Chapter Thirty-Three

Kal

A rash of near breaches kept me busy for the next few days, which turned into a week, and then another. Iris and I were comfortable around each other and talking more, talking about anything. I now wondered if it was a good idea to bring more feelings into this.

But I also couldn’t keep up this pretense that my feelings were just friendly. She deserved that. So, one winter morning when the snow was sticking, and the sky was a dark gray but not storming, I asked her to go for a walk with me. There was a gentle trail that led down through the woods and overlooked a little valley. It was beautiful and remote, the long way to Luke's, actually.

Iris had been surprised but had acquiesced.

Outside, waiting for Iris, I found myself remembering a particularly nerve-wracking afternoon spent creeping through a desert while I was in Special Forces. I’d been in the service for years but had been as green as hell when it came to that. Yet at the same time, there’d been a solidarity between you and your team, things you could count on.

The nerves and nausea were worse at this moment, wriggling ropes filling my gut and spearing into my chest. Then Iris came outside.

Adrenaline rushed through me, flooding every vein and sending my racing heart into a tailspin. She was adjusting her gloves and reached up to pat her hat when she saw me, then smiled. Every shade of warm, from her curls, glowing with gold edges, to her brown eyes like chocolate.

Christ, I thought. She would be my mate, making me think sappy shit like that.

And yet underneath it, I saw a stubborn patience, a fight for optimism, and a heart still open in spite of its scars. There was no help for a fool like me when it came to her.

I could kid myself all I wanted, but Iris had gotten past my walls the first time she’d looked at me. That open, hopeful look mingling with incredulity. Happy to be seen but puzzled as to why I was there, rescuing her. I’d seen it, and it had smitten my heart then, as it did at the river.

Iris knew how to give and be grateful, but she’d locked her heart against receiving things. It had taken me weeks to figure out, while she’d probably seen through me in days. A far subtler and stronger way to keep your distance.

As she came over, chattering, and we began to walk, I wondered if I’d closed that distance with her. Iris made it so hard to tell. While I knew more about her demons, and she knew mine, I wasn’t sure if that meant she’d let me in. If I could tell her how I felt without scaring her away.

Although she’d seen me at my worst and hadn’t run. My best, too, I hoped. Still, that scared me in a different way. She wasn’t hanging around because I was tall or an Alpha. She stuck by my side because she cared.

Only today, I wanted to see if it was as a friend, or if Iris knew…

“Where are we going again?” Iris asked.

Her chattering teeth brought me out of my reverie. I’d been meaning to talk to her, to admit what I was feeling and see if she wanted to move elsewhere to sort out her own feelings. Instead, I’d been striding along in silence and brooding.

"Fresh air and a little distance," I said and glanced down at her. Iris was shivering, and I realized the wind had picked up, cutting an icy knife through us both. I'd been too distracted to notice my own body was cramping with the cold. "Damn, maybe not this fresh. It got cold."

“I think snow is coming,” Iris said and rubbed her arms, glancing down the trail.

The mellow gray afternoon was growing darker by the minute. Damn. I shook my head and pressed a fist to my forehead, trying not to laugh. I was such an idiot. What a stupid idea.

“Did you want to talk about something?” The softness in her voice had me panicking, and heat rushed up my neck. “Kal.”

“What makes you think that?” I asked, now rubbing my rough beard and wishing I’d trimmed it. What a half-assed, moronic idea this was. What the hell had I been thinking?

Iris gave me a look. “I don’t think; I know. What is it?”

The wind clacked through the trees, and my bones were starting to ache. If I was cold, then Iris was probably almost a popsicle. “We should go back,” I said. “There wasn’t anything.”

“I mean, we can keep going until you get it off your chest,” Iris replied, a smile playing around her lips, and she knew she had me. “Either way, let’s start walking. It’ll warm us up.”

A small laugh escaped me, but my chest ached. I’d blown it. “Let’s go back. Too cold.”

Iris’s head fell back as she laughed and then gave my arm a brief squeeze. “So, you can get cold, and you didn’t want to admit it.”

“I’m not that cold,” I grumbled and hunched my shoulders, trying not to admit her laugh had already warmed me up. “But if I’m cold, you must be freezing.”

“So?” Iris tossed me a smile. “I’m with you.” She swung her arms and looked around the winter woods as she tripped forward. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Iris hadn’t realized I’d stopped until she took a few more steps and turned, her big eyes filled with immediate concern. She was wearing an old winter flannel cap of mine that was too big, a chunky scarf, and an oversized coat. Boots that hit her knee.

I’m sure she didn’t think it was anything remarkable, but I knew I would never forget it. Not that warm, rosy picture she made against the gray landscape and the way she seemed to scatter light around her.

“Kal?”

I closed the distance between us, not able to stand it for another moment. If she slapped me for losing all hold of my sanity and self-restraint, I’d gladly take it. But for now, I had to have her.

My hands caught her face, and I bent down, kissing her.

Hard. Fierce. Straightforward.

So she’d have no doubts. And when I broke off, both in an effort to grasp for sanity and in question, Iris made a ragged, impatient sound in her throat. Her arms went around my neck, and she was kissing me with the very clear declaration that if I stopped, she would never forgive me.

A smile tugged up the corner of my lips.

This works, too.

To warm us up. To answer the question between us.

Pulling Iris closer, a groan escaped me as the kiss deepened, and her lips parted. Everything was dissolving into the heat between us, and if this woman proved to be an inferno that would ravage the ice around my heart, so be it. I’d throw myself into it.

A devouring, powerful kiss that swept everything else away. Thought shut down in favor of every nerve ending honing in on Iris. Vaguely, I knew I was probably being a little rough and a little too ravenous. I’d held back too long.

However, the way Iris’s fingers dug into my neck and pulled on my hair, only spurred me on. She kissed back with a fire of her own, and there was a distant wonder about whether she’d been holding back, too. Something I looked forward to finding out the answer to.

But I had the most important one right now, in my arms, and I wasn’t letting go.

Finally, though, we had to come up for air. I wouldn’t let her go, though, one hand on her hair and the other gripping the back of her jacket, still pressing her against me. My forehead rested against hers as we both stood there, breathing heavily and letting the world steal back to us in pieces. It was almost a shock to see the forest and sky around us.

Neither of us said a word. Iris slowly tilted her head back, her eyes searching my face, and then her hands slid down around my neck before brushing up across my scruff. Then she held my face for several moments, looking up at me, and a tremble ran through her fingers.

My hand left her hair to find her hand, the one that shared the same scar as mine. Without letting my eyes leave hers, I kissed her fingers. A savage, stern promise of a kiss.

Iris made a small noise, her eyes bright and understanding. Swallowing hard, I had to close my eyes for a second. Gripping her hand more tightly, I pressed it against my lips and let myself memorize this moment.

Then, taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes onto Iris’s and let go of her hand. My fingers traced down her cheekbone to her lips and chin, lifting a bit. I gave her a soft and lingering kiss, one that had her blinking slowly and contently when I pulled back.

“There’s more,” I said.