temptation of a night like this. Beyond the physical attraction, there was a craving for her. Her smile, her laughter, and her surprising insights. The way she made me laugh.

“Am I hindering you a lot?” Iris suddenly asked, twisting a piece of hair through her fingers. “I didn’t want to ask, but it’s been in the back of my head, and if I could help—”

“No,” I said and caught her wrist. “You haven’t hindered me at all, Iris. You’ve been nothing but helpful and gracious.” She let go of her hair, and I looked down, slowly squeezing her hand before pulling back and looking away. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t bother trying to lie,” I said, tipping my head back and narrowing my eyes at her. “We both know you’re terrible at it. I could give you a million excuses, but they’re all crap. No matter what, you deserved better. Like I said, I’m gonna try. No.” I looked at her. “I will make it up to you.”

Iris nodded, eyes big and face solemn to the point where it was going to make me laugh.

“Don’t make that face,” I growled and put an arm over my eyes. “You’re killing me.”

“I don’t know how to stop,” Iris said, and I heard a creak. “Um, I’m going to go to bed. Thanks for everything.” She climbed over me before I could move, and when I dropped my arm, she was hovering in front of me, rubbing her opposite foot along the back of her calf. “This was nice.”

“Shocking, right?” I asked before I could stop myself. "Sorry it took so long."

Hand on her hip, Iris rolled her eyes and, to my astonishment, ruffled my hair. "No," she growled in an approximation of me. "About damn time."

With that, she laughed, said goodnight, and left the room.

I continued to sit there for who knows how long, not sure what had happened, but feeling like a kid who’d just been told that tomorrow was Christmas when he’d thought it was July.